NLP Techniques and Relationships

Recapture the essence of who you were in the beginning when your partner fell in love with you.

It is important that even in the beginning to maintain a significant amount of personal time in which you continue to pursue your own interests and engage in your own social activities. Never lose sight of the special things that make *you* you. If you give them up, even at the request of your partner, you'll lost that unique energetic attraction that brought the two of you together in the first place.

1.  Be in a comfortable position and close your eyes.

2.  Go back to the time when you and your partner first courted each each other. Pick a particular time when you were in each other's company. Fully immerse yourself in the experience. What was it about you that attracted your partner to you? How did you behave? What is your body posture? How are you carrying yourself? What are your thoughts about life, relationships, career, goals etc? What do you see, hear and feel?

3.  Soak in the experience for as long as you want, so that you can pick up on all the details.

4.   When you are done, come back to the room and open your eyes.

Write in a notebook whatever you experienced. Then adopt any previous behavior that is resourceful, whilst retaining all your current positive behavior traits. You may go back to relive the experience whenever you wish to recapture the learnings.

Did you know that people like people who are like each other? Have you ever had this scenario happen to you whereby you came home angry about something that happened at work?  Your partner then attempted to comfort you in a soft soothing voice, saying "calm down, calm down" and it infuriated you even more? That is because your partner was out-of-sync with your rhythms, in other words, out of rapport with you.

Also have you noticed the body language of couples who are in love? Couples in love tend to mirror each other unconsciously.

When we are in rapport with our partner, it is easier to communicate with them. Rapport can be established at each level of the logical-levels. The simplest way to achieve rapport is though matching and mirroring.

You can match

- Body Language
  > breathing pattern
  > posture
  > gestures
  > eye contact

- Voice Tone
  > speed of speech
  > volume of speech
  > rhythm of speech

- Language
  > keywords and phrases.

Matching behavior needs skill and respect. It is like a dance -- it must be done subtly or else it may run the risk of looking disrespectful.

When you are experiencing a pleasurable moment, touch your partner in a unique place eg back of neck, just below the earlobe. Doing so anchors the positive, pleasurable experience to the touch. You may use words or touch or both as anchors. You can say, "Oh <your partner's name>", for instance. Do this whenever you get the chance, as anchors get reinforced through repetition. So, every time you touch that part or say those words, your partner gets the good feeling that you have anchored.

On the same token, do not do anchor touch, words or sight unwittingly to negative experiences. For instance you may have the habit of saying "Oh <your partner's name>" whenever your partner is annoyed with you during a fight. What it means is that whenever you say the same during a neutral moment, the negative feelings may be triggered.