FREE Articles on How to Retrieve A Lover

If you are in a relationship right now, or are thinking ofgoing into one, there are 3 very important tips you shouldknow and questions you should ask yourself before you everget yourself into a relationship. This could save you from alot of heartache and pain when you are involved in a loverelationship.

(1) Your lover does not owe you your happiness, peace orjoy.
Happiness is a state of mind we choose to have. All of yourhappiness, and all of your suffering, are created by you andthey do not come from outside of you, or from others. Beforeyou go into any type of relationship, ask yourself thesequestions: "Do I really, really, really know how to walkaway from disappointment and fear? Will I be able to findthe person that I am now even after I go into thisrelationship and begin a new way of life?" In short, youshould not be dependent on your partner on your emotionalneeds. You yourself are responsible for your own feelingsand creating positive experiences for both your partner andyou whenever you are together.

(2) Love your partner for who they are.
No one in this world is perfect. One day you will find yourpartner doing certain things or saying certain things thatwill hurt you, disappoint you or anger you. Before you gointo any type of relationship, you have to ask yourself:"Will I be able to love my partner for who they are. If I amunhappy or angry with something they have said or done, willI be able to recognize my unhappiness or anger as againsttheir speech, actions and behavior, and not against theirpersons?"

(3) Will I be able to love myself as much as I love mypartner?
If you cannot love yourself, how are you going to give loveto another? This is a mistake most people make when they gointo a relationship. They become over-obsessive with whatthey can give to their partners and what they can do fortheir partners. To ensure a fulfilling relationship, youhave to learn to take care of your own needs as well. A truepartner or lover is one who will make sure that you do notbecome too dependent on them. You are responsible for yourown feelings and your own emotional needs too. You are abeautiful being. So, take care of yourself, love yourself,treat yourself to all the good things in life too, and dothe same to your partner. Very soon you will find true lovealways coming your way without any effort on your part!

As always, if you are encountering problems in yourrelationship, try to dissolve all of your problems in love.And you'll be sure you are on your way to a peaceful andfulfilling relationship!

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Falling into a relationship is easy, but maintaining arelationship requires delicate care and skills. The processcan be likened to tending to your garden and keeping a
garden of beautiful roses which will turn heads around.

The task of creating and building that magical relationshipdoes not come easy but is not difficult if you would justlearn the right ways to build a harmonious relationship thatlasts.

Find out what could trigger fight in a relationship and howto settle them to avoid all those pain and heartache andunnecessary misunderstandings which might eventually ruin arelationship.

(1) You want to win all time, giving in is losing your stand
Nobody likes to lose. Losing hurts our ego, and it will doall it can to defend itself, to fight for itself, and toargue its way through until it makes sure that it gets itsway. However, this hurts your partner's ego too. It, too,wants to defend itself, fight for itself, and to argue itsway through. It simply will not let go. So if you want tostop the fighting, you have to be the one to initiate that!Better still, keep quiet. Your partner will soon stopfighting once he/she is not able to find anyone to reason orfight with when you just keep quiet.

(2) One of you is insistent in doing things your own way.
Each of us always has reasons for doing certain things. Ifyou do not like what you see in your partner's attitude orbehavior, change that, within you! Change your perceptionsabout what you are seeing and how you think about it! Youmight not be able to change your partner, but you can changehow you feel inside of you. You can offer your suggestions,your opinions, but try not to go against their person. Letthem know that it is their behavior or attitude that you areagainst, but not against their persons. Always remember, ifyou live your life always wanting to change other people,you never learn to see the goodness or beauty of people andthings around you.

(3) You or your spouse is under pressure or stress
We tend to vent our anger or frustrations that we have oversomebody or something on our spouse or lover, whether we doit consciously or unconsciously. If your spouse is the oneunder stress or pressure, try to see from their point ofview. Instead of starting a fight for no real reasons, tryto help them cope with the frustration or problems they arefacing. It is useful to remind yourself that you can lend alistening ear. If you are the one having any stress orencountering difficulties, it is a good idea to let yourspouse know so he or she could try to see from your point ofview too and to share your burden. In short, do not keepeverything to yourself.

(4) One of you is not sensitive to your partner's feelings
If your spouse or lover is insensitive to your feelings, youwould think that they do not care or that they areignorant. So you question them and start picking a fight. Be
aware! You are solely responsible for your own feelings.Your spouse or your lover does not owe you your feelings.Let them know how you feel should they do something whichyou deem undesirable and unpleasant. Open up and talk toyour partner. Focus on effective communication instead.

Always remember that patience and tolerance is not a sign ofweakness, but a sign of strength. To start a fight and tosustain a fight you need another person to fight with. Thusif you really, really, really want to stop a fight. Be theperson who wants to stop it and just let go of all yourfrustration and anger. Your spouse or lover cannot continuefighting if there is no other person for them to fightagainst. It takes two hands to make a clapping sound! Remindyourself, if you do not want the clapping sound, you canjust remove one of your hands. Who makes the decision? You!

"How To Draw Anyone To Your Side - Spellbinding Attraction Secrets You Wouldn't Want To Miss!"

By Cucan Pemo

Before I begin, I would like to first point out that throughout this article I will be using "he" and "him", etc, rather than awkwardly saying "he or she" or using "he/she". So please understand I do not mean this as slight to women.

Many of my readers have often asked me, "How can I change my partner? What can I do to make him do things the way I want it? Or is it even possible?"

My question to you is, "Do you go into a relationship to change another person?"

Well, you have to take responsibility for the choice you have made if you do not like what you see today!

Truth is, you cannot change or force another person to behave in the ways you desire just by telling him or pointing out to him.

Most times than not, it doesn't work.

The secret here is, whatever it is you would like your partner to do - whether it is to do particular things, behave in particular ways, or think in the ways you want it - your partner has to see these ideas themselves as coming from themselves!

This is one of the secrets possessed by those cult leaders. How is it that they are able to influence their followers to do what they wish them to do so easily? Think about it. You can learn their secrets.

If you are trying to save your relationship, your partner has to see this idea of recouncilation and working and keeping this relationship as coming from themselves.

Very often, it doesn't work if YOU keep telling them to see your point, to work out something, to say something.

So, what can you do to possess that jedi-like magic to influence your partner? I call this positive motivation. Try not to tell your partner what to do. Stop making him see your point. It won't work. However, keep these points in mind:

(1) Become the person your partner wishes to become.

(2) Improve your-self FIRST. The changes you like to see on the outside will follow.

(3) Understand that most human beings naturally gravitated towards the person who possess a higher vibrational energy. Now, some of you might think this is too profound and metaphysical. It is not. Simply, just ask yourself who attracts you in your daily life and makes you think, "Gee, I wish I have his confidence/strength/power/courage." Then, ask yourself what can YOU do to become such a person.

Just recently, I ran into one of my friends, the guy who is a bodybuilder (some of you might already know who I am talking about if you read my last issue). When he saw me, he pulled me to one side and confided in me.

He was running into big trouble. He told me. To cut a long story short, he ran into one of his ex-girlfriends the other day, one whom he had lost contact with for almost 2 years. She had a boyfriend now, but was currently having some disagreements and conflicts with him. Now, this friend of mine (let's call him Mr X.), was very concerned about her.

They met up for a chit-chat not long after they bumped into each other. Now, in case you are wondering, Mr X doesn't have any intention to get back into a relationship with her. However, being a good natured person, he still cares about her and treats her just like his other friends. It wasn't long before Mr X realized that the girl was contacting him more than 10 times a week! It was clear to him that she had a different intention, and was trying to get back into a relationship with him.

"Look, Cucan. I made it very clear to her that she was still my friend and she was not to expect anything from me. Besides, she had a boyfriend now. They were having some conflicts and misunderstanding. All I did was just spending some time to listen to her, to talk to her, and gave her a little help here and there, that was all, I did all these just as I would do for a friend. I didn't want to interfere with their affairs nor did I want to be seen as a third party. But, apparently she wanted something else and she was obviously trying to get close to me! I didn't ask for all these! Now, what am I supposed to do?"

I was enthused by his remarks. And this got me thinking. How was it that so many of my readers had a hard time making a connection with the love of their life or even failed times and times again trying to get the attention they are seeking from their partners; and yet, this friend of mine was getting all the (unwanted) attention without lifting a finger!

Some of you might have got it figured out. Naturally Mr X has a higher vibrational energy than the woman. This is one reason why his ex-girlfriend is attracted towards him.

There is another very important reason. And this is what I told him, "My friend, the more you tell her that she is not to expect anything from you, the more she'll find it difficult to drift away from you! The reason is this: people want what they cannot have! The more difficulty they have to getting something they want, they more they'll want it. Even during their sleep they'll think about it; it fills the whole of their consciousness so much so that they will conclude for themselves that this is definitely something they must have!"

Now, Mr X is such an understanding and caring man. Let me ask you. Who wouldn't like to be with a caring, understanding person? And he kept telling her: "Look, I can be there for you. But now you have a boyfriend. Don't expect anything from me. We are no longer in a relationship". And of course, Mr X wouldn't have any difficulty being alone with himself even if this girl was not around. It was no wonder the girl found herself irresistibly attracted towards him!

"26 Reasons Why Relationships Fail And What You Can Do To Avoid Them"

By Cucan Pemo

Unhealthy, Sad Relationships have some general notable characteristics in common. Here are 26 basic guidelines for reference. They are not in order of importance.

Avoidance – Many people in unhealthy relationships simply avoid facing reality. There are many reasons for this. For instance, deep down inside, the people involved may be trying to make themselves appear superior. Or perhaps they don’t want to face the fact that their mates really aren’t who they say they are. For example, Person A might cover up and make excuses for his mate, Person B, who is always late coming home from work and almost always misses family functions. Person A could be trying to avoid reality and make up excuses to cover up an affair that Person B is involved in so that it doesn’t destroy their “perfect image” in everyone’s eyes. Or Person A could be avoiding the fact that Person B is a workaholic.

Burnout – Although many can carry out romance throughout their entire relationships, the actual honeymoon period does have to end, in reality. And those who can keep the “love” fires burning, not 24 / 7 but off and on regularly during their relationship, have better chances of healthier relationships than those who suffer burnout and don’t know where to turn or who turn to unhealthy solutions. In short, every relationship has its highs and lows. During the low times, like maybe when one person begins to feel disillusioned with marriage, or maybe trapped, tired, helpless, depressed or let down, if this person reaches out to unhealthy alternatives, like getting a fake substitution – maybe seeking another mate in secret, getting “high,” or some other negative behavior, once-healthy relationships can suffer. Instead, the couple needs to face issues together; add some new goals to the relationship, do some fun things together more, talk more, etc.

Compatibility Issues – Opposites attract; or do they? Sure it’s great to have some “spice” in your life. But relationships are about getting your needs met – at least on some level. And constant negativity can certainly hinder intimacy. So those who have a difficult time focusing on what attracted them to their mates in the first place can suffer unhealthy, sad relationships, constantly in conflict over issues with which they can’t agree. Check out the complete Love By Design System to find out if HE or SHE is the one for you today!

Devotional Void – A lack of commitment or ardent love can make for unhappy relationships. Being friends or roommates is one thing. Being committed, loving soul mates is another. Being “in love” 24/7 doesn’t necessarily have to be a requirement, but being in a “loving” committed relationship can make the difference.

Enthusiasm Dwindles – If you don’t add in some spice once in awhile, you can get the same old, same old. Couples caught up in routines can lose that spark of enthusiasm; i.e. zest of life in their relationships if they forget to be spontaneous once in awhile or forget to flavor their relationship with fun, adventure, romance.

Forgiveness Void – No one is perfect. Mistakes are a part of life. Those unwilling or unable to forgive, can pretty much count on having more unhealthy relationships over time. Relationships based or growing on anger, spite, disgust, resentment or other negative feelings associated with lack of forgiveness are like wilted flowers. They need tending to or they’ll die.

Guise - Simulated relationships or those under the guise of having a solid, happy relationship are not destined for success, on the whole. Or rather false is as false does, as Forest Gump might say. Pretending wears thin and doesn’t last long.

Harm – Harmful thoughts, words and actions can sure lead to unhealthy relationships. An occasional outbreak during a stressful moment might be considered normal like swearing; i.e. if someone hasn’t been raped, battered (or other sever trauma has occurred) by the other party. However, harmful, violent actions such as those and repeated verbal negativity is abusive and not healthy in relationships – or life.

Indulgence – Instant gratification or indulgence of unhealthy behaviors is a sign of trouble. Grabbing chocolate to satisfy a craving is one thing. Grabbing illicit drugs or another mate in secrecy is another. Yielding to unhealthy temptations and desires is a pathway to unhealthy relationships.

Just say yes – Not being able to draw boundaries or sustain limits is another possible path to sad relationships. For example, if one person in the relationship has a difficult time saying “Yes” and setting limits, his or her mate could always come in second, third or forth - - rarely first in the other person’s eyes and agenda. And while it’s fine to take a back seat once in awhile, people make time for priorities and in healthy relationships, both parties feel and share the value of being number one with one another.

Kick the Dog – Kicking the dog, not in a literal sense (although that would be negative, too!) is characteristic of unhealthy relationships. For example, if a person comes home angry and passes this anger on to the dog by kicking it, that is not a healthy release of anger. The unhealthier people are, the unhealthier they generally deal with stress. Help is available.

Lemons – Unhealthy relationships often have at least one party who can’t seem to make lemonade out of life’s lemons. Maybe he or she has the wrong recipe. Or maybe the person is a bad cook. But assistance is needed in this department!

Management Mania – Remember the “Odd Couple?” A super manager personality can ruin an otherwise healthy relationship. Likewise a super sloth can wreak one, too. A little give and take is called for.

“Neverland” – Ever heard something this in an argument, “You never….?” Well trips to Neverland are for Peter Pan. Skip the “always” and “nevers” in arguments and avoid unhealthy relationship issues. It’s rare that someone does or does not do something 100 percent of the time. Memories just seem to fail during opportunistic, stressful episodes sometimes (not always, though!)

Ominous – Bad or ominous feelings, an omen…a feeling deep inside that tells you something is wrong - this often accompanies unhealthy relationships.

Pressure – When one party pressures (or forces) the other to have sex, this is characteristic of an unhealthy relationship.

Questions – Part of communicating is asking and answering questions. If this process causes problems, i.e. even the simplest of questions arouses anger, suspicions, fighting, etc., this is a trait often found with unhealthy relationships. The party who has difficulty answering questions may be hiding something, dealing with control issues or dealing with substance abuse (or other).

Responds Inappropriately – Some characteristics of unhealthy relationships include playing head games, trying to humiliate, using threats, insults or jealousy. These inappropriate responses suggest unhealthy environment between the couple.

Silence – Silence isn’t always golden, as the saying goes. If one person shuns or ignores the other, outside of a solitary or very brief occurrence, this can reflect an unhealthy relationship.

Treatment – If healthcare treatments are being ignored or stopped without the help of a professional; for example, in the case of stopping anti-depressant medication after a severe (negative) episode (like suicide), this can signal an unhealthy relationship. People need to take care of themselves and not leave everything up to their mates in relationships.

Untidy / Unkempt – When one or both partners disregards physical appearance for the duration (long-term, not just for a weekend), this signals an unhealthy relationship. One or both could be abusing substances, for example, or suffering depression.

Verbal Abuse /Violate – When one or both partners use verbal abuse and / or violate or cause harm to the other’s person or personal property, things or friends, this can be a red flag for an unhealthy relationship. People should respect each other and each other’s property, things and friends. And verbal abuse is not appropriate.

Weapons – Threatening a partner with a weapon, even if it’s a household (or other) item used as a weapon is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

Xerox – A trait of an unhappy relationship can be when a person is copying another, failing to be himself or herself. Some personality disorders are also characterized by this trait that reportedly shows up in a number of unhealthy relationships. And help is available.

Youthful Outlook / Emotions – An energetic, youthful attitude toward life is one thing. Youthful expectations; i.e. outlook, and emotions can be characteristic of unhealthy partners. Growing couples need maturity as they grow together and face adult issues. Childish displays of anger, hostility, selfishness, etc., don’t have much place in healthy, growing partnerships.

Zero – Growing relationships need a foundation. Zero to grow on is difficult to multiply. Got to start somewhere!

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"3 Easy Ways to Attract Love Like A Magnet"
by Cucan Pemo

If you are still single and yearning for that someone special to come into your life, to share your life, and to share all the laughter and joy of being together, there is something you could do to attract your true love like a
magnet!

(1) You must believe you are able to attract true love.

This is important! In order to attract your true love, not just any type of lovers, to come into your life, you have to believe you are able to attract the right person into your life. True love comes to you not because of chance. Instead, it comes to you because of who you are. It comes 'through' you, it does not come to you. You attract the people in your life because of who you are. If you are someone who is always cheery, generous, kind, and hardworking, then it is very likely you will attract people who have one or more of your positive attributes. Whoever you attract into your lives is a reflection of who you are at that moment. Thus if you are someone who is always doubtful of your own ability and capability to meet the right person, then it is very likely you will attract the wrong person into your life!

(2) Love others who come into your life at this moment.

Being loving to others is perfect love, not just wanting love. Open up your heart and give your love to others as well while you are waiting for your someone special to enter your life. When you open up and give more love, more love will return and be given you too. This is the law of give and receive. When you go outside and socialize, do not go with the intention of only wanting to find love, or to find your Mr/Mrs Right. Instead, take an interest in all those that you encounter, be aware of their welfare and needs as well. If you start to take an interest in other people's welfare and needs instead of only your own, more people will be attracted to you. So, detach yourself from the feeling that you want to find that someone special. The right person will definitely come to you one day and be attracted to you because of who you are. He or she might must be around in a corner thinking : "Hey, I want to get to know this person who has so much magnetism and optimism. How can I approach him/her?"

(3) Expect less from other people and give more instead.

As you give more and more love to others, be careful not to become too much focused on your own wants and needs. In wanting or expecting to experience the love we want, we suffer. We crave, and we cling to what we do not have and we even refuse to let go what we have clung to. Your giving should not come with any conditions. Instead, the love you give should want less and less. As your love wants less and less, ironically you will find more love coming your way, even without you asking for it.

Give true love, so that it opens up and embrace the world. Very soon, you will find that someone special entering your life. It is not by chance that this person has entered your life, but you have cultivated the 'seeds' to bring him/her to you, not just any type of person, but the right and true one for you. And after he/she has entered your life, continue to cultivate even more 'seeds' of love for everyone around you, and you will find that you can easily create the 'magical' relationship that you desire effortlessly.

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"How To Get HIM Interested"
By Cucan Pemo

Do you wish his eyes be glued on you?

Let me tell you a story. It's a true story.

Just recently, I got interested in a guy. I'm not supposed to share this with anyone, including you, lest my partner gets to know about it. :)

However, being an avid student of human nature and inter-personal relationships, I could not help wondering, what is it (about him, or me?) that has made me attracted to him?

But, don't be mistaken. Until today, we are just very good friends. I still have my partner with me, so I wouldn't want to do anything that will break my relationship with him.

We have a common interest though. This is why we click together and always enjoy each other's company, with no expectation from each other.

He had gone through several failed relationships, and we had a talk about this one day over coffee at a cafe. He was hurt that the relationships he had with his ex-girlfriends didn't work out the way he wanted them to. However, that didn't destroy him; instead, in his own words, such experiences make him even stronger.

I realized that I admired his courage and strength to be able to pick himself up even after a heart-breaking experience. In fact, I was inspired by him.

"We had conflicts and disagreements. It didn't work out, everyone of them (his girlfriends) initiated the break-up. I didn't put in the effort to pursue and thus eventually we broke up. I was devastated then. But I'm not going to allow myself to be enveloped in self-pity and sorrow. I put all my attention, energy and focus on my passion, that is, bodybuilding. I realized that, whatever effort, time, money, and energy I had put into bodybuilding, it has all paid off handsomely. I could see the results I want to see. With relationship, it is so different. You cannot control the outcome; you cannot control the other person."

He is so right. You cannot control another person or how he will think and behave. You only have control of your-self, this indirectly implies the power you have in your hands. You CHOOSE whether your circumstance controls you or destroy you; else choose a more positive way of reacting and responding to your circumstances.

I didn't tell him this secret which I have been holding in my heart, that I enjoyed his accompany and going out with him, even training together with him at the gym whenever I can find the time to do it.

I asked myself what had made him seem attractive. The answers I got shocked me further.

(1) He inspired me with his insights about life and relationships. In short, he had what I had been seeking and searching - the answers to some of the tough questions about life and relationship.

(2) I found myself wanting to go out with him often. He was confident about his passion and what he was doing. He was independent, had a character, and was not affected by what others think about whether whatever he is doing is right or wrong. In short, he was of a higher vibrational energy than I.

I realize, and I have been sharing this secret with many of my readers - By becoming interested in MYSELF, my partner becomes more interested in me! If you think it is a paradox. IT is! Many relationship challenges and difficulties often start when one of the couples shift his or her center onto another person, and many people do this unknowingly! Understand that your center is HERE, right now, within you; it is your safe haven and most truthworthy antenna. You do NOT have to search for it in another person!

This is one secret which has worked wonders for those who are willing to take the time to chew on it.

Inspire your partner today!

However, don't stop here. Dale Carnegie has taught that "If you want people to become interested in you, you have to become genuinely interested in others!"

Become genuinely interested in YOUR-SELF!

Become genuinely interested in others!

Combine this two, and you might find yourself being swamped with so much attention, you'll have to crack your head to find your own private time.

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"No B.S. Relevation From A Self-Confessed Commitment-Phobic Man"
By Cucan Pemo

I'm going to share with you a short email interview which I had conducted with a man who confessed he was a commitment-phobia. He wanted to know how he can go about restoring and renewing a loving relationship with his "former" lover.

During my initial interactions with him, I suddenly had the "inspiration" to do a short email interview with him in order to understand him and his situation better.

Since he was a self-proclaimed commitment-phobia, whatever he was feeling and going through could help many of our women readers understand the inner world and emotions of their men whom they think are commitment phobias.

I followed my "inner voice" to conduct a short interview with him via email and to my surprise he agreed graciously!

It turned out that this honest, sincere, no b.s. relevation from a man could give you some invaluable insights (whether you are a man or woman) about your own relationship!

NOTE: This is not an "example" or case study taken out from a textbook! This is an interview conducted with a real man and his sincere and truthful answers to my questions would be able to help us and a lot of people out there who ernestly seek to understand and know their committment-phobia partners and who are looking to make things work in their relationship!

Certain portions of the interview are edited to protect the privacy of this reader. Otherwise, his answers to the questions are ALL unedited, raw, and uncensored!

There are powerful lessons and insights to be learnt from just this interview alone even if your partner (man or woman) is not a commitment phobia ... so read on...

1) What do you think are the 3 most difficult issues you
have to face while in your relationship with your woman?

- keeping love alive and not getting too "comfortable"
- merging families (issues with kids)
- finances

2) What can your woman do / say to get you to commit to a long term relationship? What can your woman do or say to get you to agree to engagement?

Convince me that she is still in love with me, that she doesn't have the same feelings for the guy she is dating / dated ...that it was just a casual thing, and that she really and truly does want to commit to only me if I am willing to do the same.

3) If you sincerely, seriously want to reconcile with the love of your life, what can she do or say to make it happen for both of you?

I guess just say that she doesn't want to give up on our relationship ... that she feels, as I do, that we were meant to be together and that there is nothing that can sever the bond of love that we have for each other.

4) Would you be able to commit should your woman agree to return to your side? If "yes", what would you do? If "no", why not?

Yes, I am ready and willing to put away my phobia and ask her for a long-term committment / marriage if that is still what she wants more than anything.

5) What are the 3 most important things you would like your lost lover to know, should you have a chance to pour your heart out to her.

This is a tough one! I guess I would tell her that I still believe within my heart that we always were meant to be together... that I feel totally responsible for our break-up, that I unconsciously pushed her away ... and that I still love her more than anything in the world and want us to fully commit to one another.

3 Powerful lessons to take away from this interview... Let's call this reader Mr X.

1) Our perceptions of reality are often colored and it is YOU who choose what you want to see in your relationship or marriage! If you have a commitment-phobia partner who is driving you "mad", it is useful to understand that during the time or moment when you feel you have an issue with your partner, realize that both of you could possibly be viewing reality on a different level, or what they often say being on a different frequency. That being said, notice what Mr X. says in his first sentence -"I truly do still love my woman and believe that we are meant to be together..." If you are Mr X., don't give up. Show her through your actions that she is wanted!"

2) Everyone of us are always trying to be the best we can be and taking the actions which we feel are best for all. But, we often forget that the very actions we feel are understandable might not be clear to others. Understand that your partner could well be cracking their brains hard to make the relationship work; but with the limited resources they have they might not be doing a good job in your eyes or that they may not be able to do it the way you want it! Whatever actions you want to take, BE the solution instead of seeking solutions from outside of yourself!

3) If you feel that YOU are a carbon copy of Mr X, realize that you could make the same mistake that he has made. Whether you are a man or a woman, what you THINK about your partner is a "premise" upon which your relationship circumstances are built. Whatever frustrations you are experiencing in your relationship or your life, they are likely "proving" and reinforcing something which YOU have thought about! So, if you treasure your loved one, don't take him or her for granted!

How To Hold The Keys To Your Partner's Heart and Mind

By Cucan Pemo

Would you like to possess the power to be able to penetrate into your partner's thoughts and know exactly what he or she wants? Imagine having such jedi-like powers at your fingertips.

Well, you can! If you will learn how to hold the keys to your partner's heart and mind and make him yours forever.

Kenneth Goode is an outstanding figure in advertising and selling and I do recommend his books if you are interested to find out more about him and his teachings.

When I read about his eight insights about people, I can still remember that I'm beaming with excitement as this might hold the formula to understand what your partner will do.

Although Kenneth Goode is speaking to an audience that is supposedly to be interested in selling and advertising (to people), his wisdom and insights about people can help us to understand what people do the things they do, and of course "people" include yourself and your mate.

His eight insights about people are:

(1) Follow a habit until it hurts
(2) Accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home.
(3) Follows his leaders, eyes shut, mouth open.
(4) Work hard to establish superiority in the eyes of his equals.
(5) Find his greatest interest in his own emotional kicks.
(6) Yield to suggestion when properly flattered.
(7) Love low prices and dislike economy.
(8) Glorify the past and discount the future.

Think about how you can use Kenneth Goode's insights to influence your partner. Remember, you cannot change your partner into someone you like to see; you cannot force your another person to become that which you want him or her to become.

Here's an invaluable tip for you. If you are want to influence your partner; if you want to persuade him to do something or to see your point, don't say it out loud or even point it out to him. Try, instead, to make him think that that idea comes from his own.

Why? People always "accept his beliefs ready-made and stick to them until the cows come home".

Most people hate to be told what to do. Most people hate to know that their ideas are wrong. In fact, people hate it even more when you point it out to them.

So, if you want to attract a new mate, make it seem like he or she is the one who wants to be with you!

If you want to bring back a lost love, your first step is to make sure you don't make it seem like you want him or her back. Depending on your relationship or marriage circumstance, most people hate to be told that they should come back to your side. To them, it just spells more trouble.

Make yourself indispensable. If you have a hot temper, find ways to solve this problem. If you are too clingy, find the solutions to do away with your clingy-ness. If you know the mistakes you have done, correct them.

Your partner will find his or her way back to you all without your asking when they "know" that you are someone they would want to spend their life with afterall.

Kenneth Goode's insights have been very helpful to me so far. I now understand that there are certain things we cannot change about people, because that is the way people are! If you are always finding yourself eveloping in self-pity in a failing relationship, or if you are always finding yourself wanting your partner to behave in certain ways, I hope you understand these insights and apply them to your life and to your relationship because they can liberate you. Many times, it is not your fault afterall.

Wrtie these eight insights down and stick them on your desk where you can see them daily.

I will write more about how these insights can be applied to any types of relationship as and when I have more tips to share with you on this site.

Master these insights, and you can be well on your way to hold the keys to your partner's heart and mind; or rather, anyone's heart and mind.

The Dilemma of Mr. Y - Perception IS Reality

By Cucan Pemo

One of my male friends just fell out of relationship the past week. There was a third party involved and the girl he was involved with ran away with someone else. To make matter worse, this girl was involved with one of his co-workers at his workplace!

Being a hot tempered person by nature, naturally this friend of mine, let's call him Mr Y., was unhappy and angry about his situation. He called me and confided in me. He vowed to take revenge; and in his perception, taking revenge was easy for him, since both himself and the other guy work at the same place.

Shocked, I attempted to persuade him to keep his cool and review his circumstance. Taking revenge is definitely an unwise way to resolve issues!

He was as stubborn as a bull! And no matter how I tried to persuade him to change his mind about taking revenge and doing foolish things, he was determined to carry out his plan. I even got our common pals to try to talk him out of taking revenge and to help him to think clearly about his situation and to be aware of the the disastrous consequences he would be facing in undertaking such foolish actions.

All my pals had no luck either.

I changed my strategies.

I repeatedly pointed out to him that there was no benefit he could gain by undertaking unreasonable and foolish actions against the other guy.

I listed all the disadvantages of him taking unreasonable actions against his co-worker. He was clearly at a disadvantage. Whatever he was planning and going to do was not going to put him in a good light; and would only deepen the misunderstanding between himself and his girlfriend.

I tried to make him see the bigger picture of how his way of handling personal issues will affect his company and the people around him.

I even tried to "threaten" him pointing out to him the scenario that he would likely be kicked out of his workplace by his boss for disrupting the harmony in the company.

He turned a deaf ear to all my well-meaning advice.

I couldn't bear to see him fall into his own trap. Being an ardent student of human nature, one day, after some careful thoughts, I text him a message, saying, "If you can forgive and forget, you would be a stronger person, and you would be blessed in many, many ways!"

During that night, he gave me a call, saying that my message came to him just in time. He was about to confront his co-worker when he received my message.

That message striked a chord in him. He kept his cool and didn't carry out his plan for revenge.

You see, his perception IS reality.

He couldn't talk himself out of dropping his plan for revenge not because he didn't want to; he tried, but because he couldn't make himself feel good if he did so.

The strategies both myself and our pals were using previously had all been based on 'fear' and 'threat', trying to make him see the disadvantages of his actions, and how his actions could get himself into trouble, giving his other co-workers very bad impression, losing his job, losing his girlfriend, disrupting the harmony at his workplace, and such likes. All of these couldn't make him change his mind. Instead, it made him even more determined to carry out his 'revenge'.

So, what made him change his mind? The key lies in the sentence "you would be a stronger person".

Finally, he could see himself in a more positive light, and he managed to convince himself that he was, afterall, a stronger person by not taking any foolish or unreasonable actions against his co-worker.

And, how can this little episode relate to your own relationship circumstance?

Have you been wondering whether you should tell your mate that you have changed for the better?

Have you thought that you have done a lot and yet you are still not satisfied with your relationship circumstance or how your partner is behaving towards you?

Have you been using manipulative measures, 'fear' or 'threat' strategies, without even realizing it?

Have you thought that you have done your best and yet you wonder why your partner has not changed a single bit?

Remember this, your partner's or your spouse's perception IS Reality.

Their dissatisfaction (or satisfaction) with their relationship with you was related to their perception of how they were being treated by you - their mate.

Take note that I said their perception of how they were treated and not how they were treated. This is very important. It means that in some, maybe many of those cases, you may have worked very hard and thought that you have done your very best to treat your partner well, perhaps even actually treated them fairly.

However, what you did is not the issue. It is how your partner or spouse perceived what you did that counts.

What He Wants Could Be What They All Want

By Cucan Pemo

I had a heated argument with my partner the other day. He had to do an important presentation for his company the next day; but had delayed preparing and finishing up his presentation early until the day before the actual presentation.

Subsequently, he didn't do well for his presentation, and was criticized by his superior. He came back with a bad mood and when he gave me a call; there was anger, disappointment and frustration in his voice. He was shouting and wailing at the same time. We ended up having a heated argument over the phone. I felt that he deserved what he had gone through, since he was not capable of organizing himself and his schedule to finish up his report and presentation early. He was so mad at me that he didn't talk to me for over a week!

I was upset over this incident. It was not my intention to damage our relationship over such a small matter. It was then I realized I had violated one of the most important basic needs of any humans. Most, if not all, people need to be right. I had made him wrong for being so incapable by scolding him.

Over the past weekend, he called me again. It happened that he had some conflicts with one of his co-worker, who had been giving him some problems during work. As usual, he began to vent his frustrations over the phone. Having realized the mistake I had made previously, this time, instead of emphazing how his hot-temperedness and impatience must have provoked his co-worker, I stressed how sorry I was to hear about his bad day at work. There was an immediate change in his attitude; and he became a lot clamer during our short conversation.

I let him be right, which was what he wanted. He let me have a peaceful time with him, which is what I had wanted.

Your tip for the day: People need to be right.

An Important Realization To Apply To Any Kinds of Human Relationships

By Cucan Pemo

Have you always wondered why do kids resist their parents even though they have their interests at heart? This happens to me when I am young. I find that I am attracted towards my friends and buddies in schools than towards my mentors, teachers or even my parents.

I never really explored the reasons why, until recently, and this important realization can be applied to any kinds of human relationships. Years of being in a relationship with my partner has made me realized that more often than not, my reality is not HIS reality (the same goes to men). Conflicts, arguments, quarrrels, misunderstanding and disagreements often come about if neither party in a couple relationship understand this. Now, what can we do to understand, or even, to get into his/her reality?

Everyone of us, whether you are a man or woman, need to feel genuinely needed and understood. I find that I can create a better relationship with my mate just by creating a sense that he (she) is being understood, by echoing his thoughts back to him! Yes, you may disagree with your partner's beliefs and thoughts; but always remember this. His/Her reality is NOT your reality at times, many times! When my partner learn I think just like he does he feel validated and soon attraction and connection begin to develop.

Kids are very often attracted to particular groups of friends; and these are not just any kinds of friends. These are friends who truly understand them and accept them for who they are. They satisfied their most precious need, the need to feel validated and needed. If you realize your kids, or even your partner, has changed or transformed drastically in his lifestyle or even his character, loves to hang out with some particular groups of people, or even suddenly abandoning a particular way of life for another, the reason is often nothing more than the person finally felt being noticed and accepted for who he is.

This need is what made us feel normal, and human.

If you have problems making a connection with your partner, or even reading his/her mind, understand that you don't have to be a psychic for doing so. The secret is to learn the art of paying highly focused attention to the other person. This is the secret shared by many writers or speakers who often have to speak on stage to large groups of audience. They are able to create the sense that their audience is understood by echoing their thoughts back to them!

I once attended a seminar where the speaker shared with us his secret of success on stage and how he had been able to capture the attention of so many people quickly and certainly. He said, "Ask them what they want you to tell them; and tell them what they have told you!"

If you cannot get "into" their reality (and get this, it is not necessary to do so even though being able to do so is definitely an advantage to you), realize that nothing is more compelling to a person than having someone totally focused on and intently listening to them.

We can't resist the people who are really "into" us! We can't help it. What most of us want is to feel needed and validated!

Your tip for the day: People need to feel genuinely needed and understood.

"How To Get Rid of Your Stale Relationship Once and For All!"

By Cucan Pemo

Is your relationship or marriage going downhill?

When you discover that your relationship has become stale
and you always find it boring to even hang out with the love
of your life, it is a sure sign that you need to do
something about your relationship. Do not be depressed about
your relationship circumstances or marriage situation. Try
apply the following strategies to rekindle the passion in
the relationship. These strategies can be so powerful and
quick-acting that you would be amazed at the sudden, happy
results they unfailingly bring to your love problems.

1) There are couples who have reached the stage of "even if
there is no communication, but we have reached a stage of
mutual understanding and appreciation of each other's
presence". Be aware! This does not guarantee that your
relationship or marriage would be long lasting! Many of my
readers have had such experiences. All along they have been
thinking that their relationship life is so smooth going and
obstacles-free, and when one day their lover come up to them
and tell them they want to leave the relationship, they got
the big shock of their life . Your relationship needs to be
attended to every now and then, no matter how easy going and
brilliant everything seems to be at the moment.

As we surf through life, we are going to learn the lessons
life is going to throw at each and every one of us,
including yourself and your partner. No one can guarantee
that the thoughts that you are holding dear and true to
yourself (or even to your partner), will be the same the
next day. This is how we will grow, develop and improve. It
is normal that you have disagreements with each other once
in a while. In fact, it is healthy; and it can help you to
develop more understanding towards your partner. If you are
constantly having negative feelings about yourself, your
partner or even your own relationship circumstance. Remember
this fact, which has often been overlooked. Negative and
unhappy feelings are caused by us, not by exterior
happenings. Your life circumstance and events present the
challenge, but it is YOU who react to it. What you need to
do is to work on the ways you handle things and take things,
NOT to the things themselves.

2) In order to rekindle the passion and harmony in your
relationship, returning it to the way it once is, you have
to learn how to regain your natural and spontaneous feeling
for life. Break focus. Concentrate not on your relationship
or marriage problems, but on becoming the solution. Your
solution is often not how HE/SHE has changed, will change
into, or is going to change into. The solution is YOU. If
you are sad about your relationship, what most of you would
normally do is to immediately take yourself as the feeling
(of sadness). You think you are this "feeling", which you
are not. And you would find yourself tend to double the
mistake by telling yourself, "I am unhappy. I am sad." The
more you say it, the sadder you feel; the sadder you feel,
the more you'll say it. There, you have a vicious cycle.

3) Recall when you go for your first date, you are bubbling
with excitement and much anticipation. I know how it feels.
It happens to me. I love that feeling, of initially falling
in love. As you go for more dates, and you understand each
other more and more, your anxiety and doubts about the
relationship will reside.

You want to see more of each other. You have a strong
interest in developing this relationship and love further.
You do everything you can to nurture it, and make sure that
it grows. When you have finally succeeded in settling down
with the love of your life, your wish of wanting to keep
nourishing and nurturing this relationship subside. When you
are starting to have this type of feeling, you have to not
take things for granted. Taking your relationship for
granted is often a sure way of growing your relationship
problems. Put some heart and thoughts about bringing some
excitement and life into your relationship.

Always bear in mind, there is never an end to how far and
how much you can grow and develop your love and relationship
for each other.

4) Drop your unrealistic expectations of the other person.
True Love is not craving or attachment. When there is
craving involved, it is not genuine love. It is a secret
wish to flee from your unwanted self into the other person.
I have readers who have such strong cravings for another
person that they suffer the torment of missing him/her
whenever they are not around. Why suffer? Try to understand
that this is all unrealistic imagination of the other
person, whoever they are .

It is your egoistic mind painting a false image of him/her.
He (Her) is attractive, very likely because they represent a
need in you which you may or may not be aware of - all those
good qualities such as strength, perseverance,
determination, truthfulness, loyalty, etc. But such
qualities are not a reality in the other person. You can
view this person differently. Choose to view that person in
this way. You'll be surprised at the result you'll get, just
like myself. Whenever my partner is not behaving or reacting
in the way I (secretly) want to see and feel, I just remind
myself that I can view this person differently. He (She) has
not changed. I have.

5) Understand that there are different types of
relationships existing in this world. Your love for each
other could be similar to that of mother-child, or it could
mirror that of a brother-sister relationship. Whatever it
is, if one party is too protective of the other person, and
the other person is not reciprocating appropriately,
pressure will start to occur; misunderstanding would ensue.
Consciously work on the balance in your relationship. If
your mate has been loving to you, show your love or show
your appreciation for him/her. If your partner is busy, keep
yourself busy.

When your relationship problems start to overwhelm you, slow
down, take a deep, deep pause. Tell yourself there is
another way to live. It does exist. Thought elusive, it is
always there. You can be happy and clam always. Welcome the
obstacles and problems in your relationship life. They will
eventually awaken you to the very life you seek.

The understanding of your sadness and unhappiness will lead
you onto the path to true awakening. You cannot become happy
by changing your exterior happenings. It is true. You cannot
improve your handwriting just by changing a new pen. When
trying to solve your relationship or love problems, choose
to react to every situations constructively. It is useful to
remember this. Take note of it. I pin it in front of me so
that I will always be reminded of the truth, each and
everyday "You feel good not because your relationship life
is right; but your relationship life is right because you
feel good!"

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"If There Is Truly 'Love At First Sight', Why does YourLover Strays?"

By Cucan Pemo

When your relationship or marriage is going downhill, you
have to learn to take time to pause, ponder over your
relationship circumstance, and look for solution instead of
mistakes.

Whatever you do, focus on holding tight to your partner's
hand, so that he or she will not be beaten by the
destructive forces that are coming their way and hurting the
relationship.

It is well for us to understand that genuine love is not a
simple, definite feeling that can be easily comprehended and
controlled.

It is a delicate compound of many of our most powerful
tendencies and emotions. To love is not a simple or
voluntary act; it is a life of spontaneous, complex and
continuous activities.

True love between man and woman may manifest itself
suddenly, forcefully and almost simultaneously in the
consciousness of each. There is no doubt that many couples
mutually "fall in love at first sight." On the other hand,
genuine love may be a matter of slow growth, requiring
months to unfold and years to mature.

Some of the most delightful marriage unions known have
resulted from a slowly developing love. Some persons are
very susceptible to the charms of physical beauty or to the
attractions of character, and immediately surrender to them
when opportunity offers.

Others are slow to receive impressions, distrustful or
appearances and cautious in all that pertains to so
important a matter.

Many relationship cases of "love at first sight", with
almost an immediate marriage, have proven entirely
harmonious; but such spontaneous and rapid alliances are
comparatively rare, and more rarely satisfactory.

As a rule, it is much wiser for young couples, even though
they may feel irresistibly drawn toward each other, to meet
many times under various circumstances before concluding
that they are really so completely in love with each other
as to marry.

Frequent meetings, with opportunities for a careful study of
each other's tastes and peculiarities, the inevitable
friction of mind with mind in repeated conversations, and
such disclosures of principles, desires and habits as will
inevitably result from repeated association and increased
knowledge of each other's ambitions and deepest longings.

For myself, the occasional accidental or prearranged
meetings with my partner and long time friend, when are
deeply interested in each other and dreaming of love - the
walks and rides taken together, the public gatherings
attended in each other's company - all contribute not only
to an increased knowledge of each other's character, but
also tend to harmonize and blend our tastes, principles,
purposes.

When things went wrong, I often asked myself, "What exactly
happened when he strays? What exactly contributed to our
conflicts when everything seemed to be going so well for us?
What had I done to allow another person to come into our
lives so easily and quickly??"

I've come to a conclusion.

And my discoveries could well give you some insights which
you can adopt and adapt to your own relationship
circumstances.

I've discovered I myself cannot help but be attracted to
another person who can confirm my doubts, fears and
suspicions.

In fact, if there is one other person who can grab my
attention and remove my focus away from my mate, this WILL
be a person who knows this unusual and little known secret.

You do not need to take a great deal of time to understand
this secret. In fact, it has often been used by leaders who
can persuade and motivate large masses of people. It could
also have been used by one of your closest friends, on YOU!

Now, think about this, in your daily life, are you saying
all of these or behaving in these ways during your
interaction with your partner/spouse:

~ When your mate claims that he (she) is tired, instead of
assessing the situation, do you immediately and impatiently
blame him/her for being lazy or inconsiderate?

~ When your mate expresses his/her fear of giving that big
presentation for the company the next day, do you ask
him/her to just get over it and work hard on polishing the
speech tonight?

~ When your partner complains to you about the unfair
treatment he/she is receiving from the vendor from whom he
has bought his ipod, do you say "serves you right for not
listening to my advice about buying from that vendor", or,
do you say "well, he needs to do business", and then you
proceed to give him some "moral" lessons which he can take
away with him tonight?

I certainly have made all these mistakes.

By dismissing my partner's feelings, doubts, fears or even
suspicions, I leave myself (and my partner) vulnerable to my
rivals who knowingly (or unknowingly) are able to make use
of these simple principles.

Many parents too have made this mistake with their children,
perhaps unknowingly. I remembered when I told my mother that
"I'm scared of the test tomorrow"; she gave me a scolding,
for not working hard for my test earlier. "You wouldn't feel
unprepared and fearful if you had done your work!" was all
she could say.

Naturally, I found myself listening more to my friends and
classmates than to her. If I confided in my friends with the
same statement, they would tell me, "Look. It won't be easy.
I'm not well prepared too. But, WE can do something about
it!"

If you take some time to think about it, it wouldn't be
difficult to understand why I would listen more to my
friends than to my parents. I got the feeling "hey, we are
on the same boat! YOU are the only one who understands me
(my feelings!)"

My friends have more power over me than my parents. And all
the while my parents are puzzled why "I'm so disobedient!"

This also explains why people leave long term relationships
and marriages for another person who are able to "understand
them" better than their current partners!

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"Women! How To Bring Back An Ex Who Is Cheating On You?"
By Cucan Pemo

You have recently found out that the man you love is cheating on you. The word cheating doesn’t always mean the act of having sex, but it could be a dependency on seeing another woman, the need to hear her voice, a need to please her. So, you have caught him in the act of cheating on you, and now you want to bring him back into your life. Can you really learn to forgive him for straying from your heart? This is a tough question only few women are going to be able to answer truthfully.

You can bring back the man who is cheating on you, no matter how far the cheating has went, and no matter how bad the hurt is really inside your heart. The trick to bringing back a man is to think back to a point in your life together, that will show you what he loves the most. Does he have to be babied all the time? Does he want supper on the table at a certain hour?

Does your ex feel that he should be making the money in the home? On the other hand, perhaps you have always given your complete attention to this man? While you want to bring back the man you love, and change his ways there are a few things you will have to change as well to bring him back and keep him. You can be sneaky or just outright changed, but it will depend on how much you want this man back in your life.

What Should You Do To Keep The Relationship?

You can be sneaky about the attack. If you feel certain you love this man, and you want him back find out where he will be and when he will be there as often as you can. Make it a point to be in the same places, and at the same parties. Get your hair done, your nails done, and be fun loving self. Talk to everyone in the room but him the entire night so he feels your presence but not your attention. As you are getting ready to leave for the night, be sure to say hello, and nothing more to your ex, but it is important to do it with a smile.

After a few ‘run ins’ like this on several different occasions you are going to be on his mind all the time which will lead him to want you more and more, until he calls you. The only way this sneaky method is going to work is if you are able to act as if nothing bothers you, avoid the fact he cheating, don’t talk about it with others in the room and more importantly don’t embarrass either of you by saying anything in public. Build his awareness of your creative sexiness, and availability without giving him the satisfaction of seeing you mope around. Be fun, loving, and sexy with every one in the room, as you make him notice you are a woman who can get by without him. Most men feel the urge to be in a woman’s life when they realize they are not needed, as strange as it may seem.

How Do You Decide It is Time To Leave The Relationship

The pain you feel every time you see your ex, no matter how much you love him is going to help you determine if it is time to leave him. If you feel you, need him back only because he left you, or that because his heart is not following yours own, it could be time to leave the cheater behind?

The pain you feel because you love a person, unconditionally is different from the pain you feel because you have been ‘dissed’. How can you tell the difference? If you feel angry because he is cheating, you are not truly missing him. If you want to hurt him, you are not truly in love with him. If you miss how he holds you, talks with you, or you miss how you spend time together just being together; you miss him and should think about taking the cheater back.

Should You Give Him A Chance?

The decision to let him go is going to be one that is difficult to make, but you can make it on your own. The feelings of anger, and embarrassment are going to be two feelings that are difficult to overcome. These feelings are going to put a roadblock in the relationship forever, as you can never rebuild the trust while these feelings are present. If you can’t get passed the anger, and the feeling of abandonment, you should leave him where he is with someone else. If you feel confident in yourself, and in your abilities to get by without the man, but you miss him in your life you should try to get him back.

The only real reason to give a man, who has cheated on you in some or in any manner, is going to be based on the fact of love, and not a need. If you need him to care for the children, if you need him to pay the bills, or if you need him for other materialistic things, you should leave him be, no matter how hard it is. If you want the man in your life, just because of the love, you have shared, and the memories you have built together, you should track him down and make him yours again.

Being together, as a couple for love no matter what else, is reason enough to track the man down and give him another chance – but overall you are going to have to sit back and do some serious thinking about the relationship before taking that leap. Find the difference between the need and the want and you will be able to confront yourself, making a solid choice for your life and the cheating man

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"Dealing With A Cold And Distanced Man: What To Do If HE Is Shutting Down?"
By Cucan Pemo

A couple, as man and woman, will share feelings and each other constantly during a relationship. Often times a man can become self centered, distant and uninterested in what you do or how you are. The man who is distant can make a woman feel uneasy about herself, un-needed, unwanted and often times self conscience as you second guess what you are doing all the time.

So why is your man shutting down emotionally and pushing you further from the relationship than you are comfortable with? You will notice the difference right away, as he doesn’t hold your hand, as he isn’t calling you often, and even moments where he is not looking at you but past you while you are out on the town. The man needs to feel as if he is the center of attention. This doesn’t mean you have to become his love slave, or be at his beck and call, but you have to learn to make the man feel as if he is the center of your universe using your actions and reactions to the relationship.

The main reason men shut women out and become distant is because they are afraid.

Yes, the reason may surprise you but it is a well known fact that men who are afraid of becoming too dependent, too needy will push a woman back and put some distance between the two of you. A man can feel as if he loves you, but at the same time, is afraid of the commitment, afraid of becoming needed and wanted, where you will expect more of the relationship. The man who is afraid of a relationship is going to put some amount of emotional distance in the relationship, and this will be the distance you feel.

Another reason men put distance in the relationship is because they feel overwhelmed by need

What many women are surprised about, and no man is going to admit, is they will become distant in a relationship because they feel too needed, and you or the family is too demanding. A man must feel a little freedom in his life, where he feels important and able to be himself with out always doing something for you or because of you. While it is hard to change, you can cut the distance in your relationship by helping your man feel a little more freedom and at ease in his life.

The cure is easy for the distance in a relationship such as this; allow his to enjoy his life. As a man enjoys his life, he will find he also needs you there to share in his joys, and accomplishments. The added freedom could be that he loves watching football, or loves being at the baseball field, or that he loves coaching youth teams. Giving him the time to enjoy his own past times and hobbies is going to give him the freedom in his life that every man needs. He will ultimately feel good about himself, and where he is in life, and in turn will want to share more with you, and be closer to you because of it.

Think about the many things you do, say and how you ‘are’ that may lead to your man being distant emotionally. Are you putting too much pressure on the relationship as you say you ‘love him’ all the time, or that you ‘need him’ all the time. You, as the woman, need to back off on the telling him all the emotions in your life, and focus only on showing him how much you love him. Showing a person, a man, how much you love him is going to be much more valuable in the relationship than actually saying it aloud all the time.

For example, if he is leaving a business trip for a few days, show him you love him by putting something in his suitcase that will remind him of you while he is away. Just a little note, with a heart, and no words, no written message, just the hidden message of your love he will find at a later date. Calling your man and telling him you love him every five hours while he is away is going to put pressure on the relationship he may not need, want, or have the time to tend to while he is away on business.

So, what can you do to keep the relationship alive?

Keeping the relationship alive is going to be much easier than you might have thought before. As a woman, you are constantly working and tending to the needs of your relationship. To keep the relationship alive you want to show the man how you feel instead of saying it aloud all the time. Make him coffee in the morning, or make his lunch before he leaves every day, your actions speak louder than words in many cases.

Keep the relationship alive by taking the time to make his favorite meal, or do your hair in the way he loves most. Keep the relationship alive by putting on sexy perfume even when you are sitting around the house. A man needs to feel you love him, but without having to hear it all the time.

Understanding Addictions In Relationship:What To Do If Your Partner Is An Alcoholic Addict?
By Cucan Pemo

There is no relationship that can breed more frustration and unhappiness than a relationship where one of the partners is an alcoholic. Such a relationship will be marked by constant arguments, financial turmoil, emotional blackmail and even physical abuse. It is a relationship where one partner is always at the receiving end, and lives on the hope that the addict will kick the habit one day.

What to expect in such relationships

These relationships can only bring unhappiness. There is bound to be loneliness, despair, and at times rage at what the addict is doing. There will also be constant confrontations. But these confrontations instead of driving the couple apart, often unite them.

This happens because of the helplessness displayed by addicts. The addicts break down at such confrontations pleading helplessness and beg support. They also make promises of moving away from the addiction, and never to hit the bottle again. It is this helplessness that pushes the other partner to provide the necessary emotional support. Unfortunately, this cycle of support-confrontation-support keeps getting vicious and vicious only.

Why can’t individuals break out of such cycles

Most would think that there is enough reason for a suffering mate to walk out of such a relationship. But this does not always happen. The partners invariably find a reason to stay on. This may be on account of fear of a future without financial security, an obsessive love for the mate, a fear of public disapproval or the need to keep the family together.

Sometimes the partners convince themselves that without them the addict will die. They therefore avoid doing anything that may hurt the addict. Some even convince themselves, that they alone can help the addict give up the bottle.

Whatever the reason, the partners convince themselves that they need to stay on, and that everything will be fine one day. The addicts make full use of such prevarication, and indulge in more emotional blackmail, and subtle arm-twisting.

How to identify if you are such a person

You are in danger of entering into such a relationship if you show the following characteristics:

You refuse to end the relationship even though you know that the relationship is bad for you, your career and your personal life.
You find reasons for sustaining the relationship even though you know that your logic is convoluted.
The thought of breaking the relationship throws you in a state of confusion, even panic, and you cling on, even more strongly, to it.
You suffer physical discomfort when you try to move to a place where your mate can’t reach you, and you yearn to get back to him.

What should you do to save the relationship

You first need to strengthen yourself. In this quest, you should not allow your morals or principles to weaken your resolve. Be ruthless in dealing with the addict. Treat addiction as a disease that needs to be cured. Don’t give in to emotional blackmail because then you will only end up feeding the disease.

Look upon yourself as an equal partner in the relationship. Don’t be manipulated into believing that you are the rescuer or a victim of an unfortunate relationship. Let the addict know that you have no desire to become a martyr for his cause. You must make sure that you do not accept the lies offered by the addict. As any psychologist will tell you, addicts are very adept at coming up with explanations that sound very convincing. This is how they delude themselves into continuing with their addiction, and forcing their loved ones into becoming unwitting partners in their addiction game.

You need to find a support group that understands your pains and sorrows, and can also help you overcome them. You will realize that you were blundering in a maze in your effort to salvage the relationship. The support group will show you the path to come out of the emotional maze that your subconscious mind has built, and also give you the strength to take that path.

You should even consider getting professional help. This may sound shocking to you initially because it is not you but your addict mate who needs professional help. But counseling can come in very useful in such a situation. It will give you the necessary emotional and mental strength to tackle the relationship blues.

Don’t stumble from crisis to crisis

You must give yourself sufficient time to either salvage the relationship or get out of it. Don’t become a slave of the addict because it will only suck you deeper and deeper into a world of unhappiness.

If you realize that you can’t change your mate then you must walk out of the relationship, however painful your action may be. You should feel no guilt or remorse because you gave the relationship the best shot possible. Thus, before you make your final decision, make sure you have tried all possible methods and ways to remedy the situation.

Now it is time for you to rebuild your life.

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Experiential exercises you can do everyday andwhich will teach you how to love intimately

~ Cucan Pemo

Few people realize the power of experiential exercises. Fewer still know how to make full use of them. But those who do are able to unlock the reservoirs of positive energy present in their body. They feel healthier in body, in mind, and in soul. They are able to drive negative thoughts and negativity from their minds and their surroundings.

Most important, they radiate positive energy when they reach out to others, energy that helps them build stronger and more intimate relationships. There is a spring and bounce in their steps; they do not get depressed easily; and they learn to enjoy life much more than others.

Experiential workshops

There are several groups that hold week or month-long experiential workshops where they teach breathing and body exercises. Most of these are group exercises, and an individual is required to follow the group leader or the trainer. Some of these workshops are residential, where the participants are provided healthy food to cleanse their systems of toxins. The experience invariably is explosive; participants go in as tired, stressed out individuals but come out full of energy.

The exercises are backed by healing sessions which are aimed to dissolve fears, guilt and shame about sex. Most of the messages are conveyed through movement, music, creative art, breathing exercises hypnotherapy, and meditation. There is a feeling of intimacy and playful sharing. Individuals not only get to know their bodies better but how to use it to derive greater pleasure.

Breathing exercises and meditation

The object of breathing exercises and meditation is to drive out toxins and negative feelings from the body and generate positive energy. Both perform this task in their own way. The breathing exercises drive out carbon dioxide from the body, and replace it with oxygen. The cells, which were battling with carbon dioxide earlier, get a flood of oxygen to breathe. They get energized and the chemical reactions occurring in them get a new life; they generate more energy that make individuals feel all charged up, alert, energetic and raring to go.

Meditation, on the other hand, relaxes the body muscles and removes stress. It also drives away negative thoughts and forces individuals to focus on positive images. An individual feels relaxed and content. He finds it easier to deal with partners, and the day to day stresses and strains of life. He does not get worked up, and enjoys whatever he does.

His love life improves because he can bring much more to the relationship. There is greater intimacy, and there is greater give and take. The individual is not in a hurry; he wants to cherish each moment of his love life.

The soft touches

The teachers of experiential exercises encourage soft touches or activities that touch the senses. That is why the experiential exercises are conducted against a background of soft music, which is all the time washing against the bodies of participants, cleansing them, touching emotional chords, making them feel better.

The participants are also asked to draw. This is a great way for the unconscious mind to express itself. The trainer gets a chance to see the individual’s inner feelings, the thoughts that first come to participant’s mind. It’s another way to purge negative thoughts by making the individual aware of what his subconscious mind is thinking.

Self-acceptance

Experiential exercises train us in self-acceptance. They make us realize that a healthy body is the gateway to a healthy mind, and a healthy soul. They make us accept ourselves as we are, and turn us into better human beings. This, in itself, is a great achievement. Our lives improve several-fold the day we learn to be at peace with ourselves.

But all this will not happen in an instant. It takes years of training to move from the physical to the spiritual level. Individuals need to be patient. They must understand that they need to cleanse their body and mind of all negativity – which means thoughts and acts pertaining to pain, violence, jealousy, hate, anger, dislike etc – before they can move to a higher level.

This should not, however, dampen their enthusiasm. Instead they should celebrate the coming together of body, heart and soul. They will find that they are better able to internalize the pleasures of love. They can reach out to their partners more fully, and bring more fulfillment to their sexual lives.

The union of bodies will not generate any feelings of shame or guilt because the experiential exercises would have purged these feelings. There is more joy, and more intimacy in each union.

So, if you have not felt the power of experiential exercises till now you should try to do so. It is an activity that has the potential to change your life -- forever.

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Growing up: Wounds and Traumas that happened to you that will draw unhealthy relationships to yourself

~ Cucan Pemo

Relationships are like physical magnets. That is why you find that most people who enter into a relationship are alike. This also applies to children who have been abused during their childhood. They somehow attract other adults who have had similar experience.

However, very few of these relationships tend to be stable. People who have had a traumatic childhood need more mature partners. They don’t need partners who are emotionally and mentally scarred. Unfortunately, as the Law of Attraction states, they continue to attract partners who are like them.

Kinds of child abuse

However, before examining relationships between adults who have had a traumatic childhood it is important to understand the different kinds of child abuse. Psychologists recognize four clear acts of abuse. These are:

Physical abuse: This happens when children are repeatedly beaten by hands, fists, sticks etc for small misdemeanors. Physical abuse may leave permanent scars, both physical and emotional.
Sexual acts: This happens when children are forced to touch private parts or are made to commit unnatural acts. Most children end up getting confused, and feeling dirty and unhealthy.
Emotional abuse: In this case the child is deprived love, affection or acceptance within the family. Instead the child may is constantly shouted at, criticized, ridiculed and verbally abused.
Neglect: This happens when a child is deprived of proper food, warmth, shelter, clothing etc. The child then hungers for material and emotional comforts and may grow up to have an unhealthy affinity for physical needs.

The unfortunate thing is that most acts of child abuse are either committed by parents, elder brothers, sisters, stepfathers, stepmothers, babysitters or by people who form the immediate family. In very rare cases a child will suffer at the hands of an outsider.

The result is that the child does not grow up into a healthy individual. Deep within this individual is a child who feels threatened and abused all the time. The individual is like a split personality, normal on the surface but irrational inside.

The behavior of these individuals also tends to be unpredictable. They will behave normally most of the time. But there will be times when they may turn violent, abusive, and aggressive. They are unable to relate with any individual for long periods of time. Even when they enter into a relationship they enter hesitantly. They are always worried of getting into one more unhappy relationship.

If possible, they would like to find someone who can give them solace; erase their painful memories, and make them live normally. But where can they find such partners? Their subconscious mind keeps telling them to be on guard; and not to enter into another bruising relationship. That is why most of their relationships are brief and unnatural.

Children of divorced families

We should also not forget children whose parents break up during their growing years. These children may not suffer from any direct abuse but emotionally they are shattered. The effect is especially noticeable among those children who have seen their parents inflict physical and emotional wounds upon each other. Such children tend to slip into depression, become unnaturally quiet and withdrawn or turn into bullies.

They too, when they become adults, get attracted to men and women who come from divorced families. Many of them would not like their partners to go through the same private hell as their parents did. But the insecurity of the past does not leave them untouched. Many of them end up going through similar motions, sooner than later.

Can counseling help

The experience is especially nightmarish for those individuals who happen to have suffered similar abuse during childhood. They may be initially attracted to each other when they first share their experiences. They may get a feeling that they have finally found someone who can relate to them. But this euphoria is short-lived. It is not long before they start getting into each other’s way, and start blaming each other for their troubles. The anger and hurt may even be passed onto unsuspecting children. It is like a vicious cycle, a story of pain without end.

What is needed is mature counseling, and the willingness to change. The counseling is especially helpful in those cases where both the partners seek it together. They then find one more reason to hold onto each other. Otherwise, victims of child abuse, who did not get proper counseling when they were children, continue to live like the proverbial bull in the china shop hurting themselves and everyone around them.

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How to draw genuine love to you using the Law of Attraction

By Cucan Pemo

The Law of Attraction is one of the most powerful laws in the universe. According to it like attracts like. That is why creatures of the same kind attract each other. Wherever there is one ant, you will find many more; wherever there is one farmer you will find several farmers; wherever there is a lone sheep or cow you will find a herd. We all know that wolves hunt in groups; and fish swim in packs. But have we tried to find out why?

We never analyze how we make friends or companions. But if we do we will find that our friends are like us in most ways. They share the same values, the same lifestyles, the same ideas, and the same goals. This is what the Law of Attraction does; it brings all those things together that are alike.

True love

Most successful marriages are those where the man and woman are alike. The marriages where men and women have different tastes, different likes and different interests don’t last long. They fall apart. The apparent reasons for these marriages falling apart may be stress, workplace pressure or extra-marital affairs, but the base reason is always the same. The union in the first place was of two people who were not alike. They came together against the Law of Attraction. That is why they could not stay together even though they were bound by vows of holy matrimony.

In contrast, two individuals who are alike continue to live together as man and woman under the same roof even if they are not married. The society may frown on such relationships but it cannot force such couples to part ways. They have been brought together by the Law of Attraction. Theirs is not a relationship of convenience; theirs is a relationship based on shared values, shared likes and shared goals. This is what true love is. It is the joining of two hearts, two minds and two bodies that are alike.

How to draw true love

True love takes shape without our knowledge. In fact, have we ever stopped and wondered why we are attracted to a particular girl or a particular boy? There may be ten girls in a class of 25. How is it that we are attracted to one girl alone? How is it that we continue to come closer to that girl only, and not to other girls who may be equally pretty?

The first reaction of any such couple is that they are alike. Great. But how did they find each other? They were lucky; of course. They happened to be in the same class, is what they will tell you. But what about millions of other couples? Some met on a road, some in a train, some at a local dance, some in the church. But all bonded together. How?

This is where true love comes in. You don’t have to find true love; it finds you. You only have to recognize it. On first reading, it may sound bizarre. But the reality is that our thoughts are not limited to our mind. They are like waves of energy that keep radiating from our minds. When this energy collides with similar energy radiating from another mind, true love springs up. This is what we call a meeting of minds.

Love and lust

It is also love at first sight. However, for this love to blossom and bloom it has to go past physical lust. Often, the physical desire blocks the thoughts that our minds are radiating. We are so obsessed with each other that our minds refuse to tune in to each other’s thoughts. Such relationships, even when they get converted into marriage, are unlikely to last long.

That is why dating is so useful. It gives couples sufficient time to listen to each other’s unspoken thoughts. Their minds either continue to come closer or move apart. That is why we say that at times young couples have a mind of their own. They may be heartbroken if such relationships break. But their grief would only be temporary. The heartbreak would be much worse if the couples don’t listen to their inner mind, and hope that they can change their partners once they get married. It will never happen..

Healthy relationships

The Law of Attraction is not limited to the world of love alone. It operates in the professional and the social world too. It is this law that brings two individuals together to forge a successful business partnership. It is also this law that brings two thieves or two crooks together – because their minds radiate the same thoughts.

Everything would be so simple if this law worked properly. Individuals who shared the same likes would live together; individuals who shared different viewpoints would live in their own world. But this does not happen. How often do we read in newspapers of a good man destroyed by a trusted colleague? How often we share tales of a rich man lured by a shark?

This happens when we switch off our mental antennas or when we close our minds to negative thoughts. We get blinded by our desires. There is no meeting of minds but a meeting of interests. When this happens we are bound to lose. This is where good men go astray.

That is why it is important to build social or professional relationships with an open mind. If you get a feeling that everything is not right about a person you have met, you must respect that feeling. Don’t allow monetary interests to overpower your feelings. Avoid that individual before it is too late.

This will allow you to build relationships that are in your interest, relationships that you will cherish – not regret.

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What Does Your Man REALLY Want:
Let's Demystify Men Today!

By Cucan Pemo

If there is one question for which every woman wants an answer is what men want. This question crops up in the mind of every woman be it be a teenager going on her first date; a newly wedded wife getting ready for her husband to return from work; a single woman waiting to find the right man; a divorcee trying to rebuild her life.

This question has been asked by women in the past, and will be asked by women in the future too. It is a question that has no easy answers; with each relationship being completely different from another. The best one can do is to explore seven subjects that form the cornerstone of any relationship between men and women. These subjects hold the key for any woman to understand what men want.

1. Sex

What do men want in sex?

How frequent should be lovemaking?

Should it be passionate?

Should women have sex before marriage?

There is little doubt that most men are obsessed with sex. It is a biological need, and men should not be blamed for wanting sex. However, sex alone cannot build a long lasting relationship. It can bring a couple together but it cannot hold them together beyond a certain point.

What a woman must understand is that a man finds happiness and fulfillment in sex. A woman who is willing to reach out and unite in the act of lovemaking is most likely to win a man than a woman who uses sex as a manipulative tool.

Also, men are not ogres. They don’t go to women looking for sex alone. Most of them don’t want their partners to degrade themselves when making love to them. They would rather like all acts of lovemaking to be complete and fulfilling to both.

Men, in fact, agonize more than women if they are unable to excite their partners. This is because men can be easily aroused whereas it takes longer, and more foreplay in the case of women to get aroused.

There is little doubt that a man would like to take a woman to bed as quickly as possible. But few men want to make love if they find their partners are unwilling. Most of them don’t want to hurt or injure the feelings of a woman with whom they have developed a bonding or are in the process of doing so. Also, no man would insist on sex as a prerequisite to marriage.

Yes, every man has his fantasies about sex, and would like frequent and passionate sex with the woman he loves. One-night stands, as the name suggests, are only flings, not relationships.

2. Companionship

What kind of a companion does a man want?

How should women meet those needs?

Men want women with whom they can share their likes and dislikes, their fears and triumphs, their weaknesses and strengths… They want women who can empathize with their failures and revel in their triumphs.

Women who constantly find faults with their men are unlikely to win their love and respect. Every woman must remember that men are vain by nature. They need pampering, and even mothering. At the same time they need emotional fulfillment.

This does not mean that women have to become sports enthusiasts or political analysts to please their men. They only need to provide space to their men to follow their passions.

3. Homemakers

Should women be great cooks to win acceptance?

Should women alone be expected to keep house?

Is it a woman’s job to rear kids?

Today’s men respect the ambitions of women. They don’t want to relegate their wives to the role of a domestic help. They would like their women to do well in life. However, they would not like this to happen at the cost of their own careers.

Most women must realize that every man wants to be the main breadwinner. His male ego gets hurt if he has to depend on his wife to run the home. He would certainly expect his wife to cook for him on at least three to four days a week. He would also expect women to keep the home clean and well kept. The best that a man is willing to do is to extend a helping hand. But the woman has to be the main homemaker.

4. Emotional support

Should women give advice?

Are men open to points of view given by women?

Once again the male ego is too vain. It is not willing to listen easily to the advice given by better halves. Almost every man goes on the defensive when the woman he loves wants to correct him. He may accept the same advice from another male; but would be very reluctant to do so from a woman.

Women should therefore be careful. They should make men feel they can climbMount Everest, if need be. They must encourage them by constantly telling them how much confidence they have in them. This will bring the best out of every man.

5. Looks matter

Should women doll up for men?

Is a woman’s figure important?

How important is it to dress up especially for men?

Men love beautiful women. They don’t want their woman to look dowdy. This is not only true at the time of dating but even after marriage. Women who allow their figures to slip are likely to loose the interest of their men. This may sound sexist but this is how life is. An attractive woman, who knows how to carry herself, will always turn male heads.

6. Private space

Why do men need time for themselves?

Are they hiding something?

Shouldn’t they share all their thoughts with me?

The best relationships are those where women are willing to wait; where they give time to their men to unwind themselves. They should not rush into their arms the moment they come home, and expect them to unburden themselves. Instead, they should wait for the right time when the man is more ready to share his inner thoughts. Even here, it is important to be patient, and encouraging. Don’t find faults with your man’s thinking; the chances are that he may shut himself off. Each man needs space to sort his thoughts. A woman can help him by being encouraging and understanding.

7. Respect

Do men need more respect than women?

How should a woman behave?

Finally, both men and women need respect if the relationship is to survive. This can only happen if a woman is willing to listen to her man. Also, a woman should respect a man’s interests even though they may be widely different from her. She should allow him necessary space to follow his interests which may be sports, politics or cards.

Women should learn to read between the lines if they want to earn the respect of their men.

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What to Do with a Man who Has Commitment Phobic and How You Can Spot One!
~ Cucan Pemo

There are some men who make women feel very lovable and desirable. They lavish love and gifts on them, and make them feel very special. But when it comes to marriage, they back out. They have a great fear of getting tied to a single woman for life. They run away from the very idea of marriage. Their relationships never have fairytale endings; instead they are littered with heartbreaks.

These men suffer from commitment phobia, a fear of committing themselves to one single woman. However, they don’t hesitate to play the loving game. They go out of their way to make their women feel special. They woo them with all the passion that they can command. But they cool off once the woman talks of marriage.

How to spot a commitment phobe

For any woman it is important to spot commitment phobes – that is men who suffer from commitment phobia -- early in the relationship. This is the only way they can keep their feet firmly on the ground, and not get swept away by the charm offensive launched by such men.

Fortunately, the commitment phobes are very predictable and display several common traits. These are:

1. They have been involved in several relationships in the past, but all of them have been brief. The reason, they will charmingly tell you, is that they are yet to come across a woman of their dreams, someone with whom they can have a lifelong relationship. You are that woman, they will tell you. It is for you to spot the lie or swallow it hook, line and sinker.

2. They would show much more interest in you that you do in them They will follow you, beseech you, please you, woo you – try every trick in the trade to win you over.

They will even drop hints of long and stable relationships; they will talk of “we” and “us” not “I” and “me”.

3. They will make you feel very special. They will shower you with love and affection. They will make you feel their world will come to an end if you spurn them or misunderstand them. You will find it impossible to resist them, unless you realize what is happening.

However, this ardent wooing will be limited to the first phase of the relationship. The relationship will take a different turn the moment you surrender It is not that such men treat women as trophies to be won, and then displayed in their personal museums; but they are driven by contradictory feelings. They neither want to give up a woman nor want to commit themselves to her. It is a psychological disorder. But it can have serious effects both on the relationship, and on you.

You will not realize what has happened to your relationship. The same man, who could not live without you for a moment, will start looking for excuses to stay away from you. You will no longer be the shining light of their lives. The talk of matrimony will freeze them. Your tears may make them unhappy but it will not move them. It wouldn’t be long before you are left only with memories and tears; the commitment phobe would have moved forward to another woman.

Why do they behave like this

You need not search for reasons for the souring of the relationship. You should also not blame yourself for what has happened. You must realize that commitment phobia is an emotional disorder, and you have become a victim of a person suffering from such a disorder.

According to psychologists, the commitment phobes behave like this because they suffer from certain beliefs about relationships. This may happen because:

As a sensitive child, a commitment phobe’s world was torn by a bitter divorce between his parents. He grew up with a feeling that there can be no permanent relationship between a man and a woman. Such a relationship can only bring pain in the long run.
Some commitment phobes cannot reconcile to the death of their father or mother or forget the sadness and grief that overcame their parents when one of them died. They therefore grow up with the feeling of not to enter into permanent relationships – relationships that can bring pain on account of the death of a loved one.
Some commitment phobes may have been betrayed by those whom they loved. This would have created a mindset of never to give in to a woman again.

How to deal with a commitment phobe

You must realize that you have very few chances of winning a commitment phobe. You must therefore play hard to get. You must refuse to get into bed with him for very often this signals the end of a relationship. Let him feel desperate; let him step up his wooing. But don’t give in.

It is important that you continue to live your own life. You should not allow a commitment phobe to set the pace of your life. You should continue dating other men and act as an independent woman who can live her life on her own. Never make the mistake of playing second fiddle to such men or switching to what-a-wife-would-do mode.

You should not drum excuses for his behavior, or try to convince yourself that he is right and you are wrong. In your mind, you should not become his advocate. You must look at his actions, not his words. Words are easy; they can be lavished with freedom. But it is hard to match them with action.

If possible, you should convince him to see a psychologist. There is always a chance that a psychologist may be able to remove the fears that a commitment phobe has about marital relationships. But this cannot happen in an instant. You have to be patient, aand you have to see how the commitment phobe takes your suggestion or the counseling.

Finally, don’t grieve if your relationship breaks down. Take it in your stride. Treat it as a fun fling that was bound to end this way. In this way, you are always in control of yourself and your life; and you learn the importance of "responsibility" towards all decisions you are going to make in life and relationships!

10 Reasons Why You Should Stay Married!
by Cucan Pemo

While no one wants their marriage to fail, did you know that there are actually quantifiable reasons for staying with your spouse? In case you need help deciding whether to stay married or not, here are the facts:

#1 Married people are happier

In recent studies, scientists founds that married couples suffer from less depression than their unmarried counterparts. And this even takes into consideration those couples that are living together and not married. Being in a committed relationship with each other is not enough, but showing that commitment to friends, family, and the wedding DJ seems to make the bond all the more important.

#2 Married couples are more productive

While the case could be made that two people can always get more done than one, married couples seem to enjoy exploring their interests more than singles and unmarried couples. Maybe it’s because you’ve set up long term goals and thinking that guides you through the day to day, or maybe it could be because you’re both challenging each other to be better – in either case, married couples just seem to get more done.

#3 Married couples learn better

Studies have shown that married couples tend to retain new knowledge longer than single or married couples. It would seem that the calmer state of the brain is more conducive to learning. And since you have someone to remind you of what you’ve forgotten, it’s a lot easier to keep those important facts in your head.

#4 Married couples are less stressed

When you have someone that is constantly supporting you and cares about how you’re doing, this support system helps to buoy you in times of stress. Being able to laugh with each other and help each other helps the stressful times seem all the less, well, stressful.

#5 Married couples are healthier overall

Because of the reduced stress and increased support system, married couples tend to have fewer health problems than their married counterparts. They have fewer colds and other minor illnesses. Without the constant strain of a commitment that’s sort of hazy, married couples can fight off germs and bacteria.

#6 Married couples live longer

With the increased health and ability to ward off stress, married couples tend to live longer than their unmarried counterparts. Married couples are more long term thinking and this allows them to have a more positive outlook on life and whatever is thrown at them. Even couples with long term illnesses or other stressors seem to be able to live longer than is normal.

#7 Married couples are richer

Of course, having two people in any relationship will make a couple richer, but married couples are more diligent about planning for long term goals which can lead to more stable financial results. They invest together, plan together, work together to create a retirement that will allow them to enjoy each other’s company long into the twilight of their lives.

#8 Married couples fight smarter

No couple is without fights or disagreements, but married couples have a more relaxed approach about getting past arguments and getting over them. The long term commitment allows them to realize that not everything is as important ‘right now’ as it seems, and that most problems can blow over without too much incident.

#9 Married couples have better sex

While stereotypes might have you believe otherwise, married couples truly do have a more varied an enjoyable sex life. They tend to experiment to keep things exciting and they are focused more on the pleasure of their partner than of themselves.

#10 Married couples are more fit

Married couples have a built in workout partner and someone who will help them watch what they eat. This support system leads to an overall better outlook on fitness and health, which leads to a fitter lifestyle. Though slips in eating and exercise can affect both partners, it’s much more likely that married couples will get back up from their discretions and find the support to regain control of their health.

Being married isn’t just the dream of the white wedding; it’s what happens after the guests leave and the wrapping paper has been thrown away.

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How To Fix Your Marriage Without Professional Help
By Cucan Pemo

Marriages can have troubled times. Maybe it’s because of infidelity or the quiet drifting apart of a long term marriage – in any case, when your marriage is having tough times, you need help to make things right again. However, not everyone has the resources or the time to seek professional help. The good news is that you can fix your relationship without a therapist, though you might need a therapist in the future.

For now, you have each other

When you’re hitting a rough spot in your marriage, it’s time to talk about why you want to save the marriage first. Sit down with your partner and start to discuss things that are keeping your together and memories that remind you of better times. You might want to sit down with photo albums and journals to talk about the times when you used to laugh, when you used to be happy. Many times, this simple exercise can help to put your current problems into perspective and help to put you on a positive path to a healthy relationship.

Make a promise

Too many times, we are afraid to make promises to our partner because we’re afraid that we won’t be able to follow through, that we won’t be able to be perfect in everything we do. However, the truth is that no one is perfect – we can only try our best. If you’re in a hard spot with your marriage, you will want to make a promise to each other that you will do the best that you can to make things better between the both of you. Promise to do whatever it takes and that you will give all of your free time and attention to fixing whatever has been broken. And then stick to that promise.

Realize that you’re not going to be perfect

Even in therapy, couples aren’t perfect with rebuilding their relationship. Things go wrong, life can throw curve balls, and people can make mistakes – you will not always do everything right. But what matters is that you try to move toward doing what’s best for your relationship. To go into fixing your marriage, thinking that everything is going to be easy and without flaws is just not realistic. Try to do the best that you can, but forgive yourself and forgive your spouse when you’re not able to choose the right thing. It’s how you recover and learn from these mistakes that will make your marriage stronger in the end.

Set aside some time to work on your relationship

You will need to set up some time in which you can work through your problems and your issues. Much like traditional therapy, you might want to schedule in appointments with each other in order to have time to talk. Try to make this time as uninterruptible as possible so that you’re not distracted by anything else – so that you can focus on your marriage. You might want to set up time away from your living space in order to bring a new perspective to your discussions. Maybe heading out for a hike or to a spa for a day will help you both change your feelings about whatever you are talking about – and help you resolve it.

You don’t have to do what everyone else has done

Your relationship needs specific tools to be fixed, but the way that works for you might not be the way that works for everyone else. This is why communicating with each other is so important. When you’re able to talk honestly about your feelings and about your needs, you will be able to create plans that make sense for the way that you want things to work out. Your methods might not be ‘normal,’ but if they’re making your relationship happier and healthier, it only matters what works.

Get the tools

But there’s nothing stopping you from looking at the writings of therapists and other experienced authors. Bookstores have sections devoted to healing marriages and getting past any number of relationship battles. In a pinch, you can also head to the library for a free assortment of self help tools. The point is that you find something that works for you and your relationship, so it might take time to find the right book.

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7 Innovative Ways to Save Your Marriage
by Cucan Pemo

Are you in a tough spot in your marriage right now? Every relationship has its problems and its rough patches, but that doesn’t mean that you need to give up when the going gets tough. For many couples, they can actually work through their problems to create a stronger relationship. Sometimes the hard times are actually learning lessons in disguise. Here are just a few tips for getting started on the right foot.

Listen

There’s nothing more damaging to a relationship than a partner that doesn’t take the time to listen. In fact, that fact alone might be the thing that has led to the feelings of dissatisfaction with a marriage. In order to be a good partner (on either end), you need to be able to remain quiet and talk through problems until both partners are satisfied. Be quiet when they are speaking and try to really listen to what they are saying.

Understand

But listening only goes so far when you’re trying to work out problems in you relationship. If you do not really understand where they are coming from, you might be creating more problems. When they are expressing themselves, you want to ask questions when appropriate in order to clarify what they are saying to you. Even if it seems uncomfortable at first, it’s important that you make sure that you understand where they are at and how you might be able to help.

A positive attitude

Why start off a rough patch by thinking that it will never get any better no matter what you do? When you’re trying to work through problems and issues, you will want to make sure that you’re going into it with a positive attitude. You don’t need to be sugary sweet, but you should start to look at your troubles as learning lessons rather than the doom of the relationship. Try to think about happier times when you start to become negative in order to turn your thinking around.

Be present

When a partner isn’t fully in the moment of trying to fix a relationship, the work becomes a one-sided affair. You need to be able to fully be there for your partner when you need to work through tough times. This might mean that you need to take a few days off work or devote certain times to discussing ways to fix your relationship. These times should be uninterrupted by work obligations or time commitments so that neither person feels rushed or distracted.

Stay calm

While you might be upset about the way that things have turned out, you need to remember that being calm is the best way to see things more clearly. Try lowering your voice when you talk – it automatically lowers your blood pressure and your anger. Try to take a few deep breaths before you say anything – this will help you to be clear and calm as you speak. Many people perceive becoming flustered or upset as being angry, and that can lead to a poor environment for working through issues.

Make plans

One of the best ways to help save your marriage is to start creating long term plans with your partner. While this might not seem like the best idea at the time, it will create the idea that you are both going to make it through the rough patch that you have stumbled upon – somehow. Try to make plans for vacations or other far in the future appointments. This will create a little less pressure because the future isn’t so vague and unable to be seen in the dark that you are experiencing at the time.

Take time away

While you don’t have to become legally separated to do this, taking time away from each other is one of the best ways to stop a marriage from becoming a divorced marriage. When you take time away from each other, you allow yourself to have a new perspective on the events that are happening. And this can allow you to see new solutions as well as new ideas for how to handle the problems that you may be having. Even if it’s just a night or a few hours, taking time to step back from an issue can help it become easier to resolve.

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7 Incredible Ways To Reconnect With Your Husband/Boyfriend
By Cucan Pemo

There are times in every relationship when other commitments take priority over your husband or your boyfriend, but these times can hurt a relationship. When you start to notice that you haven’t been as close as you once were, you will want to start taking steps that will reconnect you with your partner and re-establish the strong relationship that you once had.

Realize that the mess can wait

Some women believe that they are being constantly judged by how their house or their living space looks. However, this is far from the case. Instead of making cleaning the majority of your free time, why not allow yourself to let more things go at the end of the day to make room for your relationship? Instead of having the laundry always done and the kitchen always shining, isn’t your relationship worth the time?

Take time for yourself

Many women will feel more connected in their relationships if they take the time to make themselves look good. Something as simple as getting out of sweatpants and tee shirts at the end of the day and into nice jeans and a well-fitting top can help you feel more confident and thus, more attractive to your partner. You don’t have to look like a model, but taking care of your appearance can help you feel like one.

Create a date

At least once a week, you and your partner need to get out of the house and on a date. Too often, long relationships think that they are ‘past’ that, so they settle into a dull life of staying at home. When you were first dating, you went to the movies and out to eat – why not try to do that more now? Sure, you won’t be able to do it every week, but if you try, you will both have something to look forward to.

Stop your thinking

Many times, a woman can become frustrated by everything that she is handling, especially when she’s a mom as well as a career woman. When this happens, you might feel as though you could scream at your partner for not being helpful enough, romantic enough, etc. But is this really going to reconnect your relationship? It can help to stop your thinking for a few seconds before you share these kinds of feelings. You might find that you’re actually feeling something else that’s not directed at him.

Put the spotlight on him

When you take the time to do something special for someone else, you will reap the benefits of feeling closer to them as well. Something as simple as packing a lunch or writing a love note in their wallet can be a great way to help your partner know that you care. Everyone likes to feel special.

When you can’t get away

It’s time to be creative if you’re unable to get away from the house. Maybe you can create date night at home, or work together on some goals that you’ve wanted to accomplish. Play board games – do whatever you both like to do together. If you have a home remodeling project, don’t leave it just for him, do it together to get more couple time.

Getting out of town

One of the best ways to reconnect as a couple is to head out of the house for a few days. There are numerous bed and breakfasts that you can visit for only a small expense. You don’t even have to leave the room if you don’t want to, but the time away from your normal distractions can help you get back in tune with what your relationship needs.

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Marriage Advice: How To Love Your Husband Unconditionally
By Cucan Pemo

It is hard to find love and unconditional love at that. It can sometimes be hard to find someone who you can love unconditional. When you love unconditionally, you love the person no matter what. The first step to being in a healthy marriage is being in a love filled married. For you to love your husband unconditionally you first have to like who you are. For you to give love, you have to be satisfied with yourself. If you are not satisfied with who you are, then you will have insecure that get in the way of your marriage and relationship. Loving unconditionally may be every hard for some because they cannot love themselves. Insecurities can put a lot of wear and tear into the relationship.

The next step to loving unconditionally is finding your beliefs. You have to have a spiritual feelings towards something. Regardless of what religion that you pursue, you should be able to find strength, support, and a higher feeling when you believe in something. When you believe in something bigger than yourself you are able to see all the things that are right in front of you. You will be able to see all of those who care and love you. You will also be able to recognize that love and give it back. You will be able to feel love and to send others love.

For you to be in a relationship that is unconditionally filled with love you have to find someone who you think you could love for the rest of your life. You need to find someone who you have a true connection to. However, loving unconditionally does not mean that you give into everything. Some things that your mate will do will be devastating to your marriage. Rather it be stealing money from you, having an affair, or just doing things that aren’t appropriate for married couples, you may find that you love has it’s limits. When it comes to betrayal or deceit, they are two exceptions. Loving unconditionally means that your wife can crash your pickup and you don’t get upset for the pickup sake. It’s about still caring for her when she burns dinner or gains five pounds, if you can love without concern to change then you can love unconditionally.

There are no steps to love. You can’t learn how to love unconditionally. You just love. A lot of people will step into a marriage blindly, but they were just in love. Sometimes it works out and some times it doesn’t. So how do you know the different between love and lust? Love and lust have a thin line dividing them. Love is when you’d do and say anything to have that person in your life. Lust is when you’d say or do anything to be “close” to them. When you have figured out that you are in love you have to ask yourself a question. Could you allow her to destroy your prized possessions and not think twice about them? Could you move across the country for them? Would you support their every move? If you can then you already love unconditionally.

To love unconditionally you have to be completely open and honest. You have to let the person see who you are and allow them to accept you. You have to be willing to express your ideas and your feelings to this person. You have to be free of all insecurities to be completely in love. To love unconditionally you have to be completely honest with your husband and with yourself. You cannot have any hidden agenda or motives. You need to be in the relationship because you need to be around the person, not because you think it might make you whole or that you might get ahead with your career. Love is not something you learn, it’s just something that you do.

It’s hard to love and trust someone, but without trust you’ll never be able to love. You need to take inconsideration of their thoughts, needs, and feelings so that you can be the ultimate support system (even if you are against the idea). In addition, you need to learn how to love yourself. You will never learn how to love if you can’t look in a mirror in accept yourself. How can your wife accept you, if you cannot? You have to get the thought of making yourself love unconditionally. You either do or do not. To find out if you truly love them unconditionally, you have to think of some of the most horrible situations and then ask yourself would you care about the situation or her.

It means to be fully present, in every single moment. To be fully aware. To be fully open, honest, transparent. It means to be fully willing, to express the love that is in your heart full out. To be fully loving means to be fully naked, without hidden agenda or hidden motive, without hidden anything.

And you say that it is possible for human beings, for regular people like me, to achieve such love? This is something of which we are all capable?

It is more than that of which you are capable. It is that which you are. This is the nature of Who You Are. The most difficult thing that you do is to deny that. And you are doing this difficult thing every day. It is why your life feels so difficult. Yet when you do the easy thing, when you decide to come from, to be, Who You Really Are - which is pure love, unlimited and unconditioned-then your life becomes easy again. All the turmoil disappears, all the struggle goes away.

This peace may be achieved in any given moment. The way to it may be found by asking a simple question:

What would love do now?

This is a marvelous question, because you will always know the answer. It is like magic. It is cleansing, like a soap. It takes the worry out of being close. It washes away all doubt, all fear. It bathes the mind with the wisdom of the soul.

What a good way of putting that.

It is true. When you ask this question, you will know instantly what to do. In any circumstance, under any condition, you will know. You will be given the answer. You are the answer, and asking the question brings forth that part of you.

Do not second-guess this answer when it instantly comes to you. When you second-guess is when you fool yourself - and can make a fool of yourself. Go into the heart of love, and come from that place in all your choices and decisions, and you will find peace.

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What To Do With A Sexless Marriage
By Cucan Pemo

What can you do to deal with a sexless marriage? First, is your marriage sexless because of the lack of passion or because of a terrible condition; either way you can still salvage your marriage and still happy. First of all, sex is not everything in a marriage. In fact, most religions believe that you should only engage in sex to conceive. Any other time, it’s considered a sin. Now today, we have wrapped sex with a string of love. Many people think that if you don’t have sex then there is no love. However, sex has nothing to do with love, passion, but not love. Sex is something that we engage in when we find ourselves attracted to another.

Remember how it felt when you were first married? You had such an explosion of passion that you just couldn’t help it, but want your mate. However, people change, things change, and so does a marriage. Just because you are in a slum, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. Right now, she may feel overwhelmed with the kids, work, and so on. It may have something to do with you too.

When it comes to you as the reason for the sexless marriage it might just be because you have not given her a reason to feel passion for you. You might not look at her like you use to. When it comes woman feeling attractive it’s all about how you make them feel. You need to look at her every now and then and actually see her. Surely it might just be your own depression or career that has blocked you have paying such attention.

However, if you bring home flowers or dinner and give her a hug and a kiss, you may just startle the passion that she has for you. She’ll feel appreciated and loved. Love is another thing. Do you talk to your wife about love? Do you tell her that you still love her? Be romantic! Tell her that you love her, let her know that you still feel the same. Go out of your way for her and she’ll go out of her way for you. Soon you’ll notice that the sex is back and you’ll both feel better about the marriage and the future of the relationship.

Then again, have you lost your passion for her? It’s hard to hold passion for someone over years of time. If you are just not attracted to her, you at least have to try to deal with the problem. Try the romance and ask her about how she feels. Ask her to do some of the things that you need her to do to make you feel the passion again. If you begin to see a third party about your marriage then you will be able to get to the deep feelings that you both hide.

You will be able to overcome both of your insecurities and build a stronger marriage. Just because you have a lack of sex or a dry spell doesn’t mean that you should give up on your marriage. If you can talk to your wife about these things and about your intimate relationship, then you should be able to over come the spell, however, sometimes it is not a choice that the couple makes, but the doctor.

There are a lot of couples who cannot have sex because it is too painful or it is a medical condition like cancer. Your wife won’t feel beautiful when she’s sick and sometimes they can’t bare the thought. When it comes to dealing with a marriage that is sexless by choice, you should try to think about why you married your wife. You didn’t marry her because of the sex; you most likely, married her because you had such a connection. You felt like you wanted to spend the rest of your life with this woman. Now that she’s sick, you have to be there by her side through it.

Sex should be the last thing on your mind and if you truly love her then it really won’t matter. In fact, even if you aren’t in this type of situation, you should not care about the sex. All that you can do is go to your wife and talk to her and tell her you love her more than ever. You may not be able to add sex to your marriage, but you will feel so better.

Some couples have a choice between having sex and not having sex, and then some couples don’t. Regardless, you need to show your support to your wife and talk about your feelings about the sexless marriage and about your marriage in general. Open up and you will end up finding that you will feel better about your marriage and yourself.

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7 Ways to Stop Your Marriage Breakups
By Cucan Pemo

It’s hard for newly weds or even those who have been married for a long time to recover from a serious mishap. There are sometimes when people will fault and then there are times when people split up because of no faults of their own. In cases where there is someone to blame, the relationship has a better chance of recovering. However, if you know how to stop your marriage from breaking up, then you will be able to recover from anything.

The first thing that you have to do to stop your marriage from breaking up is by saying I’m sorry. There are a lot of relationships that end because neither one could say I’m sorry. If you learn to accept responsibility for the things that you do and show your mate that you are serious about the relationship then you will be able to save your marriage. Those two words can meet a lot when it comes to the end of your relationship. Also, you need to know how to change your actions. When you apologize for something that you have done wrong, you have to change your actions. You can’t say that you are sorry and then do something again. By apologizing, you are able to right a wrong, however, your words will mean nothing if you don’t show the person some action.

Then you may also need to take some time away from each other. Every relationship needs to have a grace period. This is when you need to pull away from each other and then try to patch up the holes in the relationship. The way that you can do that is by moving apart a step or two and then going back to when you were wooing her. Take her back to where you meet or where you had your first date. Spend some time focusing on the relationship. Bring back what was lost. When you step back from the situation you are able to see where the relationship fell apart and why. Then you should be able to right some of the wrongs.

When she brings up seeing a professional, you should always do it with an open mind. When you stay open to new suggestions you will be more honest with yourself and about the relationship. Professionals are not always a bad thing for your marriage, but they can help both of you focus on where the marriage fell apart and then fix everything. Sometimes it can also make you realize things about yourself that you never even thought about.

You will also want to stop doing things on purpose to start a fight or provoke her. You don’t want to chew on your nails cause it bothers her. You don’t want to leave the seat up just to see what she’ll say. It’s time that you start acting your age and by doing things to deliberate separate your wife from you won’t save your marriage, but condemn it even more.

You will also want to take her in mind more than yourself. When it comes to fixing a marriage, you have to do things just because. You have to buy her flowers because you wanted to. You have to fix things around the house just to make her happy. You have to think about all those thoughtful things that you use to do to make her fall in love with you. When you can begin to think like the person that you once where you will be able to find the love again.

Another thing is that when you are in a long relationship you take a lot of things for granted. You need to give more compliments. You need to be more sensitive to their needs as well as your own. You need to have a solid communication line so that you two can talk all your issues out like adults. Talking will make you both feel better and allow those little things to not grow into something big. You can contain the problem before it gives any bigger. Also, it is normal for a person to change, however, if you keep showing the love for someone, you can grow together.

The final tip that you will want to try is to recover the romance. You need to do things for her that she’d never expect. You have to show how much you love her by doing things that she’s always wanted you to do, but you were never quite open to it. You need to be open to the new and exciting things that she wants to incorporate in the relationship. You never know, you may find some new interests, as well as, save your marriage.

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How To Fix A Troubled Marriage!
By Cucan Pemo

Sometimes you can fix a troubled marriage and sometimes you are past no return. Before you allow your marriage to get past the point of new return, you need to reevaluate your marriage as well as your feelings. How troubled is your marriage? Do you feel like your marriage is just rocky or is it falling into the gutter? Even if your marriage is still just rocky, you need to take the time to help your troubled marriage. Those who are in a rocky marriage you will want to put a just a little bit more into the marriage.

First, you need to do things around the house that you would normally need to be asked to do. Make the bed, do the laundry, help out a little bit. In a rocky marriage, only stress is your issue. You need to make sure that you help your mate during the rough times and be more emotionally and physically supportive. You need to make her feel like she is needed, but not a slave. You also need to do things that make her feel attractive as well. You need to put forth some effort to make her feel wanted and beautiful. If you put more energy into your marriage, it won’t be rocky for long. If you fear that you have put off the marriage for awhile then you are probably in a failing marriage.

The reason why you are in a failing marriage is when things got rough you ignored the signs. You can’t ignore the signs of trouble in a marriage or you could end up in a very troubled spot. It can be difficult to fix a failing marriage. There will be resistance. You not only need to put more energy forth into the marriage, but you may need to take a step back from the relationship for you both to breath. When it comes to saving a marriage, you need to put some space between the two partners.

This doesn’t mean you have to move out, however, you need to back off with the romance and try to open up with each other. Talking can help resolve a lot of issues in a marriage; however, you have to talk openly to them. You have to learn how to listen and to send positive and clear messages.

Even though it can be hard to back off with wanting to be intimate, you will find that it will pay off in the end. You will be able to get to the wild bedroom behavior once you have been able to reconnect to your wife. Once you have reconnected to her, she’ll be more likely to want to be with you and more open to your intimate ideas and feelings. When you have a basis of trust and deep admiration you will find that the intimacy will be better than ever.

The key to saving a marriage is to get to the point where you both were happy. You need to make sure that you talk about the things that you are concerned with and the things that they are concerned with. You will want to make sure that you are open to your partner so that you can get to the core of your troubles. Once you have opened up to the communication channels, you can then open up about things like your sex. It’s all one-step at a time. Once you have a basis of understanding then you are able to build on that.

Once you have talked things through and have allowed a basis for a marriage, you can then start adding of your other concerns. Things like talking to your partner about the lack of excitement, the lack of pleasure, or even the lack of feeling wanted yourself. There are many men who think that their mate does not feel attracted to them, but there are a lot of women with the same insecurities.

As you grow and further your commitment to each other, you also need to keep the communication open so that you two can grow together. Once you have fixed your marriage, you constantly have to keep up with the marriage. You need to always be putting in effort to the relationship. You need to always be trying to keep interest in each other and keep the excitement in the relationship. When serious problems arise, you have to think about all the things that your mate must be feeling and allow her to have her feelings, but take a genuine step towards making that concern strength to your marriage. Remember, men and women see and think in a different light and if you are able to see the problem in both of our eyes, then your marriage will be saved.

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8 Easy Ways To Divorce Proof Your Marriage

By Cucan Pemo

There is no easy ways that you can make your relationship divorce proof. However, you can take your chances and trying to make it less of a bust, but you will never be able to guarantee yourself to have a divorce proof marriage. There are some things that you can do to make your marriage work better for you, but there is no guarantee that it will work out happily ever after.

1) Make your relationship and marriage stronger by always keeping the communication channels open.

If you always keep your feelings open and there is always 100% honesty in the relationship, your marriage will last years. You will be able to not worry about what the other is doing because you have a basis of trust that makes the relationship seem very secure for both partners. This makes marriage years go by so easily.

2) Tell your partner when things are going bad.

You may not want to hurt the others feelings, but you have to think about your feelings sometimes. When you are in a rut, you feel depressed and horrible, but if you manage to be open, you will be able to keep your marriage going strong. When you don’t open up about your feelings that is when people start going crazy with affairs and being careless about the relationship and about the love

3) Learn how to live together.

You will know whether both of your are meant for each other if you can move in together and live together for a year or two before marriage. Those who love each other learn how to live together. They do not argue over petty things in the marriage because they have been there and done all of that. You will be able to build a strong commitment before you get married when you move in together before you two get married.

4) Make your relationship last by giving each other some affection.

Kiss your mate goodbye and kiss your mate when they walk in the door. Go to the movies hand and hand. Place your arms around your mate so that they will feel special when you are out together. Every time that you show your mate some affection, you are confirming all of the love that grows between you.

5) Bonding through doing some activities together.

Find something that you mutually like and then go do it together. You can exercise, dance, sing, go to a bar, watch a weekly show, and so on. It can be anything that you would like to. It is anything that you mutually enjoy.

6) You may find it to be odd, but you both need to have independent lives.

When couples spend too much together, they get themselves in trouble. You need to have a night out for yourself, and then you need to give your mate and night off, so you will end up having two nights where you two go out and do your own thing. You may want to spend this time on your hobbies or just going shopping or taking a bath. This is just where you spend time away from each other; it only has to be a couple hours of the night.

7) You need to also make time to be intimate with each other.

There are times when you need to spend some time away from each other and then they are times when you have to put some extra time aside to be intimate. You do not always have to have sex. You can cuddle, hug, kiss, massage each other, and so on. It can be anything that you two want that will keep the love and romance going. You can even play some games to spice it up in the bedroom.

8) Finally, you need to stay positive.

When you are honest and you take care of your relationship you are still going to find hard times. There are always ups and down in a relationship no matter how hard you work, but the thing is that people, who stick together, stay together. You will be able to keep your marriage going strong when you are able to focus on the positive.

There are so many things that you can do to make your relationship strong, however, you have to make sure that you are giving your mate the proper attention and love on a daily basis so that the hard times don’t seem so hard. You will also notice that if you can stay positive, you will have a positive relationship.

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The Power of A Proper AttitudeWhen Your Relationship Is Driving You Crazy

By Cucan Pemo

There was once when someone wrote me and told me how hopeless and disappointed he felt when his girl-friend didn't take the initiative to invite him over to her hometown for her birthday celebration.

Worse, he was being informed by his girlfriend that she just met up with one of her former, "close" boyfriends.

Just by reading his mail, you could sense that his relationship was scarred and it was definitely not going smoothly.

He was not alone, feeling this way.

There was a time when my boy-friend didn't call me up as he usually would, when he went away for a sporting competition with his mates during the weekends.

I knew exactly where he went to, where he was, what he was doing; yet during that morning when I had had some time to take a break and was having a quiet morning; I couldn't help feeling uneasy and restless - that day!

I'm sure it happened to a number of you. Suddenly you just kept feeling restless, and you simply can't stop telling yourself stories (in your head, sort of like talking to yourself - an internal dialogue).

Things got worst when he didn't manage to give me a call that day; and I got more and more agitated, with my-self, as well as him!

I was quick to become fully conscious and aware of this inner dialogue and the agitations I'm feeling. It felt as if I was watching "someone" getting madder and restless, full of stories in her head!

He did call up late in the night (near midnight!); claiming that he was so caught with the preparation for his race that he didn't really have time to contact me upon his arrival in the noon.

I told myself I could have scream at him that he broke his "promise" of not calling at that specific time; and accused him of not staying back home to accompany me, but chose to spend the weekends with his buddies.

Yet, I was so relieved to hear his voice! When I recalled what happened during the day; I couldn't help laughing at myself! Boy! Our internal dialogue and "conversations" with our-selves can really torture us!

Feelings of insecurity and jealousy definitely have no place in a long term, committed relationship.

On the other hand; I'm not siding with the girl-friend mentioned above. She could have chosen to handle things differently and take into considerations the feelings of her boy-friend.

However, it is not worth it to torture your-self and make yourself unhappy when things are not seemingly going your way!

The guy told me his thoughts:
"Disappointed - because she didn't take the initiative to invite him over to her party"
"Angry and frustrated - because of the presence of her "close friend"

It all comes down to just how you can cultivate the right attitude towards yourself.

Getting the right attitude is the first thing on your list of things to do when you’re feeling helpless and frustrated about how things are going.

If you have learnt the laws of attraction, you'll understand that it's based on the idea that what you do and think in this world will then affect the outcome of your life.

For example, if you don’t believe that you can create your own wealth and abundance, chances are likely that you won’t.

If you don’t believe in a loving relationship, then you will not find one. But it’s not impossible to change the way that you think. All you need is the right tools to begin. Here are some ways to get started.

What you may not know

To begin, you will want to start thinking about the way that you think right now. What you can do is write down all of your thoughts during the day to see how many negative thoughts you have.

This can be a highly enlightening experience. Just the writing down of your thoughts can be interesting because you will start to realize just how many thoughts you have each day.

Once you’ve gotten a good idea of how many negative thoughts you can have during a typical day, it time to start turning them into abundance attracting thoughts – and you can do this by starting to question the way that you think.

Just by simply slowing down your thinking and asking yourself ‘why’ you think the way you do, you will start to see the fault in some of your lines of reasoning. You’ll realize that you really don’t have a reason for thinking what you do – or you just don’t have a ‘good’ reason.

But here’s the next step

Try to counter any negative thoughts with positive ideas. Many people find it to be a good practice to write down the negative thoughts they have and then counter them with something that turns the thought into a positive statement.

For example, if you sit around thinking that you just don’t have any money, change it into the idea that you might not have money now, but you will in the next few weeks. If you’re worried about paying your bills, tell yourself that you always have the money each month and you will again the next month.

You might also want to say the positive ‘rebuttal’ aloud if you’re in a place where you feel safe to do so. Simply tell yourself to ‘stop’ the negative thought, repeat it and then change it to something more positive. Then repeat that positive thought again to help yourself remember what you ‘should’ be thinking.

The power of a proper attitude

When you start to create a more positive mindset, it’s amazing what your life can become.

Not only will you begin to notice the good in everything around you, but you will also begin to see the opportunity in your environment. You’ll begin to see challenges as challenges, rather than instant problems. You’ll begin to see a chance to make things better as opposed to feeling hopeless about certain parts of your life.

And a positive attitude has also been linked to many health benefits too. People who are more positive tend to have fewer colds and flus than negative people. There is even some scientific research that is showing that more positive thinkers also tend to suffer less during illnesses as well as fight cancers and other diseases more easily.

An everyday process

Creating a positive mind is not something that you can just ‘do’ and then neglect; it is something that you must cultivate and nourish each day of your life.

You can accomplish this through keeping a journal of your positive thoughts or taking the time to be grateful for the positive things in your life. Some people find that thanking their chosen deity or religious practices to be comforting. Whatever helps you to feel like you are able to maintain your positive attitude, try to incorporate it into each day.

As you find your life and your attitude to be more positive each day, you will find that things come to you more easily. You’re not struggling with your life as much as you once were. This is due to the laws of attraction. Because you are putting good ‘vibes’ into the world, they are returning to you in the form of less stress and resistance in your life. Learn to become fully conscious and aware of your internal "dialogues". The power of positive thinking? Absolutely.

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Don't Ask These Drill Questions In Your Relationship!

By Cucan Pemo

When you are in a relationship you need to know what you should ask and what you should keep to yourself. You may not know that when you are asking your partner something that you think is important, you may actually be insulting them and make a very large strain on the relationship as well. You need to be aware of these questions and keep them on the back burner as long as you can.

1. Do not ask your man what they are doing when they are not with you.

This question is sometimes not the right thing to ask. You may want to think about it first so that you can determine if it is going to the right question at that moment. You may not have to know where your partner is during every second that you are not with them. However, if you think that your partner is doing something that they are not, you should be a little bit suspicious so that you are not setting yourself up for a terrible failure.

2. Get to know your partner and what their personality is.

You should not drill your mate on different things that you think you just have to know. You should think about this before you decide to use your detective work. You do not want to ask your man the questions that are going to be insulting to them. You should first make sure that you have some kind of proof before you start to drill them and make them very uncomfortable with the conversation.

3. You have to know when to quit asking questions.

You should not drill a man until the point that they feel uncomfortable. You need to make sure that you are not being too pushy. If you are pushing them too much, you may find that you lose out on something that is so important to you.

4. Never drill a man about what they do with their other friends.

You should not make a man feel uncomfortable by asking them what they do on their down time with their other male friends. You need to let them have their space so that they are not feeling like you and all of your questions are invading them. You want them to be comfortable with you and have the knowledge that you can both go and have your own friends and have fun even when you are not around them.

5. You should never embarrass your man by drilling them with questions when they are with their friends.

You do not want to get them upset and very mad by asking them things that are private and that you need to talk to them about in private. This is something that you need to do so that you are not risking an argument with your mate in front of their friends.

6. Never ask a man what they do when they are alone.

This is something that you may not want to know. It may be a little bit scary. You never know what you are going to hear and it may even be more than you want to know. Think carefully before you ask your questions because you may have to prepare yourself for what you find out.

7. There are different things that happen at work that you may not need to know.

You should not drill a man about what they are doing at work if they are not ready to let you know. You may want to know what you are going on to some point. However there are things that a man would rather keep to himself. You have to learn how to respect that and let them have their space just as you would appreciate to have your own. This is something that you can do that also means that you are giving them respect that they deserve as well. You will find that when you allow them to have their space, you may even have a better relationship from having independence too.

Using good judgment to what you should know and what you should let go will help you have a better relationship with a man. I know that it may be hard but you have to do what will work best in your relationship and not seem too pushy at the same time. You would appreciate the same type of respect from him too.

What To Do If I Want To Connect With Him But I Don't Want To Look Needy

By Cucan Pemo

We all want to be closer to our man. This is something that we may feel the need to do because it will make us feel better about our relationship. This is going to be a great achievement for most couples. However, it is not always easy to get close to your man because you may not want to look too needy to them. You have to know how to do it right so that you are not making a big mistake in your relationship.

You need to allow your man to have their space but you want to also get as close to them as you can. When you are trying to learn about their life and find out as much as you can, you will want to be in their life but you also want to let them have their space so that they can do the things that they like to do too.

Do not over stay your welcome. If a man says that they need to do something and they need to do it alone, you need to let them. This is the only way that you can be sure that they are doing what they need to and getting the space that they need. If you are asked to leave or you are not invited to something in their life, you should make sure that you are letting them do it. This will make them feel as if they have their space and that you are not being too needy.

You will want to make your man feel loved. You want them to feel like they are very important to you but you do not want to be a stalker or anything like that. If you are too clingy, you may in fact scare them away. You may feel as if you are not giving them as much of your attention as you should. You need to make sure that you are doing all that you can to make your man feel good but you should also let them do the same for you. If you are not receiving love back, you may not be in the relationship that you should.

Do not call your man all the time. You need to back off at times. It is ok to call your man daily and to check up on what is new in their life. You will want to make sure that you are keeping in touch with him but in a classy way. Calling all the time and making a nuisance of you is only going to make yourself look too needy. This can actually be embarrassing for you. Learn how to cut back and give the recommended space that you both need when you need it. This is the only way to keep your self-respect and not make him feel like you are not giving him room to breath.

He does not have to go with you wherever you go. It is ok to spend time together, but you need to know when to do things on your own. Spending time together and doing things that you love is important however, you do not have to drag him along when he does not want to come. Ask him once but do not force him to do something that he is not interested in. of course you need him to spend time doing things that you like with you but you do not need to make it happen all the time. There are ways to connect with your man and not drive him crazy by annoying him with the little things that he does not want to do.

Do not tell him what to do. When you are constantly telling him what to do and how to do it, you may in fact be insulting him and making him feel almost like a child. This is going to be a degrading experience for him and it is not something that you want to happen. Give him the respect that you would want for yourself. This is the best way to keep things moving in the right direction and not making yourself seem like you are attached to him at the hip.

7 Reasons Why He Always Say He Loves YouWhen He's Still Seeing Someone!

By Cucan Pemo

You know that men are going to do things that we just do not like. It is going to happen regardless of what we do or think. There are men that just have to lie to us and tell us what we want to hear even if we know that they are completely lying to us. There are things that women have to know and learn about why men say that love us even when they are still seeing someone else.
When a man cheats on us, it can be devastating. It can be a very big heartache to learn that the man that we love is still seeing someone else. He is cheating on us! This is an unacceptable issue that women have to control no matter what they feel or think. There are reasons behind why men say they love us when they are double timing and it is important to learn why.

1. Men want to have their cake and eat it too. They want to have you with them forever because they do love you and you have been there with them through a lot of things. However the also want to see if the grass is greener on the other side. This is why most men do go out and cheap and still say that they love you no matter what. It is up to us as women to put an end to it and give them an ultimatum to choose the one that they love the most.

2. Men will tell you that they love you because they want you to believe them. They want you to think that they are not cheating and that everything is fine. Giving you the affection that you want may end up keeping them out of the doghouse so that they can continue to see the other person that they have been.

3. A man will tell you that he loves you because he does not want to lose you. They may be seeing someone else on the side, but they would not want you to do the same. By telling you that they love you this will keep you believing that everything is ok and that you will not go out and try and find someone else. They want to keep you even though they are not being faithful and they surely do not want you to go and find anyone else.

4. Sometimes a man may tell a woman what she wants to hear. Keeping her in the dark may be the way that he wants it as well as the woman. If you are a woman that does not want to believe that your man is cheating and that he still loves you, it is going to be evident that you believe everything that he is saying to you.

5. A man may tell you that he loves you even though he is still seeing a former girlfriend because he is not sure if he wants to leave her or not. He may not feel ready to leave his existing girlfriend or wife but he may want to be with you at the same time. This is a confusing time for him and this is the only way that he can feel out what he wants to do and buy some time so that he can figure it all out.

6. Having a man tell you that he loves you and still seeing someone else is going to be hard on you. He may want to do this to wear you down. Some men have a control issue and this may be his way to keep you under his wing. He may tell you that he loves you or tell you that he is the only one that will ever really love you. When a man does this, he is trying to control you and keep you from feeling good about yourself.

7. A man may also tell you that he loves you while seeing someone else because he is afraid of getting caught. He may think that you do not know anything at all and that everything is fine. You need to either decide to accept this or tell him that you are not going to take it anymore.
No matter what the reason is behind him telling you that he loves you and cheating on you, you have to figure it out. You need to do whatever you can to make the situation better. You need to decide what is better for you and what will make you happy in life. Your happiness is the most important thing that you need to consider.

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The Road To Happiness In Relationship and Life - 8 Easy Steps

By Cucan Pemo

Finding happiness is not always easy. It is something that we have to do for ourselves in order to have the life that we want and need. The road to happiness in a relationship is also something that we have to peruse so that we living the life that we want with the person that we can share it all with. Taking the time to figure out what we need and want is the most difficult part of it all. There are some steps that we can take to get us where we need to be.

Being happy in your relationship is going to depend on you and your mate. You both have to work hard to keep it on the right path so that you can dream and have the life that you have always wanted together forever. You need to work hard and do what you can to make this happen. Dream big and make sure that you keep your expectations to a reality. Keep your goals set and work hard to make a great relationship.

1. First of all, you need to communicate with your partner.

You want to make sure that you are speaking all the time and keeping in touch with what each other wants and needs. Think about how you want to be treated and this is what you should represent when you are talking to your spouse. You need to be sure that you are keeping communication high so that you can feel good about one another and know what is going on in your separate worlds. Do not be afraid to talk about things that you want from the relationship as well. You want to be sure that you are expressing what you want and need out of him. This will help you feel better and you should encourage him to let you know what he wants and needs as well.

2. Dreaming together is part of sharing a happy relationship.

Make sure that you are planning ahead and keeping all of your dreams in focus. Think about what you want to do tomorrow as well in the future. Do you want to have children, are you going to get married, where do you want to live are all dreams that you should be planning together so that you can both have what you expect and want in the relationship. If you do not share the same types of future dreams, you may not ever find true happiness together.

3. Play your part in the relationship. You need to contribute good things and even some bad to the relationship.

You have to own what you do and keep what you want to have as well as change the things that are not making you happy. This will go both ways and you have to be sure that you are ready to stick to your guns and keep what you are looking for in the relationship.

4. Another good step in creating a happy relationship is to realize that you cannot change someone else.

You are the only person that you can change. If you think that you are going to make him change this is probably not a good expectation to have. You will not like it when someone tries to get you to change so it is important to not try and change anyone else. You need to accept him for who he is and if you are not happy with the way that you are acting, you need to change. You have to do your best to create the person that you want to be so that you can find happiness in your relationship.

5. Paying attention to each other’s complaints is another way to build a good relationship with each other.

You need to listen to him and find out what is not making him happy. This will be the same for him listening to your complaints. This is the only way that you can make sure that you are going to be doing all the right things to create a good and healthy relationship with each other.

6.Trust is one definite for any relationship.

You need to build a good and solid relationship on trust. This is something that is going to get you far. If you cannot be honest with him then you are not going to stand a chance. You have to be ready to take on the part of being honest and sharing everything. Do not keep things from him and do not accept this behavior on his part either. Being honest is a great idea and way to stay happy and take that step closer to a better relationship.

7. Having fun is always a good thing in a relationship.

Do things that you are both going to enjoy and make sure that you are doing things that make you happy and keep you interested in each other and the things that you like. Make sure that you are making memories so that you have them for a lifetime to come. You can have a happy and healthy relationship with the partner that you think is right for you.

8. Never give up.

This is a step that you have to enforce. You need to keep on being persistent and make sure that it all works out for you in the end. You deserve to be happy and this is something that is going to be good for you in the end. You want to make sure that you are doing all that you can to keep a healthy and happy relationship to last a lifetime.

With these happy relationship steps you can have a great time and the life that you are looking for to create the love of your life. You need to make sure that you are doing all that you can to encourage a happy and very successful life with the partner that you have always dreamed about.

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"5 Easy Ways To Get Out Of Fights And Disagreements"

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