NLP and RelationshipsWe tend to assume that the meaning of the word 'love' means the same to all of us. We assume that what makes us feel loved is also what makes our partner feel loved. However, in reality that may not be the case. Ask your partner: How do you know when you are loved? What do you see being done to you? What do you hear being said to you? What are the sensations that you feel? Use the information to fulfill their criteria for being loved. If you ever had to offer constructive criticism to your partner ... Firstly, preview the logical levels. Constructive criticisms are best offered at the level of environment/behavior. Criticisms offered at the level of identity can be very disparaging. People will react defensively. Generally, criticisms are best avoided from the level of capability upwards. What to ask when your partner tells you that the relationship isn't working? First let's examine the following sentences "Our relationship isn't working" "Our relationship is going downhill" "Our marriage isn't working" "I am in an unhappy marriage" "There is no communication in our relationship." 'Relationship', 'marriage' and 'communication' are process nouns called nominalizations. When a noun cannot be put in a wheelbarrow, it is called a nominalization. Nominalizations are abstract and thus give the impression that that nothing can be done about them. To turn around a nominalization, you have to turn the process noun into a verb. Doing so enables you to phrase the question in such a way so that you can be more proactive in finding a solution. "Our relationship isn't working"
"Our relationship is going downhill"
"Our marriage isn't working"
"I am in an unhappy marriage"
"There is no communication in our relationship."
Credit: Meta Models of NLP How to uncover the positive intention of your partner's behavior? You can also use this to uncover the positive intention of your behavior Behavior -------> What does that do for you? -----------> IntentionYou have to ask "What does that do for you?" until you reach the highest intention. Example What does having an affair do for you? Client:It recreates the feelings that I once felt. Intention: Recreate feeling of love, excitement etc What does that do for you? Client:Makes me feel alive. Intention: Feel alive and vibrant. What does that do for you? Client:I feel enthusiastic and energized about life. Intention: Enthusiastic and energized about life. What does that do for you? Client:I can achieve my dreams. Intention: Achieve dreams. What does that do for you? Client: I feel satisfaction. Intention: Personal satisfaction What does that do for you? Client: I feel confident that I can do anything I set my mind to. Intention: To be confident. Any outcome to not having an affair for this client must take into account and find a way to keep or enhance the feeling of confidence.
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