Marriage Problem Solving Tools

For each negative emotion

-   Find the highest intention through the following steps.
What is the positive intention of the negative emotion that you are facing?
What will having X (positive intention) do for you?
If the answer is Y, what will having Y do for you?”
Repeat until you’ve reached your highest intention, which means you have reached the ceiling and can answer no more.
- Find root cause of negative emotion in hypnosis/meditation. Ask “What is the root cause of my _______?” (guilt, sadness etc)

Remove negative emotion at the root cause incident.

Application to marriage problem solving - negative emotion

Negative feeling, eg fear of being abandoned by your partner. Find out in regression, what is the root cause of fear of being abandoned.

The positive intention of the fear may be to alert you to the fact that you still have not worked on fear resulting from an incident in your childhood, for instance. The fear is still buried in your subconscious mind. The highest intention of the fear may be so that you are cleared of this particular type of fear, so that you can move on and live a more fulfilled life.

For each negative decision (which replaces the word negative belief)

- Find root cause of negative decision in hypnosis/meditation. Ask  “When did I first decide that …….?”

Remove negative decision at the root cause incident and replace it with a positive belief.

Another way to change negative beliefs is through the technique of reframing.

Application to marriage problem solving - negative belief

 

If you have the feeling the you are not good enough for your husband.   Ask in regression, “When did I first decide that I was not good  enough?”

Doing this literally changes your future. Time is holographic in the hypnotic/meditative alpha level of mind. There is no past, present and future – it is all one single entity. Therefore, whatever changes you have made at the root cause incident, holographically influences your present and future as well. This naturally paves for a better future.

Points to bear in mind when doing regression

      - Forgive, even if you have been the “victim”. It releases you from the past that that is costing you energy at present. It does not mean that you condone the perpetrator’s actions. It only means you have energetically set yourself free and have broken the karmic cycle of having to relearn the lessons. When you forgive someone at the alpha level of mind, your Higher Self contacts theirs and you’ll receive the same benefits as if you have forgiven verbally, in person.

- Replace the unwanted event in your mind with a more desired outcome at the root cause incident, by playing it in your mind. Ensure that the outcome results in the highest good of all concerned and that it stems from love rather than ego-based fear. When doing this process, call upon Source for guidance. Rest assured that it will always do whatever that is in your highest good.

      - At the end, or when appropriate, you can visualize all parties involved, including yourself being bathed in golden light/white light from Source. This energetically cleanses any negativity and infuses all bathed in the light with the energy of love.Reiki is an excellent tool for this purpose, as it has specific energy symbols that heal past issues. - When at the causal scene, ask what is to be learnt. You can ask Source to help you with the answer. Put the answer in a place you reserve for all such learnings.

- When you come back from regression process to waking state, journal down the lessons, so that you will remember. We transcend karma when we learn our lessons. We then move to a higher vibrational level of existence.

      Tools for emotional clearing

B) Energetic cleansing of blocks in Aura and Chakras 

Sometimes we feel psychic energetic blocks in us that is hard to pinpoint. The following meditation can help clear blocks of this nature.  

Block Clearing Meditation 

Our chakras code information about our emotions. Click here to find out which of your chakras are blocked, based on what you are feeling at the moment.  

The following meditations can be done on a daily basis for energetic cleansing and spiritual healing. 

- Auric Cleansing

- Chakra Clearing

- Cord Cutting 

5)      Forgiveness 

Forgiveness is essential, even if you have been the “victim”. It releases you from the past that that is costing you energy at present. It does not mean you condone the perpetrator’s actions. It only means you have energetically set yourself free and have broken the karmic cycle of having to relearn the lessons. When you forgive someone at the alpha level of mind, your Higher Self contacts theirs and you’ll receive the same benefits as if you have forgiven verbally, in person.

Compassion for someone who has hurt you:

"You are a human being like me. When you hurt me, you were just trying to survive. You did your best, given your limitations and your understanding of the situation at the time. I can understand your motivations, your fears, and your hopes. I share them because I am human too. I may not like what you did, but I understand it."

"I accept the fact that you hurt me. I don't like it, but I don't condemn you for doing it. Nothing can change what happened. I forgive you. I may not approve or agree, but I can forgive. I can let go of the past and wipe the slate clean. I know I can't expect atonement. I am letting go of revenge and resentment. Our differences are in the past. I'm in control of the present, and I can forgive you now. I can leave my anger behind."

6)      Programming Your Goals/Your desired outcome 

When you have cleared some of the key issues with the past, you are ready to program goals into your future. 

Visualization

Visualization done in an alpha state, programs your goal in the spiritual dimension, which eventually manifest in the physical dimension.

In step 4 of Core Innergization Process, where you re-labeled yourself, visualize yourself as having taken on the new trait. Where you have re-labeled your husband, visualize yourself interacting with your husband as though they have taken on a new, more empowering trait. The intent of this is not to change the other person, but rather change the way you interact with the person. For instance if you have treated your husband as an incapable person previously, treat him in your visualization as though he is competent.   

Visualization tools for marriage

Affirmations

Affirmations further reinforce visualization.

Resources on the construction and use of relationship affirmations. 

A beautiful affirmation by Louise Hay that is appropriate for any situation, and especially a marriage crisis is “Out of this situation, only good will come.” 

After you have done programming, let go and surrender to Source /the Universe to do its work. Release attachment to the results, because if you don’t you are interfering with the energy of manifestation. Put your focus on tasks that are next on your list. 

7)      Questions for Reflection 

Questions are the answers. The purpose of these questions is to reveal the spiritual lessons to be learnt in what you are facing. Learning the lessons is the first step to receiving Grace. I have found that asking these questions myself had such a powerful effect in me in terms of creating paradigm shifts. Often, my situation turned around completely after that. It is recommended that you find answers to these questions in meditation/hypnosis/regression.  Before you begin, get yourself familiar with  sacred contracts and archetypes work of Dr Caroline Myss.  

• What are the lessons to be learnt in what you are facing? When we learn our lessons, we can transcend our karma. Otherwise, they tend to repeat in themselves in similar or different situations, until we learn the lessons. It is important to bear in mind that the lessons are NOT about something you have done wrong or something bad about you.

• Am I acting from fear or am I acting from love? The lessons that we need to learn will repeat until you learn to act from love rather than fear.

• What sacred contract roles am I fulfilling?

• What sacred contract roles is everyone in the situation fulfilling?

• What is the symbolic meaning behind the situation? Everyone in the situation is playing a certain role, so that you can learn the lessons that you were meant to learn in this life. One way to reflect on it is to say to yourself that your spouse has chosen to play that role for your learning. Granted, it might not be a role that you are crazy about. Any other person could have been  karmically contracted to take on that role to test you.

• Determine the roles your victim, saboteur, child, prostitute archetypes are playing in the situation. According to Dr Caroline Myss we have these four archetypes in all of us. The role of these archetypes is to refine our soul and to help us evolve into better people – into ‘elegant spirits’.

 Victim

• Are you choosing to be a victim in what you are facing? If so, how? Are you losing your power to external circumstances and others? If so, how?

• Are you being passive? If so, how? Or are you behaving rashly and inappropriately? If so, how?

•  Are you enjoying the role of being a victim because of the positive feedback that you get in the form of sympathy or pity?

Prostitute

• Are you selling or negotiating your integrity or spirit based on fear of physical and material survival or for financial gain? If so, how?

• Are you compromising on your values by selling out yourself, talents, ideas or any other expressions of the self? If so, how?

• Are you assessing transactions only in terms of how they will profit you, not what they will cost you spiritually? If so, how?

Saboteur

• How are you making choices that block your own empowerment or successes?

• How are you indulging in self-destructive behavior?

Child

• How are you being indulging in self-pity, blame and resisting to move on through forgiveness? 

• How are you not approving of yourself? How are you seeking approval from others instead?

• Louise Hay's “You can heal your life” lists the metaphysical causes of illnesses. It serves as a good reference for reflection, for instance, if you have a backache, it might mean that you are carrying lots of baggages from the past. You might then want to do some emotional clearing work on yourself.

8)      Brainstorming Solutions 

For certain problems, you may just need to generate as many ideas as possible to pick out the best possible solution. Do not censor any input at the ideas generation stage. Evaluate the ideas only at the end of the process.

Personally, I find this still very much a left-brained activity. When I use this method, I tend to generate answers directly related to the problem. I find that meditating/visualizing triggers my right-brain to generate some really insightful ideas. At times, it even reveals aspects of problems that I would have overlooked otherwise. Some of the ideas generated using right-brained technique do not seem very directly relevant to the problem but they can produce ingenius results.

9)      Music 

Music shifts your mood. You can play music that is upbeat and/or romantic, whatever that is suitable for your situation. Some songs may trigger the same sort of feelings that you felt when you first met your partner. It may be good to revive such feelings every now and then to keep your relationship/marriage alive.

When using the tools keep the following points in mind 

-         Adopt flexibility when using the tools. If the tool that you are using does not give you the desired outcome, try another tool, or try a different way of using the tool. Determine the output of that. If it what you want, great. If not, go back and use another tool or try a different way of using the tool. More often than not, you may need to use a combination of tools to achieve the most effective result. 

-         Event + Response = Outcome You cannot control an external situation or person, but you can always choose your response. This is within your circle of influence, and it is one of the most empowering things you can do. It puts power and energy to where it belongs – you. So stop losing energy/power to external events or people by choosing to respond in an empowering way.  

For instance, when your spouse responds in an uncaring way, simply say “I choose to ….” Perhaps you might say “I choose to act in kindness” Your spouse, or anybody else, cannot control you in how you choose your response.