Success, Failure and Feedback

In NLP there is no such thing as failure, there exists only feedback. This applies to relationship issues as much as any other. When something that you are doing does not produce the results that you want, treat the results as feedback. Then use that feedback to improve upon/change strategy so that you get the results that you desire. The process can be represented as:

Step 1) Determine present state. Determine desired state.

Step 2) Test: Compare your present state with your desired state

2.1) If present state = desired state, exit
2.2) if present state NOT = desired state, goto step (3)

Step 3) Operate: Act to reduce the difference. Go to step 2.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result." -- Einstein

Failure is Not an Accident

Failure doesn't just happen. It has a structure and sequence. People are creatures of patterns and habits. This goes for both for how our 'failures' and successes are constructed. Knowing your own patterns that lead to producing undesired states, will help you in gaining leverage to work on them.

Feedback is the Foundation of Success

Feedback can be positive or negative. Positive feedback tells you that a pattern is working. Negative feedback tells you that a pattern isn't working. Use the negative feedback to change the pattern until it produces successful results.

Success has a Structure

Notice patterns in you that produce desired state in one area of your life. Use the same patterns to produce desired states in other areas as well.

Eliciting Patterns

NLP provides a more detailed form of pattern elicitation. However, just to keep things simple here, do the following exercise for a start:

The next time you produce successful results in some area, ask yourself "Is there a pattern to this?". If so, trace back your actions, what you saw, felt and heard, prior to producing the results