How to keep passion alive after the honeymoon- By Susie and Otto Collins planning, you're probably wondering how to keep passion and excitement alive in your relationship after the honeymoon. We think that there are some things you can begin doing right now that can not only keep the passion you have for one another alive but also deepen it as time goes on. 1. Consciously communicate what is most important to you in your relationship and your life. Schedule a time each day-even if it's 15 minutes--to turn off the television, sit close and make eye contact with each other and take turns talking about what is important to you-what your goals and needs are-and it doesn't have to be about your relationship. Simply communicating what you love about each other keeps passion alive. 2. Understand, embrace and learn from your differences. First, become aware of your differences and don't assume that your partner thinks just like you think and his/her priorities are just like yours. Next, talk about these differences and share what is important to you. Remember to listen with an open heart and not judge. Just because someone likes to do something in a little different way than you doesn't mean it isn't the "right" way. Look at your preconceived notions about the "right" ways to do things. Just because your mother did something a certain way doesn't mean it has to be done that way forever. If there are conflicts about the ways in which things are done or where the priorities are placed, we recommend that you devise a new way of doing things. Perhaps a third way that might be even better than the two previous ways of looking at or doing things. Turn your attention to appreciating each other's gifts instead of holding onto what we think is the "right way to do it." 3. Leave all the stuff from previous relationships with those old relationships. The "old stuff" will come up-it always does-- and you'll wonder if this is the person you married. The trick that we've found is for each person to become aware that it is "old stuff" from previous relationships and that this is an opportunity to heal. Learn to help each other recognize, in a way that can be heard, when old destructive patterns are emerging. Instead of being judgmental, be a friend when your spouse goes into these patterns and ask that he/she does the same for you. 4. Don't run away when things get tough. We decided early in our relationship that we were willing to keep talking until we resolve our differences and not run away from them like in previous relationships. We were also willing to "kill the monsters" while they are little. In other words, when we feel something coming between us, we tell the other person how we are feeling without pointing fingers at him/her. 5. Make conscious agreements with your partner. Conscious agreements do not take the passion and mystery out of the relationship. We've found it to be just the opposite. They require you to take an inventory of what you want and be honest with each other. We've created agreements about giving gifts to each other, where and how to spend time at holidays, how we want to be greeted by each other when we come home and how we want to be loved. Conscious agreements build trust. 6. Treat each day as if it were your last together. From the beginning of our relationship, we practice using loving words with each other and express our gratitude to the other for being in our lives. We are well aware that this day may be our last together. There are no guarantees in life. When we talk about each other to other people, we are conscious of using loving words instead of critical ones. We think that this kindness in words and expressing gratitude are important ingredients that help create and maintain trust, intimacy, and passion in our relationship. Choose to build each other up instead of tear each other down. Choose to love each other with thoughts, actions, and words and you will see a positive difference in your relationship. These are 6 ways that we use everyday to deepen our passion and make our relationship sensational. Love is a miracle. Choose to treat your relationship as the wonderful gift it is. *********************************************** Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No More Jealousy" "Creating Relationship Trust" and "Communication Magic". In addition to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on love, relationships and personal growth. |