FREE Articles on How to Retrieve A Lover

If you are in a relationship right now, or are thinking ofgoing into one, there are 3 very important tips you shouldknow and questions you should ask yourself before you everget yourself into a relationship. This could save you from alot of heartache and pain when you are involved in a loverelationship.

(1) Your lover does not owe you your happiness, peace orjoy.
Happiness is a state of mind we choose to have. All of yourhappiness, and all of your suffering, are created by you andthey do not come from outside of you, or from others. Beforeyou go into any type of relationship, ask yourself thesequestions: "Do I really, really, really know how to walkaway from disappointment and fear? Will I be able to findthe person that I am now even after I go into thisrelationship and begin a new way of life?" In short, youshould not be dependent on your partner on your emotionalneeds. You yourself are responsible for your own feelingsand creating positive experiences for both your partner andyou whenever you are together.

(2) Love your partner for who they are.
No one in this world is perfect. One day you will find yourpartner doing certain things or saying certain things thatwill hurt you, disappoint you or anger you. Before you gointo any type of relationship, you have to ask yourself:"Will I be able to love my partner for who they are. If I amunhappy or angry with something they have said or done, willI be able to recognize my unhappiness or anger as againsttheir speech, actions and behavior, and not against theirpersons?"

(3) Will I be able to love myself as much as I love mypartner?
If you cannot love yourself, how are you going to give loveto another? This is a mistake most people make when they gointo a relationship. They become over-obsessive with whatthey can give to their partners and what they can do fortheir partners. To ensure a fulfilling relationship, youhave to learn to take care of your own needs as well. A truepartner or lover is one who will make sure that you do notbecome too dependent on them. You are responsible for yourown feelings and your own emotional needs too. You are abeautiful being. So, take care of yourself, love yourself,treat yourself to all the good things in life too, and dothe same to your partner. Very soon you will find true lovealways coming your way without any effort on your part!

As always, if you are encountering problems in yourrelationship, try to dissolve all of your problems in love.And you'll be sure you are on your way to a peaceful andfulfilling relationship!

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Falling into a relationship is easy, but maintaining arelationship requires delicate care and skills. The processcan be likened to tending to your garden and keeping a
garden of beautiful roses which will turn heads around.

The task of creating and building that magical relationshipdoes not come easy but is not difficult if you would justlearn the right ways to build a harmonious relationship thatlasts.

Find out what could trigger fight in a relationship and howto settle them to avoid all those pain and heartache andunnecessary misunderstandings which might eventually ruin arelationship.

(1) You want to win all time, giving in is losing your stand
Nobody likes to lose. Losing hurts our ego, and it will doall it can to defend itself, to fight for itself, and toargue its way through until it makes sure that it gets itsway. However, this hurts your partner's ego too. It, too,wants to defend itself, fight for itself, and to argue itsway through. It simply will not let go. So if you want tostop the fighting, you have to be the one to initiate that!Better still, keep quiet. Your partner will soon stopfighting once he/she is not able to find anyone to reason orfight with when you just keep quiet.

(2) One of you is insistent in doing things your own way.
Each of us always has reasons for doing certain things. Ifyou do not like what you see in your partner's attitude orbehavior, change that, within you! Change your perceptionsabout what you are seeing and how you think about it! Youmight not be able to change your partner, but you can changehow you feel inside of you. You can offer your suggestions,your opinions, but try not to go against their person. Letthem know that it is their behavior or attitude that you areagainst, but not against their persons. Always remember, ifyou live your life always wanting to change other people,you never learn to see the goodness or beauty of people andthings around you.

(3) You or your spouse is under pressure or stress
We tend to vent our anger or frustrations that we have oversomebody or something on our spouse or lover, whether we doit consciously or unconsciously. If your spouse is the oneunder stress or pressure, try to see from their point ofview. Instead of starting a fight for no real reasons, tryto help them cope with the frustration or problems they arefacing. It is useful to remind yourself that you can lend alistening ear. If you are the one having any stress orencountering difficulties, it is a good idea to let yourspouse know so he or she could try to see from your point ofview too and to share your burden. In short, do not keepeverything to yourself.

(4) One of you is not sensitive to your partner's feelings
If your spouse or lover is insensitive to your feelings, youwould think that they do not care or that they areignorant. So you question them and start picking a fight. Be
aware! You are solely responsible for your own feelings.Your spouse or your lover does not owe you your feelings.Let them know how you feel should they do something whichyou deem undesirable and unpleasant. Open up and talk toyour partner. Focus on effective communication instead.

Always remember that patience and tolerance is not a sign ofweakness, but a sign of strength. To start a fight and tosustain a fight you need another person to fight with. Thusif you really, really, really want to stop a fight. Be theperson who wants to stop it and just let go of all yourfrustration and anger. Your spouse or lover cannot continuefighting if there is no other person for them to fightagainst. It takes two hands to make a clapping sound! Remindyourself, if you do not want the clapping sound, you canjust remove one of your hands. Who makes the decision? You!

"How To Draw Anyone To Your Side - Spellbinding Attraction Secrets You Wouldn't Want To Miss!"

By Cucan Pemo

Before I begin, I would like to first point out that throughout this article I will be using "he" and "him", etc, rather than awkwardly saying "he or she" or using "he/she". So please understand I do not mean this as slight to women.

Many of my readers have often asked me, "How can I change my partner? What can I do to make him do things the way I want it? Or is it even possible?"

My question to you is, "Do you go into a relationship to change another person?"

Well, you have to take responsibility for the choice you have made if you do not like what you see today!

Truth is, you cannot change or force another person to behave in the ways you desire just by telling him or pointing out to him.

Most times than not, it doesn't work.

The secret here is, whatever it is you would like your partner to do - whether it is to do particular things, behave in particular ways, or think in the ways you want it - your partner has to see these ideas themselves as coming from themselves!

This is one of the secrets possessed by those cult leaders. How is it that they are able to influence their followers to do what they wish them to do so easily? Think about it. You can learn their secrets.

If you are trying to save your relationship, your partner has to see this idea of recouncilation and working and keeping this relationship as coming from themselves.

Very often, it doesn't work if YOU keep telling them to see your point, to work out something, to say something.

So, what can you do to possess that jedi-like magic to influence your partner? I call this positive motivation. Try not to tell your partner what to do. Stop making him see your point. It won't work. However, keep these points in mind:

(1) Become the person your partner wishes to become.

(2) Improve your-self FIRST. The changes you like to see on the outside will follow.

(3) Understand that most human beings naturally gravitated towards the person who possess a higher vibrational energy. Now, some of you might think this is too profound and metaphysical. It is not. Simply, just ask yourself who attracts you in your daily life and makes you think, "Gee, I wish I have his confidence/strength/power/courage." Then, ask yourself what can YOU do to become such a person.

Just recently, I ran into one of my friends, the guy who is a bodybuilder (some of you might already know who I am talking about if you read my last issue). When he saw me, he pulled me to one side and confided in me.

He was running into big trouble. He told me. To cut a long story short, he ran into one of his ex-girlfriends the other day, one whom he had lost contact with for almost 2 years. She had a boyfriend now, but was currently having some disagreements and conflicts with him. Now, this friend of mine (let's call him Mr X.), was very concerned about her.

They met up for a chit-chat not long after they bumped into each other. Now, in case you are wondering, Mr X doesn't have any intention to get back into a relationship with her. However, being a good natured person, he still cares about her and treats her just like his other friends. It wasn't long before Mr X realized that the girl was contacting him more than 10 times a week! It was clear to him that she had a different intention, and was trying to get back into a relationship with him.

"Look, Cucan. I made it very clear to her that she was still my friend and she was not to expect anything from me. Besides, she had a boyfriend now. They were having some conflicts and misunderstanding. All I did was just spending some time to listen to her, to talk to her, and gave her a little help here and there, that was all, I did all these just as I would do for a friend. I didn't want to interfere with their affairs nor did I want to be seen as a third party. But, apparently she wanted something else and she was obviously trying to get close to me! I didn't ask for all these! Now, what am I supposed to do?"

I was enthused by his remarks. And this got me thinking. How was it that so many of my readers had a hard time making a connection with the love of their life or even failed times and times again trying to get the attention they are seeking from their partners; and yet, this friend of mine was getting all the (unwanted) attention without lifting a finger!

Some of you might have got it figured out. Naturally Mr X has a higher vibrational energy than the woman. This is one reason why his ex-girlfriend is attracted towards him.

There is another very important reason. And this is what I told him, "My friend, the more you tell her that she is not to expect anything from you, the more she'll find it difficult to drift away from you! The reason is this: people want what they cannot have! The more difficulty they have to getting something they want, they more they'll want it. Even during their sleep they'll think about it; it fills the whole of their consciousness so much so that they will conclude for themselves that this is definitely something they must have!"

Now, Mr X is such an understanding and caring man. Let me ask you. Who wouldn't like to be with a caring, understanding person? And he kept telling her: "Look, I can be there for you. But now you have a boyfriend. Don't expect anything from me. We are no longer in a relationship". And of course, Mr X wouldn't have any difficulty being alone with himself even if this girl was not around. It was no wonder the girl found herself irresistibly attracted towards him!

"26 Reasons Why Relationships Fail And What You Can Do To Avoid Them"

By Cucan Pemo

Unhealthy, Sad Relationships have some general notable characteristics in common. Here are 26 basic guidelines for reference. They are not in order of importance.

Avoidance � Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps they don�t want to face the fact that their mates really aren�t who they say they are. For example, Person A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always late coming home from work and almost always misses family functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn�t destroy their �perfect image� in everyone�s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.

Burnout � Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the �love� fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and don�t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a fake substitution � maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting �high,� or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more, talk more, etc.

Compatibility Issues � Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it�s great to have some �spice� in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met � at least on some level. And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with which they can�t agree. Check out the complete Love By Design System to find out if HE or SHE is the one for you today!

Devotional Void � A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being �in love� 24/7 doesn�t necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a �loving� committed relationship can make the difference.

Enthusiasm Dwindles � If you don�t add in some spice once in awhile, you can get the same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines can lose that spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their relationships if they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.

Forgiveness Void � No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted flowers. They need tending to or they�ll die.

Guise - Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might say. Pretending wears thin and doesn�t last long.

Harm � Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn�t been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in relationships � or life.

Indulgence � Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is a pathway to unhealthy relationships.

Just say yes � Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one person in the relationship has a difficult time saying �Yes� and setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third or forth - - rarely first in the other person�s eyes and agenda. And while it�s fine to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel and share the value of being number one with one another.

Kick the Dog � Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy release of anger. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress. Help is available.

Lemons � Unhealthy relationships often have at least one party who can�t seem to make lemonade out of life�s lemons. Maybe he or she has the wrong recipe. Or maybe the person is a bad cook. But assistance is needed in this department!

Management Mania � Remember the �Odd Couple?� A super manager personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Likewise a super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give and take is called for.

�Neverland� � Ever heard something this in an argument, �You never�.?� Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the �always� and �nevers� in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship issues. It�s rare that someone does or does not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!)

Ominous � Bad or ominous feelings, an omen�a feeling deep inside that tells you something is wrong - this often accompanies unhealthy relationships.

Pressure � When one party pressures (or forces) the other to have sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.

Questions � Part of communicating is asking and answering questions. If this process causes problems, i.e. even the simplest of questions arouses anger, suspicions, fighting, etc., this is a trait often found with unhealthy relationships. The party who has difficulty answering questions may be hiding something, dealing with control issues or dealing with substance abuse (or other).

Responds Inappropriately � Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate, using threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate responses suggest unhealthy environment between the couple.

Silence � Silence isn�t always golden, as the saying goes. If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship.

Treatment � If healthcare treatments are being ignored or stopped without the help of a professional; for example, in the case of stopping anti-depressant medication after a severe (negative) episode (like suicide), this can signal an unhealthy relationship. People need to take care of themselves and not leave everything up to their mates in relationships.

Untidy / Unkempt � When one or both partners disregards physical appearance for the duration (long-term, not just for a weekend), this signals an unhealthy relationship. One or both could be abusing substances, for example, or suffering depression.

Verbal Abuse /Violate � When one or both partners use verbal abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other�s person or personal property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should respect each other and each other�s property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.

Weapons � Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if it�s a household (or other) item used as a weapon is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Xerox � A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when a person is copying another, failing to be himself or herself. Some personality disorders are also characterized by this trait that reportedly shows up in a number of unhealthy relationships. And help is available.

Youthful Outlook / Emotions � An energetic, youthful attitude toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., don�t have much place in healthy, growing partnerships.

Zero � Growing relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is difficult to multiply. Got to start somewhere!

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"3 Easy Ways to Attract Love Like A Magnet"
by Cucan Pemo

If you are still single and yearning for that someone special to come into your life, to share your life, and to share all the laughter and joy of being together, there is something you could do to attract your true love like a
magnet!

(1) You must believe you are able to attract true love.

This is important! In order to attract your true love, not just any type of lovers, to come into your life, you have to believe you are able to attract the right person into your life. True love comes to you not because of chance. Instead, it comes to you because of who you are. It comes 'through' you, it does not come to you. You attract the people in your life because of who you are. If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Whoever you attract into your lives is a reflection of who you are at that moment. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will attract the wrong person into your life!

(2) Love others who come into your life at this moment.

Being loving to others is perfect love, not just wanting love. Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for your someone special to enter your life. When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too. This is the law of give and receive. When you go outside and socialize, do not go with the intention of only wanting to find love, or to find your Mr/Mrs Right. Instead, take an interest in all those that you encounter, be aware of their welfare and needs as well. If you start to take an interest in other people's welfare and needs instead of only your own, more people will be attracted to you. So, detach yourself from the feeling that you want to find that someone special. The right person will definitely come to you one day and be attracted to you because of who you are. He or she might must be around in a corner thinking : "Hey, I want to get to know this person who has so much magnetism and optimism. How can I approach him/her?"

(3) Expect less from other people and give more instead.

As you give more and more love to others, be careful not to become too much focused on your own wants and needs. In wanting or expecting to experience the love we want, we suffer. We crave, and we cling to what we do not have and we even refuse to let go what we have clung to. Your giving should not come with any conditions. Instead, the love you give should want less and less. As your love wants less and less, ironically you will find more love coming your way, even without you asking for it.

Give true love, so that it opens up and embrace the world. Very soon, you will find that someone special entering your life. It is not by chance that this person has entered your life, but you have cultivated the 'seeds' to bring him/her to you, not just any type of person, but the right and true one for you. And after he/she has entered your life, continue to cultivate even more 'seeds' of love for everyone around you, and you will find that you can easily create the 'magical' relationship that you desire effortlessly.

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"How To Get HIM Interested"
By Cucan Pemo

Do you wish his eyes be glued on you?

Let me tell you a story. It's a true story.

Just recently, I got interested in a guy. I'm not supposed to share this with anyone, including you, lest my partner gets to know about it. :)

However, being an avid student of human nature and inter-personal relationships, I could not help wondering, what is it (about him, or me?) that has made me attracted to him?

But, don't be mistaken. Until today, we are just very good friends. I still have my partner with me, so I wouldn't want to do anything that will break my relationship with him.

We have a common interest though. This is why we click together and always enjoy each other's company, with no expectation from each other.

He had gone through several failed relationships, and we had a talk about this one day over coffee at a cafe. He was hurt that the relationships he had with his ex-girlfriends didn't work out the way he wanted them to. However, that didn't destroy him; instead, in his own words, such experiences make him even stronger.

I realized that I admired his courage and strength to be able to pick himself up even after a heart-breaking experience. In fact, I was inspired by him.

"We had conflicts and disagreements. It didn't work out, everyone of them (his girlfriends) initiated the break-up. I didn't put in the effort to pursue and thus eventually we broke up. I was devastated then. But I'm not going to allow myself to be enveloped in self-pity and sorrow. I put all my attention, energy and focus on my passion, that is, bodybuilding. I realized that, whatever effort, time, money, and energy I had put into bodybuilding, it has all paid off handsomely. I could see the results I want to see. With relationship, it is so different. You cannot control the outcome; you cannot control the other person."

He is so right. You cannot control another person or how he will think and behave. You only have control of your-self, this indirectly implies the power you have in your hands. You CHOOSE whether your circumstance controls you or destroy you; else choose a more positive way of reacting and responding to your circumstances.

I didn't tell him this secret which I have been holding in my heart, that I enjoyed his accompany and going out with him, even training together with him at the gym whenever I can find the time to do it.

I asked myself what had made him seem attractive. The answers I got shocked me further.

(1) He inspired me with his insights about life and relationships. In short, he had what I had been seeking and searching - the answers to some of the tough questions about life and relationship.

(2) I found myself wanting to go out with him often. He was confident about his passion and what he was doing. He was independent, had a character, and was not affected by what others think about whether whatever he is doing is right or wrong. In short, he was of a higher vibrational energy than I.

I realize, and I have been sharing this secret with many of my readers - By becoming interested in MYSELF, my partner becomes more interested in me! If you think it is a paradox. IT is! Many relationship challenges and difficulties often start when one of the couples shift his or her center onto another person, and many people do this unknowingly! Understand that your center is HERE, right now, within you; it is your safe haven and most truthworthy antenna. You do NOT have to search for it in another person!

This is one secret which has worked wonders for those who are willing to take the time to chew on it.

Inspire your partner today!

However, don't stop here. Dale Carnegie has taught that "If you want people to become interested in you, you have to become genuinely interested in others!"

Become genuinely interested in YOUR-SELF!

Become genuinely interested in others!

Combine this two, and you might find yourself being swamped with so much attention, you'll have to crack your head to find your own private time.

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"No B.S. Relevation From A Self-Confessed Commitment-Phobic Man"
By Cucan Pemo

I'm going to share with you a short email interview which I had conducted with a man who confessed he was a commitment-phobia. He wanted to know how he can go about restoring and renewing a loving relationship with his "former" lover.

During my initial interactions with him, I suddenly had the "inspiration" to do a short email interview with him in order to understand him and his situation better.

Since he was a self-proclaimed commitment-phobia, whatever he was feeling and going through could help many of our women readers understand the inner world and emotions of their men whom they think are commitment phobias.

I followed my "inner voice" to conduct a short interview with him via email and to my surprise he agreed graciously!

It turned out that this honest, sincere, no b.s. relevation from a man could give you some invaluable insights (whether you are a man or woman) about your own relationship!

NOTE: This is not an "example" or case study taken out from a textbook! This is an interview conducted with a real man and his sincere and truthful answers to my questions would be able to help us and a lot of people out there who ernestly seek to understand and know their committment-phobia partners and who are looking to make things work in their relationship!

Certain portions of the interview are edited to protect the privacy of this reader. Otherwise, his answers to the questions are ALL unedited, raw, and uncensored!

There are powerful lessons and insights to be learnt from just this interview alone even if your partner (man or woman) is not a commitment phobia ... so read on...

1) What do you think are the 3 most difficult issues you
have to face while in your relationship with your woman?

- keeping love alive and not getting too "comfortable"
- merging families (issues with kids)
- finances

2) What can your woman do / say to get you to commit to a long term relationship? What can your woman do or say to get you to agree to engagement?

Convince me that she is still in love with me, that she doesn't have the same feelings for the guy she is dating / dated ...that it was just a casual thing, and that she really and truly does want to commit to only me if I am willing to do the same.

3) If you sincerely, seriously want to reconcile with the love of your life, what can she do or say to make it happen for both of you?

I guess just say that she doesn't want to give up on our relationship ... that she feels, as I do, that we were meant to be together and that there is nothing that can sever the bond of love that we have for each other.

4) Would you be able to commit should your woman agree to return to your side? If "yes", what would you do? If "no", why not?

Yes, I am ready and willing to put away my phobia and ask her for a long-term committment / marriage if that is still what she wants more than anything.

5) What are the 3 most important things you would like your lost lover to know, should you have a chance to pour your heart out to her.

This is a tough one! I guess I would tell her that I still believe within my heart that we always were meant to be together... that I feel totally responsible for our break-up, that I unconsciously pushed her away ... and that I still love her more than anything in the world and want us to fully commit to one another.

3 Powerful lessons to take away from this interview... Let's call this reader Mr X.

1) Our perceptions of reality are often colored and it is YOU who choose what you want to see in your relationship or marriage! If you have a commitment-phobia partner who is driving you "mad", it is useful to understand that during the time or moment when you feel you have an issue with your partner, realize that both of you could possibly be viewing reality on a different level, or what they often say being on a different frequency. That being said, notice what Mr X. says in his first sentence -"I truly do still love my woman and believe that we are meant to be together..." If you are Mr X., don't give up. Show her through your actions that she is wanted!"

2) Everyone of us are always trying to be the best we can be and taking the actions which we feel are best for all. But, we often forget that the very actions we feel are understandable might not be clear to others. Understand that your partner could well be cracking their brains hard to make the relationship work; but with the limited resources they have they might not be doing a good job in your eyes or that they may not be able to do it the way you want it! Whatever actions you want to take, BE the solution instead of seeking solutions from outside of yourself!

3) If you feel that YOU are a carbon copy of Mr X, realize that you could make the same mistake that he has made. Whether you are a man or a woman, what you THINK about your partner is a "premise" upon which your relationship circumstances are built. Whatever frustrations you are experiencing in your relationship or your life, they are likely "proving" and reinforcing something which YOU have thought about! So, if you treasure your loved one, don't take him or her for granted!

How To Hold The Keys To Your Partner's Heart and Mind

By Cucan Pemo

Would you like to possess the power to be able to penetrate into your partner's thoughts and know exactly what he or she wants? Imagine having such jedi-like powers at your fingertips.

Well, you can! If you will learn how to hold the keys to your partner's heart and mind and make him yours forever.

Kenneth Goode is an outstanding figure in advertising and selling and I do recommend his books if you are interested to find out more about him and his teachings.

When I read about his eight insights about people, I can still remember that I'm beaming with excitement as this might hold the formula to understand what your partner will do.

Although Kenneth Goode is speaking to an audience that is supposedly to be interested in selling and advertising (to people), his wisdom and insights about people can help us to understand what people do the things they do, and of course "people" include yourself and your mate.

His eight insights about people are:

(1) Follow a habit until it hurts
(2) Accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home.
(3) Follows his leaders, eyes shut, mouth open.
(4) Work hard to establish superiority in the eyes of his equals.
(5) Find his greatest interest in his own emotional kicks.
(6) Yield to suggestion when properly flattered.
(7) Love low prices and dislike economy.
(8) Glorify the past and discount the future.

Think about how you can use Kenneth Goode's insights to influence your partner. Remember, you cannot change your partner into someone you like to see; you cannot force your another person to become that which you want him or her to become.

Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.

Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".

Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.

So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!

If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.

Make yourself indispensable. If you have a hot temper, find ways to solve this problem. If you are too clingy, find the solutions to do away with your clingy-ness. If you know the mistakes you have done, correct them.

Your partner will find his or her way back to you all without your asking when they "know" that you are someone they would want to spend their life with afterall.

Kenneth Goode's insights have been very helpful to me so far. I now understand that there are certain things we cannot change about people, because that is the way people are! If you are always finding yourself eveloping in self-pity in a failing relationship, or if you are always finding yourself wanting your partner to behave in certain ways, I hope you understand these insights and apply them to your life and to your relationship because they can liberate you. Many times, it is not your fault afterall.

Wrtie these eight insights down and stick them on your desk where you can see them daily.

I will write more about how these insights can be applied to any types of relationship as and when I have more tips to share with you on this site.

Master these insights, and you can be well on your way to hold the keys to your partner's heart and mind; or rather, anyone's heart and mind.

The Dilemma of Mr. Y - Perception IS Reality

By Cucan Pemo

One of my male friends just fell out of relationship the past week. There was a third party involved and the girl he was involved with ran away with someone else. To make matter worse, this girl was involved with one of his co-workers at his workplace!

Being a hot tempered person by nature, naturally this friend of mine, let's call him Mr Y., was unhappy and angry about his situation. He called me and confided in me. He vowed to take revenge; and in his perception, taking revenge was easy for him, since both himself and the other guy work at the same place.

Shocked, I attempted to persuade him to keep his cool and review his circumstance. Taking revenge is definitely an unwise way to resolve issues!

He was as stubborn as a bull! And no matter how I tried to persuade him to change his mind about taking revenge and doing foolish things, he was determined to carry out his plan. I even got our common pals to try to talk him out of taking revenge and to help him to think clearly about his situation and to be aware of the the disastrous consequences he would be facing in undertaking such foolish actions.

All my pals had no luck either.

I changed my strategies.

I repeatedly pointed out to him that there was no benefit he could gain by undertaking unreasonable and foolish actions against the other guy.

I listed all the disadvantages of him taking unreasonable actions against his co-worker. He was clearly at a disadvantage. Whatever he was planning and going to do was not going to put him in a good light; and would only deepen the misunderstanding between himself and his girlfriend.

I tried to make him see the bigger picture of how his way of handling personal issues will affect his company and the people around him.

I even tried to "threaten" him pointing out to him the scenario that he would likely be kicked out of his workplace by his boss for disrupting the harmony in the company.

He turned a deaf ear to all my well-meaning advice.

I couldn't bear to see him fall into his own trap. Being an ardent student of human nature, one day, after some careful thoughts, I text him a message, saying, "If you can forgive and forget, you would be a stronger person, and you would be blessed in many, many ways!"

During that night, he gave me a call, saying that my message came to him just in time. He was about to confront his co-worker when he received my message.

That message striked a chord in him. He kept his cool and didn't carry out his plan for revenge.

You see, his perception IS reality.

He couldn't talk himself out of dropping his plan for revenge not because he didn't want to; he tried, but because he couldn't make himself feel good if he did so.

The strategies both myself and our pals were using previously had all been based on 'fear' and 'threat', trying to make him see the disadvantages of his actions, and how his actions could get himself into trouble, giving his other co-workers very bad impression, losing his job, losing his girlfriend, disrupting the harmony at his workplace, and such likes. All of these couldn't make him change his mind. Instead, it made him even more determined to carry out his 'revenge'.

So, what made him change his mind? The key lies in the sentence "you would be a stronger person".

Finally, he could see himself in a more positive light, and he managed to convince himself that he was, afterall, a stronger person by not taking any foolish or unreasonable actions against his co-worker.

And, how can this little episode relate to your own relationship circumstance?

Have you been wondering whether you should tell your mate that you have changed for the better?

Have you thought that you have done a lot and yet you are still not satisfied with your relationship circumstance or how your partner is behaving towards you?

Have you been using manipulative measures, 'fear' or 'threat' strategies, without even realizing it?

Have you thought that you have done your best and yet you wonder why your partner has not changed a single bit?

Remember this, your partner's or your spouse's perception IS Reality.

Their dissatisfaction (or satisfaction) with their relationship with you was related to their perception of how they were being treated by you - their mate.

Take note that I said their perception of how they were treated and not how they were treated. This is very important. It means that in some, maybe many of those cases, you may have worked very hard and thought that you have done your very best to treat your partner well, perhaps even actually treated them fairly.

However, what you did is not the issue. It is how your partner or spouse perceived what you did that counts.

What He Wants Could Be What They All Want

By Cucan Pemo

I had a heated argument with my partner the other day. He had to do an important presentation for his company the next day; but had delayed preparing and finishing up his presentation early until the day before the actual presentation.

Subsequently, he didn't do well for his presentation, and was criticized by his superior. He came back with a bad mood and when he gave me a call; there was anger, disappointment and frustration in his voice. He was shouting and wailing at the same time. We ended up having a heated argument over the phone. I felt that he deserved what he had gone through, since he was not capable of organizing himself and his schedule to finish up his report and presentation early. He was so mad at me that he didn't talk to me for over a week!

I was upset over this incident. It was not my intention to damage our relationship over such a small matter. It was then I realized I had violated one of the most important basic needs of any humans. Most, if not all, people need to be right. I had made him wrong for being so incapable by scolding him.

Over the past weekend, he called me again. It happened that he had some conflicts with one of his co-worker, who had been giving him some problems during work. As usual, he began to vent his frustrations over the phone. Having realized the mistake I had made previously, this time, instead of emphazing how his hot-temperedness and impatience must have provoked his co-worker, I stressed how sorry I was to hear about his bad day at work. There was an immediate change in his attitude; and he became a lot clamer during our short conversation.

I let him be right, which was what he wanted. He let me have a peaceful time with him, which is what I had wanted.

Your tip for the day: People need to be right.

An Important Realization To Apply To Any Kinds of Human Relationships

By Cucan Pemo

Have you always wondered why do kids resist their parents even though they have their interests at heart? This happens to me when I am young. I find that I am attracted towards my friends and buddies in schools than towards my mentors, teachers or even my parents.

I never really explored the reasons why, until recently, and this important realization can be applied to any kinds of human relationships. Years of being in a relationship with my partner has made me realized that more often than not, my reality is not HIS reality (the same goes to men). Conflicts, arguments, quarrrels, misunderstanding and disagreements often come about if neither party in a couple relationship understand this. Now, what can we do to understand, or even, to get into his/her reality?

Everyone of us, whether you are a man or woman, need to feel genuinely needed and understood. I find that I can create a better relationship with my mate just by creating a sense that he (she) is being understood, by echoing his thoughts back to him! Yes, you may disagree with your partner's beliefs and thoughts; but always remember this. His/Her reality is NOT your reality at times, many times! When my partner learn I think just like he does he feel validated and soon attraction and connection begin to develop.

Kids are very often attracted to particular groups of friends; and these are not just any kinds of friends. These are friends who truly understand them and accept them for who they are. They satisfied their most precious need, the need to feel validated and needed. If you realize your kids, or even your partner, has changed or transformed drastically in his lifestyle or even his character, loves to hang out with some particular groups of people, or even suddenly abandoning a particular way of life for another, the reason is often nothing more than the person finally felt being noticed and accepted for who he is.

This need is what made us feel normal, and human.

If you have problems making a connection with your partner, or even reading his/her mind, understand that you don't have to be a psychic for doing so. The secret is to learn the art of paying highly focused attention to the other person. This is the secret shared by many writers or speakers who often have to speak on stage to large groups of audience. They are able to create the sense that their audience is understood by echoing their thoughts back to them!

I once attended a seminar where the speaker shared with us his secret of success on stage and how he had been able to capture the attention of so many people quickly and certainly. He said, "Ask them what they want you to tell them; and tell them what they have told you!"

If you cannot get "into" their reality (and get this, it is not necessary to do so even though being able to do so is definitely an advantage to you), realize that nothing is more compelling to a person than having someone totally focused on and intently listening to them.

We can't resist the people who are really "into" us! We can't help it. What most of us want is to feel needed and validated!

Your tip for the day: People need to feel genuinely needed and understood.

"How To Get Rid of Your Stale Relationship Once and For All!"

By Cucan Pemo

Is your relationship or marriage going downhill?

When you discover that your relationship has become stale
and you always find it boring to even hang out with the love
of your life, it is a sure sign that you need to do
something about your relationship. Do not be depressed about
your relationship circumstances or marriage situation. Try
apply the following strategies to rekindle the passion in
the relationship. These strategies can be so powerful and
quick-acting that you would be amazed at the sudden, happy
results they unfailingly bring to your love problems.

1) There are couples who have reached the stage of "even if
there is no communication, but we have reached a stage of
mutual understanding and appreciation of each other's
presence". Be aware! This does not guarantee that your
relationship or marriage would be long lasting! Many of my
readers have had such experiences. All along they have been
thinking that their relationship life is so smooth going and
obstacles-free, and when one day their lover come up to them
and tell them they want to leave the relationship, they got
the big shock of their life . Your relationship needs to be
attended to every now and then, no matter how easy going and
brilliant everything seems to be at the moment.

As we surf through life, we are going to learn the lessons
life is going to throw at each and every one of us,
including yourself and your partner. No one can guarantee
that the thoughts that you are holding dear and true to
yourself (or even to your partner), will be the same the
next day. This is how we will grow, develop and improve. It
is normal that you have disagreements with each other once
in a while. In fact, it is healthy; and it can help you to
develop more understanding towards your partner. If you are
constantly having negative feelings about yourself, your
partner or even your own relationship circumstance. Remember
this fact, which has often been overlooked. Negative and
unhappy feelings are caused by us, not by exterior
happenings. Your life circumstance and events present the
challenge, but it is YOU who react to it. What you need to
do is to work on the ways you handle things and take things,
NOT to the things themselves.

2) In order to rekindle the passion and harmony in your
relationship, returning it to the way it once is, you have
to learn how to regain your natural and spontaneous feeling
for life. Break focus. Concentrate not on your relationship
or marriage problems, but on becoming the solution. Your
solution is often not how HE/SHE has changed, will change
into, or is going to change into. The solution is YOU. If
you are sad about your relationship, what most of you would
normally do is to immediately take yourself as the feeling
(of sadness). You think you are this "feeling", which you
are not. And you would find yourself tend to double the
mistake by telling yourself, "I am unhappy. I am sad." The
more you say it, the sadder you feel; the sadder you feel,
the more you'll say it. There, you have a vicious cycle.

3) Recall when you go for your first date, you are bubbling
with excitement and much anticipation. I know how it feels.
It happens to me. I love that feeling, of initially falling
in love. As you go for more dates, and you understand each
other more and more, your anxiety and doubts about the
relationship will reside.

You want to see more of each other. You have a strong
interest in developing this relationship and love further.
You do everything you can to nurture it, and make sure that
it grows. When you have finally succeeded in settling down
with the love of your life, your wish of wanting to keep
nourishing and nurturing this relationship subside. When you
are starting to have this type of feeling, you have to not
take things for granted. Taking your relationship for
granted is often a sure way of growing your relationship
problems. Put some heart and thoughts about bringing some
excitement and life into your relationship.

Always bear in mind, there is never an end to how far and
how much you can grow and develop your love and relationship
for each other.

4) Drop your unrealistic expectations of the other person.
True Love is not craving or attachment. When there is
craving involved, it is not genuine love. It is a secret
wish to flee from your unwanted self into the other person.
I have readers who have such strong cravings for another
person that they suffer the torment of missing him/her
whenever they are not around. Why suffer? Try to understand
that this is all unrealistic imagination of the other
person, whoever they are .

It is your egoistic mind painting a false image of him/her.
He (Her) is attractive, very likely because they represent a
need in you which you may or may not be aware of - all those
good qualities such as strength, perseverance,
determination, truthfulness, loyalty, etc. But such
qualities are not a reality in the other person. You can
view this person differently. Choose to view that person in
this way. You'll be surprised at the result you'll get, just
like myself. Whenever my partner is not behaving or reacting
in the way I (secretly) want to see and feel, I just remind
myself that I can view this person differently. He (She) has
not changed. I have.

5) Understand that there are different types of
relationships existing in this world. Your love for each
other could be similar to that of mother-child, or it could
mirror that of a brother-sister relationship. Whatever it
is, if one party is too protective of the other person, and
the other person is not reciprocating appropriately,
pressure will start to occur; misunderstanding would ensue.
Consciously work on the balance in your relationship. If
your mate has been loving to you, show your love or show
your appreciation for him/her. If your partner is busy, keep
yourself busy.

When your relationship problems start to overwhelm you, slow
down, take a deep, deep pause. Tell yourself there is
another way to live. It does exist. Thought elusive, it is
always there. You can be happy and clam always. Welcome the
obstacles and problems in your relationship life. They will
eventually awaken you to the very life you seek.

The understanding of your sadness and unhappiness will lead
you onto the path to true awakening. You cannot become happy
by changing your exterior happenings. It is true. You cannot
improve your handwriting just by changing a new pen. When
trying to solve your relationship or love problems, choose
to react to every situations constructively. It is useful to
remember this. Take note of it. I pin it in front of me so
that I will always be reminded of the truth, each and
everyday "You feel good not because your relationship life
is right; but your relationship life is right because you
feel good!"

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"If There Is Truly 'Love At First Sight', Why does YourLover Strays?"

By Cucan Pemo

When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, you
have to learn to take time to pause, ponder over your
relationship circumstance, and look for solution instead of
mistakes.

Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner's
hand, so that he or she will not be beaten by the
destructive forces that are coming their way and hurting the
relationship.

It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not a
simple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended and
controlled.

It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerful
tendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple or
voluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex and
continuous activities.

True love between man and woman may manifest itself
suddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in the
consciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couples
mutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand,
genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiring
months to unfold and years to mature.

Some of the most delightful marriage unions known have
resulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons are
very susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to the
attractions of character, and immediately surrender to them
when opportunity offers.

Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful or
appearances and cautious in all that pertains to so
important a matter.

Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", with
almost an immediate marriage, have proven entirely
harmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances are
comparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.

As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even though
they may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meet
many times under various circumstances before concluding
that they are really so completely in love with each other
as to marry.

Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study of
each other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitable
friction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, and
such disclosures of principles, desires and habits as will
inevitably result from repeated association and increased
knowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.

For myself, the occasional accidental or prearranged
meetings with my partner and long time friend, when are
deeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - the
walks and rides taken together, the public gatherings
attended in each other's company - all contribute not only
to an increased knowledge of each other's character, but
also tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles,
purposes.

When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactly
happened when he strays? What exactly contributed to our
conflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us?
What had I done to allow another person to come into our
lives so easily and quickly??"

I've come to a conclusion.

And my discoveries could well give you some insights which
you can adopt and adapt to your own relationship
circumstances.

I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted to
another person who can confirm my doubts, fears and
suspicions.

In fact, if there is one other person who can grab

Retrieve A Lover

"5 Easy Ways To Get Out Of Fights And Disagreements"

By Cucan Pemo

"5 SureFire Ways To Make Your Partner Stay!"

By Cucan Pemo