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How to Make Sure Men Know You're Available

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

My friend Melissa was always hanging out with her best guy friend, Brad. She didn’t feel comfortable going to bars alone, and Brad was always available for a good time. They did this for about six months before Melissa realized that she wasn’t meeting anyone new. Was her friendship with Brad jeopardizing her romantic life?

Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Men would look admiringly at Melissa … and realize that she was laughing and talking with another guy. They’d assume that because Melissa and Brad were out together, they were a couple.

If you go out with any guy—whether as a pair or in a mixed-gender group—you may be losing opportunities, because people are getting the wrong impression.

Here are some things to do to make it clear to all those gorgeous guys out there that you are a single, available, and highly desirable lady.

1. If you go out often with your best male friend, tell him that you need to take some time off so that you can find someone new. He may feel rejected, even though your relationship is solely a friendship. Reassure him that your friendship is important to you and how much you value it. You can continue to go out with him, but reserve at least one night a week for going out alone or with all female friends.

2. Reserve at least one night a week to go out alone or with your few closest female friends. The whole focus of the night should be keeping your eyes open, engaging in some fun flirting, and seeing the possibilities out there!

3. If you tend to go out often in mixed-gender groups, seat yourself at the side of the table surrounded by women, keep your body angled towards the crowd rather than your small group, and look up often. Unintentional eye contact can be one of the best ways of meeting someone new.

4. If a guy that you’re interested in sees you in the company of another man, ALWAYS mention that the other man is just a co-worker, friend, or sibling. Don’t wait for him to ask. Most men have a firm respect for other men’s territory. If a guy thinks that you are attached, he won’t send out any signals that he finds you attractive … even if he does.

5. Keep your male friendships purely platonic and don’t give into the urge to make them a substitute for a romantic relationship. Male friends often give women an excuse not to hunt for a romantic partner. You may already be comfortable with your male friend, while the hassle involved in meeting someone new, going on a few dates together, and seeing if you’re compatible might feel like too much to bother. DON’T settle for friendship when you could be having the relationship of your dreams!

6. If you do go out with a male friend and want to make sure that the other guys in the room know you’re available, make some space. Don't lean in close, or sit too close together, or lower your voice for a warm, intimate conversation. Keep your body turned slightly away from your friend and towards the crowd. Make sure that your friend knows what you are doing so that he does not feel offended. Avoid “jokingly” flirting, as it can be difficult for anyone observing you to distinguish from real flirting.

7. Most important of all, leave your table and wander through the crowd as much as possible. When you are alone, you are much more approachable. Use the bathroom. Get drinks from the bar, and take your time doing so. Let your gaze wander as you wait with a light, confident smile. If that handsome guy at the edge of the dance floor is looking at you, he might just catch your eye.

8. Always have a good time. Guys are drawn to positive energy; they want to be part of the fun. If you’re the girl who’s having a great time on the dance floor, men will notice you. However, it will be up to you to signal to them your approachability. If you catch a gorgeous guy looking at you, look away quickly, then look back. Glance down and smile to yourself. Look back up again if you feel like it. This game of “eye play” will make it clear to him that you find him attractive. Next thing you know, you may find men lining up in droves at your table.

How to be Irresistible to Men

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by Amy Waterman, host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

Quick … find the closest mirror to you and take a quick glance. What do you see?

Did you see the blemishes in your beauty routine? Did your makeup need freshening up? Was your hair out of sorts?

Were you smiling?

All of us have a habitual expression. It's the expression our face falls into when we are absorbed in a task. When you are washing dishes, watching television, or even reading your computer screen, your face is composed in a particular expression that is unique to you.

It is very hard for us to actually see that expression. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, we tend to focus on particular parts of our face, usually the lips, eyes, general skin condition, and hair. I don't know many women who won't glance in a mirror on a trip to the bathroom to check that their lipstick, eyemakeup, powder, and hair is in order.

What we don't realize is that the most important aspect of our face isn't our makeup. It's our expression.

When you are tired, no amount of makeup can make your eyes look bright and lively.
When you are sad, no amount of lipgloss can make your lips turn up in a happy picture-perfect bow.
When you are stressed, no amount of foundation can keep the worried wrinkles from showing through.

The powers of makeup are extraordinary, but they can't make us look happy, well-rested, and relaxed if we're tired, stressed, and unhappy.

So take a look in the mirror again. This time, ask yourself…

Looking happy will make you more beautiful than all the beauty routines in the world.

The times when a woman is most radiant, such as on her wedding day, or when she is about to become a mother, are those times when she is most blissfully happy.

When I think back on the times that men have told me that I am beautiful, it is often when I least expect it, in those moments that we have shared some intimacy and I am completely content and happy to be with him.

When you're happy, you glow. It's a glow that can't be replicated by makeup, facials, or a summer tan.

To look for evidence of how our inner state affects our facial expressions, look no further than your fellow commuters as you travel to work in the morning. As I walk through the inner city, I often am amused at how easily I can tell who is looking forward to a good day and who is not. Those who are in a hurry, with heads down and faces grim, don't invite a second glance. It is those women sashaying to work, as though on a fantasy catwalk, who draw the eye. When I see a woman with her head up and a smile on her face, I smile back at her involuntarily and take a second look, trying to guess the reason for her good spirits.

So before you invest in that next beauty treatment, try something new: a beauty treatment for the soul. Spend some time doing something that makes you feel more peaceful, happier, and more fulfilled. A walk in a park, a few moments spent sitting quietly in a church, a good deed done for someone, a message read in an inspiring book … there are so many ways that we can beautify the spirit.

Because ultimately your face will change into a wrinkled version of itself, and age will wipe clear those beautiful features that you so carefully drew attention to. But the beauty that comes from a soul-level peace and joy with life will continue to radiate.

And the next time you look in the mirror, don't feel too fussed about the state of your hair or makeup. Instead, ask yourself if you look happy, rested, peaceful and content.

I hope your answer will usually be yes.

How to be Irresistible to Men

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Do Men REALLY Prefer Bitches?

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

My friend Kelly always looked bored when she goes out. I never asked her why until last weekend. It was our girls' night out, and we stopped off for dinner first with two of our closest friends. Then we all headed out on the town to enjoy ourselves.

Our first stop was one of the newest bars that had opened up in my favorite part of town. It's full of quaint little shops, coffee shops and bars packed with quirky people. As we walked into the bar, ordered our drinks and sat down, I noticed that Kelly had suddenly gone quiet. She'd been laughing as loudly as any of us at dinner, but now she suddenly looked bored and rather aloof. She fiddled with her hair and sipped her drink elegantly, acting like she wasn't interested in being there at all.

There were a couple of great-looking guys at the table near us. I noticed them watching us. It always seems to happen when I go out with my female friends! We're always having such a good time that men naturally pay attention. I'll usually look right back at them and give them a knowing smile or a wink, then look away and focus my attention back on my friends. If the men are interested in talking with us, they'll come over. If not, they'll just enjoy the table-to-table flirtation!

This time, the men came over, and we invited them to join us. There were only two of them and four of us, but we made space at our table. All of us starting talking ... well, all except for Kelly. She didn't participate in the conversation at all. In fact, she didn't even look at the two guys; instead, she looked around at what was happening in the rest of the bar.

When we slipped away to use the restroom, I had to ask Kelly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You don't seem like you're enjoying yourself."

"Why?" Kelly stepped up to the mirror to fix her hair.

I tried to explain tactfully. "It just seemed to me that you might be bored."

"No, this is great. Those guys seem really nice. The dark-haired one is really cute."

I was confused! I'd thought that she wasn't enjoying our new companions at all! Then it hit me: Kelly trying to attract these men by playing the "Rules."

Have you heard of The Rules? It's a book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that counsels women to make men work for your attention, never act like you're interested, "don't stare at men or talk too much." If you follow all the Rules, the authors promise, you'll be the one that the men want to take home.

The Rules really started the phenomenon of women trying to act like "bitches" to get men's attention. Another book published five years after The Rules was more explicit about the intent: it was titled Why Men Love Bitches (written by Sherry Argov).

I've heard from so many women that acting like a bitch really DOES work. It keeps them from scaring the man off by coming on too strong. When a woman doesn't act too interested, the man's competitive drive kicks in, and he will pursue her despite her seeming unwillingness. Men love to practice their technique on pulling off a seemingly impossible conquest.

Yes, "The Rules" work. The question is what ELSE "The Rules" do.

I now understood exactly what Kelly was doing, and why. Nevertheless, it was our girls' time together. Earlier, at dinner, we were all having fun. Now, at the bar, Kelly's aloofness was putting a damper on our festivities. Simply put, bitches aren't fun to be around, even if they're only acting that way to attract men!

Was her cool attitude attractive? It is to men who enjoy the thrill of the chase. However, not all men find bitches attractive. Best of all, the guys who are turned off by a woman who pretends not to be interested are often the ones that you REALLY want ... the guys more likely to fall in love, commit, and want to marry you! That's the EXACT opposite of what "The Rules" says! "The Rules" tell you to play games with a man to keep him keen and get that marriage proposal, WHETHER OR NOT he's actually attracted to you for who you really are. If you have to hide your naturally warm, kind, bubbly personality to get a man, then you are actually harming yourself. You're allowing yourself to believe that a man can't love you just the way you are. You're allowing yourself to believe that you have to put a fake mask on before anyone will love you.

You are wonderful just as you are. You're even MORE wonderful when you're having a good time and letting your natural personality shine through. Your natural personality will attract a man who is your natural complement and deter men who are only after the thrill of chasing after unavailable women. You'll attract MATURE men who love you for who you are, not IMMATURE men who want to add another notch to their bedpost.

Best of all, the proof that night was what actually happened. The good-looking guys at the next table noticed us precisely BECAUSE we were having so much fun! Good humor is infectious. They came over because I gave them a clear invitation to join us with my smile and wink. Being warm and friendly ensured that we all had a great time.

Personally, I suppose it all comes down to choice. If you're going to try out "The Rules," make sure that you don't sabotage yourself into having less fun. Personally, I'd rather attract a man who enjoyed being with me for my personality--not because he wanted the challenge of a conquest!

For REAL tips and advice on how to make your man or any man irresistibly attracted to the authentic you, try out the "How to be Irresistible to Men" premium online course! It's been teaching women to overcome their shyness, flirt with men, and make it past that first date to happily-ever-after for the past six years.Order it now!

How to be Irresistible to Men

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by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

People in general like what they can't have more than what is easy for them to get. Have you ever noticed that men are more attracted to elusive, hard-to-get women, than those who shower them with eagerness and availability? You will find that time and time again, men go out with women who aren't easily open to them and who preserve an air of mystique.

What men really want is a woman who stimulates their romantic and sexual imagination. This type of woman knows how to assert herself, is not a pushover and still knows how to make a man laugh and treats him with respect. Most importantly, she has an element of mystery about her, and that is why men want to pursue her. She has high self-esteem and is not afraid of the risk involved in flirting. She is hard to get without being unattainable.

Men Are Attracted to the Chase

If you really like someone, don't shower him with too much affection at first. In the initial stages of attracting someone, swear off love poems, floral bouquets, and secret Valentines. Don't seem like you're trying to buy his affection by cooking him dinner or giving him small gifts.

Instead, remember that he has to win you. Show your self-esteem with pride. Make him laugh and challenge him by teasing him. Human history shows us that where there are obstacles to love, people become even more determined to win their lover.

One quick way to feel what a prize you are is to always look your best. Love your body, care for it, and pamper it by doing your nails, making a homemade facial, or taking a luxurious bubble bath. There are so many inexpensive ways to pamper our bodies. When you treat your body like a temple, you feel like a goddess, and that's what makes men irresistibly attracted to you.

Be Funny and Tease!

Another great way to improve your self-esteem and entertain those around you is to show off your particular sense of humor. We all have a unique way in which we express what we find funny. Don't be shy!! Take the risk to say something funny. Even if those around you don't get it, more often than not at least one person will.

Laughter bonds us together. One minute of laughter can relax us for up to 45 minutes. Both laughter and smiles release "happy" hormones into the bloodstream. Men listen longer, talk longer, and feel warmer and friendlier towards women who inspire this feeling.

That's why I include a full chapter on developing your sense of humor in my original How to Be Irresistible to Men e-book, available only in the "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Online Course.

Love Your Life

Finally, love your life. Men love women who stimulate them mentally and introduce them to new experiences. If you are always doing something exciting (better yet, something exciting that you can share with him!) you'll never run out of things to talk about. He'll always want to know what's going on in your life. This curiosity is a powerful way to spark attraction.

So, in summary, to get the man you've always liked, the most important secrets are to:

If you can adopt these attitudes, you are well on your way to further success with many more men that you meet.

Another extremely important way to become irresistible to men is to become a master of self-expressive love. Details about this and tons more indispensable knowledge is contained in my e-book, part of the "How to be Irresistible to Men" Premium Online Course. You'll also get two hours of video lessons that you can watch or listen to online immediately, plus a video library of informative seminars. It's truly a complete change-of-mind-package.Order it now!

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How to Get Him to Propose

by Amy Waterman, host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

Sometimes it is easy to find a man that meets our criteria for being a suitable marriage partner. We can convince ourselves that he is perfect for us simply by his qualifications on paper: handsome, wealthy, honorable ... and, of course, highly interested in wooing us. What can we do to not mess it up?

A recent question from a reader tackles this very issue.

This is such a wonderful question, especially because it reveals the challenge of turning attraction into a committed relationship.

Women who don't believe they're particularly gifted in beauty or charm often despair of ever "capturing" a man to marry. They believe that it is their lack of skills that keeps them from getting the man they desire. Yet what they don't realize is that all women - even women who are gifted with beauty, charm, and attractiveness - feel self-doubt when faced with an attraction that they want to transform into marriage.

Making the decision that you want to marry someone is no light matter. Often we are more in love with the idea of marriage than with the person we want to marry. For example, in an article in the Washington Post ("How cell phones changed courting in Saudi Arabia," Kevin Sullivan, August 13, 2006), a young Saudi man explains:

Those are a lot of expectations to place on marriage. Yet we often make them unthinkingly. We believe that marriage (like more money, or a better figure, or more expensive clothes) will make our lives better than ever before.

Leaving aside for a moment the issue of whether or not marriage can make life better, be aware that marriage-minded women often turn off men. Why? Because the man can sense that the only thing the woman wants is a diamond ring. Some men use this expectation to their advantage and lead you on with the promise of a proposal until they've had all they wanted of you. Other men feel pressured or used and end the relationship. They prefer to be with a woman who's truly intothem rather than their status or potential as a husband.

Worst of all, the minute you turn away from the pleasure of courtship into the expectation of a proposal, you hinge your happiness on whether or not he marries you. You stop being happy with your interactions such as they are. You forget to focus on what should be the most important thing for you during the courtship phase: whether or not he's right for you.

A man can never be right for you "on paper" alone. No matter how wealthy, successful, or compatible he is, if he doesn't make you feel fantastic when you're with him, then he's not right.

Any man can behave like a perfect gentleman during the courtship phase. That's why I recommend knowing a man for a while before plunging into marriage. The more comfortable he becomes around you, the more he'll show his true colors. It is this real man that you want to get to know. Remember that you have a lifetime of happiness or unhappiness at stake. If you choose a marriage partner based on admirable qualities alone - rather than how he makes you feel - you may end up in an empty marriage where you both respect and care for another but do not truly love one another.

So why you want to marry this man? Is it because of how he makes you feel, or is it because he's such a catch?

Any decision made from a place of lacking (e.g., "This is my last chance," "I'll never meet someone like him again," "I'm getting older and need to get married now") is likely to backfire. If you want to marry a man because you think that it's your last chance at love, pull back. Take a good hard look at him. Take a good hard look at yourself. Ask yourself if this man can add anything to your life, or whether he's simply filling a hole.

Once you've found the right man, the man who adds so much to your life that your joy is overflowing, the man that you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, you can be overcome by your wanting. Normally you're perfectly able to play cool and let things develop, but - you think - this man is special. I can't lose him. All those characteristics that worked on men in the past may not work on this man. How can I prevent the unthinkable: the loss of his interest?

Here are some techniques that I've found to be successful.

All the best to you, and remember that you will have a wonderful and fulfilling life whether or not you marry this man. It's up to you to stake your happiness on the chance of a future with him or make your own happiness now in the present.

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Make Your Man Happy - Stop Getting Mad

by Amy Waterman, host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

Okay, let's take a survey…

Hands up if you've ever gotten mad at your man?

Hands up if you've ever found it fun to get mad at your man?

Hands up if you've started to find it really easy to get mad at your man?

Now, before we analyze those results, I'm going to tell you a little story.

When I was a teenager, I had a really great guy friend that I used to hang out with all the time.  We played video games together, watched movies together, and went to one another's houses for holidays.  When I got irritated at him, he didn't take me seriously at all.  He turned it into a joke.  He'd make fun of me and poke me until I laughed again.

Then one summer I discovered the power of getting mad.

I don't remember why I got angry at him … but for the first time, he didn't laugh.  He got upset, shut down, and went home without another word.  I felt half-horrified, half-fascinated.  I still felt like I had every right to be mad at him, but instead of playing the game he'd taken my shot right in the face.

Sometime, getting mad can be fun.  Othertimes, it can kill a relationship.  And you don't always know which is which.

I've seen too many long-term relationships where the wife will scream and yell at her husband, doing the only thing she knows to make him understand how she feels, while the husband just gets quieter and thin-lipped and ends up storming out of the house or retreating emotionally.

Throwing a fit never helps things, but it can feel sooo good.

Often our men hate facing conflict.  They will do anything to avoid having to face the fact that someone's feelings were hurt or that a mistake was made.  As a result, they don't want to talk about problems.  The only way we feel that we can get through to them is to throw a fit.  Even if they don't end up hearing us, at least we feel better afterwards.

Getting mad at your man can become a habit.  Every time he does anything annoying, or forgets something, or acts insensitively, it can feel oh-so-tempting just to let loose.

Although it can feel fantastic to let our emotions rip, very few of us realize how our habit of "getting mad" is actually less endearing than destructive.

I fully admit that I give into my emotions.  When I feel something, I need to express it rather than hold it in.

But when is it okay to get mad?  When is it okay to throw a tantrum simply because we need to feel heard?

According to clinical psychologist Richard Wheeler, the answer is never.

It's never okay to get mad at your partner.  It's never okay to yell, or throw things, or call him names.  It's never okay to blame him for every time he's been late for a date with you or every time he's forgotten a special occasion.

When I heard that advice for the first time, I was amazed.  But what do you do if you can't get mad at someone?  How do you show your partner that you felt hurt?  Isn't all that anger harmful if you keep it inside?

Learning how to express yourself in a healthy way when you're angry may be one of the most important lessons you ever learn when it comes to keeping your man's love and respect.

Here are some suggestions for what to do when you're about to get mad:

1. Get some perspective.  Is it really such a big deal that he was 15 minutes late?  Is it really such a big deal that you'd planned something together that you were really looking forward to and he canceled?  How much does this matter to your relationship?  Can you laugh at this? 
2. Deal with the situation at hand.  Don't bring up the past (e.g., every time he's done this before) or the future.  Keep yourself focused on this specific event.
3. Express your feelings completely. If you don't tell him how you feel, you'll become resentful and bitter.  Make sure that you tell him how his actions made you feel in a way that's non-accusatory and non-confrontational.  Remember that it's not about what he did - it's about how you felt about it.
4. Care about his point of view.  Don't have a shouting match where you're trying to drown one another out.  The problem with most arguments is that each side is focused on what they're going to say, not on understanding the other person's point of view or resolving the conflict.  Maybe he was just as upset as you were when he had to cancel your special date night; maybe he sped to get home on time and sat cursing at the stoplights, knowing he was going to be late.  You don't know.  Give him space to tell you.
5. Give up being right and get closer.  When you're focused on being right, your relationship loses.  Don't hold the pain of being hurt so tightly to you that it forms a barrier between you and your partner.  Allow him to make amends, and allow yourself to forgive.  You know when your partner's heart is genuinely in the right place.

These techniques will not only help you forge an amazing connection with your partner; they'll also help you with life.

As anyone in management can tell you, blowing up and blaming others and nursing hurt feelings are actions that break teams apart.  For a team (like a relationship) to succeed, people have to be willing to cool down, talk things through, and accept decisions made for the sake of the team rather than the individual.

The great thing in a relationship is that there are only two of you with needs to balance.  For some, that's one too many.

If you want an okay relationship, go ahead and experience the pleasure of getting angry and making up.  But if you want a relationship to last a lifetime, learn healthier ways to get mad - and give up getting even.

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What to Do if You're Stuck in Infatuation

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

You've got hearts drawn all over your notebook with both your names inside. You've already thought about what your children would look like and picked out their names. You know the exact model of the car he drives and know the shirts he wears by heart. But there's one catch: he doesn't even know your name.

Welcome to the world of infatuation.

Infatuation, quite simply, is being stuck on someone. Some people mistake it for love, and they move from relationship to relationship as soon as their infatuation with a person wanes.

Infatuation is not a bad thing in and of itself, but it should only be temporary. Infatuation is a stage ... it should NOT be a condition. If you stay infatuated too long, you can find that your infatuation will begin to affect your life in negative ways.

How to Know if You Are Infatuated

If you feel like you have been down this path before, you know how it ends. Either you confront the guy you like with your feelings and face his possible rejection, or you wither away with your unresolved feelings until you can't stand it anymore and take steps to avoid seeing him anymore.

Don't worry if you easily become infatuated. You get to experience the highs that many other more sensible people don't get to experience. You make guys feel special (few guys admit how flattered they feel when a member of the opposite sex is infatuated with them), and men will find themselves attracted to you due to your genuine enjoyment of their company. However, you may also find yourself moving ceaselessly from one guy to another, seeking to maintain that high. Don't let the need for infatuation blind you to the benefits of quieter, deeper, more enduring love.

When the intensity of infatuation naturally fades, your emotions will dampen down. You may feel as if you have fallen out of love. Rest assured, you haven't ... you've just fallen out of infatuation. The best part is ahead. Now you will be more realistic about what you and the guy you like have to offer one another. You'll begin to develop deeper intimacy based on respect and understanding of the other person. You may discover that the solid ground of a loving relationship is better than the high and insecurity of dating the object of your infatuation for the first time.

If you are stuck in infatuation, remember these tips.

Five Tips to Deal with Infatuation

What If You're Not His Type?

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

You know the guy I'm talking about ... the jock who always dates the blondest, bluest-eyed girl in school. You knew that you never had a chance with him, because he'd never look at a brunette, particularly not if she had braces and was always carrying an armful of books.

I've got good news. You don't HAVE to compare yourself to anyone he's dated before! Dating a "type"; is like getting into a rut: you get in one and you can't seem to get out again. But that doesn't mean that ruts are desirable.

Every guy I know is willing and open to having an adventurous experience of the flirtatious kind. Yeah, maybe one guy usually dates businesswomen, and another guy tends to date girls who are into the outdoors, but that doesn't mean that these guys are completely closed off to any other kind of woman. As I've said before, guys like ALL women. I know guys who actively try to date someone UNLIKE all those chicks they've dated before, because the girls in the past didn't work out.

If you're into that hot guy at the local coffee shop who keeps flipping back his long black hair and has those enormous dark eyes you could drown in but always dates goth girls with funky eye makeup, you need to try these suggestions.

1. Learn about what he's into.

Usually, guys have "types"; of girls that they date because those girls share their interests. For example, a creative guy who is into Japanese animation may really only click with alternative girls who like reading science fiction. A guy who plays in a local band and wants to break into songwriting may not click at all with a girl who's tone deaf and could care less about the difference between one band and the next. In this case, we're talking about basic compatibility issues, not type.

That being said, there is nothing to stop you from becoming one of those girls who can listen to him talk on and on about bands or video games or dinosaur bones—and even put your own two cents in. If you are interested in a guy, you should take the time to learn more about the ideas that his world revolves around. He may even find that he really likes the role of teacher, and that you make the perfect audience of one.

2. Be confident in your own uniqueness.

The fact that you're unlike the type of girl he's usually into can work in your favor. Whatever you do, DON'T change yourself to fit his type. He will notice the change and figure out why you did it once you start making it known that you like them. Then you'll be stuck with a change you can't undo AND you'll feel like a fool.

Guys are attracted to confident, interesting girls, whether they match their "type"; or not. Chances are, you could have dated that jock back in high school if you'd been amazingly confident in your own sexiness and confident in your own uniqueness. Often, women are afraid of playing up their strengths around men whose type doesn't match theirs. Let me tell you right now: you don't have to “live up"; to ANY guy's standards. He should break those standards the moment he meets you and reshape them to your example.

3. Get noticed.

When a guy has a type, he'll notice girls who match that type, but he may need a special reason to notice a girl that doesn't fit it. If your winning smile, sexy confidence, and positive vibes don't catch his attention, you may have to elicit more drastic measures. One great technique is making friends with one of his friends so that he will introduce you.

4. If he's not into you, move on!

All this being said, there does exist a chance that even after you prove how sexy, interesting, and desirable you are, he just doesn't feel sexually attracted to you. Guess what you do next? Move on! It's so easy to drown in infatuation for someone, but if they're not into you enough to ask you out, they're not into you enough to give you the relationship you deserve.

Another fantastic way to become irresistible to men is to unleash your feminine energy. Details about tapping into your feminine energy, and much, much more indispensable knowledge is contained in my original e-book How to be Irresistible to Men, part of the premium online course that has been teaching women to meet fantastic guys and create fantastic relationships for the past six years. You'll get hours and hours of online video lessons, plus fantastic bonus books that will teach you to overcome shyness and start flirting with confidence.Order it now!

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by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

You open the door and your heart catches in your throat. He’s gorgeous. He opens the door of the car for you, and neither of you have much to say as you drive to the restaurant. Basic conversation about what you do and where you’re from takes you through starters. Then, in the lull before the entrees come, both of you fall silent. You stare at the water glass. He starts to fold his napkin. Oh no, you think, is he bored of me already? At the next table you catch a glimpse of a couple laughing; the girl is telling a story, and her date is leaning forward to catch every word. That could be you … if you only knew what to say.

Don’t get caught with nothing to say on a first date! The women who can keep a guy’s interest from the moment he meets her know a secret: guys love relaxed, warm, funny, positive gals who like hearing them talk. There is nothing that a guy finds more flattering than to be asked about his opinions and experiences.

So when you find yourself in a situation where the silence starts to grow, ask a question! What do you want to know about this guy? What intrigues you?

When you’re on a first date, remember the following tips.

1. Keep all conversation positive. Never bring up negative things, like how hard your life is right now, how complicated things are with your parents, or how you’re sorry that your nails are chipped because you didn’t have time for a manicure. Never complain about ANYTHING. Avoid talking about your expectations for a relationship and ANY controversial subjects until you get to know him better.

2. Relax! When you are nervous, you often speak faster, and you may appear more serious, intense, or silly than you usually are. Before you go out on your date, you may want to try watching a funny movie. Laughing will relax all your muscles, send good feelings to your brain, and get your blood pumping. You’ll greet your guy with a great big smile on your face—and he’ll think it’s all because of him.

3. When he is talking, lean forward and actively listen. Flirtatious signals such as crossing your legs, playing with your hair, or even cupping your hand under your chin may make him aware of your attributes. Guys respond to visual cues much better than verbal ones. If you’re interested, let your body do the talking for you.

4. Don’t ask the same old questions. Everyone gets asked what they do or where they’re from. Try some questions that he’s never been asked before. If you can, focus the question on something that you’ve noticed about him specifically.

5. Avoid asking him questions about his job or the kind of car he drives or whether he owns his own house. It may appear as if you’re a gold-digger who won’t take any guy who makes less than Donald Trump.

6. If you’ve got any interesting hobbies or an unusual job, play it up! Guys love independent women with adventurous streaks. They imagine that she might just spring some new kind of adventure on them. Just don’t go on about it too long. He may look as if he’s enjoying listening to you, but turn the conversation to him so that you get to know as much about him as possible … which is the point of the date, after all. You already know about yourself!

7. Give him a little help, but don’t do all the work yourself. As much as we may believe that the world is 50% men and 50% women, and all responsibilities should be divided accordingly, in the realm of romance men still like to feel as if they wear the pants. Help a guy along a bit on conversation if things are floundering, but let him guide the conversation as much as you can. He wants to make a good impression on you just as much as you want to make a good impression on him.

Here are some other conversation starters that you might try to break the ice.

Conversation Starter #1:
“What’s your favorite sport? Do you follow any teams?”

Guys love to talk about sports, and they’ll be more than willing to share the details on their favorite team. Asking this kind of question tells a guy that you’re willing to go halfway and that you’re not going to find his statistics-spouting boring as dirt. It will relax him immediately … and, if you like sports, too, it will be a match made in heaven.

Conversation Starter #2:
“That’s a cool watch/shirt/pair of shoes. Where did you get it?”

The fact that you’ve noticed some aspect of his appearance will mean a lot to him. He’ll feel flattered that you’ve been checking him out, and examining it more closely will require that you lean close and do some light stroking for a closer look. This is a great opportunity to show how fantastic you think he looks … and guys don’t get compliments like that often.

Conversation Starter #3:
“Have you ever done X?”

Your first date is when you start to find common ground, and comparing hobbies and experiences is the first place to start. Asking your date about his experiences can allow him to brag a little or give you the opportunity to bring up cool things that you have done.

Conversation Starter #4:
“Have you ever been to Y?”

Everyone likes talking about places they’ve been. Ask him if he has ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it's a club, a coffee shop, a museum, or even a park or hiking trail. If he hasn’t been there, and you are hitting it off by that point, he may very well see that as a suggestion to use when asking you for a second date!

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by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

How often have you sighed while glancing through a women's magazine at a photo of a movie star like Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie and thought, "If only I could look like that..."? Movie stars are glamorous, poised, mysterious and exotic. They have personal trainers, couture clothes, special diets, and a staff of beauticians to make sure they look perfect.

But I'll let you in on a secret ... there are a lot of guys out there who don't want to date models. They prefer substance + cuteness to beauty + shallowness. They want to be with a girl who's fun rather than a girl who can't go kayaking because she's worried that she is going to break her nails. If a guy invites you for a spin in his convertible, are you going to say no because it will mess up your hair? I hope not!

Don't think that you've got to have an army of personal trainers, wardrobe consultants, beauticians and plastic surgeons to make you into the girl that every guy wants. Think about someone like Drew Barrymore, who gets guys because of her girl-next-door looks and spunky attitude. Think of full-figured women like Kelly Osbourne or Queen Latifah who don't let their size keep them from projecting an incredible sexiness on screen. What these women have in common is that THEY WORK WITH THEIR ASSETS. They DON'T spend their time trying to "fix" the physical flaws they think they have.

Men like women. They like the parts of women that make them different from men: the breasts, the curves, the hips, the skin. Most men find ALL women interesting, simply because the female shape is biologically keyed to attract their senses. And here's the good part ... you don't have to do ANYTHING except take advantage of the female body you've already got!

Nevertheless, guys are visual creatures. We have to accept that they're going to check us out. If we run out to the store in sweatpants and a baseball cap and run into the guy of our dreams, chances are that his gaze is going to slide right past us. If you look like a supermodel, you WILL get lots more male glances. That's life.

If you're worried about your looks, there are three things that you can do.

1. Be Healthy

The problem with being overweight is not your looks. It is the strain that the extra weight puts on your health. You should NEVER try to lose weight to look a certain way. Rather, you should try to adopt a healthy lifestyle so that you can feel more energetic, get out there and do more things, and avoid the cost of trips to the doctor.

Research shows that, in general, men are attracted to healthy women. From the dawns of time, men looked for women who could bear healthy offspring. That meant that women had to be well-nourished, have clear skin, bright eyes, and healthy, shiny hair.

Today, men aren't as concerned about a woman's ability to bear children (as science has progressed to enable more couples than ever to have children), but they still respond to those signals of health. That is why makeup products are so important: they create the illusion of flawless skin and bright eyes, which tells men that you are healthy. Shampoos claim to give you shiny, full tresses.

But you won't need much help at all if you simply eat right, exercise, drink plenty of water, and get eight hours of sleep a night. The basics to being healthy are pretty simple. Put your health first ... and watch men's attraction to you follow.

2. Display Your Assets

Forget nagging yourself about that mole on your cheek, the cellulite on your thighs, or the shape of your butt. Ignore the negatives and accentuate the positives! If you have wonderful eyes, invest in some quality eye products or get a makeover to teach you the makeup techniques you need to know. If you have a curvy figure, choose clothes to set those curves off. There are piles of women's magazines with tips on choosing the right fashion style for your body type.

3. Pamper Yourself

The best way to look sexy is to feel sexy. Invest in a great haircut. Try a facial. Schedule regular manicures, or spend a weekend away at a health spa. The more you pamper yourself, the better you will look. The glow of health and happiness can't be faked, but it can be helped along by any one of the many beauty treatments out there.

If you don't have deep pockets, you may want to try simple activities like homemade deep conditioning treatments for your hair, or steaming your pores with hot water and a towel over your head, or one of the many self-treatments available at your local drugstore. The most important part of the process is not radically transforming your appearance. It's feeling pampered and good about yourself. Try it ... and watch men respond.

I've got so many other incredibly important secrets that will make men find you irresistible, such as how to communicate, why men need to feel successful, the tantalize technique for seducing men, and much, much more. You can find it all in the Premium Online Course, "How to be Irresistible to Men." It's been teaching women to meet fantastic guys and create fantastic relationships for the past six years.Order it now!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Like most girls my age, I ate up the stories my friends told me about their sexual exploits. If Christy and Dan were caught french kissing behind the bleachers, I wanted to know what french kissing was. If Maggie made out with her cute next door neighbor, I wanted to what making out was and whether it was any fun.

My mother's women's magazines filled in the gaps that my friends couldn't. Ladies Home Journal and Good Housekeeping often had articles about what kept relationships together, what kept them hot, and just enough social science to fill in the picture.

But by the time I reached college, my knowledge of dating was still so nebulous that I felt more embarrassed than open-minded about my half-understood longings. It was easier to focus all my energy on what I understood - my studies and career - than what I felt hopeless about.

Most of us prefer to focus our energies on what we know and are good at. It's basic human nature. It gives us greater satisfaction to achieve in an arena where results are measurable and within our reach.

Relationships, on the other hand, are messy no matter how good you get at them. Just look at the love lives of so many experts in the field of marriage counseling and relationship advice. As one clinical psychologist joked to me, "We're so good at counseling other people because we've failed so many times ourselves!"

And, indeed, mistakes are the best starting place to learn from.

Obviously, you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to know more about how relationships work, what's going on in men's minds, what dating strategies are most effective, and how you can relate to men in such a way that your connection keeps growing deeper.

One thing that I've always felt is ironic is that women spend a disproportionate amount of time working on their relationship skills in comparison to men. While men are generally happiest when everything's going fine (and avoid conflict or turn a blind eye when they're not), women are always seeking to improve things, even if they're already good.

We're never satisfied with the relationships we have. We're always wanting to fine-tune them to make them better.

There's nothing wrong with a desire to improve your skills at relating to men. If you're anything like I was ten years ago, learning about dating and relationships is not only important but necessary. We're bombarded with too much unqualified advice from friends and generic advice columns that don't have much statistical or scientific backing.

So over the next few weeks and months, I am going to share with you what I know about dating and relationships. My advice is backed by years of research in the field - not word-of-mouth passed down from my mother and her mother, nor the experiences of a select group of my friends. Although I believe we can learn a lot from the people around us, all such advice is biased to a certain degree by that person's life experiences, values, and beliefs.

You don't have to stick with the same old bad advice everyone else has been given! My goal is to empower you so that you know what you can do to attract men, why it works, and what the results will be.

But from then on ... it's up to you.

What I Ended Up Learning

Ten years ago, I made a vow to myself to educate myself in the science of relationships. Soon, my friends were coming to me with the questions they couldn't ask anyone else. Even if I didn't know the answer, I always knew who did. Soon I discovered in myself an amazing ability to talk frankly without embarrassment when it came to those tricky, delicate subjects that we have a hard time sharing with anyone.

My connection with men grew deeper, and I found that I was able to ask men questions that no one had ever asked them, such as what it meant when they lost that spark for someone, what they liked best about their most memorable girlfriends, and why they were attracted to certain women and not others. They enjoyed sharing their insights with me, because they rarely had the opportunity to talk so freely outside of their intimate relationships.

Some of what I learned in these informal interviews was this:

Do any of these points ring true for you in your experience with men? Now, if you would have asked my teenage self what men wanted, back then I would have answered.

What I didn't know then is that men grow up, too. Although men still retain that "boy" self who's fascinated by buxom women, the challenge of a woman who's hard to get, and sexual conquest, most men in this world are simply ordinary guys who do want to eventually have a wife and a family. Just look at the statistics: most people will get married in their lifetime.

If you want to be the kind of woman who inspires a man to commit for lasting love, focus on cultivating traits that will satisfy men who want the qualities in the first list, not the second.

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You might be wondering why this newsletter is any different from the zillion and one other dating columns out there! How is my perspective different from that of all those other dating "experts"?

So I'm going to share a secret with you. Here is a sneak peak of the "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Plan for Success.

If you want to follow the "How to Be Irresistible to Men" plan to attractingbetter men, experiencing better relationships, and creating deeper commitment, you'll focus on mastering the Three Pillars of Relationship Success.

If this sounds like a roadmap that you want to follow, then you're ready for "How to Be Irresistible to Men"!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Analise was dating a fantastic man. "We've got the same sense of humor!" she told me. "We can talk for hours, we laugh at the same jokes, we even listen to the same kind of music. I've never experienced a connection this fast with anyone."

Two weeks later, I ran into her in the store. Her clothes were rumpled, and there were dark circles under her eye. "How are things going?" I asked.

"Fine..." she said, in a tone that I knew meant things were not fine. I took her arm, and we went to a cafe to have a cup of coffee together.

Analise's dream man had stopped calling. No warning, no explanation why. Nothing had happened. She couldn't understand. She'd called his house a few times and left messages, but to no avail. This had been the most promising relationship she'd had in the past two years, and it ended just like that.

She leaned forward and begged, "Tell me, Amy, what did I do wrong?"

What do any of us do wrong in relationships? Sometimes we know in our hearts that things weren't right, but it takes a great deal of courage to admit what it was to ourselves. Other times, we think we have no idea. We tell our friends that it happened abruptly, without warning.

It's my belief that even if you don't think you know what went wrong in a relationship, you actually do. Maybe you don't know consciously, but in your heart - which can be much wiser than your head - you probably already know the answer.

And here's a hint: it's not always your fault. Sometimes it's his. And sometimes it's no one's.

Today I'm going to give you 3 Tips on Mistakes Women Make in the early stages of dating. These tips might help you if, like with Analise, your man has stopped calling and you have no idea why.

Even I'm guilty some times of coming into a date with nervous energy. After about ten minutes, I can usually calm myself enough to calibrate to his energy level.

We get excited when we're about to go out on a date: it's normal. The problem is that our excitement can often come across as nervousness. We talk too fast, our voice goes to a higher pitch, our movements are jerky, we smile so much our cheeks hurt, and we laugh excessively at his smallest joke.

If you find yourself becoming a more lively, interesting, and extroverted version of yourself on a date, you could be guilty of excessive energy. This loud, boisterous woman is not yourself: she's a character that you're performing so that you'll be liked.

Even worse, high-energy women can come across as controlling. They can talk too much, dominate the encounter, and fill the air with tension.

One way to check your energy level is to check your heartrate. If your heart is thudding so fast that you can feel the blood pulsing inyour veins, excuse yourself, go to the restroom, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Wait until you feel your whole body relax until you go back.

One reason that it's crucial to relax when you're with a man is that your relaxed state will allow him to guide the course of the date. A date is much like a dance: even though both of you will act in unison, someone has to do the leading. And in the early stages of a relationship, it's smart to let the man lead in order to see what he's made of.

Let me be clear: I'm not talking about giving up your power. I'm talking about seeing what kind of a leader this man is. Is he strong enough to be the kind of partner you can lean on? Or is he so passive that, for the rest of his life, he'll wait for you to tell him what to do?

You won't know unless you give him the chance to be the one guiding you; only then can you see the stuff he's made of.

When you grant enough trust to your date (if only temporarily) to lead you, you also bring out his wonderfully strong masculine side, the side that he loves to experience.

Too many dates become a power struggle rather than a dance. Each partner jockeys for equal power or an equal contribution to the experience. For example, a man might say, "Since I chose the restaurant, you can choose the club we go to next." A woman might say, "Since you paid for the meal, I'll pay for the dessert."

Very rarely does any woman let a man guide her from start to finish in a trusting way.

Although I believe that dating expert John Gray goes too far when he argues that, when a man opens a door for a woman, the woman should never lean across and unlock the driver's side door for him (Mars and Venus on a Date p. 43), I do believe he has a point.

If a man initiated a date with you, all you have to do is show up. Don't feel guilty for taking advantage of him: if your experience is a pleasurable one for both of you, you can initiate a date later down the road.

Your goal is to respond to him, enjoy the experiences he's sharing with you, and show your appreciation through thanking him in a genuine way. Pleasing YOU through HIS 100% effort will make him feel much happier than having to be a 50-50 partner on a date he's supposed to be in charge of.

Tip 3. Don't Let Expectations Ruin a Good Thing

You know how hard it is when you let down your parents? Perhaps all they want is for you to not experience the same mistakes they did, or for you to have a better life than they did, or for you to get married and experience true love. Even if they don't say it explicitly, you know that there's a little part of them that wants a certain kind of life for you.

Well, just as it's hard for you when you can't live up to your parents' expectations, so it's hard for a guy when he can't live up to yours.

Men constantly complain that they're tired of women "wanting something from them." Wanting to have some acknowledgment that they're in a relationship, wanting more commitment, wanting to spend more time together, wanting an engagement ring.

It's in their nature to resist. Whereas you live in a world of giving and receiving, many men live in a world of winning and losing. And if he manages to stay with you for five years without popping the question, he feels like he's winning. (And his mates will probably tell him the same thing.)

One answer? Avoid setting up a situation where your expectations make him feel pressured.

I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I've seen it again and again. The minute you think a relationship is going somewhere, or that a man is the most amazing guy you've met in ages, or that this guy might be the One, you jeopardize the chances of it ever happening.

The minute you place expectations on a situation, you start living in the future rather than the present. The date becomes a good thing because of what you hope it will lead to, rather than because of the experience itself.

So if you like a man because you hope to be in a relationship with him,or if you like a relationship because you hope it will end in marriage, recognize that you're already constructing a big barrier to it ever happening.

In my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Course I go into this topic in much greater depth and give you an alternative to expectations that will actually enable you to create what you're wishing for.

Right now, I just want you to consider whether or not you wanted something from this relationship or this man, or whether you were happy just to be with him. Did he feel that you wanted something from him that he couldn't give you?There's nothing that discourages a man more than dating a woman that he can't make happy.

If this is a topic you're interested in, you can find more information about "The Biggest Mistakes Women Make with Love" in my"How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Course. Plus, you'll learn how to make a relationship work the next time around.

Don't be caught like my friend Analise. Recognize the mistakes you're making with men before it's too late and correct them.

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Want a Guy Who Can Commit? You Must Read This!

by Amy Waterman
 

You may not know this, but there is a community of men who studies nothing but the art of picking up women.They go by names like Mystery, Style, Thundercat, Tyler Durden, and Badboy. They study neurolinguistic programming, the Alexander technique, psychology, self-help, you name it. They post "field reports" of their conquests on online forums and speak an incomprehensible lingo of IOIs, negs, phase-shifts, AFCs and mPUAs.

Their goal is to break down the act of seducing a woman into easily-replicable steps that any man can follow.

Before you can say, "Ew, that's disgusting!", let me tell you why this is important.

1. While you - and tens of thousands of my female newsletter subscribers across the world - are reading a newsletter right nowon how to get a man to commit, there are hundreds of thousands of men reading similar newsletters on how to get a woman into bed.
2. In general ... while women read dating and relationship books with the goal of finding their Mr. Right for happily-ever-after, men are reading dating books with the goal of avoiding rejection, getting more sex, and being envied for their success with the ladies.

In other words, while women dream of commitment (symbolized by marriage), men dream of success with women (symbolized by getting sex any time they want).

Luckily, these are huge generalizations. The pickup artists represented by "the community" are not representative of the male population as a whole.

In fact, there are lots of good, nice men out there who would like nothing better than to have a long-term girlfriend.

My question to you is: which class of men areyou attracting?

Tip 1. Think Twice about a Bad Boy

I know so many women who are attracted to bad boys. They're addicted to the feeling of excitement, danger, and wild abandon that they experience when they're with him. He allows them to throw away their "nice girl" pose and experience the darker sides of their personality without guilt or shame.

I believe that dating a bad boy is a necessary rite of passage. Bad boys teach us to be more comfortable with our "shadow side." They teach us to be more genuine and authentic by showing us that we don't have to fit into society. Learning how to let go and be reckless teaches us to make great leaps of faith and trust what happens. In many cases, bad boys are also fantastic at awakening us to our own sexuality.

Nevertheless, you shouldn't get stuck there. As exhilarating and addictive as a bad boy may be, he is who he is. Trying to change him into a committed partner will only make him into something that you wouldn't find as attractive. (Honestly, would he still be as attractive to you with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence?)

Setting yourself the challenge of taming him may feel thrilling, especially if it feels like you're winning and he's becoming the "better person" you imagined, but ultimately he'll end up resenting you for trying to tame him and break away for good.

A relationship based on sex, alcohol, drugs, or partying is not sustainable. Real life involves work, family, and making a home. The kind of partner you want by your side for the long haul knows the importance of building for the future. He'll grow old with you. He enjoys sex and partying just like the bad boy, but he puts those activities in perspective. He's got more than the present: he's got a future.

And that is the sort of man who understands commitment.

Tip 2. How Did You Meet?

It's a strange thing ... statistics show that you have a much greater chance of eventually marrying your man if:

1. You knew each other at least one month before you slept with each other for the first time, and
2. You met via your social network, such as school, work, a private party, or church. (Source: Sex in America: A Definitive Survey)

The data are clear: meeting a stranger in a bar or on the street, falling madly, deeply in love, and making it all the way to the altar is normal only in Hollywood fiction.

The reality looks more like "getting to know your partner gradually, as a friend, going slowly and finally having sex and then marrying" (Sex in America pp. 77-78).

In fact, knowing a person for some time before sleeping with him (regardless of whether you are actually dating one another during that time) seems to be essential. Ninety percent of married couples in the survey had known each other at least a month before they slept together for the first time.

Incredible, huh?

And some reasons that we're much more likely to end up marrying someone introduced to us by family, friends, or colleagues (as compared to a stranger we meet in a bar) are:

1. This person is more likely to be similar to us in the ways that count (which, according to the study, are religion, education, age), and
2. We may be more cautious in moving towards a love affair due to the social repercussions if the affair doesn't work out.

So the slower you move and the better you know someone, the more likely you are to make it all the way to the altar.

Tip 3. Connect on a Spiritual Level

I love asking men how they knew that a woman was going to be their wife. Almost invariably, one of their answers was, "She's my best friend."

Developing a deep friendship with a man is more difficult than developing a sexual relationship.

To create the kind of deep connection that characterizes best friends, you need to feel comfortable talking with one another about just about everything.

For example, it's easy to keep conversation at the shallow level of talking about people you know, what you're going to do next weekend, or what happened during the day.

It takes a little more effort to talk about your emotions, how you feel when he does or says certain things, and what your dreams are.

It takes even more effort to discuss aspects of your childhood that were difficult, your spiritual beliefs and how they impact your life, and personal secrets that you've never told anyone.

But I have had several women tell me, "So how then could he break up with me? He said that he could tell me things he'd never told anyone else!"

You may think that deep conversation is all you need to create a deep connection with a man, but actually it's just part of the picture.

A man can be intimate with you and tell you his secrets, but he may not feel connected to your dreams and see himself going in the same place as you are.

Ultimately, this is the real clincher when it comes to commitment. A man may see you as a woman who deserves to have a loving husband and large family, but be unable to see himself in that role. A man may enjoy his time with you greatly but still believe that he's got some more living to do.

For those cases, I'm going to share with you a trick that several friends have recommended to me. It's simple, easy, and requires no thought at all. It's transformed committed bachelors into men eager for the engagement ring and a family.

What's this method?

They gave these men a book.

That's all.

The book was David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man.

I've talked about this book many times before, because I think it's a crucial read for any woman wanting to understand men at a more spiritual level.

What it says isn't always pleasant from a female point of view, but what it accomplishes for a man is getting him clear about what he wants to create in his lifetime.

You see, most men just muddle through life.They go to school, get a job, and even end up getting married because it seems "like a good thing to do." They avoid being really conscious about what they're choosing. They prefer the bliss of drinking or watching television or playing sports rather than waking up to the possibilities of what their life might mean.

Deida's book encourages men to ask themselves, "What is my purpose?" A man who is clear about his purpose and clear about what he wants to create in his lifetime will also be clear about how a woman fits into it.

Sadly, most men have no clue whether they want to be with you forever. When you pressure him to commit, you're making him feel as anxious as he did in high school at exam time. He knows that the way he answers could mean the difference between a miserable future or a fantastic one, but he has no idea which answer is right for him.

The best thing you can do is encourage him to connect with his purpose in life - or, if he doesn't know what it is, to find it. A man who is aligned with his purpose can truly give a woman what she needs. A man who has no idea what he stands for will never be able to truly commit to a woman, because he hasn't committed to anything else in his life.

And if his life purpose is picking up women ... let me assure you: you deserve better than that.

For more information about the concepts in this newsletter, including Deida's work and how understanding your man's masculine nature can help you create amazing sexual chemistry, check out my Premium Course! "How to Be Irresistible to Men" will teach you to understand your man at his deepest level and connect with him in a way that no other woman can.Learn more by visiting my website today!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Do you get nervous on a first date? If you do, you’re not alone. Janice got so nervous on a first date with a guy that she really liked that the Indian restaurant they went to didn’t agree with her. After just a few bites of the spicy food hit an already upset stomach, she headed straight to the women’s restroom. Though it wasn’t an “Along Came Polly” moment, it was enough to send her straight to a taxi home. Even though he called her a few days later to see how she was, she was too embarrassed to go out with him again.

All of us have horror stories to tell about dates that went awry. Luckily, most of us learn to laugh about it and turn the experience into a funny story.

For others, however, every bad dating experience builds a sense of dread and anxiety until dating in general becomes unbearable. Why go out with a guy when you just KNOW that you’ll do something stupid, say the wrong thing, and make a fool of yourself?

That's exactly what this reader says. She write:

If you find that you being paralyzed by dating jitters, then this is the article you NEED to read. I’ll give you three powerful tips for getting over shyness, relaxing on a date, and enjoying whatever happens. Best of all, you’ll find that once you master the dating mindset, you’ll not only enjoy dating more – guys will enjoy dating you as well!

You know what you do before a big event: you agonize for hours over what you are going to wear, you have to get your hair and makeup perfect, and you find yourself running over a checklist frantically before he arrives to make sure you’ve stocked your purse for any contingency.

When you put that much preparation into getting ready for a date, you build up the expectation that the night is going to be spectacular. You’ve put so much effort into it that anything less would be a disappointment.

If, on the other hand, you limit your “date preparation” time to the amount of time, say, that it would take you to get ready for work, your brain gets the message that this is a normal event rather than something special. If the date doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted THAT much energy on it.

And, best of all, when a man sees that you haven’t gone all out for him, he recognizes that he still has a challenge on his hands. He hasn’t earned the right for you to spend hours looking “perfect” for him.

He also gets to see you looking more like yourself rather than some flawless Barbie. Crazy as it may seem, this natural look (up to the same standards you’d have for work) is actually more appealing to many men, because they feel that it makes you more approachable.

Anticipation can be delicious, but all too often anticipation turns into anxiety. The longer you have to wait before the anticipated day comes, the more opportunities you have to worry that he’ll change his mind, that something will go wrong, that he’ll never call you again, etc.

That’s why I recommend limiting the amount of time you spend thinking about a date beforehand.

This includes worrying, wondering, and daydreaming. Although daydreaming may feel pleasant, it can often turn the reality into a mere shadow of what was expected.

For example, imagine that you’ve just been invited out by a man you’ve been interested in for a long time. You imagine intimate conversation combined with an exquisite dinner and topped off by a long, slow kiss. So when he picks you up in a battered car and takes you to the wharf for fish and chips, you find that you can’t even enjoy walking barefoot along the sand, as romantic as it is, because you’d imagined something totally different.

Thinking too much about a date beforehand tends to build up expectations that affect your actual date experience.

Way too many men and women alike feel performance anxiety before a date. A woman I knew used to review a list of Dating Do’s and Don’ts before every date. She wanted to be the perfect balance of lighthearted, mysterious, and flirtatious. Sadly, her dates saw her as desperate, nervous, and high maintenance.

When you’ve got your mind full of exactly how you want to come across – light, wi