Practicing the Noble Eightfold Path in Relationships

Spiritual values such that the ones prescribed in the Buddhist Noble Eightfold Path are practical tools that help you to rise above your self-centered ego, releasing you from fear, self-doubt and selfishness. Spiritual values also keep your relationship a sacred place because they strengthen your true self and lead you to right action. In a relationship there is a direct connection between the values you hold and the kind of self you express to your partner.

The Noble Eightfold Path:

1 Right understanding: All things are in a state of dissatisfaction, whether we are young or old, have a partner or not, have a job or not, and so forth. Even if we obtain
something we desire, it won't remain the same, as all things are impermanent. If we wished that things were permanent, we would be asking for more trouble. If we are
enjoying this moment, it is because it is a new moment and it will soon be over. Reflection on the law of impermanence can revive us when we are besieged by certain problems in life and it can help us to cultivate right view.

2 Right thought: The correct attitude that things are not as real, satisfactory and durable as they appear or as we want them to be enables us to let go of whatever we have been holding on to, so we can become more flexible and less rigid and experience less stress. This helps us to sort out our thoughts and get rid of those thoughts that are harmful to dwell on. Certain thoughts such as kindness, impermanence and compassion towards other living beings can become a very powerful way of directing our energy. Many sufferings come from our selfishness and our inability to think of positive things. It is important to choose the right thoughts, as what we perceive is a reflection of what is in our mind.

3 Right action: Through right action we have the ability to restrain our senses (particularly when circumstances are extreme) and refrain from inflicting unnecessary suffering by sheer carelessness and indulgence. By conserving all our
physical energy we can use it to benefit others carefully, without causing any injury to their life, health, property and relationships. A person practising right action, who
is able to give so much to others, enjoys good health and is full of energy.

4 Right speech: Exercising restraint over our physical energy will enable us to conserve our energy. So much suffering in our lives is created by our speech. So if we understand the meaning of right speech we will watch what we say. If we go on a short meditation retreat we can see how much peace there is in silence. Right speech means we should gain some power over our speech so that no hurtful words
slip out of our mouth. We should say what is good for others and only that which is truthful and helpful. When we do this, we hear both praise and blame as the echo
of the empty nature of speech and remain unaffected by others' verbal abuse; rather, those who abuse you will become objects of compassion.

5 Right livelihood: This world is for all creatures, not just human beings and the powerful. We must act decently towards other living beings. It is not considered wise to take advantage of those who are weaker than us. Through right livelihood we cultivate the ability to treat others with respect, just as much as we desire to be happy. We can think of animals and their welfare, as well as that of other human beings. We should focus on what we can do without causing direct harm to others, and share things we have with others who need them most. We must give to the needy rather than hoarding wealth and possessions, for attachment to these can become a prison for us and lead us to create many enemies.

6 Right mindfulness: We know that we should be fair to others, but without mindfulness we often become forgetful. We can become angry with ourselves simply because we were not mindful enough to pick up the key we left on the table before we closed the door. We can become very cranky and have a hard day at work, which creates an unpleasant environment for our work colleagues, who blame it on our temper. Mindfulness practice requires consistent daily meditation practice to be fully integrated into daily life. One of the Buddhist texts says: 'One with mindful-
ness is happy and one without mindfulness is unhappy.'

7 Right effort: We must be diligent to change our habitual patterns. Just as weight-conscious people get up early in the morning to exercise, if we are conscious of the health of our mind we must employ right effort to break the negative habitual patterns of our attitudes to life and our problems. We must create an environment in our house to help change our habits: in the bedroom, in the kitchen, wherever we are. If we develop a strong will and have the courage to benefit others, we will experience great benefit whether we regard ourselves as religious or not.

8 Right concentration: With right concentration we can sort out the priorities in our lives and will not waste time on trivial matters. We have a sense of focus and discipline in life that injects a much-needed motivation to use our lives to help others, rather than cherishing our own welfare. This requires us to adopt a practice of meditation, which we should learn from a qualified teacher. Like a camera, our mind has to be carefully focused through attentive and concentrated meditation to see a clear picture of reality as it is.

People who adopt the Eightfold Noble Path will experience the Fourth Noble Truth, the truth of the cessation of suffering. Whether we believe in god or we are atheists, whether we believe in reincarnation or in an eternal heaven and hell is not important: we will only experience what we have created the karma to experience.

Credit:
- Healing Relationships, Lama Choedak Yuthok