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Relationship Articles-- By Shawn Nelson, MSA (aka Mr Goodman) Signs of Cheating: Cheating Men Signs and Why They May Not Work! Common Relationship Problems and Relationship Mistakes To Avoid!Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy? Help, I’m in Love with a Narcissist Questions of True Love: Does It Still Exist 5 Surefire Ways To Tell If A Man Is Interested in You Understanding Men: 5 Statements Men Make and Their Hidden Meaning! In An Unhappy Relationship? The #1 Reason Why You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship Is Revealed! Signs of Cheating: Cheating Men Signs and Why They May Not Work! by Shawn Nelson, MSA.
(c) 2006. All Rights Reserved. There is the belief that a woman can utilize cheating men signs to identify a cheating man. While I agree the cheating signs may be helpful it may not work for all men. Let me show you why the cheating men signs may not work. If you watch TV, I’m sure you have heard a news story about someone being caught for a crime they committed. Now that appears to be a good thing right? Well, it is until you start thinking of the big picture. The truth is only the people who are careless, and sometimes down right stupid, get caught. In other words, we only hear about the people who get caught! It is the same with cheating men...we only hear about the ones who get caught. But what about the ones that don’t get caught? I bet you’re saying, "Oh, but they always get caught?" Are you sure about that? You may not be aware of the professional cheaters. These are people (men and women) who literally make a life of cheating. You would rarely catch them! Want to know why? They are aware of the signs people look for and make sure not to drastically change their behavior or patterns to draw attention. I know what I’m talking about because I was one of those individuals. And no one knew I was cheating. I kept my regular schedule, did what I always did and never got caught over a 15-year period. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not talking bad about the cheating men signs women use as they will provide some insight into the men who desire to start cheating. But for those who have already developed their skills, the cheating men signs may not work. One of the best ways to catch such cheaters is to trust your instincts or gut feelings. Sometimes you know something isn’t right but don’t have any proof. There is always proof you just have to know where to look! You begin by looking in the past! If you really got to know your man then there might be changes in his habits, although very subtle, that can give you a tip. For example, when it comes to sex most people rarely change their routine. Sure one may experiment every now and again but it’s usually the same. Now, when your man starts using new techniques on you but he has never bragged about it before or mentioned plans he has for you, there is a good chance he may have gotten them from another women. Look, most men who love sex are known for bragging. If they really have something new they will give you a warning by saying something like, “You are going to be in trouble tonight when I get home. I got a surprise for you.” Or he may say, “I got something I want to try I think you would like.” But when it just happens with no warning...put your thinking cap on! You know his rhythm, the way he kisses, touches you, hold you and so on. Pay attention to how these things change. Now here’s the key point. If from day one your man was never focused on improving the sex and lovemaking why is he so interested in it now? You must pay attention to your man from the first time you meet him! The sad part is if he was always interested in trying new things and in improving the lovemaking it will be very difficult to catch him. You can use various products to monitor his computer access and what he types or check his cell phone. Yet, a professional cheater won’t fall for this! He will let you answer his phone as well as look over his shoulder when he’s on the computer. The point is he will not do anything that will draw attention to him or to make you wonder if he is cheating. Despite what many people think it’s the men whom you least expect to cheat that are the slick, professional cheaters. You know the ones who seem honest, a family man and the pillar of the community? Now do you see why it is difficult to catch a cheating man? The way to catch one of these guys is to hire a Private Detective. You would be amazed by what they do to get away with such activities. My suggestion is simple: Locate a web site that provides you with the cheating men signs and see if your man fits them If that doesn’t work after a while then maybe you have a professional cheater on your hands and need professional help By the way, don’t waste your time confronting a cheating man, as he will never admit it. Actually, he will tell you your mind is playing tricks on you, that he loves you and would never do such a thing. Cheating men are liars so don’t believe anything they tell you!
by Shawn Nelson, MSA.
(c) 2006. All Rights Reserved. One day you wake up and realize your life is not what you thought it would be. “What went wrong,” you ask yourself. You get a little frustrated and maybe angry with yourself. Then the one thought you did not want to think enters your mind, “I will have to start life over again.” Such a though makes you cringe because you begin to think of all the time you spent to get where you are and now you realize it’s just not working! Maybe, you will be one of the thousands of people who don’t start life over again. Instead, you accept what’s given to you and live out the rest of your life. However, if you are considering starting life over again here are a few things to keep in mind: Starting Life Over isn’t Necessarily Bad – While I understand you have worked really hard to maintain your sanity and to get to where you are sometimes cutting your losses and changing paths is good for you! The key is to make sure you understand how you got to where you are and to not repeat those mistakes again. The Good, Bad and Ugly – I’m sure you’ve seen and experienced things you thought you never would. Yet, somehow you made it through the storm. That should tell you that you are strong enough to make such a change in your life. More important, you have what it takes to succeed and achieve whatever goals you set when you start life over again. Therefore, starting over again shouldn’t be a problem. Change is Good – There are individuals who despise change. Look closely and you will see these are the same people who get left behind in their careers, in their personal lives and tend to suffer more than those who are more adaptable. When you are willing to change you open yourself up to receive and experience new things. It is these things that provide you with the nuggets of wisdom you’ve been looking for that makes a difference in your life. You can stand still and fight change all you want but it’s a losing battle! Forget What You “Think” – This will be difficult at first. For some reason you seem to think that you know enough to solve your problems. Yet, if that was true why are you in your current position? Shouldn’t have things improved by now? At the very least, you should have improved in some measurable way! The point is very simple…get out of your way by changing what you think. It is your perception of the world around you that is limiting you! No one controls you but you! Stay Focused on The Goal – When going through the process of starting life over there will be challenges. The key is to stay focused on your goal. If you lose sight of it then you will quickly adopt your old ways of doing things. Why? Because that is what you know and feel comfortable with. Here’s a tip for you! If the change is making you feel uncomfortable and you’re not hurting anyone in the process, then you are on the right track. Change is never comfortable nor easy! If it were more people would be changing. What’s important to keep in mind is you must determine whether you want to start life over again or continue with the life you have! It will take some work! It will be difficult! But isn’t it worth the pain to finally live the life you’ve dreamed about all these years? Based on my personal experience, it was worth the wait and work. It was very tough and I had to make a ton of changes in my life! However, I would not trade that experience and journey in for anything in the world. Want to know why? I learned so much about myself, the limits I placed on me and what I was truly capable of doing with my life. What would help if you decided to start your life over is if you can share the journey with someone. It could be with a physical person or a spiritual force that you turn to in your time of need. Despite what you may think you cannot do this alone! You can attempt it but at some point you will need to lean on someone or something. If you are serious about starting life over again you may be interested in the Stop Living An Unhappy Life web site.
End A Relationship: How To End A Relationship With Very Little Pain! by Shawn Nelson, MSA.
(c) 2006. All Rights Reserved. The truth is not all relationships will last! The question is not, “Will I have to end a relationship?” But, “When will I have to end a relationship?” In your quest to meet the best person for you several people may enter and leave your life. Of course the plan is always to find one person and stay with them. If you have any experience with relationships you know that is rare! What I would like to do is to explain as simply as possible the one key concept that must be adhered to in order to end a relationship properly. Without this key you may end up inflicting long-term emotional damage on the individual. Key: You Must Be Honest With Your Reason For Here’s what you know about relationships! You meet someone, like them and decided to get to know them. As time pass, you begin to realize that maybe this person isn’t the one for you. But you stick it out some more only to find out for sure that he/she isn’t the one. The typical response to end the relationship may be, “I don’t feel this relationship can fulfill me in the ways I need. You are a nice person but it’s just not working for me. We can be friends but I feel we should end the relationship.” Now that is a nice way to end a relationship isn’t it? Unfortunately, you would have forgotten one thing…the other person’s feelings. Not necessarily how they will feel after the break up but how they felt during the time you two were together. Let’s take a look at a few things that may be running through their mind after you decided you want to end the relationship: I Thought She/He Loved Me – Somewhere along the way you either said or gave the impression that you loved the individual. The news of a break up will be a shock to them. They will not be able to understand how things got to this point. Did He/She Lie To Me – Since the person felt, and was lead to believe, everything was going fine they may begin to see you as a liar. Did you really mean the things you said? Or did you just say them to keep them around until you found someone else? Is There Something Wrong With Me – Even when a person knows the relationship isn’t going well they will still question whether they caused the relationship to end! Especially, if they have too many experiences with relationships ending in the past. There Must Be Someone Else – This is a natural thought as no one wants to believe they caused a relationship to end. There must be someone else that caused the significant other to change his/her mind about me. They know I love them why would they hurt my like this. Your role, if you truly care for the individual, is to assure them (if it’s true) that they are not the problem, you did love them at one time, you did not lie to them and there is no one else. You do this by being honest and telling the truth. If you have outgrown the individual then tell them exactly when and how it happened. If you are no longer attracted to the person then tell them why. If you feel your needs aren’t being met then tell them what those needs are and how they are not meeting them. There is a catch to this that I should warn you about ahead of time! You can only use this method if you have been consistently communicating honestly with your partner. You cannot just throw a list of items that you are unhappy with that you never brought to their attention. You have to give them the opportunity to at least attempt to meet your needs. Also, you cannot lie in the early stages of the relationship and then attempt to use this method! It will only backfire on you! For example, if you tell someone you love to do something (e.g., snuggle, give hugs, etc) then you cannot turn around and tell them that you no longer like those things or that they smother you too much! That would be a clear sign that you lied in the beginning! In order to successfully end a relationship you must be honest from day one! You must communicate your needs, desires, wants and express your unhappiness at all times. If there is no communication between you two then ending the relationship may not turn out well. Finally, if you know or feel you cannot be honest with your partner, or anyone that you date, do them a favor and leave them alone. Don’t allow them to put their heart and emotions on the line when you will not be truthful. You will have to end a relationship someday but make sure it’s a result of both of you attempting to make it work while being honest with each other. That way there will be very little, if any, animosity toward each other.
by Shawn Nelson, MSA.
(c) 2005. All Rights Reserved. Despite what you may think, it is not difficult to live a better life. Sure, life seems difficult, relationships fail, you probably work at a job you cannot stand and so much more! I promise when you are finished reading you will begin to have a whole new outlook on life and will know you can live a better life! Let’s begin! There is one thing you do that causes you not to live a better life! Do you know what it is? You Make Too Many Uninformed Decisions Without Carefully Weighing The Consequences! Are you where you desire to be in life? Most likely the answer is, “No!” I can almost guarantee you made an uninformed choice or decision a few years back that put you where you are today. Now be honest with yourself and think back. For example, if you decided you didn’t like high school and dropped out it’s not a big deal. But as you get older, need to pay bills, have children and more responsibilities that decision to drop out is now hurting you. It makes it very difficult to live a better life. Here’s another example, you fall madly in live with someone thinking it’s going to last only to realize they wanted to have a little fun with you and leave but now a baby is on the way. Your decision to not protect yourself has caused you some difficulty in your life. Okay, I’ll give you one more! You take a job paying a lot of money because it can provide you with the lifestyle you’ve always dreamed. After a few months you realize you can’t stand the job but you cannot leave. You have begun to spend more money than you make and don’t want to go back to the way you used to live. So, you stay miserable on the job just to maintain your lifestyle and keep that paycheck. Those are just three of the many ways in which you derail your chances to live a better life. Why do you make these mistakes in judgment? Well, you rely on your emotions to make decisions for you. Your emotions will usually get you in a world of trouble. As if you didn’t know that by now! The way to correct this problem is to stop and think things through. There is no rush to make a decision. If you are being rushed then there’s a good chance that decision will come back to haunt you many years later. Here’s what I ask myself when I have to make a choice or decision: Is this something that I need? Will it hurt me or help in the short term and long term? Who will be affected by this decision or choice? Can I live with the consequences of this decision or choice long after I make it? Those four questions save my butt every single time! I cannot tell you how many things I have avoided by using the above questions! Look, I am not stupid! I know it will be difficult to stop and think about something when you just want to do it. I’ve been there for so many years. But after a while you just get sick and tired of repeating the same mistakes. You just want to live a better life. There is a way to live a better life! I have shown you one way! But will you follow? Another way is to have access to Relationship Coaching and Life Coaching when you need it the most. It is your life and your happiness that is on the line here. Not mine! I have found the way to live a better life. It is simple. It works for me! And I truly believe it can work for you! Often, I get emails telling me, “Your approach is to simple.” I just laugh, as I know many of the best things in life are free and the way to experience a fulfilling life is to enjoy and utilize those simple things. If you are ready to live a better life then make a change today! You will have no one to blame but yourself if you end up with a life you dislike! A better life is waiting for you!
Common Relationship Problems and Relationship Mistakes To Avoid! by Shawn Nelson, MSA. If you are anything like me you would love to avoid relationship problems. Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried relationship problems seemed to hunt me down and attack me! Or, did I make relationship mistakes without knowing it? Below are the common relationship problems and relationship mistakes to avoid! If you can dodge them your life will improve dramatically! In your quest to be loved and feel loved you rush into relationships with people that you wouldn’t ordinarily talk too! Is it because you are desperate? No! It is because you are tired of being alone and would rather be with someone than with you. The sad part is the end result is usually a ton of relationship problems and eventually a broken heart. All of this could have been avoided if you take your time and get to know the person. Take a look at your past relationships and ask yourself, “Did I move too fast?” You can rush if you want too and make several relationship mistakes, but don’t complain about the outcome. It appears no matter what the man does women tend to hold on to the hope that, “Things will go back to the way it was.” Sorry to bust your bubble but that rarely happens and the end result is usually relationship problems. The truth is no woman should believe what a man says. Nor should you consider a man a liar. What a woman should do is listen to what a man says and see if he does it! His actions must agree with his words. It’s important to keep in mind that while the end result may not be achieved you should see the effort to reach it! For example, if the man says he will help you with finding a job and you see he is sending out your resumes without you asking then his words and actions are aligned to achieve the end result—getting you a job. You must see both of them (his words and actions) heading in the same direction; otherwise, you can bet you will get hurt and have a lot of relationship problems to deal with. Living in a fantasy world – As corny and weird as this may sound, millions of people suffer from this. Would you agree with me that you have an image of what your dream person should be like? Would you also agree with me if I said you have played out several scenarios in your head of what it would be like to spend time with that person? What you are doing is living in a fantasy world. The problem is not the dreaming but when you expect the real world to adapt to your relationship fantasy. Have you ever said to a partner, “What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you act the way you should?” There a really good chance you expect this individual to live up to your fantasy. The truth is very few people can live up to your fantasies! Part of the problem is your expectations are unreal! To you they seem normal but to another person they would consider you a psycho! Let me give you an example! For years you envisioned the man of your dreams coming home, showering you with hugs and kisses, sweeping you off your feet and having a romantic evening. When your sweat heart gets home, he may be tired, go take a shower, sit down for a few and maybe talk with you. After a few times of this happening, you begin to get upset with them because your “fantasy” is not being fulfilled. My point is: 1) Your partner is not aware of what you desire, and 2) How in the world do you expect someone to do those things every single day? And that’s the problem! In your fantasy world, people don’t get tired, people don’t have lives, people don’t work, people just shower you with the things you want and need to keep you happy! But in the real world it doesn’t work that way! If you want to learn more about this fantasy world read Relationship Reality: Were Your Relationships Based in Reality or Fantasy? During the initial “lust” period you set aside or overlook the things that could save you from several relationship problems. For example, you are with a guy and when another man looks at you your man flies of the handle and threatens the guy. You think it’s a little overboard but like the attention. Hint: It can lead to physical and verbal abuse. Another example, you are being showered with gifts but you never asked for them. While you like them it does make you feel a little awkward. Hint: The man is trying to buy your love because he may not be able to show he loves you or likes you in other ways. Consequently, you will feel neglected but have a ton of gifts. These simple relationship mistakes and oversights can cause serious relationship problems. You can be stuck with a man who is so possessive that he would rather kill you than let you go. Or, you can end up with a man who is successful, yet neglects your simple needs such as giving you a little attention or his time. If you desire to avoid relationship problems, the best thing you could do is take your time, learn as much as you can about the person and pay attention. Do not write things off as a one-time occurrence. By doing so you are giving the person permission to continue that behavior without knowing it. Look at your life and ask yourself, “Am I where I want to be?” I can bet the answer is, “No!” So, how did you get where you are today? Simple! By not knowing what you wanted! Look, I’m not saying you set out to be where you are today on purpose. You made a few decisions based on what you thought you wanted and things did not work out. So, what did you do? You kept making decisions without knowing what you really wanted, which caused relationship problems. Then you get upset with the world because things didn’t work out the way you planned it. Remember above I talked about living in a fantasy world. Well, many of your wants are based in a fantasy world. It’s not until you get rid of them that you begin to realize where you made your relationship mistakes. Here’s a simple test! If you have done what you felt were the best things for you and your life is not the way you thought it would be then you are doing something that is not working for you! Notice I didn’t say it was wrong; it’s just not working for you!
Relationship Reality: Are Your Relationships Based In Reality or Fantasy? by Shawn Nelson, MSA. As smart as most people think they are you would not believe how many of them fall victim to relationships that are not based in reality. Within the next two to three minutes, you will uncover if you have had relationships based in reality or fantasy! I want you to recall a failed relationship and ask yourself one question, "Why didn't it work?" Initially, you may answer, "They cheated, lied, changed, etc." But be honest with yourself. Without honesty there cannot be any changes within your life. The truth may be you created a world in which this person could not live up too! "How is that possible," is what you are thinking, "I would never do such a thing!" Maybe not intentionally but you do it! Heck, we all do it until we realize we are doing it! Too often you project your image of the person onto them. Thus, creating your fantasy person. We see only the image we created. This is important to recognize early on because at no point did the person ask you to think so highly of them. You focus on their "potential" and figure eventually he/she will get to that place he/she should be to make you happy. However, once the individual steps outside of the image you created you begin to think, "They changed!" But in reality they were the same all a long. In essence, what you have done was create a "virtual reality" or "fantasy world" based on the images present in your mind. That is why many of us get hurt in our relationships. We are not realistic but idealistic. What's the difference between a Realistic person and an Idealistic person? Realistic: A realistic person will go into a relationship with their eyes open A realistic person will lay the cards on the table and get down to details of what the relationship is going to be A realistic person will speak their mind and say what they feel even though it may hurt the person in the short term A realistic person is honest with the individual regarding their life and shows they care about the person and not focused on what they can get from the individual A realistic person understands there will be problems and issues but working together they can overcome anything A realistic person tends to be more genuine in their love and support And much, much more Idealistic: The idealistic person will forgo the communication and move straight into sex The idealistic person will say "I love you" quick The idealistic person will get emotionally attached quick The idealistic person will think, "This is my dream person." Technically, they would be right, as it is a dream they are living and their new mate would be a dream person. The idealistic person will cry because their dream relationship did not work out then repeat the process over again The idealistic person will blame everyone else for causing the problem but never look at themselves The idealistic person lives in a fantasy world where everything works and nothing fails The idealistic person is usually kicked square in the face by reality and still will not wake up And much, much more! The question you need to ask yourself is, "Am I a realistic person or am I am idealistic person?" The answer to that question will help you to understand why your relationships end and how to say goodbye to relationship mistakes and avoid unhappy relationships. Now, don't go out analyzing people and prejudging them. This, as well as everything else you may read on other web sites, is just a guide. Use your common sense and just pay attention when you are dealing with people.
I have always wondered, “Why Do Relationships End or Why Do Relationships Fail?” I knew I was doing everything right, or what I thought was right, and still my relationships ended. Talk about being one confused individual! It wasn't until many failed relationships, and God only knows how many broken hearts, that I realized there were a few things missing. I never had the woman I truly needed because she did not pass the three stage test. Now I know what you are thinking, “Oh no...he has to test people!” I have learned that people are not always who they say they are so, you have to see if they hold up to the image they present. Or, would you rather I end up with another failed relationship? I do not set out to test them. However, by spending time with them life will present challenges and I will get to see how they react to those challenges. Relationships end or fail for many reasons. However, I have uncovered three areas (stages) where all of my relationships failed. They are: Trust Consistency Life Obstacles Let me give you an explanation of each so you can understand why my relationships ended. Trust – I need to know if I can trust a person. Naturally, I give the benefit of the doubt until I have evidence to lead me to believe otherwise. This is the foundation for me, which also includes communication. Consistency – The one thing that works my last nerve is inconsistent people. If you say you are going to do something do it. If you say you are going to be somewhere be there. If you know you cannot keep your word then don't say or agree to anything. Keep your big mouth shut! If circumstances cause you to have to be inconsistent that is fine! But to be inconsistent for no reason at all is just crazy! Life Obstacles – This is the big one. Even if someone passes the first two stages most will fail at this stage. To be honest with you, very few have ever past the second stage. This stage is critical because how a person handles life problems will provide insights into their inner feelings and thoughts. For example, my natural inclination during a crisis is to stay calm, devise a plan quickly as possible with the information I have and head straight toward the problem and conquer it. Now, if the woman I am talking with decides to run the other way, starts complaining or just gives up then I have to think twice about getting involved with her. Life is hard enough as it is so I do not need a weak woman who is unsure of herself expecting me to protect her. Either she will stand next to me and take the challenge head on. Or, she will stand behind me to watch my back while we move forward. Any other position will not work for me. Now ask yourself, “Has anyone you have been involved with met or exceeded the three stages mentioned above?” I doubt it very much! It is rare to find that type of individual but they are out there. However, I met a person about nine months ago; and let me tell you she will always be a part of my life whether we stay friends or it goes further. She has passed all three stages without trying! She is truly awesome! Words cannot express how wonderful she is as a person. Like I always tell her, “You are stuck with me for life!” It is my hope that the next person you decide to talk with can meet or exceed the three stages. Otherwise, you will be in for a bumpy ride! And remember, do not complain for you picked the person. If you are unhappy let them go! Unless you are married then try to work things out. Understanding Men: Four Things about your Husband You Must Know! When it comes to dating, there are so many things we know about finding and landing Mr. Right. But what about after you marry the man of your dreams? Author Charles Harry says there are a few things you need to know if you want to stay in love. (PRWEB) -- “We all know some marriages run perfectly,” Harry says. “But what about the other 99% of us? People sometimes can diverge in completely different directions after marriage yet there are always signs we miss that act as warnings. His book: Confessing with girls: money, lies, sex & insensitive men (Bertram & Knott, June 2005), is a satirical look at the simple things men do throughout relationships and why they do them. 2. The fact that every time he answers an inquiry from you with ‘it's a guy thing'; it really means there's no rational explanation at all. In fact, there's absolutely no way it could ever make sense to anyone, anywhere. When you hear that phrase, it's ego talking. The more you hear it, he's on his way to establishing his superiority over you. This is trouble. It means he no longer will see you as an equal.
Help, I’m in Love with a Narcissist Bestselling relationship gurus Steven Carter and Julia Sokol enlighten readers about trying to love someone who can only love them self. Here Carter and Sokol, point out signs and pitfalls of this serious relationship dilemma, providing suggestions for avoiding the inevitable traps of this negative affection. (PRWEB) -- Are you in love with somebody who regularly puts his/her plans, priorities, and needs ahead of yours? Are you in love with somebody who doesn't even seem to notice that you have any needs of your own? If that's the case, you might be in love with a selfish and self-involved narcissist. Are You In Love With a Narcissist? — A Test: Narcissism is not just a word. It's an experience! It's an all-consuming, confusing, vexing, perplexing and often incredibly destructive experience. You can best identify people with serious narcissistic issues because of the way they make you feel. If you want to determine if the person you love has narcissistic traits, here are some questions to ask yourself: Do you often feel as though you are doing most of the work to keep the relationship going and your partner happy? Do you feel that nobody is thinking about you and what makes you happy? Is your relationship completely organized around your partner's interests, schedules, and activities (or lack thereof)? Do you feel controlled by your partner's up and down moods? Do other people tell you that your partner is “difficult,” “selfish,” and “self-absorbed?” Do you find yourself covering up for your partner's inappropriate behavior? Is your partner making unilateral decisions that affect your life and well being (“We need to move to Belize”)? Is your sense of safety and security regularly threatened by your partner's impulsive, selfish behavior? Do you feel like a slave to your partner's ego? Is everything always about your partner (with your needs and priorities obliterated)? If you answered yes to more of these questions than you want to admit, do we have a book for you! Steven Carter and Julia Sokol introduced the term commitmentphobia in their groundbreaking, million-copy New York Times bestseller, "Men Who Can't Love". Now, in their latest book, they tackle the major relationship issue of our times—narcissism. "Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist", shows why it's so easy to be seduced and swept off your feet by a narcissist. “It's easy to ‘fall' for a narcissist,” Carter and Sokol say. “They can be very charismatic and usually engender strong emotions. They like to think of themselves as special, and at the beginning of a relationship, they will frequently draw us into their world and make us feel as though we are equally unique. That's why getting involved with a narcissist can be such a heady, whirlwind experience. Falling in love with a narcissist is easy, but the problems of building a workable, long-term relationship with such a person can seem almost insurmountable.” In "Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist", Carter and Sokol illustrate the common pitfalls of narcissistic relationships, while helping readers come to terms with exactly what they are experiencing. They also draw the connection between narcissism and commitment issues as well as between narcissism and addictive behaviors such as substance abuse, giving readers the power to see all the ways that narcissism manifests itself. With in-depth analysis, readers will learn how to cope with narcissistic relationships and how to get help or get out. Written with the compassionate language that people have come to expect from these proven relationship experts, "Help, I'm in Love with a Narcissist" goes beyond a simple explanation of the condition as it helps men and women avoid and/or learn to cope with people who are incapable of loving anyone but themselves. Cheating Wives Have Extramarital Affairs for Different Reasons than Cheating Husbands “Men and women cheat for different reasons,” says infidelity expert Ruth Houston, who was recently quoted in a New York Times article on female infidelity. (PRWEB) -- In a recent New York times article, Ruth Houston, infidelity expert and author of “Is He Cheating on You? – 829 Telltale Signs”, pointed out that married men and women each have different reasons for cheating on their spouses and that most cases of female infidelity appear to be preventable. The article, High Infidelity by Marcelle Fischler, explored the rising trend in female infidelity, and included comments from a number of cheating wives as well as interviews with marriage counselors, infidelity experts, private investigators, divorce lawyers and other professionals in the field. The Top Reasons Men and Women Cheat ''The No.1, 2 and 3 reasons for men relate to sex,'' Ms. Houston said. ''A woman cheats for the most part as a last resort. She has tried everything, her complaints have fallen on deaf ears and she feels she has no other alternative.'' Ms Houston, whose ongoing infidelity research spans 10 years and encompasses both male and female infidelity, lists the most popular reasons cheating husbands and cheating wives give for engaging in extramarital affairs. Why Men Cheat The most frequently cited reasons for infidelity among men include more sex (the desire for a more active sex life) sexual variety (a desire for different kinds of sex) opportunistic sex (taking advantage of an opportunity to have sex without the fear of getting caught) to satisfy sexual curiosity (about a specific female) a feeling of entitlement (the belief that it's a man's prerogative to cheat) Why Women Cheat The reasons most frequently cited for female infidelity include a desire for emotional closeness and intimacy (someone caring to confide in and bond with on an emotional level) a desire for attention (wanting be the center of a man's attention again) to reaffirm her desirability (To feel validated as a woman) to re-experience feelings of romance a desire to feel “special” Women are Cheating for Emotional, Not Sexual Reasons “The bottom line regarding infidelity” says Ms Houston, “is that men are cheating on their wives primarily for sexual reasons, while women are cheating on their husbands primarily for emotional reasons.” There are numerous studies on infidelity that support these findings. In one study, 75% to 80% of the men who admitted to having extramarital affairs said that sex was the primary reason. Only 20% of the woman who were having extramarital affairs said they did so for purely sexual reasons. Most Female Infidelity May be Preventable “What I find most interesting about my research, as well as other studies on female infidelity, is that the majority of the reasons cheating wives give for infidelity are things that could be easily remedied by an attentive husband who's willing to make the effort.” says Ms Houston, whose website http://www.InfidelityAdvice.com , provides practical advice for victims of infidelity. “This leads me to conclude that most cases of female infidelity are probably preventable.”
Questions of True Love: Does It Still Exist Does true love really exist? You know, the kismet kind. The kind that envelopes two spirits before they’ve even met; the kind Shakespeare must have been writing about in Romeo and Juliet. (PRWEB) -- Does true love really exist? You know, the kismet kind. The kind that envelopes two spirits before they've even met; the kind Shakespeare must have been writing about in Romeo and Juliet; the kind that makes you give up everything familiar, moral, safe, to walk in the direction of destiny. “True love is when you care enough for another person to allow them the space and time they need to become all they can be,” says Christiane Northrup, M.D., author of Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom (Bantam, 1998). Kathlyn Hendricks, Ph.D., and Gay Hendricks, Ph.D., authors of Everlasting Love, say true love occurs when you shift from unconscious commitment to conscious commitment.
Battered Woman's & Man's Guide of Signs To Look For In A Battering Personality! Many women are interested in ways that they can predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who will be physically abusive. Usually battering occurs between a man and a woman, but lesbians can be battered too. Below is a list of behaviors that are seen in people who beat their girlfriends or wives. The last four signs listed are battering, but many women don't realize this is the beginning of physical abuse. If a person has several of the other behaviors (say three or more) there is a strong potential for physical violence -- the more signs a person has, the more likely the person is a batterer. In some cases a batterer may have only a couple of behaviors that the woman can recognize, but they are very exaggerated: (e.g. will try to explain his/her behavior as signs of his/her love and concern, and a woman may be flattered at first; but as time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate and control the woman). JEALOUSY: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love; jealousy has nothing to do with love. It's a sign of possessiveness and a lack of trust. He/she will question the woman about who she talks to, accuse her of flirting, or be jealous of the time she spends with family, friends or children. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call her frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He/she may refuse to let her work, for fear she'll meet someone else, or even do strange behaviors such as checking her car mileage or asking friends to watch her. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: At first, the batterer will say this behavior is because he/she's concerned for the woman's safety, her need to use her time well, or her need to make good decisions. He/she will be angry if the woman is "late" coming back from the store or an appointment, he/she will question her closely about where she went, whom she talked to. As this behavior gets worse, he/she may not let the woman make personal decisions about the house, her clothing, going to church: he/she make keep all the money or even make her ask permission to leave the house or room. QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than 6 months before they were married, engaged, or living together. He/she comes on like a whirlwind claiming "you're the only person I could ever talk to," (and/or) "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." He/she will pressure the woman to commit to the relationship in such a way that later a woman may feel very guilty or that she's "letting him down" if she wants to slow down involvement or break-off. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs: he/she expects the woman to be the perfect wife, mother, lover, friend. He/she will say things like "if you love me, I'm all you need... you're all I need." She is supposed to take care of everything for him/her emotionally and in the home. ISOLATION: The abusive person tries to cut the person off from all resources. If she has men friends, she's a "whore," if she has women friends, she's a lesbian, if she's close to family, she's "tied to the apron strings." He/she accuses people who are the woman's support of "causing trouble." He/she may want to live in the country without a phone; he/she may not let here use a car (or have one that's reliable), or he/she may try to keep the woman from working or going to school. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS: If he/she is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing him/her wrong, out to get him/her. He/she may make mistakes and then blame the woman for upsetting him/her and keeping him/her from concentrating on the work. He/she will tell the woman she is at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. BLAMES OTHERS FOR FEELINGS: He/she will tell the woman "you make me made," (and/or) "you're hurting me by not doing what I want you to do," (and/or) "I can't help being angry." He/she really makes the decisoin about what he/she thinks or feels, but will use feelings to manipulate the woman. Harder to catch are claims that "you make me happy," (and/or) "you control how I feel." HYPERSENSITIVITY: An abuser is easily insulted, he/she claims their feelings are "hurt" when really he's/she's very made or he/she takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks. He/she will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened -- things that are really just part of living like being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told some behavior is annoying, being asked to help with chores. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: This is a person who punishes animals brutally or insensitive to their pain or suffereing; he/she may expect thildren to be capable of doing things beyond their control (whips a to yer old for wetting a diaper) or he/she may tease children or young brothers and sisters until they cry; (60% of men who beat the women they are with also beat their children). He/she may not want children to eat at the table or may expect to keep them in their room all evening while he/she is at home. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN SEX: This type of person may like to throw the woman down and hold her down during sex, he/she may want to act out fantasies during sex where the woman in helpless. He's/she's letting her know that the idea of rape is exciting. He/she may show little concern about whether the woman wants to have sex and uses sulking or anger to manipulate her into compliance. He/she may start having sex with the woman while she is sleeping, or demand sex when she is ill or tired. VERBAL ABUSE: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, this can be seen when the abuser dgrades the woman, curses her, running down any of her accomplishments. The abuser will tell the woman that she's stupid and unable to function without him/her. This may involve waking the woman up to verbally abuse her or not letting her go to sleep. RIGID SEX ROLES: The abuser expects the woman to serve them; he/she may say the woman must stay at home, that she must obey in all things -- even things that are criminal in nature. The abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid and unable to be a whole person without a relationship. DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE: Many women are confused by their abuser's "sudden" changes in mood -- they may think the abuser has some special mental problems because one minute he's/she's nice and the next he's/she's exploding. Explosiveness and moodiniess are typical of people who beat their partners, and these behaviors are related to other characteristics like hypersensitivity. *PAST BATTERING: This person may say he/she has hit women in the past, but they made him/her do it. The woman may hear from relatives or ex-spouses/girlfriends that the person is abusive. A batterer will beat any woman they're with if the woman is with him/her long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality. *THREATS OR VIOLENCE: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the woman: "I'll slap your mouth off," (and/or) "I'll kill you," (and/or) "I'll break your neck." Most people do not threaten their mates, but a batterer will try to excuse threats by saying, "everybody talks like that." *BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS: This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking loved possessions) but is mostly used to terrorize the woman into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with his/her fist, throw objects around or near the woman. Again this is very remarkable behavior... not only is this a sign of extreme emotional immaturity, but there's great danger when someone thinks they have the "right" to punish or frighten their wife/girlfriend. *ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: This may involve a batterer holding a woman down, physically restraining her from leaving the room, any pushing or shoving. They may hold the woman against the wall and say "you're going to listen to me!"
You May Be In A Domestic Violence Relationship and Suffering From Abuse! by Shawn Nelson, MSA. All my life I've heard or witnessed domestic violence acts of men abusing women and women abusing men. Whether it was walking down the street seeing a man aggressively grab his lady, hearing a scream come from a building I was passing or hearing the crys behind closed doors. The sad part is there are so many women (and men) accepting this as “normal” behavior. It's difficult to admit to oneself that you are in a Domestic Violence relationshp and are being abused. You think, “How could this happen to me?” Below are simple indications that you are being abused physically, emotionally or sexually which is an excerpt from New York City, Human Resource Administration Pamphlet. Sometime the most innocent things they allow to happen are the signs you need to be aware of! After today, you will have the information needed to identify abuse! Domestic Violence refers to violence ocurring between partners in an ongoing relationship. It is violence and/or the types of abuse committed by on intimate partner against another, or by an ex-intimate partner against another, including partners of the same or opposite sex. You are being physically abused if someone: Pushes or shoves you Slaps or hits you Pulls your hair Kicks or punches you Restrains you with force Chokes you Throws objects at you Abandons you in a dangerous place You are being emotionally abused if someone: Ignores your feelings Witholds approval, appreciation or affection as punishment Continueally criticizes you, calls you names, shouts at you Makes all decisions for you Wants to conrol all your actions Humiliates you in public or private Ridicules your most valued beliefs, your religion, race or heritage Manipulates you with lies and contradictions Subjects you to reckless driving You are sexually abused if someone: Makes demeaning remarks about your gender Calls you names Forces you to take off your clothing Touches you in ways that make you feel uncomfortable Forces you to have sex against your will Treats you and members of your gender as objects Insists you dress in a more sexual way than you want to dress, or insist you dress less sexually Minimizes the importance of your feelings about sex Accuses you of sexual activity with others
5 Surefire Ways To Tell If A Man Is Interested in You or not! 1. He looks you in the eyes Now this may seem very simple and I guarantee you may overlook it. Most men are fascinated with a woman's body. To have a man who's able to maintain eye contact without staring at your boobs or butt is a good sign. This indicates he's interested in you, the person, not the figure. If you were a man you would know how difficult this is to do considering how much we think about sex. I'm not saying the guy won't look he just won't stare. He will definitely take a sneak-a-peek whenever he can without getting caught. 2. He talks about everything but sex You know the type who can't seem to hold a decent coversation without sex popping up. If you find a guy who is able to hold an intelligent conversation on just about any topic (outside of sports and sex) that's a good sign. It's a good chance he reads material other than sports magazines and the sports section of the newspaper. If he has similar interests to yours that's better. 3. He innocently touch you When you click with a man you want him to touch you. Yet, you don't want him to rush things. If the guy attempts to hold your hand, gently touches you on the shoulder and arms or gives you a nice hug that's a good sign. The last thing you want is for him to attack like you're the last woman on earth. 4. He calls to talk with you I'm not sure what it is but it's rare to find a man who likes talking on the phone. Especially with women. The key is not the frequency of the calls as much as the quality. For example, if you only get to speak once a week for 20 minutes or so is the conversation stimulating? He may call you several times during the week just to say "Hi" or "I am thinking of you." Yes, this is rare but there are men who do this and when you find one you should get to know him better. 5. He offers his help without you asking Just because a man offers to help doesn't mean he is sincere in his efforts. Some men have ulterior motives. This is a tricky one but with time on your side you can weed out the knuckleheads. Here's the catch...you will know he is sincere when he continually offers and never ask for anything in return! I know what you're thinking, "There isn't such a man alive today!" Well, you're wrong! There are plenty of us around. When you get one I would suggest you take time to get to know him. He might be what you've been looking for. There you have it...the 5 Surfire Ways To Tell If A Man Is Interested in You and is A Keeper! Do yourself a favor and take your time in getting to know men. There is no need for you to rush into a relationship only to have your heart broken again. Learn all you can about him and have fun! 4 Ways A Woman Can Experience Great Sex and Lovemaking That Is Out Of This World! by Shawn Nelson, MSA When was the last time you had that earth-shattering, make you want to smack your momma and pull your hair out great sex or love making? If you're still thinking it's been too long. And if you can recall a time or two that's great. However, if you're wondering what's the big deal...you have been neglected and have no idea what you are missing! Are you ready to discover the 4 ways women can experience great sex and awesome love making that is out of this world? Let's get to them. 1. Must be with someone you love There is mass confusion over the difference between sex and making love. Let me set the record straight if you don't know it by now. Sex is an act performed with two or more individuals. Making love is the sharing of feelings and the inner parts of yourself with another. There is normally a connection that is not always sexual. Loving another allows you to feel deeper than you normally would and opens you to a world that was unknown to you. Can you recall the first time you were in love and slept with that person? Wasn't it the most emotional experience you ever had? Making love allows you to experience tenderness and generosity at a heighten level that arouses you beyond belief. The thought of the person turns you on. Just being in the same room with them drives you crazy. Usually, you say to your self, "I never knew it could feel so good." And that's before there's intercourse! If you have never been in love or truly loved someone as I stated earlier, "You have no idea what you are missing." 2. Being with a man who is not intimidated by you Too often independent women find it difficult to experience fantastic love making. So many men are intimidated by them. Consequenly, they settle for okay sex and crave passionate love making and great sex. Yet, when a man is confident in himself he would never fear an independent and strong woman. He would not have any problems showing how he feel, taking control and initiating the love making as long as the woman is along for the ride. It would be difficult for an insecure man to please an independent woman. She needs that strong, take-charge man who will relieve her of the daily stress and take care of her for a change. As a result, she will open up and share a side of her that hasn't been seen by anyone in a very long time, if at all. It will definitely be a time to remember for decades to come. 3. Become liberated There are so many expectations placed upon you as a woman. It's a daunting task to fulfill every one of them. When an opportunity arise that allows you to let go and give in to the moment it's a wonderful feeling. You can have an exhilerating experience with someone you are totally physically attracted to. How is that possible? There are no commitments, which allows you to overcome the barriers that may prevent you from opening up. It is very exciting to be with someone who can please you in the ways you've only dreamed of. You can't control everything. Therefore, being able to relax and let go is a wonderful feeling. 4. Feeling good about yourself So many women have inhibitions about sex. They've been taught it's nasty, unclean and not a good thing. One of the greatest feelings is to finally meet a man who makes you feel good about yourself and is sincere. How often are you told you're "beautiful", "sexy", "I cherish you" and so on? If you grew up not hearing these words when you finally do it makes you feel special. As a result of being treated well and respected you begin to relax for the first time in your life. Sex is no longer a chore. It's something you look forward too. You finally enjoy it! Consequently, the sex and lovemaking will be better, you'll feel more desirable and womanly. If you ever find yourself in one of the situations above you better be prepared for the ride of your life. Most important, make sure to enjoy yourself and have fun. One day you will recall that experience and I wouldn't want you to say, "I should have...!" Understanding Men: 5 Statements Men Make and Their Hidden Meaning! by Shawn Nelson, MSA. By now you are aware men are very confusing creatures. They say one thing and do another! Understanding men is not difficult when you know what they mean when they talk! Sometimes you want to strangle them for being so inconsistent. Based on my experience, below are a few statements that will assist you to understand men, which may currently drive you crazy! "I need time to think about the relationship. But I still love you." When this statement is made the man is really saying, "I'm tired of you! I need someone who's more of a challenge! But, I will string you along and stop by once in a while to have sex with you. At least until I find someone else." Unfortunately, he settled for a woman who didn't meet his needs. Or, he didn't know what he wanted or needed! Either way you get hurt because you have given all of you to him. You don't understand how this could happen or where it came from. The only thing you can do is confront the man and ask him to tell you the truth. Or, just be the 'ole standby' when he can't find anyone else! "Of course I love you. I'm with you right?" That comment is always in response to a woman asking, "Do you love me?" I'll reveal the bad news now. Many men do not like needy women who constantly ask that question. It's very nerve racking and sometimes annoying. Now, the hidden meaning to the second part "I'm with you right" is a sign that he's getting fed up and may start looking for another woman who's more confident and doesn't require constant attention. When the last part of the statement is no longer used there's a good chance he's on the prowl or has found someone! "She's just my friend. There's nothing going on between us!" Usually, when the above statement is made the man has been spending more time with his friend than with you! This is definitely cause for concern! A true friend to a man will not allow him to be with her all the time when she knows he has a woman at home. Actually, a true friend will tend to stay away from the man so she doesn't cause any problems with his relationship. Therefore, there is a very good chance the two of them are attracted to each other. They may be sleeping or have slept with each other. Just so you know it takes a lot of self-control for a man and woman to be just friends. But it is possible! "I'm really busy but will spend time with you soon!" The man is avoiding you when he makes this statement. Now, I'm not saying he isn't busy! However, when you are involved in a relationship you should make time to spend with your significant other. It is possible there is something missing in the relationship the man needs. Men don't just become busy for no reason! Talk with him to find out what's going on! "I love you! Let's get married?" or "I love you! Have my baby!" Okay, I'm going to knock you over your head with a brick if you truly believe a man can love you enough after a few months to ask you to marry him. Come on now wake up! You barely know the guy! Or worse, you've been with him for a while and he hasn't done anything with his life to warrant such a statement. Let's not forget the "have my baby" line! Do I need to say more? Yes I do! These statements are usually made when a man knows he has a good woman and doesn't want to lose her. Does he deserve her? Nope! But he knows that! Yet, a man will stretch the truth if it will get you to stay with him. He doesn't want another man to have you! 5 Ways To Have A Happy Marriage That Is Loving and Peaceful! by Shawn Nelson, MSA. Building a happy marriage is not as easy as people think. The notion that you meet the mate of your dreams, fall in love, get swept off your feet and live happily ever after is very rare. A marriage must be worked on daily; and you must put forth some effort or it will eventually fall apart and fail. While there are thousands of tips, the five simple strategies below will assist you to enhance your relationship and possibly prevent it from failing. 1. No Debates If you know you and your mate have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, avoid those subjects. As an example, if you are a Republican and your mate is a Democrat, politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you identify new topics that could cause a debate session, stop the conversation before it even gets started. 2. Filler Talk If you are married, especially with children, break out of the habit of talking about nothing. Many times, families will be sitting around the dinner table and the conversation consists of, "Do you like your carrots?" or "I wonder what is on TV tonight?" Instead, change your strategy to include real questions, showing real interest. Replace the normal,"Did you have a good day at work?" with "Tell me what you did at work today." Even if you do not understand everything being said, listen with interest. It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but your mate's life. 3. Re-establish Old Traditions If you and your mate had a tradition of some kind when you first got together, dust it off and breathe life back into it. Perhaps you met after work on Friday at the local pub for a drink, washed your cars together every Saturday morning, or attended church together on Sunday. Whatever it was, re-establish the tradition. 4. Predictability When asking couples the factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the common responses is that everything in the relationship is so predictable. When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid of letting go of boredom. If you normally hate the fact that Saturday afternoons consist of your mate sitting for hours watching football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and go join them on the couch. Or if your mate spends hours in the garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new flowering plant, and then help to plant it. When taking a walk with your mate, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, "I love you," and then keep walking. Take some chances and do the unexpected. 5. Lighten Up Often when couples have gone through or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things tend to get serious. It could be that there is a tremendous amount of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say. Regardless of the reason, learn to lighten up. Do not take every comment, glance, or movement as a serious problem. If your mate makes a mistake, which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it. If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself. This will automatically start the process of tension breaking.
In An Unhappy Relationship? The #1 Reason Why You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship Is Revealed! by Shawn Nelson, MSA. Have you ever wondered, "What is wrong with me? I do everything I'm supposed to do and I still end up in an unhappy relationship!" I truly understand how you feel! In the next two minutes, you will discover how you complicate your relationships. First, who said you had to be in a relationship to feel loved, cherished and to have a good time? Second, if what you are doing isn't working maybe it's time to try something new and different. Here's what I propose...stop looking for a relationship and start looking forcompanionship! Think about it! Don't you want someone you can: Spend time with Who is truly interested in you Likes similar activities Fits your lifestyle And much, much more ...then stop looking for a relationship. When you look for a relationship you focus on expecting something to happen. For example, you get involved with a person hoping it leads to a long-term relationship, marriage and maybe children. However, when you focus on companionship your future with the person is not important. What's important is, "Are you two compatible enough to do activities with each other." There are no expectations! Just two people enjoying each others company. When that happens anything and everything is possible. Take a moment and think about your best friends of the opposite sex! You don't expect anything from them in terms of a relationship. Yet, you thoroughly enjoy spending time with them. Once you have that companionship it can develop into more. Remember, the key is not what it will evolve into but are you enjoying yourself with that person! That little shift in your thought process will have dramatic life-changing effects. Let me give you an example. I met a wonderful women about two years ago. We became friends. While I was definitely attracted to her and wanted to have a relationship she wasn't having it. She made it perfectly clear it will be, "just friends." At first it was difficult to be just friends because I was really into her. Then one day we had a conversation and I realized I was holding myself back by looking for a relationship. I began to immediately separate and discard the relationship feelings and adopt the companionship feelings. I finally understood, after thirty-five years, I didn't want to be in a relationship. What I was always looking for was companionship... Someone to do things with Someone to talk with who has similar beliefs and heading in the same direction Someone who cared about me Someone who took an interest in me and what I do for a living Someone who made time for me because they wanted too not because they felt obligated Someone willing to give without me having to ask all the time And much more If you're still stuck looking for a relationship, I wish you well and hope everything works out for you. However, if you're willing to adopt the companionship mindset you will have endless possibilities available to you! It won't be easy! It took me about six months to make the transition. However, I was ready and looking for a way to improve my life. I am so happy I did! I could never understand why someone would choose to be with his/herself! Now I know! Do yourself a favor and stop being unhappy with your love life. Try making the shift and see what happens! What do you have to lose? Have Insecurity Issues? Do What People Think Of You Affect How You Live Your Life? by Shawn Nelson, MSA. How often do you find yourself wondering, "I hope they are happy with me" or "I hope I'm pleasing them" or similar thoughts? I can't begin to tell you how bad I was with those thoughts! I would do almost anything to get people to like me. And the sad part is I would go as far as neglecting my needs, wants and desires. Yet, no matter what I did the people could not make me happy! It always seemed to backfire and I was the one that got hurt! You know the routine, "You give all the time and receive the minimum, if anything, in return." I got tired of having others validate my happiness and sometimes my existence. So, I decided to make some changes. It wasn't easy! And it took me almost five years but the changes were made. Here's what I did: I analyzed all of my relationships and asked one simple question, "Why did I do for them knowing they wouldn't do as much for me in return?" The answer was the same, "...for love, to be appreciated, to feel wanted." Then I identified the things I wasn't getting in my relationships and asked myself, "Could I give those things to me?" In every instance I said, "Yes!" I began to give to me the things I was looking for (i.e., love, attention, quality time, doing things with myself that I always wanted to do and much more). During the process something amazing started to happen. I began to have more confidence in me in terms of relationships and what I would not tolerate from people. Then I stumbled upon something that truly opened my eyes! I realized that if I am doing everything I should be doing, and a person doesn't appreciate me, I'm not the problem they are. At that point I didn't care what other's thought about me because I knew that I was doing alright! Now, I'm so confident in the relationship area that I'm not affected as much by what people think. Do I care what everybody thinks of me? Nope! Do I care about what the people I love think about me? Sometimes! But, will I focus on what they think about me? Nope! The key is to become so confident in what you are doing that it doesn't matter what people think. All that truly matters is what you think about you and how you feel about you! I can't tell you how difficult it will be to modify your beliefs in this area. It's going to take some work. But if I can do it so can you! Here's a simple exercise for you. Be honest with your answers. Write down all of the things you don't like about yourself. Now go through each one and ask, "Is this something I should be worrying about? Can it be changed?" If you can change it do something about it. If you can't change it leave it alone and move on. Finally, once you've gone through your list ask yourself one more question, "Where did I get the idea that I don't like these things about me?" You will notice how the thoughts of others affect you! Remember, no one can honestly tell you who you are unless you give them permission to do so! |