Friendship: The Second Part of the Love Equation that Leads to a Successful, Lasting and Happy Relationship- By Susie and Otto Collins
They were high school sweethearts and have been married for 50 years. Since they were still obviously very much in love, we asked them what their secret was.
What this man told us confirmed that they really do know one of the true secrets to a lasting, loving relationship. In his wonderful British accent, the man told us, "I really quite like her!" When he said this, his wife's faced glowed and she responded that she felt the same.
So often, we are asked the question "What's the secret to a long-lasting, loving relationship?" The British couple that we met certainly gave all of us one of those big secrets and we wanted to pass it onto you.
You see, it's not enough to be "in love" with someone in order to have a great relationship. You have to also be "in like" with them as well.
Here's what "in like" means to us... -You enjoy being and talking with them. -You would choose this person as a good friend if you weren't in an intimate relationship with them. -You choose to spend your time with them. -You choose to do things together. -You choose to accept them for who they are and not who you want them to be.
Now this may seem very simplistic but if you look around, you will see a lot of people in committed relationships who claim to love one another but they don't seem to like each other very much.
Big problem.
In our relationship, we really do "like" each other. We don't spend time together just because we're married and business partners, but we want to spend time with each other. In fact, there's NO ONE we'd rather talk to than each other. Sadly enough in many relationships it isn't this way.
When two people don't seem to like each other very much, they often put each other down, often in front of other people or they try to "fix" one another. They find other ways to spend their time than being with each other. All of this erodes trust and fosters uncertainty, worthlessness, and fear.
So if you're beginning a new relationship, take a look at how you are feeling when you are with this person. Do you feel like you are with a friend who really likes you and you like them? If not, you may want to take a close look at whether you want to stay in this relationship or not.
If you are not currently in a committed relationship and wanting to be in one, take this opportunity to practice being a better friend to the people in your life. Begin to form a vision for what you want in a relationship and be sure to include the kind of friendship that you are wanting.
If you are in a committed relationship, take a look at whether the two of you are friends or not. If you feel like there's some room for improvement, begin to act more like a friend to your partner and also ask for what you need as well. Take this opportunity to talk about how you can be better friends with each other and what that might mean.
One suggestion we'll make to help you find more to like about the person you're with is to suggest that you change what you focus on with that other person.
We recommend that you "find the overlap" between the two of you and spend your time, effort and energy in that relationship focusing on what you like, love and appreciate about that other person instead of what you don't like.
In other words, focus on the commonalities and interests that the two of you have instead of what's different about the two of you or what you don't like about the other person.
We invite you to learn from our new friends from Great Britain about how to create long-lasting, close connected relationships. Understand the importance of and cultivate not just loving that other person but continuously find ways to focus on being people that "like" each other as well. *********************************************** Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No More Jealousy" "Creating Relationship Trust" and "Communication Magic". In addition to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on love, relationships and personal growth. |