Self-Esteem, Confidence for Women in Marriages

Having self-esteem and self-confidence in oneself is essential for being happy and fulfilled in relationships. Self-esteem means to put a value on yourself. Self-confidence means to trust and believe in yourself. Having good self-esteem gives you self confidence, naturally.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

Can I take a compliment straight, without verbally deflecting it and without blocking or qualifying it in my head?
Am I afraid that one day someone will find me out?
Can I list five things I like about myself without hesitating?
How do I react (inside and outside) when asked to try something I haven't done before?
What am I telling myself when I'm about to do something difficult or challenging?
What stops me from feeling good about myself?
What would happen if I did feel good about myself?

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It's our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves: who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous^
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of the universe.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightening about shrinking,
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of the universe
that is within us. It's not just in some of us: it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
And as we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others."

- MARIANNE WILLIAMSON

What having self-esteem and confidence is about

People who have good self-esteem don't

- boast

- put others down

- badmouth people behind their backs

- show off

- name-drop

- hog the conversation

- tell you all about their achievements

People with good self-esteem exhibit the following characteristics

- have quiet confidence

- have inner strength, determination

- don't fish for compliments, but they do accept them graciously for they know what they are worth.

- are quite humble

- recognize and are often interested in other people and their achievements. Compliment others sincerely.

- are not bothered about receiving external recognition, as it comes from within.

- set goals for themselves, live a purposeful life

Spiritual take

Self esteem is about honoring the divine in you, as God/Spirit created all of us in His image. By honoring the divine in you, you are indeed honoring God/Spirit.

Confidence isn't about

- excessive assertiveness. Some people can't wait to tell you how much they have or how much they know, because they are 'so successful'. These people confuse confidence with arrogance and brashness. They confuse outer show with inner strength.

- fake it till you make it as this is about pretending to be someone else other than your authentic self. It may actually make people feel worse and pretend harder.

Our 3 Selves

The ego/personality has 2 prime directives

- to look good

- to be right

1) Your Pretend Self: Who you pretend to be

It is the image that you project to the world.

- How would you like to be seen?

- Which aspects of your personality do you hope people notice?

- What is it most important that everyone knows about you?

- If your life were trying to prove something about you, what would it be?

2) Your Negative Self Image: Who you are afraid you are

Any negative traits that you identify are not really yours - they belong to your negative self-image and were programmed into you when you were a child. By identifying them honestly, you can let them go.

- What's the opposite of each of the traits of your pretend self?

- Which of your secrets will only be discovered after you die?

- Who is your least favorite person and why? (Most, not all, perception is projection, what we most dislike in others what we fear can be found in ourselves)

3) Your Authentic Self: Who you truly are

Who you really are always feels like coming home.

- Who are you when nobody's watching?

- If you felt totally safe, what would you do differently?

- Who would you be if you lived beyond fear?

Self-Esteem Exercise 1

- What I like about myself and more

1. Make a list that begins'I like myself because...'

2. Make another list that begins 'I like... about myself.'

Sort this information according to the logical levels so that you can see where your self-liking - or lack of it - is located. This may also show you some bases you can build on: for example,'I keep my word' and 'I'm conscientious' both emphasise the connection between your values and your behaviour.

Ask yourself how much the degree of your liking for yourself depends on your behaviour or your capability? If you can identify changes that are needed on these levels, and take steps to make them, how will that affect your self-liking?

Say 'I like myself, and notice how you respond. What is your body telling you about how comfortable you are making this statement?

If you are not comfortable saying it, ask yourself 'What stops me?' and 'What would happen if I did?' to obtain more information.

Finally, think of the people you like most, and the people who like you most. If they like you, dare to trust that you're worth their liking. And dare to like yourself as they do.

Self-Esteem Exercise 2

- The confidence booster

Read through the exercise before you do it for the first time ...

1. Imagine a slightly more confident you sitting or standing in front of you.

2. Now, I'd like you imagine stepping into that more confident you. See through their eyes, hear through their ears and feel the feelings of your more confident self. And notice that right in front of you is aneven more confident you - sitting or standing a little bit taller, a look of slightly more self-belief behind their eyes, emanating a little bit of extra charisma.

3. Step into this more confident self, and notice that in front of you is an even more confident self - more passion, more power, more ease, more comfort.

4. Repeat step three, stepping into a more and more confident you until you are overflowing with confidence. Be sure to notice how you are using your body - how you are breathing, the expression on your face, and the light in your eyes.

That is all that you need to do!

More self-esteem exercise audio recordings.

Self-Esteem Exercise 3

- Success Highlights Film

Read through the exercise before you do it for the first time ...

1. I'd like you imagine right now that you are watching a movie about a future, more successful you. Notice every detail of how that future you looks - the expression on your face, the way you are holding your body and the light in your eyes.

2. As the movie plays out on the screen in front of you, you will gee many moments of success from your past and others which have not yet happened. Sit back and enjoy the show!

3. When you're ready, I'd like you to float out of your seat and into that successful you up on the screen. See through their eyes, hear through their ears and feel the feelings of your successful self. Make the colours brighter, the sounds louder and the feelings stronger.

4. Notice where that feeling of success is strongest in your body and give it a colour. Now move that colour up to the top of your head and down to the tip of your toes, doubling the brightness and doubling it again.

5. Float back into your present moment self, being sure to keep as much of the feeling of natural confidence and success as feels truly wonderful.

More self-esteem exercise audio recordings.

Credits:

- The NLP Coach, Ian McDermott and Wendy Jago