Ego vs Higher Self Based Marriage /Relationship

Higher Self based Relationship

Ego based Relationship

Relationship with Self

You operate out of love.

You operate out of fear

You operate out of abundance mentality. 

You operate out of lack mentality.

You see yourself as empowered to have a
major influence in creating the outcome of your relationship. (Creator of reality mentality)

You see yourself as one to whom things
happen in the relationship (victim mentality).

You deliberately create a positive and joyful attitude within yourself.

You consciously or unconsciously
create a negative, deprived, or
other unhappy state of mind.

You see every difficulty as a challenge and as something to learn from.

You feel victimized by what happens. You lose power to external circumstances/any difficulties that you face.

You are open to receiving love, to extending it or to receiving it.

You are closed to love. You have difficulty in recognizing, extending or receiving love.

You give love without expecting anything in return. Giving actually makes you feel more energized. Giving and receiving means the same to you.

You give love with expectations. You demand and manipulate in order to get what you want. The more you give, the more exhausted, resentful and drained you become. This is because you believe that giving creates more lack in you and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy.

You look for opportunities to give love.

You only give love in accordance to how much you receive it.

You forgive and forget easily. Nobody is perfect. The past is the past. You learn from it, evolve and move on. Today is a day for a fresh start.

You harp on past mistakes repeatedly. You often bring it up in conversation or your thoughts. You bear grudges and resentment.

You remain focused on the big picture. You don't let little things bother you, if they don't turn out according to plans.

You keep a laundry list of all errors and transgressions against you mentally. Punitive.

You admit to mistakes and you are quick to apologize.

You are neither willing to admit to mistakes nor willing to apologize.

Thoughtful. Considerate. You like performing small acts of kindness.

Thoughtless. You are focused on yourself, so it is hard to think about others.

Keep a sense of humor about things.

Take everything seriously and emotionally.

Compassionate

Cold and calculating.

Patient

Impatient

You are mostly in the present moment with regards to life and your relationship.

You have fears that are based on the past and you have worries/anxiety about your future. This is affecting your present.

You are centered. You are unperturbed by external circumstances or your partner.

You are affected easily by external circumstances and other people, especially your partner.

You honor what you say.

You make empty promises and don't honor your commitment.

You want peace above all else.

You create conflict over your wants and needs.

You accept your partner for who they are. You find light, even in the shadow aspects of your partner.

You try to change partner to suit your liking. You tend to compare.

You accept, respect, and enjoy your differences. You think that the differences add interest and variety to your relationship.

You judge the differences and try to
change partner to be like yourself. You consider anything unlike yourself and not done the way you want to be a threat.

You are happy the way things are, with no expectations.

You are constantly disappointed
over unmet expectations.

You are non-judgmental towards your  partner.

You judge your partner.

You see any behavior that is not loving as an opportunity to extend love.

You see unloving behavior as an occasion to go into fight or flight.

You are easy to forgive your partner.

You holds grudges, complaints, fear and resentment in your heart.

You look for ways to contribute to your
partner's growth and happiness. You support your partner in their goals unselfishly, knowing that it will make them happy.

You look for ways to get satisfaction
from partner. You only support their goals if they are in your interests. If not, you discourage them even if it means a lot to them.

You support your partner in healing past wounds.

You feel burdened at the thought of supporting your partner in healing past wounds.

You strive to make your partner feel emotionally and physically safe.

You manipulate, play mind games.  You choose to be right over making your partner feel emotionally and physically safe.

When there is a conflict, you deal with it, from a heart of love.

You avoid broaching the subject. You prefer to seek comfort from someone else of the opposite sex etc.

You feel connected to your partner through love.

You feel connected to your partner by being a "winner of arguments" and by being right.

You give your partner freedom.

You are jealous, possessive and controlling of your partner.

You are fully committed to your relationship.

Your commitment depends on the climate of the relationship.

Sex

You view sex as a communication
of love.

You view sex as a means to get physical pleasure, self-gratification, love and security.

Love is more important than romance and passion.

You view romance, passion as being more important than love. You tend to get restless after the passion of a new romance dies off.

Communication

You display all round kindness, in both words and deeds. You are diplomatic.

Your words and deeds are harsh, cruel, hurtful and unkind. You simply speak whatever that's on your mind, irregardless of whether it hurts your partner, calling it honesty.

You are respectful of what your partner has to say. You listen to your partner with genuine interest. You offer empathy when appropriate.

You are disrespectful and disinterested in what your partner has to say. When they are talking, you are thinking about what to say next. You interrupt. You offer solutions and advice, so that they will fix their problem and get off your back.

You listen to your partner's concerns and criticisms. You give due consideration to whether they are valid. You attempt to change if it is in your soul's highest good.

You immediately refute any criticisms. You get all defensive and worked up. You don't attempt to change and evolve even if it serves your own soul growth.

You know when to talk and when to stop and listen. You make an attempt to empathize with their position. You attempt to see things from their point of view.

You talk incessantly, without stopping to listen. You are often more interested in getting your point across to your partner.

Spirituality

You look upon God, and the Divine within to be the source of happiness.

You look upon your partner to be source of happiness or cause of unhappiness.

You are generous in all ways, knowing
as part of God you have abundance to give.

You are withholding in various ways:
love, affection, forgiveness, sex,
material things, understanding.

You operate from higher levels of consciousness. Your primary devotion is to God. You stand for virtues such as love, peace, joy, service and forgiveness.

You operate from lower levels of consciousness. Your primary devotion is getting gratification, pleasure, security and stimulation.

You support spiritual growth of partner and self.

You place personal needs and desires
above partner's and one's own
spiritual growth.

You trust the voice of spirit inside as
the guide for all actions and decisions.

You trust the voice of your ego as your guide.

You are not attached to particular issues, things, or choices, only to God.

You are very attached to issues, things,
and choices, so you try to control your partner and marriage.

You think: "I actively choose to
create heaven and peace in my
marriage."

You think: "I feel like heaven and
peace come to me if I'm lucky or
my partner brings it."

You think "I AM the divine love
presence here and now in this
relationship."

You think that your partner must be the love presence in this relationship, or
you feel deprived of love.

Purpose of marriage/relationship

You see the purpose of  marriage/relationship as a place for spiritual and emotional growth, a place to practice unconditional love. A means for self-realization and to be closer to Divine.

You see marriage/relationship  as a place to get your needs, wants and desires met.