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How to Make Sure Men Know You're Available

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

My friend Melissa was always hanging out with her best guy friend, Brad. She didn’t feel comfortable going to bars alone, and Brad was always available for a good time. They did this for about six months before Melissa realized that she wasn’t meeting anyone new. Was her friendship with Brad jeopardizing her romantic life?

Unfortunately, the answer is yes. Men would look admiringly at Melissa … and realize that she was laughing and talking with another guy. They’d assume that because Melissa and Brad were out together, they were a couple.

If you go out with any guy—whether as a pair or in a mixed-gender group—you may be losing opportunities, because people are getting the wrong impression.

Here are some things to do to make it clear to all those gorgeous guys out there that you are a single, available, and highly desirable lady.

1. If you go out often with your best male friend, tell him that you need to take some time off so that you can find someone new. He may feel rejected, even though your relationship is solely a friendship. Reassure him that your friendship is important to you and how much you value it. You can continue to go out with him, but reserve at least one night a week for going out alone or with all female friends.

2. Reserve at least one night a week to go out alone or with your few closest female friends. The whole focus of the night should be keeping your eyes open, engaging in some fun flirting, and seeing the possibilities out there!

3. If you tend to go out often in mixed-gender groups, seat yourself at the side of the table surrounded by women, keep your body angled towards the crowd rather than your small group, and look up often. Unintentional eye contact can be one of the best ways of meeting someone new.

4. If a guy that you’re interested in sees you in the company of another man, ALWAYS mention that the other man is just a co-worker, friend, or sibling. Don’t wait for him to ask. Most men have a firm respect for other men’s territory. If a guy thinks that you are attached, he won’t send out any signals that he finds you attractive … even if he does.

5. Keep your male friendships purely platonic and don’t give into the urge to make them a substitute for a romantic relationship. Male friends often give women an excuse not to hunt for a romantic partner. You may already be comfortable with your male friend, while the hassle involved in meeting someone new, going on a few dates together, and seeing if you’re compatible might feel like too much to bother. DON’T settle for friendship when you could be having the relationship of your dreams!

6. If you do go out with a male friend and want to make sure that the other guys in the room know you’re available, make some space. Don't lean in close, or sit too close together, or lower your voice for a warm, intimate conversation. Keep your body turned slightly away from your friend and towards the crowd. Make sure that your friend knows what you are doing so that he does not feel offended. Avoid “jokingly” flirting, as it can be difficult for anyone observing you to distinguish from real flirting.

7. Most important of all, leave your table and wander through the crowd as much as possible. When you are alone, you are much more approachable. Use the bathroom. Get drinks from the bar, and take your time doing so. Let your gaze wander as you wait with a light, confident smile. If that handsome guy at the edge of the dance floor is looking at you, he might just catch your eye.

8. Always have a good time. Guys are drawn to positive energy; they want to be part of the fun. If you’re the girl who’s having a great time on the dance floor, men will notice you. However, it will be up to you to signal to them your approachability. If you catch a gorgeous guy looking at you, look away quickly, then look back. Glance down and smile to yourself. Look back up again if you feel like it. This game of “eye play” will make it clear to him that you find him attractive. Next thing you know, you may find men lining up in droves at your table.

How to be Irresistible to Men

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by Amy Waterman, host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

Quick … find the closest mirror to you and take a quick glance. What do you see?

Did you see the blemishes in your beauty routine? Did your makeup need freshening up? Was your hair out of sorts?

Were you smiling?

All of us have a habitual expression. It's the expression our face falls into when we are absorbed in a task. When you are washing dishes, watching television, or even reading your computer screen, your face is composed in a particular expression that is unique to you.

It is very hard for us to actually see that expression. When we look at ourselves in the mirror, we tend to focus on particular parts of our face, usually the lips, eyes, general skin condition, and hair. I don't know many women who won't glance in a mirror on a trip to the bathroom to check that their lipstick, eyemakeup, powder, and hair is in order.

What we don't realize is that the most important aspect of our face isn't our makeup. It's our expression.

When you are tired, no amount of makeup can make your eyes look bright and lively.
When you are sad, no amount of lipgloss can make your lips turn up in a happy picture-perfect bow.
When you are stressed, no amount of foundation can keep the worried wrinkles from showing through.

The powers of makeup are extraordinary, but they can't make us look happy, well-rested, and relaxed if we're tired, stressed, and unhappy.

So take a look in the mirror again. This time, ask yourself…

Looking happy will make you more beautiful than all the beauty routines in the world.

The times when a woman is most radiant, such as on her wedding day, or when she is about to become a mother, are those times when she is most blissfully happy.

When I think back on the times that men have told me that I am beautiful, it is often when I least expect it, in those moments that we have shared some intimacy and I am completely content and happy to be with him.

When you're happy, you glow. It's a glow that can't be replicated by makeup, facials, or a summer tan.

To look for evidence of how our inner state affects our facial expressions, look no further than your fellow commuters as you travel to work in the morning. As I walk through the inner city, I often am amused at how easily I can tell who is looking forward to a good day and who is not. Those who are in a hurry, with heads down and faces grim, don't invite a second glance. It is those women sashaying to work, as though on a fantasy catwalk, who draw the eye. When I see a woman with her head up and a smile on her face, I smile back at her involuntarily and take a second look, trying to guess the reason for her good spirits.

So before you invest in that next beauty treatment, try something new: a beauty treatment for the soul. Spend some time doing something that makes you feel more peaceful, happier, and more fulfilled. A walk in a park, a few moments spent sitting quietly in a church, a good deed done for someone, a message read in an inspiring book … there are so many ways that we can beautify the spirit.

Because ultimately your face will change into a wrinkled version of itself, and age will wipe clear those beautiful features that you so carefully drew attention to. But the beauty that comes from a soul-level peace and joy with life will continue to radiate.

And the next time you look in the mirror, don't feel too fussed about the state of your hair or makeup. Instead, ask yourself if you look happy, rested, peaceful and content.

I hope your answer will usually be yes.

How to be Irresistible to Men

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Do Men REALLY Prefer Bitches?

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

My friend Kelly always looked bored when she goes out. I never asked her why until last weekend. It was our girls' night out, and we stopped off for dinner first with two of our closest friends. Then we all headed out on the town to enjoy ourselves.

Our first stop was one of the newest bars that had opened up in my favorite part of town. It's full of quaint little shops, coffee shops and bars packed with quirky people. As we walked into the bar, ordered our drinks and sat down, I noticed that Kelly had suddenly gone quiet. She'd been laughing as loudly as any of us at dinner, but now she suddenly looked bored and rather aloof. She fiddled with her hair and sipped her drink elegantly, acting like she wasn't interested in being there at all.

There were a couple of great-looking guys at the table near us. I noticed them watching us. It always seems to happen when I go out with my female friends! We're always having such a good time that men naturally pay attention. I'll usually look right back at them and give them a knowing smile or a wink, then look away and focus my attention back on my friends. If the men are interested in talking with us, they'll come over. If not, they'll just enjoy the table-to-table flirtation!

This time, the men came over, and we invited them to join us. There were only two of them and four of us, but we made space at our table. All of us starting talking ... well, all except for Kelly. She didn't participate in the conversation at all. In fact, she didn't even look at the two guys; instead, she looked around at what was happening in the rest of the bar.

When we slipped away to use the restroom, I had to ask Kelly. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You don't seem like you're enjoying yourself."

"Why?" Kelly stepped up to the mirror to fix her hair.

I tried to explain tactfully. "It just seemed to me that you might be bored."

"No, this is great. Those guys seem really nice. The dark-haired one is really cute."

I was confused! I'd thought that she wasn't enjoying our new companions at all! Then it hit me: Kelly trying to attract these men by playing the "Rules."

Have you heard of The Rules? It's a book by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider that counsels women to make men work for your attention, never act like you're interested, "don't stare at men or talk too much." If you follow all the Rules, the authors promise, you'll be the one that the men want to take home.

The Rules really started the phenomenon of women trying to act like "bitches" to get men's attention. Another book published five years after The Rules was more explicit about the intent: it was titled Why Men Love Bitches (written by Sherry Argov).

I've heard from so many women that acting like a bitch really DOES work. It keeps them from scaring the man off by coming on too strong. When a woman doesn't act too interested, the man's competitive drive kicks in, and he will pursue her despite her seeming unwillingness. Men love to practice their technique on pulling off a seemingly impossible conquest.

Yes, "The Rules" work. The question is what ELSE "The Rules" do.

I now understood exactly what Kelly was doing, and why. Nevertheless, it was our girls' time together. Earlier, at dinner, we were all having fun. Now, at the bar, Kelly's aloofness was putting a damper on our festivities. Simply put, bitches aren't fun to be around, even if they're only acting that way to attract men!

Was her cool attitude attractive? It is to men who enjoy the thrill of the chase. However, not all men find bitches attractive. Best of all, the guys who are turned off by a woman who pretends not to be interested are often the ones that you REALLY want ... the guys more likely to fall in love, commit, and want to marry you! That's the EXACT opposite of what "The Rules" says! "The Rules" tell you to play games with a man to keep him keen and get that marriage proposal, WHETHER OR NOT he's actually attracted to you for who you really are. If you have to hide your naturally warm, kind, bubbly personality to get a man, then you are actually harming yourself. You're allowing yourself to believe that a man can't love you just the way you are. You're allowing yourself to believe that you have to put a fake mask on before anyone will love you.

You are wonderful just as you are. You're even MORE wonderful when you're having a good time and letting your natural personality shine through. Your natural personality will attract a man who is your natural complement and deter men who are only after the thrill of chasing after unavailable women. You'll attract MATURE men who love you for who you are, not IMMATURE men who want to add another notch to their bedpost.

Best of all, the proof that night was what actually happened. The good-looking guys at the next table noticed us precisely BECAUSE we were having so much fun! Good humor is infectious. They came over because I gave them a clear invitation to join us with my smile and wink. Being warm and friendly ensured that we all had a great time.

Personally, I suppose it all comes down to choice. If you're going to try out "The Rules," make sure that you don't sabotage yourself into having less fun. Personally, I'd rather attract a man who enjoyed being with me for my personality--not because he wanted the challenge of a conquest!

For REAL tips and advice on how to make your man or any man irresistibly attracted to the authentic you, try out the "How to be Irresistible to Men" premium online course! It's been teaching women to overcome their shyness, flirt with men, and make it past that first date to happily-ever-after for the past six years.Order it now!

How to be Irresistible to Men

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by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

People in general like what they can't have more than what is easy for them to get. Have you ever noticed that men are more attracted to elusive, hard-to-get women, than those who shower them with eagerness and availability? You will find that time and time again, men go out with women who aren't easily open to them and who preserve an air of mystique.

What men really want is a woman who stimulates their romantic and sexual imagination. This type of woman knows how to assert herself, is not a pushover and still knows how to make a man laugh and treats him with respect. Most importantly, she has an element of mystery about her, and that is why men want to pursue her. She has high self-esteem and is not afraid of the risk involved in flirting. She is hard to get without being unattainable.

Men Are Attracted to the Chase

If you really like someone, don't shower him with too much affection at first. In the initial stages of attracting someone, swear off love poems, floral bouquets, and secret Valentines. Don't seem like you're trying to buy his affection by cooking him dinner or giving him small gifts.

Instead, remember that he has to win you. Show your self-esteem with pride. Make him laugh and challenge him by teasing him. Human history shows us that where there are obstacles to love, people become even more determined to win their lover.

One quick way to feel what a prize you are is to always look your best. Love your body, care for it, and pamper it by doing your nails, making a homemade facial, or taking a luxurious bubble bath. There are so many inexpensive ways to pamper our bodies. When you treat your body like a temple, you feel like a goddess, and that's what makes men irresistibly attracted to you.

Be Funny and Tease!

Another great way to improve your self-esteem and entertain those around you is to show off your particular sense of humor. We all have a unique way in which we express what we find funny. Don't be shy!! Take the risk to say something funny. Even if those around you don't get it, more often than not at least one person will.

Laughter bonds us together. One minute of laughter can relax us for up to 45 minutes. Both laughter and smiles release "happy" hormones into the bloodstream. Men listen longer, talk longer, and feel warmer and friendlier towards women who inspire this feeling.

That's why I include a full chapter on developing your sense of humor in my original How to Be Irresistible to Men e-book, available only in the "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Online Course.

Love Your Life

Finally, love your life. Men love women who stimulate them mentally and introduce them to new experiences. If you are always doing something exciting (better yet, something exciting that you can share with him!) you'll never run out of things to talk about. He'll always want to know what's going on in your life. This curiosity is a powerful way to spark attraction.

So, in summary, to get the man you've always liked, the most important secrets are to:

If you can adopt these attitudes, you are well on your way to further success with many more men that you meet.

Another extremely important way to become irresistible to men is to become a master of self-expressive love. Details about this and tons more indispensable knowledge is contained in my e-book, part of the "How to be Irresistible to Men" Premium Online Course. You'll also get two hours of video lessons that you can watch or listen to online immediately, plus a video library of informative seminars. It's truly a complete change-of-mind-package.Order it now!

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How to Get Him to Propose

by Amy Waterman, host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"

Sometimes it is easy to find a man that meets our criteria for being a suitable marriage partner. We can convince ourselves that he is perfect for us simply by his qualifications on paper: handsome, wealthy, honorable ... and, of course, highly interested in wooing us. What can we do to not mess it up?

A recent question from a reader tackles this very issue.

This is such a wonderful question, especially because it reveals the challenge of turning attraction into a committed relationship.

Women who don't believe they're particularly gifted in beauty or charm often despair of ever "capturing" a man to marry. They believe that it is their lack of skills that keeps them from getting the man they desire. Yet what they don't realize is that all women - even women who are gifted with beauty, charm, and attractiveness - feel self-doubt when faced with an attraction that they want to transform into marriage.

Making the decision that you want to marry someone is no light matter. Often we are more in love with the idea of marriage than with the person we want to marry. For example, in an article in the Washington Post ("How cell phones changed courting in Saudi Arabia," Kevin Sullivan, August 13, 2006), a young Saudi man explains:

Those are a lot of expectations to place on marriage. Yet we often make them unthinkingly. We believe that marriage (like more money, or a better figure, or more expensive clothes) will make our lives better than ever before.

Leaving aside for a moment the issue of whether or not marriage can make life better, be aware that marriage-minded women often turn off men. Why? Because the man can sense that the only thing the woman wants is a diamond ring. Some men use this expectation to their advantage and lead you on with the promise of a proposal until they've had all they wanted of you. Other men feel pressured or used and end the relationship. They prefer to be with a woman who's truly intothem rather than their status or potential as a husband.

Worst of all, the minute you turn away from the pleasure of courtship into the expectation of a proposal, you hinge your happiness on whether or not he marries you. You stop being happy with your interactions such as they are. You forget to focus on what should be the most important thing for you during the courtship phase: whether or not he's right for you.

A man can never be right for you "on paper" alone. No matter how wealthy, successful, or compatible he is, if he doesn't make you feel fantastic when you're with him, then he's not right.

Any man can behave like a perfect gentleman during the courtship phase. That's why I recommend knowing a man for a while before plunging into marriage. The more comfortable he becomes around you, the more he'll show his true colors. It is this real man that you want to get to know. Remember that you have a lifetime of happiness or unhappiness at stake. If you choose a marriage partner based on admirable qualities alone - rather than how he makes you feel - you may end up in an empty marriage where you both respect and care for another but do not truly love one another.

So why you want to marry this man? Is it because of how he makes you feel, or is it because he's such a catch?

Any decision made from a place of lacking (e.g., "This is my last chance," "I'll never meet someone like him again," "I'm getting older and need to get married now") is likely to backfire. If you want to marry a man because you think that it's your last chance at love, pull back. Take a good hard look at him. Take a good hard look at yourself. Ask yourself if this man can add anything to your life, or whether he's simply filling a hole.

Once you've found the right man, the man who adds so much to your life that your joy is overflowing, the man that you know you want to spend the rest of your life with, you can be overcome by your wanting. Normally you're perfectly able to play cool and let things develop, but - you think - this man is special. I can't lose him. All those characteristics that worked on men in the past may not work on this man. How can I prevent the unthinkable: the loss of his interest?

Here are some techniques that I've found to be successful.

All the best to you, and remember that you will have a wonderful and fulfilling life whether or not you marry this man. It's up to you to stake your happiness on the chance of a future with him or make your own happiness now in the present.

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Make Your Man Happy - Stop Getting Mad

by Amy Waterman, host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

Okay, let's take a survey…

Hands up if you've ever gotten mad at your man?

Hands up if you've ever found it fun to get mad at your man?

Hands up if you've started to find it really easy to get mad at your man?

Now, before we analyze those results, I'm going to tell you a little story.

When I was a teenager, I had a really great guy friend that I used to hang out with all the time.  We played video games together, watched movies together, and went to one another's houses for holidays.  When I got irritated at him, he didn't take me seriously at all.  He turned it into a joke.  He'd make fun of me and poke me until I laughed again.

Then one summer I discovered the power of getting mad.

I don't remember why I got angry at him … but for the first time, he didn't laugh.  He got upset, shut down, and went home without another word.  I felt half-horrified, half-fascinated.  I still felt like I had every right to be mad at him, but instead of playing the game he'd taken my shot right in the face.

Sometime, getting mad can be fun.  Othertimes, it can kill a relationship.  And you don't always know which is which.

I've seen too many long-term relationships where the wife will scream and yell at her husband, doing the only thing she knows to make him understand how she feels, while the husband just gets quieter and thin-lipped and ends up storming out of the house or retreating emotionally.

Throwing a fit never helps things, but it can feel sooo good.

Often our men hate facing conflict.  They will do anything to avoid having to face the fact that someone's feelings were hurt or that a mistake was made.  As a result, they don't want to talk about problems.  The only way we feel that we can get through to them is to throw a fit.  Even if they don't end up hearing us, at least we feel better afterwards.

Getting mad at your man can become a habit.  Every time he does anything annoying, or forgets something, or acts insensitively, it can feel oh-so-tempting just to let loose.

Although it can feel fantastic to let our emotions rip, very few of us realize how our habit of "getting mad" is actually less endearing than destructive.

I fully admit that I give into my emotions.  When I feel something, I need to express it rather than hold it in.

But when is it okay to get mad?  When is it okay to throw a tantrum simply because we need to feel heard?

According to clinical psychologist Richard Wheeler, the answer is never.

It's never okay to get mad at your partner.  It's never okay to yell, or throw things, or call him names.  It's never okay to blame him for every time he's been late for a date with you or every time he's forgotten a special occasion.

When I heard that advice for the first time, I was amazed.  But what do you do if you can't get mad at someone?  How do you show your partner that you felt hurt?  Isn't all that anger harmful if you keep it inside?

Learning how to express yourself in a healthy way when you're angry may be one of the most important lessons you ever learn when it comes to keeping your man's love and respect.

Here are some suggestions for what to do when you're about to get mad:

1. Get some perspective.  Is it really such a big deal that he was 15 minutes late?  Is it really such a big deal that you'd planned something together that you were really looking forward to and he canceled?  How much does this matter to your relationship?  Can you laugh at this? 
2. Deal with the situation at hand.  Don't bring up the past (e.g., every time he's done this before) or the future.  Keep yourself focused on this specific event.
3. Express your feelings completely. If you don't tell him how you feel, you'll become resentful and bitter.  Make sure that you tell him how his actions made you feel in a way that's non-accusatory and non-confrontational.  Remember that it's not about what he did - it's about how you felt about it.
4. Care about his point of view.  Don't have a shouting match where you're trying to drown one another out.  The problem with most arguments is that each side is focused on what they're going to say, not on understanding the other person's point of view or resolving the conflict.  Maybe he was just as upset as you were when he had to cancel your special date night; maybe he sped to get home on time and sat cursing at the stoplights, knowing he was going to be late.  You don't know.  Give him space to tell you.
5. Give up being right and get closer.  When you're focused on being right, your relationship loses.  Don't hold the pain of being hurt so tightly to you that it forms a barrier between you and your partner.  Allow him to make amends, and allow yourself to forgive.  You know when your partner's heart is genuinely in the right place.

These techniques will not only help you forge an amazing connection with your partner; they'll also help you with life.

As anyone in management can tell you, blowing up and blaming others and nursing hurt feelings are actions that break teams apart.  For a team (like a relationship) to succeed, people have to be willing to cool down, talk things through, and accept decisions made for the sake of the team rather than the individual.

The great thing in a relationship is that there are only two of you with needs to balance.  For some, that's one too many.

If you want an okay relationship, go ahead and experience the pleasure of getting angry and making up.  But if you want a relationship to last a lifetime, learn healthier ways to get mad - and give up getting even.

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What to Do if You're Stuck in Infatuation

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

You've got hearts drawn all over your notebook with both your names inside. You've already thought about what your children would look like and picked out their names. You know the exact model of the car he drives and know the shirts he wears by heart. But there's one catch: he doesn't even know your name.

Welcome to the world of infatuation.

Infatuation, quite simply, is being stuck on someone. Some people mistake it for love, and they move from relationship to relationship as soon as their infatuation with a person wanes.

Infatuation is not a bad thing in and of itself, but it should only be temporary. Infatuation is a stage ... it should NOT be a condition. If you stay infatuated too long, you can find that your infatuation will begin to affect your life in negative ways.

How to Know if You Are Infatuated

If you feel like you have been down this path before, you know how it ends. Either you confront the guy you like with your feelings and face his possible rejection, or you wither away with your unresolved feelings until you can't stand it anymore and take steps to avoid seeing him anymore.

Don't worry if you easily become infatuated. You get to experience the highs that many other more sensible people don't get to experience. You make guys feel special (few guys admit how flattered they feel when a member of the opposite sex is infatuated with them), and men will find themselves attracted to you due to your genuine enjoyment of their company. However, you may also find yourself moving ceaselessly from one guy to another, seeking to maintain that high. Don't let the need for infatuation blind you to the benefits of quieter, deeper, more enduring love.

When the intensity of infatuation naturally fades, your emotions will dampen down. You may feel as if you have fallen out of love. Rest assured, you haven't ... you've just fallen out of infatuation. The best part is ahead. Now you will be more realistic about what you and the guy you like have to offer one another. You'll begin to develop deeper intimacy based on respect and understanding of the other person. You may discover that the solid ground of a loving relationship is better than the high and insecurity of dating the object of your infatuation for the first time.

If you are stuck in infatuation, remember these tips.

Five Tips to Deal with Infatuation

What If You're Not His Type?

by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

You know the guy I'm talking about ... the jock who always dates the blondest, bluest-eyed girl in school. You knew that you never had a chance with him, because he'd never look at a brunette, particularly not if she had braces and was always carrying an armful of books.

I've got good news. You don't HAVE to compare yourself to anyone he's dated before! Dating a "type"; is like getting into a rut: you get in one and you can't seem to get out again. But that doesn't mean that ruts are desirable.

Every guy I know is willing and open to having an adventurous experience of the flirtatious kind. Yeah, maybe one guy usually dates businesswomen, and another guy tends to date girls who are into the outdoors, but that doesn't mean that these guys are completely closed off to any other kind of woman. As I've said before, guys like ALL women. I know guys who actively try to date someone UNLIKE all those chicks they've dated before, because the girls in the past didn't work out.

If you're into that hot guy at the local coffee shop who keeps flipping back his long black hair and has those enormous dark eyes you could drown in but always dates goth girls with funky eye makeup, you need to try these suggestions.

1. Learn about what he's into.

Usually, guys have "types"; of girls that they date because those girls share their interests. For example, a creative guy who is into Japanese animation may really only click with alternative girls who like reading science fiction. A guy who plays in a local band and wants to break into songwriting may not click at all with a girl who's tone deaf and could care less about the difference between one band and the next. In this case, we're talking about basic compatibility issues, not type.

That being said, there is nothing to stop you from becoming one of those girls who can listen to him talk on and on about bands or video games or dinosaur bones—and even put your own two cents in. If you are interested in a guy, you should take the time to learn more about the ideas that his world revolves around. He may even find that he really likes the role of teacher, and that you make the perfect audience of one.

2. Be confident in your own uniqueness.

The fact that you're unlike the type of girl he's usually into can work in your favor. Whatever you do, DON'T change yourself to fit his type. He will notice the change and figure out why you did it once you start making it known that you like them. Then you'll be stuck with a change you can't undo AND you'll feel like a fool.

Guys are attracted to confident, interesting girls, whether they match their "type"; or not. Chances are, you could have dated that jock back in high school if you'd been amazingly confident in your own sexiness and confident in your own uniqueness. Often, women are afraid of playing up their strengths around men whose type doesn't match theirs. Let me tell you right now: you don't have to “live up"; to ANY guy's standards. He should break those standards the moment he meets you and reshape them to your example.

3. Get noticed.

When a guy has a type, he'll notice girls who match that type, but he may need a special reason to notice a girl that doesn't fit it. If your winning smile, sexy confidence, and positive vibes don't catch his attention, you may have to elicit more drastic measures. One great technique is making friends with one of his friends so that he will introduce you.

4. If he's not into you, move on!

All this being said, there does exist a chance that even after you prove how sexy, interesting, and desirable you are, he just doesn't feel sexually attracted to you. Guess what you do next? Move on! It's so easy to drown in infatuation for someone, but if they're not into you enough to ask you out, they're not into you enough to give you the relationship you deserve.

Another fantastic way to become irresistible to men is to unleash your feminine energy. Details about tapping into your feminine energy, and much, much more indispensable knowledge is contained in my original e-book How to be Irresistible to Men, part of the premium online course that has been teaching women to meet fantastic guys and create fantastic relationships for the past six years. You'll get hours and hours of online video lessons, plus fantastic bonus books that will teach you to overcome shyness and start flirting with confidence.Order it now!

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by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

You open the door and your heart catches in your throat. He’s gorgeous. He opens the door of the car for you, and neither of you have much to say as you drive to the restaurant. Basic conversation about what you do and where you’re from takes you through starters. Then, in the lull before the entrees come, both of you fall silent. You stare at the water glass. He starts to fold his napkin. Oh no, you think, is he bored of me already? At the next table you catch a glimpse of a couple laughing; the girl is telling a story, and her date is leaning forward to catch every word. That could be you … if you only knew what to say.

Don’t get caught with nothing to say on a first date! The women who can keep a guy’s interest from the moment he meets her know a secret: guys love relaxed, warm, funny, positive gals who like hearing them talk. There is nothing that a guy finds more flattering than to be asked about his opinions and experiences.

So when you find yourself in a situation where the silence starts to grow, ask a question! What do you want to know about this guy? What intrigues you?

When you’re on a first date, remember the following tips.

1. Keep all conversation positive. Never bring up negative things, like how hard your life is right now, how complicated things are with your parents, or how you’re sorry that your nails are chipped because you didn’t have time for a manicure. Never complain about ANYTHING. Avoid talking about your expectations for a relationship and ANY controversial subjects until you get to know him better.

2. Relax! When you are nervous, you often speak faster, and you may appear more serious, intense, or silly than you usually are. Before you go out on your date, you may want to try watching a funny movie. Laughing will relax all your muscles, send good feelings to your brain, and get your blood pumping. You’ll greet your guy with a great big smile on your face—and he’ll think it’s all because of him.

3. When he is talking, lean forward and actively listen. Flirtatious signals such as crossing your legs, playing with your hair, or even cupping your hand under your chin may make him aware of your attributes. Guys respond to visual cues much better than verbal ones. If you’re interested, let your body do the talking for you.

4. Don’t ask the same old questions. Everyone gets asked what they do or where they’re from. Try some questions that he’s never been asked before. If you can, focus the question on something that you’ve noticed about him specifically.

5. Avoid asking him questions about his job or the kind of car he drives or whether he owns his own house. It may appear as if you’re a gold-digger who won’t take any guy who makes less than Donald Trump.

6. If you’ve got any interesting hobbies or an unusual job, play it up! Guys love independent women with adventurous streaks. They imagine that she might just spring some new kind of adventure on them. Just don’t go on about it too long. He may look as if he’s enjoying listening to you, but turn the conversation to him so that you get to know as much about him as possible … which is the point of the date, after all. You already know about yourself!

7. Give him a little help, but don’t do all the work yourself. As much as we may believe that the world is 50% men and 50% women, and all responsibilities should be divided accordingly, in the realm of romance men still like to feel as if they wear the pants. Help a guy along a bit on conversation if things are floundering, but let him guide the conversation as much as you can. He wants to make a good impression on you just as much as you want to make a good impression on him.

Here are some other conversation starters that you might try to break the ice.

Conversation Starter #1:
“What’s your favorite sport? Do you follow any teams?”

Guys love to talk about sports, and they’ll be more than willing to share the details on their favorite team. Asking this kind of question tells a guy that you’re willing to go halfway and that you’re not going to find his statistics-spouting boring as dirt. It will relax him immediately … and, if you like sports, too, it will be a match made in heaven.

Conversation Starter #2:
“That’s a cool watch/shirt/pair of shoes. Where did you get it?”

The fact that you’ve noticed some aspect of his appearance will mean a lot to him. He’ll feel flattered that you’ve been checking him out, and examining it more closely will require that you lean close and do some light stroking for a closer look. This is a great opportunity to show how fantastic you think he looks … and guys don’t get compliments like that often.

Conversation Starter #3:
“Have you ever done X?”

Your first date is when you start to find common ground, and comparing hobbies and experiences is the first place to start. Asking your date about his experiences can allow him to brag a little or give you the opportunity to bring up cool things that you have done.

Conversation Starter #4:
“Have you ever been to Y?”

Everyone likes talking about places they’ve been. Ask him if he has ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it's a club, a coffee shop, a museum, or even a park or hiking trail. If he hasn’t been there, and you are hitting it off by that point, he may very well see that as a suggestion to use when asking you for a second date!

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by Sarah Paul, original author of "How to Be Irresistible to Men" 

How often have you sighed while glancing through a women's magazine at a photo of a movie star like Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie and thought, "If only I could look like that..."? Movie stars are glamorous, poised, mysterious and exotic. They have personal trainers, couture clothes, special diets, and a staff of beauticians to make sure they look perfect.

But I'll let you in on a secret ... there are a lot of guys out there who don't want to date models. They prefer substance + cuteness to beauty + shallowness. They want to be with a girl who's fun rather than a girl who can't go kayaking because she's worried that she is going to break her nails. If a guy invites you for a spin in his convertible, are you going to say no because it will mess up your hair? I hope not!

Don't think that you've got to have an army of personal trainers, wardrobe consultants, beauticians and plastic surgeons to make you into the girl that every guy wants. Think about someone like Drew Barrymore, who gets guys because of her girl-next-door looks and spunky attitude. Think of full-figured women like Kelly Osbourne or Queen Latifah who don't let their size keep them from projecting an incredible sexiness on screen. What these women have in common is that THEY WORK WITH THEIR ASSETS. They DON'T spend their time trying to "fix" the physical flaws they think they have.

Men like women. They like the parts of women that make them different from men: the breasts, the curves, the hips, the skin. Most men find ALL women interesting, simply because the female shape is biologically keyed to attract their senses. And here's the good part ... you don't have to do ANYTHING except take advantage of the female body you've already got!

Nevertheless, guys are visual creatures. We have to accept that they're going to check us out. If we run out to the store in sweatpants and a baseball cap and run into the guy of our dreams, chances are that his gaze is going to slide right past us. If you look like a supermodel, you WILL get lots more male glances. That's life.

If you're worried about your looks, there are three things that you can do.

1. Be Healthy

The problem with being overweight is not your looks. It is the strain that the extra weight puts on your health. You should NEVER try to lose weight to look a certain way. Rather, you should try to adopt a healthy lifestyle so that you can feel more energetic, get out there and do more things, and avoid the cost of trips to the doctor.

Research shows that, in general, men are attracted to healthy women. From the dawns of time, men looked for women who could bear healthy offspring. That meant that women had to be well-nourished, have clear skin, bright eyes, and healthy, shiny hair.

Today, men aren't as concerned about a woman's ability to bear children (as science has progressed to enable more couples than ever to have children), but they still respond to those signals of health. That is why makeup products are so important: they create the illusion of flawless skin and bright eyes, which tells men that you are healthy. Shampoos claim to give you shiny, full tresses.

But you won't need much help at all if you simply eat right, exercise, drink plenty of water, and get eight hours of sleep a night. The basics to being healthy are pretty simple. Put your health first ... and watch men's attraction to you follow.

2. Display Your Assets

Forget nagging yourself about that mole on your cheek, the cellulite on your thighs, or the shape of your butt. Ignore the negatives and accentuate the positives! If you have wonderful eyes, invest in some quality eye products or get a makeover to teach you the makeup techniques you need to know. If you have a curvy figure, choose clothes to set those curves off. There are piles of women's magazines with tips on choosing the right fashion style for your body type.

3. Pamper Yourself

The best way to look sexy is to feel sexy. Invest in a great haircut. Try a facial. Schedule regular manicures, or spend a weekend away at a health spa. The more you pamper yourself, the better you will look. The glow of health and happiness can't be faked, but it can be helped along by any one of the many beauty treatments out there.

If you don't have deep pockets, you may want to try simple activities like homemade deep conditioning treatments for your hair, or steaming your pores with hot water and a towel over your head, or one of the many self-treatments available at your local drugstore. The most important part of the process is not radically transforming your appearance. It's feeling pampered and good about yourself. Try it ... and watch men respond.

I've got so many other incredibly important secrets that will make men find you irresistible, such as how to communicate, why men need to feel successful, the tantalize technique for seducing men, and much, much more. You can find it all in the Premium Online Course, "How to be Irresistible to Men." It's been teaching women to meet fantastic guys and create fantastic relationships for the past six years.Order it now!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Like most girls my age, I ate up the stories my friends told me about their sexual exploits. If Christy and Dan were caught french kissing behind the bleachers, I wanted to know what french kissing was. If Maggie made out with her cute next door neighbor, I wanted to what making out was and whether it was any fun.

My mother's women's magazines filled in the gaps that my friends couldn't. Ladies Home Journal and Good Housekeeping often had articles about what kept relationships together, what kept them hot, and just enough social science to fill in the picture.

But by the time I reached college, my knowledge of dating was still so nebulous that I felt more embarrassed than open-minded about my half-understood longings. It was easier to focus all my energy on what I understood - my studies and career - than what I felt hopeless about.

Most of us prefer to focus our energies on what we know and are good at. It's basic human nature. It gives us greater satisfaction to achieve in an arena where results are measurable and within our reach.

Relationships, on the other hand, are messy no matter how good you get at them. Just look at the love lives of so many experts in the field of marriage counseling and relationship advice. As one clinical psychologist joked to me, "We're so good at counseling other people because we've failed so many times ourselves!"

And, indeed, mistakes are the best starting place to learn from.

Obviously, you wouldn't be here if you didn't want to know more about how relationships work, what's going on in men's minds, what dating strategies are most effective, and how you can relate to men in such a way that your connection keeps growing deeper.

One thing that I've always felt is ironic is that women spend a disproportionate amount of time working on their relationship skills in comparison to men. While men are generally happiest when everything's going fine (and avoid conflict or turn a blind eye when they're not), women are always seeking to improve things, even if they're already good.

We're never satisfied with the relationships we have. We're always wanting to fine-tune them to make them better.

There's nothing wrong with a desire to improve your skills at relating to men. If you're anything like I was ten years ago, learning about dating and relationships is not only important but necessary. We're bombarded with too much unqualified advice from friends and generic advice columns that don't have much statistical or scientific backing.

So over the next few weeks and months, I am going to share with you what I know about dating and relationships. My advice is backed by years of research in the field - not word-of-mouth passed down from my mother and her mother, nor the experiences of a select group of my friends. Although I believe we can learn a lot from the people around us, all such advice is biased to a certain degree by that person's life experiences, values, and beliefs.

You don't have to stick with the same old bad advice everyone else has been given! My goal is to empower you so that you know what you can do to attract men, why it works, and what the results will be.

But from then on ... it's up to you.

What I Ended Up Learning

Ten years ago, I made a vow to myself to educate myself in the science of relationships. Soon, my friends were coming to me with the questions they couldn't ask anyone else. Even if I didn't know the answer, I always knew who did. Soon I discovered in myself an amazing ability to talk frankly without embarrassment when it came to those tricky, delicate subjects that we have a hard time sharing with anyone.

My connection with men grew deeper, and I found that I was able to ask men questions that no one had ever asked them, such as what it meant when they lost that spark for someone, what they liked best about their most memorable girlfriends, and why they were attracted to certain women and not others. They enjoyed sharing their insights with me, because they rarely had the opportunity to talk so freely outside of their intimate relationships.

Some of what I learned in these informal interviews was this:

Do any of these points ring true for you in your experience with men? Now, if you would have asked my teenage self what men wanted, back then I would have answered.

What I didn't know then is that men grow up, too. Although men still retain that "boy" self who's fascinated by buxom women, the challenge of a woman who's hard to get, and sexual conquest, most men in this world are simply ordinary guys who do want to eventually have a wife and a family. Just look at the statistics: most people will get married in their lifetime.

If you want to be the kind of woman who inspires a man to commit for lasting love, focus on cultivating traits that will satisfy men who want the qualities in the first list, not the second.

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You might be wondering why this newsletter is any different from the zillion and one other dating columns out there! How is my perspective different from that of all those other dating "experts"?

So I'm going to share a secret with you. Here is a sneak peak of the "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Plan for Success.

If you want to follow the "How to Be Irresistible to Men" plan to attractingbetter men, experiencing better relationships, and creating deeper commitment, you'll focus on mastering the Three Pillars of Relationship Success.

If this sounds like a roadmap that you want to follow, then you're ready for "How to Be Irresistible to Men"!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Analise was dating a fantastic man. "We've got the same sense of humor!" she told me. "We can talk for hours, we laugh at the same jokes, we even listen to the same kind of music. I've never experienced a connection this fast with anyone."

Two weeks later, I ran into her in the store. Her clothes were rumpled, and there were dark circles under her eye. "How are things going?" I asked.

"Fine..." she said, in a tone that I knew meant things were not fine. I took her arm, and we went to a cafe to have a cup of coffee together.

Analise's dream man had stopped calling. No warning, no explanation why. Nothing had happened. She couldn't understand. She'd called his house a few times and left messages, but to no avail. This had been the most promising relationship she'd had in the past two years, and it ended just like that.

She leaned forward and begged, "Tell me, Amy, what did I do wrong?"

What do any of us do wrong in relationships? Sometimes we know in our hearts that things weren't right, but it takes a great deal of courage to admit what it was to ourselves. Other times, we think we have no idea. We tell our friends that it happened abruptly, without warning.

It's my belief that even if you don't think you know what went wrong in a relationship, you actually do. Maybe you don't know consciously, but in your heart - which can be much wiser than your head - you probably already know the answer.

And here's a hint: it's not always your fault. Sometimes it's his. And sometimes it's no one's.

Today I'm going to give you 3 Tips on Mistakes Women Make in the early stages of dating. These tips might help you if, like with Analise, your man has stopped calling and you have no idea why.

Even I'm guilty some times of coming into a date with nervous energy. After about ten minutes, I can usually calm myself enough to calibrate to his energy level.

We get excited when we're about to go out on a date: it's normal. The problem is that our excitement can often come across as nervousness. We talk too fast, our voice goes to a higher pitch, our movements are jerky, we smile so much our cheeks hurt, and we laugh excessively at his smallest joke.

If you find yourself becoming a more lively, interesting, and extroverted version of yourself on a date, you could be guilty of excessive energy. This loud, boisterous woman is not yourself: she's a character that you're performing so that you'll be liked.

Even worse, high-energy women can come across as controlling. They can talk too much, dominate the encounter, and fill the air with tension.

One way to check your energy level is to check your heartrate. If your heart is thudding so fast that you can feel the blood pulsing inyour veins, excuse yourself, go to the restroom, close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Wait until you feel your whole body relax until you go back.

One reason that it's crucial to relax when you're with a man is that your relaxed state will allow him to guide the course of the date. A date is much like a dance: even though both of you will act in unison, someone has to do the leading. And in the early stages of a relationship, it's smart to let the man lead in order to see what he's made of.

Let me be clear: I'm not talking about giving up your power. I'm talking about seeing what kind of a leader this man is. Is he strong enough to be the kind of partner you can lean on? Or is he so passive that, for the rest of his life, he'll wait for you to tell him what to do?

You won't know unless you give him the chance to be the one guiding you; only then can you see the stuff he's made of.

When you grant enough trust to your date (if only temporarily) to lead you, you also bring out his wonderfully strong masculine side, the side that he loves to experience.

Too many dates become a power struggle rather than a dance. Each partner jockeys for equal power or an equal contribution to the experience. For example, a man might say, "Since I chose the restaurant, you can choose the club we go to next." A woman might say, "Since you paid for the meal, I'll pay for the dessert."

Very rarely does any woman let a man guide her from start to finish in a trusting way.

Although I believe that dating expert John Gray goes too far when he argues that, when a man opens a door for a woman, the woman should never lean across and unlock the driver's side door for him (Mars and Venus on a Date p. 43), I do believe he has a point.

If a man initiated a date with you, all you have to do is show up. Don't feel guilty for taking advantage of him: if your experience is a pleasurable one for both of you, you can initiate a date later down the road.

Your goal is to respond to him, enjoy the experiences he's sharing with you, and show your appreciation through thanking him in a genuine way. Pleasing YOU through HIS 100% effort will make him feel much happier than having to be a 50-50 partner on a date he's supposed to be in charge of.

Tip 3. Don't Let Expectations Ruin a Good Thing

You know how hard it is when you let down your parents? Perhaps all they want is for you to not experience the same mistakes they did, or for you to have a better life than they did, or for you to get married and experience true love. Even if they don't say it explicitly, you know that there's a little part of them that wants a certain kind of life for you.

Well, just as it's hard for you when you can't live up to your parents' expectations, so it's hard for a guy when he can't live up to yours.

Men constantly complain that they're tired of women "wanting something from them." Wanting to have some acknowledgment that they're in a relationship, wanting more commitment, wanting to spend more time together, wanting an engagement ring.

It's in their nature to resist. Whereas you live in a world of giving and receiving, many men live in a world of winning and losing. And if he manages to stay with you for five years without popping the question, he feels like he's winning. (And his mates will probably tell him the same thing.)

One answer? Avoid setting up a situation where your expectations make him feel pressured.

I wish it didn't have to be this way, but I've seen it again and again. The minute you think a relationship is going somewhere, or that a man is the most amazing guy you've met in ages, or that this guy might be the One, you jeopardize the chances of it ever happening.

The minute you place expectations on a situation, you start living in the future rather than the present. The date becomes a good thing because of what you hope it will lead to, rather than because of the experience itself.

So if you like a man because you hope to be in a relationship with him,or if you like a relationship because you hope it will end in marriage, recognize that you're already constructing a big barrier to it ever happening.

In my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Course I go into this topic in much greater depth and give you an alternative to expectations that will actually enable you to create what you're wishing for.

Right now, I just want you to consider whether or not you wanted something from this relationship or this man, or whether you were happy just to be with him. Did he feel that you wanted something from him that he couldn't give you?There's nothing that discourages a man more than dating a woman that he can't make happy.

If this is a topic you're interested in, you can find more information about "The Biggest Mistakes Women Make with Love" in my"How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Course. Plus, you'll learn how to make a relationship work the next time around.

Don't be caught like my friend Analise. Recognize the mistakes you're making with men before it's too late and correct them.

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Want a Guy Who Can Commit? You Must Read This!

by Amy Waterman
 

You may not know this, but there is a community of men who studies nothing but the art of picking up women.They go by names like Mystery, Style, Thundercat, Tyler Durden, and Badboy. They study neurolinguistic programming, the Alexander technique, psychology, self-help, you name it. They post "field reports" of their conquests on online forums and speak an incomprehensible lingo of IOIs, negs, phase-shifts, AFCs and mPUAs.

Their goal is to break down the act of seducing a woman into easily-replicable steps that any man can follow.

Before you can say, "Ew, that's disgusting!", let me tell you why this is important.

1. While you - and tens of thousands of my female newsletter subscribers across the world - are reading a newsletter right nowon how to get a man to commit, there are hundreds of thousands of men reading similar newsletters on how to get a woman into bed.
2. In general ... while women read dating and relationship books with the goal of finding their Mr. Right for happily-ever-after, men are reading dating books with the goal of avoiding rejection, getting more sex, and being envied for their success with the ladies.

In other words, while women dream of commitment (symbolized by marriage), men dream of success with women (symbolized by getting sex any time they want).

Luckily, these are huge generalizations. The pickup artists represented by "the community" are not representative of the male population as a whole.

In fact, there are lots of good, nice men out there who would like nothing better than to have a long-term girlfriend.

My question to you is: which class of men areyou attracting?

Tip 1. Think Twice about a Bad Boy

I know so many women who are attracted to bad boys. They're addicted to the feeling of excitement, danger, and wild abandon that they experience when they're with him. He allows them to throw away their "nice girl" pose and experience the darker sides of their personality without guilt or shame.

I believe that dating a bad boy is a necessary rite of passage. Bad boys teach us to be more comfortable with our "shadow side." They teach us to be more genuine and authentic by showing us that we don't have to fit into society. Learning how to let go and be reckless teaches us to make great leaps of faith and trust what happens. In many cases, bad boys are also fantastic at awakening us to our own sexuality.

Nevertheless, you shouldn't get stuck there. As exhilarating and addictive as a bad boy may be, he is who he is. Trying to change him into a committed partner will only make him into something that you wouldn't find as attractive. (Honestly, would he still be as attractive to you with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence?)

Setting yourself the challenge of taming him may feel thrilling, especially if it feels like you're winning and he's becoming the "better person" you imagined, but ultimately he'll end up resenting you for trying to tame him and break away for good.

A relationship based on sex, alcohol, drugs, or partying is not sustainable. Real life involves work, family, and making a home. The kind of partner you want by your side for the long haul knows the importance of building for the future. He'll grow old with you. He enjoys sex and partying just like the bad boy, but he puts those activities in perspective. He's got more than the present: he's got a future.

And that is the sort of man who understands commitment.

Tip 2. How Did You Meet?

It's a strange thing ... statistics show that you have a much greater chance of eventually marrying your man if:

1. You knew each other at least one month before you slept with each other for the first time, and
2. You met via your social network, such as school, work, a private party, or church. (Source: Sex in America: A Definitive Survey)

The data are clear: meeting a stranger in a bar or on the street, falling madly, deeply in love, and making it all the way to the altar is normal only in Hollywood fiction.

The reality looks more like "getting to know your partner gradually, as a friend, going slowly and finally having sex and then marrying" (Sex in America pp. 77-78).

In fact, knowing a person for some time before sleeping with him (regardless of whether you are actually dating one another during that time) seems to be essential. Ninety percent of married couples in the survey had known each other at least a month before they slept together for the first time.

Incredible, huh?

And some reasons that we're much more likely to end up marrying someone introduced to us by family, friends, or colleagues (as compared to a stranger we meet in a bar) are:

1. This person is more likely to be similar to us in the ways that count (which, according to the study, are religion, education, age), and
2. We may be more cautious in moving towards a love affair due to the social repercussions if the affair doesn't work out.

So the slower you move and the better you know someone, the more likely you are to make it all the way to the altar.

Tip 3. Connect on a Spiritual Level

I love asking men how they knew that a woman was going to be their wife. Almost invariably, one of their answers was, "She's my best friend."

Developing a deep friendship with a man is more difficult than developing a sexual relationship.

To create the kind of deep connection that characterizes best friends, you need to feel comfortable talking with one another about just about everything.

For example, it's easy to keep conversation at the shallow level of talking about people you know, what you're going to do next weekend, or what happened during the day.

It takes a little more effort to talk about your emotions, how you feel when he does or says certain things, and what your dreams are.

It takes even more effort to discuss aspects of your childhood that were difficult, your spiritual beliefs and how they impact your life, and personal secrets that you've never told anyone.

But I have had several women tell me, "So how then could he break up with me? He said that he could tell me things he'd never told anyone else!"

You may think that deep conversation is all you need to create a deep connection with a man, but actually it's just part of the picture.

A man can be intimate with you and tell you his secrets, but he may not feel connected to your dreams and see himself going in the same place as you are.

Ultimately, this is the real clincher when it comes to commitment. A man may see you as a woman who deserves to have a loving husband and large family, but be unable to see himself in that role. A man may enjoy his time with you greatly but still believe that he's got some more living to do.

For those cases, I'm going to share with you a trick that several friends have recommended to me. It's simple, easy, and requires no thought at all. It's transformed committed bachelors into men eager for the engagement ring and a family.

What's this method?

They gave these men a book.

That's all.

The book was David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man.

I've talked about this book many times before, because I think it's a crucial read for any woman wanting to understand men at a more spiritual level.

What it says isn't always pleasant from a female point of view, but what it accomplishes for a man is getting him clear about what he wants to create in his lifetime.

You see, most men just muddle through life.They go to school, get a job, and even end up getting married because it seems "like a good thing to do." They avoid being really conscious about what they're choosing. They prefer the bliss of drinking or watching television or playing sports rather than waking up to the possibilities of what their life might mean.

Deida's book encourages men to ask themselves, "What is my purpose?" A man who is clear about his purpose and clear about what he wants to create in his lifetime will also be clear about how a woman fits into it.

Sadly, most men have no clue whether they want to be with you forever. When you pressure him to commit, you're making him feel as anxious as he did in high school at exam time. He knows that the way he answers could mean the difference between a miserable future or a fantastic one, but he has no idea which answer is right for him.

The best thing you can do is encourage him to connect with his purpose in life - or, if he doesn't know what it is, to find it. A man who is aligned with his purpose can truly give a woman what she needs. A man who has no idea what he stands for will never be able to truly commit to a woman, because he hasn't committed to anything else in his life.

And if his life purpose is picking up women ... let me assure you: you deserve better than that.

For more information about the concepts in this newsletter, including Deida's work and how understanding your man's masculine nature can help you create amazing sexual chemistry, check out my Premium Course! "How to Be Irresistible to Men" will teach you to understand your man at his deepest level and connect with him in a way that no other woman can.Learn more by visiting my website today!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Do you get nervous on a first date? If you do, you’re not alone. Janice got so nervous on a first date with a guy that she really liked that the Indian restaurant they went to didn’t agree with her. After just a few bites of the spicy food hit an already upset stomach, she headed straight to the women’s restroom. Though it wasn’t an “Along Came Polly” moment, it was enough to send her straight to a taxi home. Even though he called her a few days later to see how she was, she was too embarrassed to go out with him again.

All of us have horror stories to tell about dates that went awry. Luckily, most of us learn to laugh about it and turn the experience into a funny story.

For others, however, every bad dating experience builds a sense of dread and anxiety until dating in general becomes unbearable. Why go out with a guy when you just KNOW that you’ll do something stupid, say the wrong thing, and make a fool of yourself?

That's exactly what this reader says. She write:

If you find that you being paralyzed by dating jitters, then this is the article you NEED to read. I’ll give you three powerful tips for getting over shyness, relaxing on a date, and enjoying whatever happens. Best of all, you’ll find that once you master the dating mindset, you’ll not only enjoy dating more – guys will enjoy dating you as well!

You know what you do before a big event: you agonize for hours over what you are going to wear, you have to get your hair and makeup perfect, and you find yourself running over a checklist frantically before he arrives to make sure you’ve stocked your purse for any contingency.

When you put that much preparation into getting ready for a date, you build up the expectation that the night is going to be spectacular. You’ve put so much effort into it that anything less would be a disappointment.

If, on the other hand, you limit your “date preparation” time to the amount of time, say, that it would take you to get ready for work, your brain gets the message that this is a normal event rather than something special. If the date doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted THAT much energy on it.

And, best of all, when a man sees that you haven’t gone all out for him, he recognizes that he still has a challenge on his hands. He hasn’t earned the right for you to spend hours looking “perfect” for him.

He also gets to see you looking more like yourself rather than some flawless Barbie. Crazy as it may seem, this natural look (up to the same standards you’d have for work) is actually more appealing to many men, because they feel that it makes you more approachable.

Anticipation can be delicious, but all too often anticipation turns into anxiety. The longer you have to wait before the anticipated day comes, the more opportunities you have to worry that he’ll change his mind, that something will go wrong, that he’ll never call you again, etc.

That’s why I recommend limiting the amount of time you spend thinking about a date beforehand.

This includes worrying, wondering, and daydreaming. Although daydreaming may feel pleasant, it can often turn the reality into a mere shadow of what was expected.

For example, imagine that you’ve just been invited out by a man you’ve been interested in for a long time. You imagine intimate conversation combined with an exquisite dinner and topped off by a long, slow kiss. So when he picks you up in a battered car and takes you to the wharf for fish and chips, you find that you can’t even enjoy walking barefoot along the sand, as romantic as it is, because you’d imagined something totally different.

Thinking too much about a date beforehand tends to build up expectations that affect your actual date experience.

Way too many men and women alike feel performance anxiety before a date. A woman I knew used to review a list of Dating Do’s and Don’ts before every date. She wanted to be the perfect balance of lighthearted, mysterious, and flirtatious. Sadly, her dates saw her as desperate, nervous, and high maintenance.

When you’ve got your mind full of exactly how you want to come across – light, witty, flirtatious, mysterious, etc. – you don’t let down your guard enough to be yourself. And if you’re acting artificially, he’ll see right through the act.

Men are many things, but they are not blind. Even though they may not be able to put their finger on it, they’ll sense a false note if you’re trying too hard to be the “perfect” date.

Worst of all, the pressure you put on yourself to say the right things and be a great date translates into nervous tension from his point of view. While you’re working hard to engage in witty conversation and laugh at his jokes and hold your wine glass just so, he’s getting tired just keeping up with you.

Give up the act and focus on being, not doing. In other words, instead of focusing on what you should say next and what you should do next, focus on how you’re feeling right now. Be present. Just be there with him. Allow silences to fall in your conversation. Allow the space for spontaneity. Allow yourself to catch his eye without saying anything. If there’s an awkward moment, notice it but don’t immediately fill the gap with words. Awkwardness is okay.

When you can be in a quiet mental space where you’re not acting overly extroverted, performing, or forcing conversation, you’ll discover that every date holds the possibility of amazing connection. That’s because connection happens in the space between words, in the emptiness of a moment frozen in time.

Let it go and let a date happen.

For more information about the concepts in this newsletter, including Deida's work and how understanding your man's masculine nature can help you create amazing sexual chemistry, check out my Premium Course! "How to Be Irresistible to Men" will teach you to understand your man at his deepest level and connect with him in a way that no other woman can.Learn more by visiting my website today!

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by Amy Waterman
 

I want you to imagine something.

I want you to imagine that you don't have to worry any more about meeting a man.

I want you to imagine that you don't even think of yourself as "single" anymore, because you know you can get a man any time you want. Sometimes you want a relationship; sometimes you don't.

I want you to imagine that you have the ability to attract incrediblemen. While your friends struggle with jerks and losers, you seem to meet that one-in-a-million man who's unbelievable: conscientously, gentlemanly, talented, dependable, open, caring, and capable of true love. You don't need to hold onto him, because you know that if this doesn't work out, you'll meet another man just as amazing. You just have that ability.

Imagine that you no longer even think about how you're supposed to act around men, how you're supposed to dress, or what you're supposed to say. You do the right thing naturally. You flirt effortlessly. You enjoy yourself with men, because you have nothing to worry about.

Would it feel great? Would you finally feel free? Would you finally feel like your life was how it was supposed to be?

It's possible, because I've been there.

That's the "Irresistible to Men" Difference.

Like you, I used to read everything I could about dating and relationships. But nothing ever seemed to work. I could read something, but I'd forget it the moment I was actually in a situation where I needed it. My head was swimming with all this useless knowledge.

It took me ten years to realize that attraction went a lot deeper than what I looked like, what clothes I wore, and my flirting skills.

I'm sure you've heard before that shallow men are attracted to looks, while good men are attracted to your personality.

That's only partially true.

Your personality is only part of who you are, like your looks. There are piles of ineffable traits that make up the complicated being that is YOU.

You can work on your personality, your appearance, your conversational skills, and your flirting skills, in order to get each component right ... but what happens to many women is that the end result looks fake.

You can't attract men without looking at the real reason men are attracted to you.

No matter how beautiful or amazing you are as a person, if you are closed and defensive with a man, he won't want to be with you.

If you're in a bad mood, it doesn't matter how fun you normally are: what matters is that he doesn't like how he feels when he's around a grumpy woman.

You can be the greatest woman in the world with everything going for you, but if you're defensive, on edge, nervous, fake, resentful, or suspicious, he's not going to want to do the work to discover the "real you."

by Amy Waterman
 

You know that guy in the office? Yeah, the cute one. The one that sends all the single women swooning and doesn’t even notice that he’s doing it. The one that just sees you as a work colleague - or, worse, “one of the boys.”

All of us have been in this situation. If you were a teenager once, you probably yearned over a boy who never even glanced in your direction. As an adult woman, you may still hold that painful memory in your heart: that memory of being ignored by the one person you wanted to notice you the most.

Luckily, as an adult, you have options that your teenage self didn’t have. Chances are, back then if you’d flirted with the object of your affections, EVERYONE around you would have gone, “Eeew, she likes him! Amy and Brian, sitting in a tree, K – I – S – S – I – N – G!”

Now, no one is going to go, “Eeew, gross!” when you display your interest in someone. (At least, unless you have a teenager at home!)

In fact, there’s never been a better time for women to be proactive in dating. Modern men say that they appreciate a woman who doesn’t beat around the bush about what she wants.

But before I get into why you should be careful when it comes to what men SAY they want (because what they actually DO want can be a different matter altogether), I want to give you a few tips on what you should and shouldn’t do to attract a particular person’s interest.

Here are seven of my Top Tips on What to Do If He Doesn’t Know You Exist.

What is going to paralyze you in any encounter with him is what you hope will happen. Chances are you've been daydreaming about him for ages and that you've fantasized every step of your courtship down to the details on your wedding dress.

Fantasizing about a man that you aren't even dating can be great fun, but it can also be disastrous for your social life. Not only can your fantasies swim disconcertingly in front of your eyes when you talk with him (making your cheeks flush, voice go squeaky, and heart beat faster), but you can also find yourself so caught up in your fantasy man that you ignore other lovelorn men gazing at you.

Give yourself a hard shake and come down to earth. As great as he appears, he may be a dud as a boyfriend - you simply don't know. Clear your mind of any expectations as best you can, and approach your interactions with him with a fresh mind. You want to get to know him better and see if you're a good match: that's it.

If you've followed my advice for a while, you'll have made flirting part of the natural way you interact in the world. I recommend flirting wholeheartedly. I believe that flirting should be part of your daily repertoire and not limited to candidates for romance. Flirt with old men, young men, waiters, bus drivers, people passing on the street ... in short, everyone!

When you integrate flirting into your personality as part of who you are,rather than a special activity that you employ only when you've met someone you like, you are able to flirt with someone you're interested in without singling him out for special treatment. He can flirt back naturally, without feeling any expectation on your part.

One crazy thing that we women do when we're interested in a guy is that we do things for him that we wish someone would do for us. We like poems, so we send him a poem. We like it when someone cooks us something special, so we cook him something special. We like it when someone plays "mystery admirer" with us, so we play "mystery admirer" with him.

News flash: men aren't women. He isn't attracted by the same things you are. Ever wonder why men watch skin flicks while women read romance novels? Yep, it's because we're different.

According to John Gray in Mars and Venus on a Date, a man is more attracted to you when he does things for you than when you do things for him.In fact, Gray even goes so far as to say:

That's amazing! Does he actually mean that instead of thinking up new ways to show him how much we're interested, we should actually focus on showing him how much we enjoy his company?

Yep.

In my newsletter on "How to Ask a Man Out," I explain why this is such a bad idea. Basically, what you're doing is offering yourself to him on a platter: he gets you without having to do any work at all. If you think about anything that you've had to work really hard for, you know how much more you value it because of the work you put into it. Don't deprive him of the opportunity to work hard for the reward of dating you.

Sometimes women, in an attempt to show a man that she can hang out with his friends, tries too hard to fit in with his friends. She may think that by befriending his friends, she’ll get closer to him and he’ll see how wonderful she is.

This tactic backfires all too often. If a woman is trying to be “one of the guys,” he’ll see her as one of the guys – not as an attractive, feminine potential partner. And if a woman is befriending his friends – one of whom may end up thinking that she’s hitting on him or liking her – then he won’t move in on his friend’s territory.

Avoid potential complications: don't do it.

When you're interested in someone that you haven't spent much time with, the best way to hang out with him is not one-on-one, but rather in the company of others.

So invite him along to group outings. He’ll feel more comfortable when there are others going along, but only when there are plenty of single people – not just couples. If he’s interested in getting to know you better, or if he suspects that you might be interested and is amenable to the idea, he’ll enjoy the experience. If he's not interested in spending time with you, then he'll turn the offer down without turning you down. It's a great way to side-step the possibility of rejection and give you time to get to know one another without the pressure of a one-on-one date.

When I was little, I used to love these made-for-television movies where a previously dowdy, socially ignored girl got a makeover and came back to school as the princess of the class. It helped me to believe that the miraculous transformation from ugly duckling to swan was possible even for me.

But, unfortunately, it also gave me the illusion that all I needed to get a boyfriend was to change how I looked. As long as I believed it was my appearance that was keeping me from having a boyfriend (rather than my insecurity, inexperience, and conversational skills) then I'd continue to blame the looks God gave me rather than myself for my situation.

I see this all the time in women who blame their weight or age on their lack of success with men. "If I were only 10 pounds lighter..." "If I were only 10 years younger..."

If you are interested in a man who hasn't given you a second look, then don't go seeking to become the sort of woman you imagine he'd be interested in. If you show up looking like yourself one day and like a Barbie figurine the next, he's going to wonder what possessed you.

I have this scene in my head of a teenage boy staring at a skinny-legged girl wearing this dress while the other teenagers stream past them in jeans and shirts. The boy asks, "Why are you wearing a dress?" She fiddles with her skirt and blushes. "Oh, I just felt like it."

It's so obvious!

Don't assume that he's blind. If you change yourself to attract him, he will notice and wonder what's up.

And worst of all ... even if he likes the "new you," you'll have to keep up the charade forever.

Although it can be fun to pretend we're someone we're not, ultimately we'll get tired of the game. We'll want someone who loves us for us and not for who we're pretending to be.

I always love it when I hear men say, "My wife looks most beautiful when she just wakes up in the morning and her hair is all mussed and she looks at me with those dreamy eyes...."

Don't you want a man who will say that?

Then don't change yourself just for him! If you want to change, do it for yourself. That way, the changes will stick.

For more information about the concepts in this newsletter, including Deida's work and how understanding your man's masculine nature can help you create amazing sexual chemistry, check out my Premium Course! "How to Be Irresistible to Men" will teach you to understand your man at his deepest level and connect with him in a way that no other woman can.Learn more by visiting my website today!

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by Amy Waterman
 

I don't know about you, but I don't know anyone who dates anymore. Instead, men and women today "hang out," or "spend time together," or just "do something."

Even when I was a teenager, we talked about guys "asking us out." The word "date" was so dated that I associated it with my mother's era, when boys took girls to the moving pictures and then to the soda fountain.

The Institute for American Values conducted a study in 2001 titled "Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Hoping for Mr. Right: College Women on Dating and Mating Today." In it, authors Norval Glenn and Elizabeth Marquardt discovered that college women are dating less and less - in the traditional sense. Half of the female college seniors in their survey had been asked out on less than six dates over their college career.

But that didn't mean that these women were focused on their studies. Instead, their romantic liasions were less formal, more abiguous, and characterized by either no commitment or too much.

If dating has traditionally been when "women and men would go together on pre-planned activities in which the intended purpose was to see if that little spark you felt for someone signaled a potentially deeper attraction" ("Hooking Up in College: A Guy's Perspective, and an Advice Columnist's Bad Advice"), then dating is truly becoming obselete, replaced by the even fuzzier term "hooking up."

The term "hook up" has long been in popular culture as a shorthand for getting together. When you call a friend, you might end your conversation with, "Let's hook up sometime."

But what if your friend told you, "You know that great guy I was telling you about? We hooked up at the party last night!" Clearly, "hooking up" has a greater significance.

On college campuses today, "hooking up" with a guy can mean anything from kissing to sleeping together. Most importantly, it involves no commitment. In some cases, it can be synonymous with casual sex.

The study's authors lament the disappearance of a "culture of courtship" among college-age men and women, which they see as replaced by a hook-up culture with few social norms and expectations. They conclude:

In a world where dating is outdated, how can we take back our power as women and assert our right to old-fashioned courtship?

As men have become more passive in dating, preferring to ask a girl to "hang out" rather than go on a pre-planned activity that he pays for, women have had to take up the slack. Many of my friends bemoan the loss of the "manly" man who would pursue them single-mindedly and woo them with picnics and fancy dinners and rides on the Ferris wheel.

I suspect that the man they "remember" never really existed outside of the pages of romance novels, but they have a point.

Many men are too passive and afraid of rejection to ask a woman out on a formal date. By asking her to hang out instead, a man avoids a formal declaration of his interest at the same time as he sets up the opportunity for something (perhaps a "hook up"?) to happen.

Yet one positive result of all this is that, if there's a man that you're interested in, you no longer have to wait for him to ask you on a date. Women can now take a more aggressive role in pursuing a man without being branded a "hussy."

I'm not advocating that women take over the role that men previously used to play, e.g., asking a man out. Rather, you can spend time with a man in a less formal way that nevertheless gives him ample opportunity and encouragement to take your companionship to the next level.

Some relationship experts will tell you that there's nothing wrong with being up front about your interest in a man. In fact, David Zinczenko, author of Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women, explains that many men appreciate it when a woman makes the first move. One of his interview participants explains that "it's the biggest turn-on for a guy--for a woman to flirt, to talk, and to be the first one to start a conversation" (p.124).

But there is a big difference between initiating the first contact and asking a man out. By all means, be approachable and flirt with men you like. Start the conversation so that he doesn't have to. But once you get the ball rolling, let it roll into his court. If he doesn't pick it up, it could be that he's clueless ... or it could be that he's simply not interested.

You may wonder why you shouldn't just be frank and ask him out. Letting a man do the work makes him feel like you're more of a prize. You're not offering yourself to him on a platter. You're simply being friendly and giving him the opportunity to take the plunge. If he can't manage to make the next move, then maybe he'll work his way up to it the next time he sees you ... or the next time. You making it easy for him will just eliminate the spark of challenge that makes victory all the sweeter.

If it's pretty clear to you that he does like you and that he isinterested in you, but that shyness, a stutter, or a self-esteem issue will keep him from ever asking you out, then here's a solution: organize a group outing to a concert, a festival, an amusement park, or some other fun activity, and invite him along. Not only will you get to see how he interacts with your friends (a good indication of whether or not you'll be a good match), but you'll also give him the opportunity to spend time with you without the pressure of a one-on-one date.

Here's a warning: if you do invite him to share a group outing with you, under no circumstances are you to consider him your special "date." Spend time with your other friends. Allow him to take care of himself. Keep checking in with him every so often, but make it clear that you're not worried about his ability to socialize with these new people. The trust you communicate will speak volumes.

We all know that men like a challenge. Why, then, would we allow men physical intimacy without having had to work for it?

It may sound unfair, but in the past men expected to have to plan a date, pick the woman up, escort her throughout the night, pay for everything, and deposit her safely on her doorstep at curfew. Modern men have it easy.

As much as you may want to move into physical intimacy with a man, allowing it to simply "happen" may harm your budding relationship more than help it.

I can't tell you how many young people who've told me, "I wish we would have waited longer." As one young man, who ended up dating his roommate, said, "Those months that we spent living together and not being together were excruciating, but in the best possible way. Then once we slept together, I thought, We're never going to be able to go back there. We're never going to ache for one another like that again."

Once you've given him sex, you can't withdraw your consent, so prolong the period of emotional intimacy without going all the way as long as you can. You'll find that every slow inch won is all the sweeter. Plus, your man will realize that he has to earn the right to be with you.

If you're confused about the rules of dating, the original "How to Be Irresistible to Men" e-book lays them out in a clear, simple fashion. Sarah Paul's "Bible" (as one member calls it) will give you all the Do's and Don'ts to make sure you don't commit a dating faux-pas. If you're getting back into dating after a divorce, or if your skills are simply rusty, then get the information you need to come across as a dating expert. Get "How to Be Irresistible to Men."

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by Amy Waterman
 

I’ve been there before. We all have. You’ve been seeing a guy for a few weeks, you’ve kissed, maybe you’ve even spent the night. And now you’re wondering … so are we in a relationship yet? What’s the line between dating casually and dating exclusively? Is it time for “the conversation”?

First of all, let me answer that last question before addressing the others: no, it’s not time for “the conversation.” In fact, it’s NEVER time for “the conversation.” Forcing a man to talk about whether or not you’re in a relationship before he’s ready will only scare him away. It’s a myth that you need to have a formal sit-down with your man to discuss the future of your relationship, as there are much better ways to find out where your relationship is going.

Almost all dating and relationship experts agree on this: trying to pin down a relationship too soon is a recipe for disaster. According to author John Gray in Mars and Venus on a Date, a crucial stage in a budding relationship is uncertainty. After the initial attraction, it’s normal – and important – for both parties to doubt whether or not they’re right for one another. If a woman forces a man to sit down and decide whether or not they’re going to have three kids or just one at this stage, he’ll run out the door … without having given the relationship a fair chance.

If the advice of experts doesn’t sway you, listen to men themselves. David Zinczenko polled over 5000 men and women to write Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User’s Guide for Women, and the consensus from the men was clear:

So if asking your man straight-out isn’t possible, how do you know whether this is going somewhere or whether it’s sputtering to a halt?

That’s what today’s lesson is all about. I’m going to share with you five of my “Top Tips for Determining Whether You’re in a Relationship.”

(It’s important to recognize that my tips are just that – TIPS – and not guidelines set in stone. Every couple is different, and every culture is different. But these tips will give you an idea of what to look for when you want to know if what you have classifies as a “relationship” or not.)

If you just see one another on weekends, then I would class your situation as “casually dating” unless there is some reason (such as a long-distance relationship) that you can’t see one another more often.

In a real relationship, you can’t go that long without connecting with him. You may meet up for coffee midweek, have long chats on the phone after work, or even stay over and go to work from his house.

In many ways, the shift in dating from just the weekend to weekend AND weekday activities is significant. It means that the relationship is moving from the province of entertainment (the main focus of weekends) to becoming integrated in daily life.

If there are periods where he’s out of communication – especially if he’s told you not to contact him at certain times – then that’s a clear signal that he’s not available for deeper commitment.

A man who considers himself in a relationship with you will make sure that you are able to contact him if something goes wrong. He will be concerned if he doesn’t hear from you.

On the other hand, if you’re casually dating, you’re not answerable to one another. He may be unavailable to you because there are parts of his life that he’s unwilling to share with you, or he may be seeing other women.

Being completely available and transparent about his activities is a good sign that a man is interested in forming an honest, solid relationship.

A physical relationship that ends when one of you slips out of bed and shrugs into their clothes to go home is unlikely to be as seriously committed as one that can face the harsh light of day.

Casual sexual relationships are one thing. Caring sexual relationships – when he makes you breakfast in the mornings – are another. But when you wake up together, eat together, AND spend the day doing relationship-y things together, you know that you’re moving in the right direction.

I still remember the first time a boyfriend bought a toothbrush to leave at my apartment. After he left that weekend, I went into the bathroom and looked at the extra toothbrush in amazement. I felt almost in awe. It was a testament to our closeness that he considered my home his own.

But that wasn’t the only function served by leaving a toothbrush at my house. As a man, he was also marking his territory. Anyone who came into my bathroom would see TWO toothbrushes, not just one, and know that someone else lived there with me. He was making certain that everyone knew I was taken.

This is one of your best clues as to where you stand in his life. Even if he just says something as simple as, "Kathy, this is Samantha. Samantha, Kathy," you can tell much by his body language.

If he moves closer to you - better yet, if he puts his arm around you - when he's introducing you to others, you know that he wants you two to be considered a couple. If, on the other hand, he moves away, it's a bad sign.

Listen closely to the language he uses as well. Does he introduce you as his friend, his girlfriend, or his partner? You may not want to put too much emphasis on this: often, a man will feel uncomfortable presuming a level of intimacy that you haven't discussed yet, or your relationship is too new for him to feel comfortable labeling it.

There are additional ways to uncover whether or not he thinks you're in a relationship, but for more of those - and more tips and techniques on how to move a date closer and closer to "relationship" status - check out my complete course on becoming more irresistible to the man in your life or the man you hope to find. You'll discover the triggers that scare men away and how to avoid them, as well as the secret to only attracting commitment-ready men into your life.

Discover these secrets by visiting my website on how to attract men!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Has your man been distant lately? Do you feel like you’re losing that sense of connection?

When it comes to relationships, our instincts are usually spot-on. We worry that he’s withdrawing or that something is wrong, but instead of taking action we just think and hope and pray we’re wrong.

About a month into a relationship, you should be able to tell just how much communication and intimacy is normal for your guy. Some men are naturally quieter and more emotionally introverted than others. Other men cycle between intimate period and periods where they need time to themselves.

If you’re in tune with your man, you can usually tell whether his distance is due to natural causes or something having to do with your relationship. And if it has to do with your relationship, I’ll give you some Do’s and Don’ts to restore intimacy again.

First of all, why do men become distant? Here are the top 3 reasons.

If your man is distant because of stress or because he's giving in to his masculine drive for freedom, then it will simply be a matter of time before he "wakes up" and reconnects with you again. As John Gray says, men are like rubber bands: they may stretch away from you, but at a certain point they reach their limit and come springing back to you again.

As a woman, you can play an important role in reconnecting your partner to the world again. Men can often get lost in their heads, and it is your sensuality, joy, and liveliness that can reawaken him to the pleasures he's missing.

If your gut feeling is telling you that his distance is not normal, I can promise you one thing: WORRYING about it will do you no good. Your partner will be able to sense that you’re stressed about something, and your fears will make him even edgier.

When women feel concerned about someone they love, they often engage in mothering behaviors. They gaze at their partner with concerned eyes, and they ask how he is with special emphasis in their words. Don't act like his mother. He needs reassurance from you that he can handle the situation --not to feel like a child.

Don’t be circumspect about it or ask him questions to try to draw him out. He’ll be able to sense that you’re trying to get information from him, and it will annoy him. If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's okay. If you get angry, thinking that he's holding back his emotions in an unhealthy way, he'll simply become more stubborn.

Trying to solve his problem for him or offer advice will simply be counterproductive. He doesn't want "help." He will be happiest if he can solve the problem on his own. In fact, one of the best things you can do is ask him to help you with something (even if you can do it yourself). Achieving small tasks will help him feel more confident and able again.

Try not to take it personally. I know that it's hard not to think that every time your man withdraws, it's because of something you said or did. But I can promise you this: your man's emotions are not 100% based on his relationship with you. Events at work, arguments with other people, even the basic feeling that he's not doing what he should be doing can all cause him to withdraw. He needs to have the right to "retreat into his cave" without feeling guilty about it. Your smiling face will be just the sight he wants to see most when he comes out of his cave again.

Love him as much as possible. There is no time in a man's life when he needs a woman's love more. Your love is not always best expressed in words or deeds, but rather a silent emotional energy that you send him, reconnecting him to what is truly important.

Affirm your trust and belief in him. A man needs to feel competent and successful. In fact, for most men, this is the measure of their manhood. When he can win with you - even if he's failing everywhere else - he'll feel like you're holding him up so that he can keep going. (Please note that men are quite sensitive to false praise as well. Only express sentiments that you geniunely feel, rather than empty words you're uttering for the sake of "being supportive.")

Stay happy and don't put your life on hold for his sake. If he succeeds in making you miserable, you'll only end up in a downward spiral where both of you reinforce one another's negative feelings. If he needs time for himself, let him take it. This is a valuable opportunity for you to do the things you enjoy doing. If you can master this, not only will he pull out of his distant periods more quickly, but you'll also find that you have less reason to resent him.

Keep inviting love, light, and laughter into your house. Even if your man withdraws to his workshop or office, don't keep the rest of the house dark and silent for his sake. When he's ready, he will want to feel the warmth of the sun and lighthearted joy of guests. Energy is contagious, and the more high-energy your home, the more of a chance he'll have to "catch" those feelings of happiness.

Keep a space where he can talk. Something as simple as having dinner together every night with the television off can give him the opportunity to talk to you when he's ready. Don't feel like you have to fill up the silence with idle chatter. As women, it's all too easy for us to carry the conversation all the time. But sometimes all he's waiting for is a moment when YOU'RE quiet and ready to actually hear him

When he does speak up, don't make a big deal out of it. Don't lean forward and focus on him intensely. Don't ask him a whole bunch of questions like an interrogator. Keep it casual and cool. You can even get up and do something else in earshot while making it clear that you're still listening. The most important thing is not to interrupt him or start feeling defensive: your goal is onlly to understand him. Let him take as long as he needs to say everything. Then clarify your understanding of what he's told you, tell him that you appreciate him telling you that, and let the conversation end. Leave your opinion for another day.

Having an emotionally distant partner is one of the biggest challenges to any relationship. Small incidences can build into a pattern of the woman exploding while the man walks out the door. Worst of all, his distance may mean the unthinkable: he simply can't deal with your relationship any more, and he's removing himself emotionally so that it won't hurt when he tells you goodbye.

Knowing how to deal with his emotional distance when you first notice it is the key to keeping your guy close for the long haul. For more information on dealing with emotionally distant guys, as well as "proofing" your relationship against separation and infidelity, visit the video library of my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" premium course. You'll discover a seminar series on "Healthy Relationships" by clinical psychologist Richard Wheeler and elite success coach Sue Edgecombe. Their wisdom and insight into the nature of relationships shatter your mind and teach you the real ways to build a connection that will last forever.

Get it now by purchasing my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" course!

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by Amy Waterman
 

I know that you’ve heard it before. Every relationship book out there will tell you the same thing. “Don’t be needy.” “Men don’t like needy women.” “Whatever you do, don’t appear desperate.”

You’re heard it time and time again, you know it’s true, but does anyone actually tell you how to do it?

Maybe you’ve tried to get over it by starting a new hobby, focusing on your career, scheduling regular nights out with the girls … but inside your heart you can still feel it.

That aching emptiness.
That longing to be kissed and held and loved.
That dreaded need for a man.

You can pour as many activities as you want into your day, but the only result will be that you escape from your own feelings.

My friend Janet boasts that she doesn’t need a man. She doesn’t have time for one anyway. She’s the epitome of the successful, independent woman. She believes that the cure for neediness is “to fill up your life with meaningful activities.”

But when Janet doesn’t have anything to do – when she’s on vacation or has a weekend free – she falls apart. She can’t handle being alone with nothing to do.

That’s when the truth is revealed: the only reason that she can say that she doesn’t need a man is because she’s too busy to think about it.

It’s true that keeping yourself busy can be a useful stopgap measure to tide yourself over until you’re more emotionally in control, but it’s harmful over the long-term.

Keeping yourself so busy that you don’t have time to think about the lack of a man in your life is NOT a cure for neediness. It’s simply the perfect way to ensure that there will NEVER be any room in your life for a relationship.

Where Does Neediness Come From?

According to psychiatrist Mark Epstein, author of Going to Pieces Without Falling Apart, one of the biggest reasons that his patients came to him was that they felt a sense of emptiness in their lives. Although these individuals may have led accomplished lives with strong social bonds and a high degree of self-confidence, they still felt a hollowness inside that nothing could fill.

"Neediness" is a bigger issue than folk wisdom suggests. Although friends or family members may tell you to "get over it" and develop your own life so that you don't depend on someone else so much, that answer is actually counterproductive.

What they're suggesting is that independence, a strong self-esteem, and a practical hardiness will keep you from feeling emotionally needy. They're wrong.

All that this advice will do is suppress your emotional needs so that you don't feel them. Or, if you do happen to feel emotionally needy, you'll feel guilty and horrified at yourself. You'll feel that you should be "better than that."

We all have emotional needs. And one of the reasons that we're attracted to the men we are is that we carry the hope of him fulfilling them.

If you're interested in psychology, you might find this theory on neediness familiar. According to Dr. Harville Hendrix, author of Getting the Love You Want, your "neediness" originated in childhood, when you were completely vulnerable and dependent on your parents to provide your every want. Even though your parents tried to satisfy your needs as best they could, they were unable to do everything. You grew into adulthood with unsatisfied childhood needs, until one day you met him ... the man to whom you were so attracted that you couldn't live without him. Beneath the obvious points of attraction, Hendrix believes, what your subconscious self saw in him was the potential of resolving the hurt that you'd carried with you for so long.

Whether or not you believe Hendrix's theory, the fact remains that we all have deep emotional needs that we hope our partner will fulfill. As a result, understanding and making peace with your emotional needs is a better solution than denying you have them.

How Can I Stop Neediness from Affecting My Relationships?

Having emotional needs is a bit different from displaying "neediness." A "needy" woman is excessive with her needs: she can't be alone, she needs her partner's permission to do anything, and she gets highly upset when her partner isn't able to give her the emotional intimacy that she craves.

Here's a short summary of one way in which you can ensure that your needs don't end up becoming "neediness" in a relationship.

The first step is to break the deep fear that's associated with not getting your need fulfilled.

For example, let's say that you go everywhere with your partner because you can't bear to be alone. All you know is that you find safe when you're with him, and when you're alone your heart starts to beat faster and you panic. What are you afraid of happening to you? What is it about being alone that terrifies you so much?

You should know by now that the best way to get over the fear of anything is to stop running from it, turn around, and look at it squarely. You must do the same thing with your emotional needs.

Consider involving a partner, family member, or counselor. Often others can see us better than we see ourselves. Even better, they can offer us the support needed to be able to acknowledge our needs to ourselves without shame or embarrassment.

Just as we must learn to accept that we live in an imperfect world, so must we learn to accept that it's okay if, say, we feel the need for intimacy that our partner can't give us at the moment. We don't have to act out when we don't get it.

Mark Epstein teaches us to be okay with our sense of being empty or hollow inside by reinterpreting it from a Buddhist framework, in which "emptiness" is not something to get rid of, but rather a fruitful, spiritually creative space.

Similarly, it's not always bad to feel needy: perhaps your neediness is actually a valuable message prompting you to reach out and connect with someone.

But as long as you avoid looking too closely at your needs, you will continue to display "neediness" in more and more obtrusive ways.

And if you think that you have no emotional needs, then you're not simply an independent woman who's achieved an admirable level of self-sufficiency. Rather, you're deceiving yourself.

Too many wonderful women bury their needs in order to serve those around them or as a knee-jerk reaction to being let down too many times.

I promise you that getting reacquainted with your emotional needs won't turn you into a needy woman. It will simply allow you to be honest with yourself and display that most beautiful of all characteristics - vulnerability - to those you love.

Today I've delved a bit deeper into the psychology underlying love and relationships. If you are interested in how beliefs (such as the belief that being needy is bad) affect your relationships, then you're ready for my Premium Course. It teaches you how you create your relationships through the expectations, beliefs, and assumptions you hold about yourself and men. Change one tiny belief ... and you can change your whole reality.

Learn more about my advanced course today!

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by Amy Waterman
 

Since I started sending you these newsletters several months ago, have you taken my tips to heart and gone out to practice what you have learned?

Do you feel like you're making progress in your encounters with men? Are you more relaxed when you talk to men? Do you feel more confident and sexy? Are you even finding it easier to flirt?

Often, when we're starting to learn new concepts for the first time, we feel a rush of enthusiasm for the first few weeks. Then, our eagerness wanes. We start getting busy with other things. We stop finding time to focus on that area of our life.

If this sounds like you, then it's time to get inspired again.

Today I want to remind you exactly what's at stake, and why you can't let your love life slide.

According to an article in the British newspaper, The Sunday Times (Jan 16, 2005), cuddling with your partner can produce the same calming effect as prescription blood-pressure medication. All it takes is ten minutes of being stroked in a non-sexual way by your partner, and your levels of oxytocin (the "hormone of love") will rise, lowering your blood pressure and increasing your feelings of relaxation. Sadly, he won't benefit in the same way if you return the favor: stroking does not produce the same effect in men.

Psychology Today states that "of all the elements that generate happiness, none does more for us than a committed relationship" (Nov/Dec 2004, p. 56). In fact, its article on "Sex: The New Leading Indicator" puts a dollar value on relationships. Having a healthy, happy marriage will make you just as happy as earning $115,000 a year. And if you have sex more often (from once a month to once a week), your increased level of happiness will be equivalent to earning $50,000 more per year. Psychology Today even states that "in a survey of 16,000 Americans, people who had the most sex were also the happiest" (p. 57).

Are you convinced yet?

Marriage in particular offers numerous health benefits. Married people live longer, feel happier, generate more wealth, and even have greater protection against heart disease. In fact, I strongly recommend that you read this article on the Top Ten Reasons Why Marriage is Good for You.

However, creating a happy, healthy, loving relationship from scratch - especially if you've had negative experiences in past relationships, your parents were divorced, or you've had no training in relationship skills - can feel daunting.

To give you an idea of how much there is be mastered, here's a list of 10 challenges that all of us face as we seek love and marriage.

It all seems overwhelming, doesn't it?

But luckily, you're not alone in this.

We've done the research here at 000Relationships.com so that you don't have to sift through all the mountains of information out there and wonder who you should believe.

I've made it my job to research the latest insights into what it takes to create a healthy, committed relationship. You no longer have to muddle your way through with nothing more than friends' advice and social pressures. We are learning more every day about what it takes to attract and keep a man for real happiness and the deep intimacy of genuine love.

Because my free newsletter series is limited to once a week, I can only give you a scattering of what I know about what it takes to face the challenges listed above. As you can imagine, building the skill set to take a relationship from ground zero to a thriving marriage requires the thoroughness of a complete course.

That's why I created my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" Premium Course. Each lesson builds on concepts introduced in previous lessons, so that by the time you finish my course, you have the foundation for attacking every level of your relationship challenge.

Just listen to what my Members have to say:

I'm building on my experience with Save My Marriage Today! and Seduction Genie, two of my other online courses, to offer this advanced "How to Be Irresistible to Men" package, which includes a number of bonus e-books to address every area of your dating life (from getting a better body to kissing) as well as an entire video seminar library on crucial topics like achieving super self-confidence, building a healthy relationship, and understanding sexuality in the context of a relationship.

If you're feeling frustrated by having to wait a week in between getting my newsletters, why not purchase my Premium Course and eliminate the frustration? Get all the information you need, when you need it. Don't keep waiting for my next newsletter and hoping that it contains the answers you need!

I also offer a Free Personal Email Consultation with every membership to "How to Be Irresistible to Men." You'll get a personal response to your dilemma, backed with the 000Relationships Team's years of experience.

Don't wait any longer! Stop learning how to attract men in a piece-meal fashion that you forget as soon as you've learned it! Get inspired and stay focused with my Premium Course!

If you're ready to take that next step and commit to taking my course, then click here right now.

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My Premium Course is miles beyond what you've been learning in these newsletters ... are you ready to discover the truth?Order now and start attracting men today!

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by Amy Waterman
 

My first exposure to online dating was ten years ago. A female friend, who was a graphic designer at college, met a lovely European man online. He was flying over to spend the summer with her, and she was giddy with anticipation. It didn't bother her one whit that she'd never met him in person before.

I listened with equal parts fascination and confusion as she boasted about her new boyfriend's many admirable qualities. I couldn't see how she could be so certain about a person with whom she'd only exchanged typed words. An hour a night in a chat room wasn't enough to build a relationship on, surely.

But she knew something I didn't. That summer, her European lover descended on her tiny apartment in a cloud of exotic difference. Though their relationship didn't last past his farewell that fall, it was enough to convince me that there might be something in online dating.

Since then, I've met women across the world who've been wooed by men that flew across time zones and continents to meet them. For some of them, online romance turned to marriage. For others, the experience was a bittersweet reminder that words don't always tell the truth.

Today I want to talk about what online dating is ... and what it isn't.

In this sense, the term "dating" is a misnomer. You cannot "date" anyone online. All you can do is enjoy browsing the eye candy and make the first contact with appealing prospects.

When online dating first started, men and women alike were amazed at the immediate intimacy that they experienced with total strangers. They found themselves sharing details of their lives and confessing personal feelings that they wouldn't even share with their best friends. The addictive nature of the internet led many to spend hours chatting online, until their virtual world felt more "real" than the friends they met in person.

For shy individuals, online dating provided a safe, non-confrontational way to interact with members of the opposite sex. You didn't have to be the same person online as you were in person. If you were good with words, you could become a Casanova, wooing multiple partners over multiple websites. Players found that conquering women online was just as easy as online gaming. Websites even sprang up teaching men how to maximize their chances of picking up online.

Given all this, it's surprising that anyone can take online dating seriously as a form of courtship in the old-fashioned sense. Online dating sites merely provide a forum for men and women to make the first contact. In this sense, they have more in common with the notion of a "meat market" where men and women parade their assets in hopes of getting chosen.

If you're new to online dating, you may wonder what the expectations and protocols are. Because it is such a new form of meeting members of the opposite sex (at least, in comparison to timeworn standards like bars, socials, and dances), no one really knows. Like most technology, it is the use of online dating sites, rather than some predetermined cultural code, that determines what is acceptable and what is not.

If you're merely after entertainment, then keeping all your interactions online is perfectly fine. Many online daters enjoy the experience of chatting without the expectation of meeting the other individual in person. Online dating sites can create a sense of community, in which you begin to recognize familiar "faces" and swap stories about your day.

That sense of community can be quite heartening if you've recently moved to a new area. For example, before I moved overseas, I put my profile on a local online dating site in the area that I was moving to. I explained in my profile that I was moving to a new country and would appreciate meeting new friends to show me around and introduce me to the culture.

By the time I arrived in my new home, I had at least half-dozen men lined up to give me advice, assistance, and an introduction to the local culture. Two years later, I was still close friends with three of them and had dated two. Without online dating, it would have taken me much longer to integrate into my new home and meet new people.

Nevertheless, chances are that your interest in online dating is not for casual chatting or for a virtual community. Most of the tens of thousands of men and women who join online dating sites every day are interested in romantic connection.

If you're seeking for love online, these should be your goals:

As you can see, online dating is not an end in itself. It's merely a meeting place, like a virtual bar where singles hang out hoping to spot the partner of their dreams. Once you meet your prospect in person, all the regular rules of dating apply.

Getting the Courage to Try

For some singles, the biggest challenge in online dating is publishing their personal details and photograph online. They're worried that friends or acquaintances might come across their profile and think worse of them.

The solution is not to post a profile without a photo. If you keep your personal details to a minimum, others will assume that you have something to hide.

It's a personal decision of mine never to date anyone who doesn't have a photo on their profile. I've rejected many men who've contacted me with a bare-bones profile. Although they told me that they were professionals whose business could be prejudiced by the appearance of their personal profile online, I don't need to take that risk. I have many men emailing me every day with complete profiles. Given the safety risk of online dating, I feel more secure meeting a man who isn't ashamed to publish his personal photograph on an online dating site than a man who appears to have something to hide.

I never recommend trying to hide the fact that you're dating online. When you feel that you're doing something sneaky, or something you're embarrassed about, your shame will be communicated to those that you chat with online.

Hiding things online (aside from personal details for privacy reasons) is abad idea. Be honest about your age, weight, marital status, and how recent your profile photo is. The more individuals who bring a sense of integrity, honesty, and transparency to online dating, the better its reputation will be.

Ultimately, one of the best ways to get up the courage to try online dating is to talk to friends and family about it. Once they know that you are interested in online dating, they might just encourage and support you.

I love online dating, and I hope that you will, too. There are many fantastic men online that are out there just waiting to meet a woman like you!

My Premium Course is miles beyond what you've been learning in these newsletters ... are you ready to discover the truth?Order now and start attracting men today!  

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by Amy Waterman

I notice the difference every time I step out the door. The shop attendants are particularly attentive. An elderly man holds open a door for me. Even the normally scowling bus driver has a smile for me.

What’s the difference? Why do we get noticed some days and not others? Why does everyone seem to smile at us some days, while they barely see us on others?

First of all, remember that before you can measure how much you get noticed on a daily basis, you have to be aware of the people noticing you!

A male friend of mine ALWAYS gets noticed when he’s walking in the city center. He comes back with reports on how many times he’s been checked out. “No one ever notices me,” I once pouted to him. So he took me with him one afternoon and nudged me each time he noticed someone looking at me. I couldn’t believe it! I even asked him, “Are you sure they’re not looking at you?” “No, honey,” he said with a grin. “It’s you.”

So if you think you’re NOT getting noticed, make sure that you are alert to the signs of getting checked out. Men are just like us: they don’t want to let on that they’re interested in someone. They try to be as subtle as possible. It’s your responsibility to learn those subtle signs and be aware of your environment so that you can catch their signals. (More on this topic in another newsletter.)

Now, I’ve studied the secrets to getting more attention, and today I’m going to share three of my "Top Tips for Getting More Male Attention” with you.

People’s first impression of you is based on what you wear. Sad but true. This doesn’t mean that everyone’s shallow: it just means that most of us have a very limited amount of time to sum up a person.

If someone’s walking past you in the street, you know nothing about them. You don’t know what they do for a living, what their hobbies are, what their relationship history is, or whether they’re even single.

But you can guess the answers to many of those questions by what that person wears. If they’re wearing a suit, you might assume that they work in an office. If they’re wearing a wedding ring, you would assume they’re married. If they’re wearing a backpack and listening to an iPod, you might guess they’re a student.

Ask yourself what YOUR outfit is communicating. Are you communicating to the world the glamorous, sexy woman you are inside?

You might want to glance through recent photographs of yourself. Try to see yourself objectively, as a stranger would. If you knew nothing about the person in the photos, what would you assume that she did for a living? Any clues as to her hobbies? Does she seem happy? Does she seem like someone you’d want to date?

It’s another sad fact that people’s behavior towards us tends to be based on their first impression: in general, the better you are dressed, the better people will treat you.

When I’m dressed up – whether it’s a suit or a dress – with my hair styled and makeup done to perfection, I notice the difference. I get better service, more smiles, and more strangers holding the door open for me.

I’m the same person inside whether I’m dressed up or not, but that’s not what strangers see. They see a woman who’s dressed glamorously … or another body blending in with the crowd.

Make a promise to yourself that you’ll try to dress up at least one day a week. (I recommend Friday to take advantage of after-work drinks.) Wear a dress, slip on some heels, make that extra effort with your hair, and put on your favorite lip gloss. You may even find that you feel extra-good when your reflection in the mirror pleases you.

Now, you don't have to do your hair and makeup every day. Getting glammed up would become a chore rather than a pleasure if you did! But it’s nice to know that you have the option to get that extra attention whenever you want.

You know how people complain that the minute they get a girlfriend or boyfriend, they suddenly get all this romantic attention from others? One minute you’re single and can’t find a good man ANYWHERE, and the next minute you have a boyfriend and are suddenly getting all these come-ons from fantastic men that you wish would have spoken up earlier.

You may think that it’s simply a case of jealousy: now that you’re off the market and unavailable, you suddenly become more intriguing (and more of a challenge) to men.

Or you may think that it’s merely a case of, “When it rains, it pours.”

But what you may NOT have considered is that it could be a case of beauty.

When you fall in love, your body experiences powerful hormonal and chemical changes that make you more radiant. You feel like you can stay awake all night, your heart sings with joy, and your immune system receives a powerful boost. Falling in love is HEALTHY, and a woman in love glows.

Men cannot help but be attracted to a woman in love, even though she’s already taken. A person who’s overflowing with love is irresistible.

Luckily, you don’t have to meet a man and fall in love to get this benefit. Simply fall in love with the world around you. Love your nieces and nephews; love your parents; love your friends; love your city and blue skies and good food. Let love radiate from your being, and you’ll irresistibly attract men.

If every time you go ANYWHERE, you’ve always got your mind focused on getting there – and everything you have to do once you get there – you’ll find that your male attraction meter will be low.

No one wants to interrupt someone who is busy or in a hurry. Added to the fact that men will NEVER approach a woman who’s sure to reject him, you come to the conclusion that being busy, on task, and focused all the time actually pushes men away.

Plus, the faster you walk, the more quickly you disappear from a potential admirer’s sight. It takes men a few moments to decide whether it’s worth the effort to go up to you and try to approach you. If you’re gone in seconds, he won’t have had the time to catch you before you’re gone again.

Even worse, he may make the assumption that if you don’t have time to stop and chat, you don’t have time for him.

So slow down, take a look around, let your gaze catch a stranger's eye, and try to have time for those around you. Mr. Right won't wait for a free slot in your schedule to open.

Another great way to get more male attention is to flirt! The original "How to Be Irresistible to Men" e-book by Sarah Paul contains an entire chapter on flirting. You'll learn exactly what to do, how to do it, and how to avoid giving the wrong impression. I've heard men say time and time again that they wish that women would take the lead in flirting: now's your chance! Get my "How to Be Irresistible to Men" course today and start your flirting education!

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by Amy Waterman

A reader recently wrote me about her experiences dating online. A man had started flirting with her, and she was pleased and flattered. She'd written him back and was surprised when he returned her email. Their exchanges were fun and flirty; he told her that he liked high heels and naughty lingerie and asked her what she liked in a man.

Where was their online flirtation going? Can anyone guess?

If you answered "Sex," you'd be right!

Popular culture as depicted in television and movies has taught us that to be desirable, we must be sexy. We must dress sexy, talk sexy, look sexy and act sexy. If we do so, we will automatically attract male attention.

Of course we will. What do men enjoy more than anything else in the world - aside from a cold beer and Lazyboy in front of the television?

But you may not get what matters most ... a chance at attracting his heart.

Today I'm going to give you the cold, hard facts about using sex, suggestive comments, or sexual allure to start a relationship with a man.

Tip 1. Giving a Man Sex Will Not Make Him Love You; It Will Just Make You More Emotionally Attached

There are many reasons that women engage in non-commital sex (source: Hooking Up, Hanging Out, and Hoping for Mr. Right). Some women do so in order to gain the intimacy they crave while avoiding the investment of time and emotional resources that a relationship requires. Other women do so in order to get closer to a man while pretending it means nothing to them. For these women, casual sex feels easier than dating, because it requires less divulgence of one's "real feelings" than talking does.

Still other women do so because they have been hurt in the past, and they believe that by keeping commitment out of sex, they won't allow anyone to hurt them again.

You can't avoid getting hurt or rejected by reducing sex to a casual encounter with a man. Although you may tell yourself that you won't get emotionally involved or that you won't develop "feelings," we women aren't built that way.

When you have sex with a man, your body releases oxytocin during orgasm. This "bonding hormone" (also produced when you're nursing your baby and childbirth), coupled with the female hormone estrogen, produces a powerful bonding effect.

What this means is that your psychological will to avoid getting attached must overcome your biological tendency to become emotionally involved with the man that you have sex with. It's certainly possible, but it's like rowing against the tide.

Unfortunately for us, the bonding effect of oxytocin in men is mitigated due to their testesterone levels. As you have a continued sexual relationship with a man, you will grow more emotionally involved ... but there's no guarantee that he will.

Men are programmed to seek sexual variety. Even men who are happily married will indulge in sexual fantasies to spice up their love life by imagining having sex with other partners. This doesn't mean that men are amoral or destined to be polygamous: it simply means that men crave sexual variety in a similar way to how we crave emotional attachment with our sex partners.

Because, for men, physical intimacy is distinct from emotional intimacy, a man can have a sexually intimate relationship with you without feeling emotionally intimate. For example, there are men who cheat on their partners but claim that it wasn't an affair because it was "just sex."

As a result, when you sleep with a man without having built a foundation of emotional intimacy, you aren't making any progress towards having a deeper relationship with him.

Intimacy, trust, and love are built on a foundation of communication, sharing emotions, and working through conflicts together. If you want to make a man fall in love with you, why not try talking? Opening him up verbally will do you more good than offering him sex.

It should be common knowledge by now, but it still surprises me how many women make this mistake.

You get to choose. Do you want to be seen as a sexy woman that he will pursue to get sex with? Or do you want to be seen as potential relationship material?

If you want to become truly excellent at attracting men, focus your efforts on developing a feeling of connection, trust, and emotional intimacy with men.

Men want to know that the woman they marry will be their best friend. As much as they enjoy sex, sexual chemistry is only part of what they want in a future wife. They want someone they can live with, play with, and share every aspect of their lives with.

No wonder that in lists of qualities that men look for in women, personality and humor always top the list!

So when you meet a man for the first time, place yourself squarely in the "marriage-material" category. Attract him on the level of his brains, his funny bone, his emotions and his heart. Be someone that he wants to get to know better for who she is rather than the fun she'll be in bed.

And, if you can, wait at least a month after meeting him before sleeping together for the first time (though you don't have to be dating that long). Statistically, an overwhelming number of married couples waited at least that long. Taking it slow just might be the difference between a hasty goodbye and an engagement ring.

Men are visual creatures. We all know it. Place a picture of a beautiful woman in front of him, and he won't be able to avoid looking.

Men love to check out beautiful women; better yet, they love the status of being seen with their arm around a gorgeous woman.

It's not that men are shallow or superficial; it's simply that that is how men's brains are wired. Sexual arousal for men is directly wired to sensual input.

But here's the thing: men are more than their biology.

Especially modern men.

They're keenly aware of this side of themselves. They're aware that their bodies can deceive them into wanting one thing, when in reality something else would be much better for them.

That's why, when it comes to marriage, or when it comes to choosing someone to have a relationship with, most men listen to their heads just as much as their hormones.

They want a woman who's warm and funny. Who's a good sport and has a wicked laugh. Who's smart and has a great personality. Who's fun to be with and someone he can trust. Who makes him feel comfortable and feel good about himself.

Which means that if you're spending all of your time in the gym, in the tanning salon, or in the beauty salon, you're completely missing out on the more important aspects of your attractiveness: your mind and spirit .

We are all mind, spirit, and body. An intelligent mind, a positive spirit, and a healthy body enable us to connect with a man on an intellectual, emotional, and physical basis.

If any one of these is lacking, you are compromising your attractiveness. For example, if you have a beautiful body but a negative attitude, you will find it hard to attract a man for a long-term relationship.

Spend time developing your mind and spirit as well as your body. Focus on being healthy rather than "sexy" or superficially "attractive." A healthy woman is the most beautiful of all from a biological standpoint.

A healthy woman has a positive spirit, an active, enquiring mind, and a body that is fit and well-nourished. A sign of her beauty is the number and quality of friends she has about her. Because she loves her body, loves herself, and loves the world around her, others find it easy to love her in return.

I hope that this newsletter has enabled you to see why sex is no real substitute for the emotional intimacy of a real relationship. Sex cannot compare with open, heartfelt communication when it comes to building the kind of intimacy that will sustain a relationship into marriage.

The next time you meet a man that you're really interested in him, turn him on with a more powerful seduction method than high heels and naughty lingerie. Turn him on with a warm smile, easy conversation, and joyous, heartfelt laughter.

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Is He Into You? Look for These Signs!

by Amy Waterman

No matter whether you're 16 or 60, one thing probably still mystifies you: how to tell if a man is interested or just playing around.

The sobering truth is that most men are, indeed, playing around. They're curious, you intrigue them, and the possibility of a fling is always attractive ... but they're certainly not looking for a wedding band.

It's important to realize that most men get caught up in the pleasure of pursuit without thinking about happens if they get what they want. Men, by nature, enjoy competition. What matters to them is beating other men to the object of desire, whether that be a promotion, a goal, or a woman.

Nothing sparks a man's competitive blood more than the unattainable woman that every man desires. Even if he's not actually interested in her on a personal level, he'll want to be the one to "win" her.

But make no mistake ... for him, the goal is winning. Once he's accomplished his goal, he'll quickly lose interest as he moves onto another pursuit.

That's why it's so crucial to be able to distinguish between when a man is pursuing you for the sake of pursuit, and when a man is pursuing you because he is truly interested in YOU. In today's newsletter, I'm going to give you three tips for distinguishing between guys who are out for the trophy and men who are in it for your heart.

Tip 1. If He Won't Meet You, He's Not Into You

Whether you've been online dating for a few days or a few years, you're not immune to falling for this man. He probably was the one to initiate the first contact, and, whereas other men take weeks to write you back if they write back at all, he writes you every time you write him. He seems eager to take your online connection to a deeper level by sharing his dreams and his past relationship history without your even having to ask. Soon, you're holding marathon telephone conversations and telling one another things that you never told anyone else. He confesses how you make him feel more openly than any of your exes ever did, and you are slowly but surely falling in love.

There's only one problem: you've never met.

To paraphrase Greg Behrendt (author of He's Just Not That Into You) ... if he won't meet you, he's just not that into you.

Period.

He will have a million and one excuses for postponing the fateful meeting. He lives halfway around the world. He's busy with his job. He can't afford to fly over to meet you. He may even still have a wife.

Let me explore some possible reasons why. (1) He's scared. (2) He's invested too much in the fantasy of your "relationship" to face the reality that it might not work between the two of you in the flesh. (3) He's made himself out to be someone that he's not. On a more innocent level, this could simply be the better version of himself that he always believed he could be, but on a more deceptive level, he may have glossed over certain truths - like financial problems, depression, children - that you should have known about from the start. (4) He never intended to meet you. Online dating, for him, filled the same function that online gaming fills for other people: the ability to escape reality.

There are more possible reasons, of course, that a man you've fallen madly in love with online won't meet you, but the upshot is clear:

If he was really in love with the REAL you, he'd want to meet the "real you" as quickly as possible.

 Tip 2. If He's Too Good to Be True ... He Probably Is

One thing that I have found consistently about players: they have a fantastic ability to woo and romance women.

It stands to reason that men who are good with women have achieved their success by studying what it takes to capture a woman's heart. However, whereas YOU are probably studying the art of attracting men for finding a partner for a committed relationship, HE is much more likely to be studying the art of attracting women for sexual conquest.

A man who romances a woman expertly is usually just that - an expert.

If he wines and dines you, brings you flowers and little gifts, and arranges dates that leave your head spinning with the glorious romance of it all, then beware: he may simply be very, very good at what he does.

The effort a man expends on you is byno means indicative of his desire for a committed relationship.

You see, a man who is truly keen on you will probably seek to hide just how much he really likes you. The more a man thinks that you might be "the one," the more afraid he'll be of screwing up. As a result, he's more likely to hide his intentions so as not to scare you off or show his cards too soon.

So be aware that the man who lavishes you with attention may not be the one who can lavish your heart with genuine love. The slow-burners who fumble in expressing their feelings often have the truest hearts.

Tip 3. If He's Easily Discouraged, He's Easily Discarded

One thing I love about Greg Behrendt's He's Just Not That Into You (a must-read for any modern single woman) is Greg's emphasis on just how far a man will go if he's truly into you.

A man who's into you will want to sleep with you immediately - and exclusively. He'll want to be your sole partner and not allow you to spend time with anyone else. He'll want to spend as much time with you as he thinks is "safe" - meaning that he won't want to wear out his welcome. And he'll have the patience to experience any setbacks as surmountable.

I am always amazed at how much a man who is genuinely into a woman will accept for the mere chance of being with her. He'll dream about being her knight in shining armour if she needs anything. He'll dream about being the shoulder she leans on. But, if he's had ample experience of rejection - and most men have - he'll keep his dreams to himself and simply show up as a strong, solid presence in her life that she can depend on.

A man who's truly into you will soldier through any hardship, if that's what it takes to be with you. You can even tell him gently that there no possibility of a relationship between you two, and he'll kid himself that he'll be happy with just a friendship.

As you can imagine, there is a huge difference between a man who's taking things slowly so as not to "blow his chances" and a man who's so easily discouraged that one canceled date can send him into the sulks.

The wrong man will try to convince you that he can sleep with you and other women, and still love you best. He'll try to convince you that he's not ready for a commitment, but maybe, just maybe, he'll be ready someday (and most likely with some other woman).

So be thankful if the wrong man blames something you said, something you did, or something you DIDN'T say or do as the reason he's walking away. He's just showed what he's made out of.

You don't have to worry about driving the right man away. The right man will overlook just about anything, because what he's fascinated by is YOU - with all your faults and frailties.

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by Amy Waterman

You're found a fantastic guy. You really really don't want to do anything to mess it up. What should you do? Here are my 3 Top Tips to Keep a Relationship Going!

As women, we're raised to be comfortable with expressing our feelings. We share our emotions, opinions, reactions, and dramas with our friends, new acquaintances, even our pets! We're wise to the notion that it's better to let our emotions out than to keep them pent up inside. The only problem is this: our emotional overflows scare the dickens out of men.

In general, men don't like it when women get emotional. They feel acutely uncomfortable when women cry. It's not that they don't care: it's that they usually have no idea what to do. When you get upset and he can't fix it, he feels like he's failed. He may know logically that the storm will blow over, but that doesn't make him feel any better in the meantime.

You can't help the way you feel, but you can control where and when you express your feelings. In the initial stages of a relationship, avoid dumping your emotional distress onto him. Instead, keep relying on your friends, family members, and loved ones for the same emotional support they've always provided. You'll not only reassure them that your new man won't replace them in your affections, but you'll also continue to get the same understanding and reassurance that has encouraged you in the past.

It is going to take time for you and the new man in your life to develop deeper levels of trust, intimacy, and understanding. You may be tempted to rush the process along by divulging too much, too soon, but resist. The first stage of a relationship is about getting to know one another, seeing if you enjoy spending time together, and finding out if you're compatible. It's not about becoming instant soulmates!

One of the female characteristics that men complain about the most is that women make everything more complicated than it should be. A man wants dinner; a woman wants to know what she feels like having, how long it will take to get there, whether they'll be late getting home, whether she should change clothes so that she's dressed appropriately, and so on. A man wants to buy his partner the gift she wants; she wants him to guess what she wants correctly, wrap it in a beautiful package, and surprise her at the perfect moment.

For his sake, keep things simple. Don't make him play guessing games to see if he understands you as well as he thinks. If you want him to do something, tell him outright. If there's something that's upsetting you, be frank. Although it may be fun for you to play the game of, "Guess why I'm upset with you," it's simply irritating for him. And if you want to know why he said or did what he did, ask him up front rather than analyzing it to death.

When you spend too much in your mind analyzing your relationship for where it's going or what it means, it stops being fun and starts becoming a means to an end. If there's one thing he doesn't want to be, it's a checked box in your life plan.

One secret that very few women know about men is that their deepest desire is just to make you happy. That's it. If a man feels like he can make you happy, he'll be the proudest man in the world. If he feels that nothing he does pleases you, he'll quickly find another woman he can please.

Sadly, in our desire to play hard to get, we often make things too hard for a man. Our indifference makes him feel like no matter what he does, it won't make a difference.

Guys want to do things to make you happy. In many cases, they'd rather do it for you than have you do it for yourself. Sure, you can drive yourself to the airport, fix your own kitchen faucet, and buy yourself expensive chocolates, but isn't it nicer when he does those things for you?

Let him make you happy, and be direct in telling him how. One great way is to simply ask him for help. If he's fantastic with computers and your machine is giving you trouble, why not ask him over to take a look at it? Then reward him with effusive thanks and his favorite treat of choice.

You don't have to worry that you're using him: instead, you're giving him an excuse to spend time with you, show off his talents, and feel rewarded by your admiration. It's simple, basic, and the best way to a man's heart.

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Make Him Fall in Love

by Amy Waterman

Men are the more romantic of the sexes. Don't believe me? According to Leil Lowndes, author of How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You, men fall in love faster (20 percent by the fourth date), are more idealistic about love, are less likely to initiate a breakup, and are three times more likely to commit suicide after a traumatic breakup.

Men may be less likely to remember anniversaries and Valentine's Day, more reticent when it comes to saying "I love you," and stingier when it comes to splashing out on expensive gifts, but they're as soft and mushy inside as anyone when it comes to the importance of love in their lives. It's just that they're less likely to talk about it and more embarrassed to show it!

Here's what some ordinary men have to say about what love means to them (source: Men, Love & Sex, David Zinczenko, New York: Rosdale, 2006, p.101).

"We like presents and backrubs, too." --Shaun, 29

"Love is great and men feel it as much as women, but we might be embarrassed to admit it." --Garrett, 27

"Love doesn't need to be talked about in order to be present." --Dom, 38

You can help men along when it comes to commitment and declarations of love with these three Top Tips for helping him recognize how crazy he is for you.

Tip #1. Make It Easy for Him to Declare His Love

I hope that you never get into the situation that my friend Emily found herself in. She dated a fantastic man for three months. They'd set the ground rules up front: this was about having fun. She wasn't sure if she was going to stay in the city, and he wasn't sure if he really wanted a serious relationship. Yet they were so happy together that all their friends remarked on it.

Then one of his former lovers came back into his life and was willing to say the words that Emily wasn't: "I love you and want a life with you." When the dust settled, he chose to return to his former flame. The night they split up, Emily finally confessed that she had loved him and just never found the courage to say it. Worst of all, he'd felt exactly the same way.

If they had been able to say, "I love you," back when it mattered, would it have made any difference? I think so.Men need reassurance before they do something as drastic as declare their love for someone. They don't want to frighten you off, either.

Some men are naturally quiet and will happily let you do all the talking in the relationship. It takes skill and patience to create an environment in which he feels comfortable confessing his innermost thoughts. He has to know that you'll listen, not interrupt, and not take anything he says the wrong way.

To help you create that perfect romantic environment, here are 6 of my Top Male Communication Tips:

1. Allow the silence to stretch. It can take some time before the thoughts in his head find their way to his tongue. Allow him time to get the words out.
2. Don't jump to conclusions. A confession of love is not a promise of commitment. If you've been pressuring him to commit, he may not want to tell you he loves you, because he'll worry that you'll take that as a sign that you're virtually engaged.
3. Be careful when you tease. Although men usually enjoy a woman who will bandy words with him, there is a time and a place to be playful. You don't want to wound him inadvertently and discourage him from sharing intimate parts of himself with you again.
4. When in doubt, make eye contact and smile. Your body communicates more than words. Encourage him with positive, affirming body language.
5. Share your feelings about his favorite topic: him. Compliments open the door for more compliments. While you're on the topic of how great he makes you feel, he might just return the favor. (Just don't start talking about your future, as that will make him nervous. Keep your compliments specific to concrete things he did or said that made you feel great.)
6. Keep what he says to you in confidence. Most men are naturally private people. They'd prefer it if you didn't share everything they said with your best female friend, your mother, and your hairdresser. If he tells you that he loves you, keep it to yourself for a while. The best person to tell the world how he feels is him.

Tip #2. Do Your Best All the Time

One thing that men (and women) hate is being taken for granted. Show him that you appreciate him. Don't take his presence in your life for granted. If you find yourself being critical or short with him, then take a step back and ask yourself whether it really matters in the big pictures. If you find yourself no longer making an effort to dress up for him or do the little things that please him, then you may have just given him an unfortunate glimpse of what a life married to you would be like.

One reason that many men give for their reluctance to get married is that they believe that their girlfriends will change when they become wives. They'll stop wearing lingerie to bed, lose interest in sex, and replace spontaneous, wild nights out with boring and predictable evenings in front of the television.

Moving a relationship from the casual stage into marriage takes effort, no doubt. But, sadly, most men and women give up when they're halfway there. They stop making an effort. They get locked into a routine. They stop praising each other in front of strangers. In other words, they start acting like a couple that's been together too long.

You don't have to be lovey-dovey all the time, but you do have to respect, admire, and make an effort for your partner. Even if you don't feel well, avoid the temptation to take it out on him. Our partners all-too-often become convenient punching bags when things go wrong.

When you show him that you are going to be the same woman whether or not you're married or just dating, he can confidently make the decision that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

In fact, David Zinczenko has a great one-sentence formula to explain what men want in a long-term relationship:

"Love us like you've known us for years; surprise us like you've known us for days." (Men, Love & Sex p.172)

Tip #3. Excite Him with the Possibilities of the Future

One thing that couples in love do all the time is fantasize about what they will do together someday. Perhaps they'll go on a vacation to some exotic location. Maybe they'll give up their jobs and start up a business of their own. Maybe they'll win the lottery, build their dream house, or simply get every single season of Friends on DVD.

Whatever it is, it doesn't matter. What's important is the sense of a created future.

If a man can imagine being with you in five, ten, or twenty years, then he's training his brain to associate his future with you. I've often heard men say that they realized that they wanted to get married when they couldn't imagine their future without their then-girlfriend.

Help the process along by sharing your goals and dreams with your partner and encouraging him with his. If you've been content with simply going to work each day, coming home, eating dinner and watching television, then make a change starting today. Maybe you'll want to start a fund to buy a house. Maybe you'll want to sign up for salsa dancing classes. Maybe you'll want to sit down with pen and paper and list your goals for your life and concrete steps you can take now to achieve them.

Your own future should be an exciting place that's entirely within the realm of possibility and compatible with what your partner has told you he wants in his life.

Although you can be as specific as you like with your future, avoid planning out his future or both of your futures. If you make plans for the both of you too far in advance, he may feel pressured into a commitment that he's not ready for. Even worse, if you talk about how important it is that he study for that high-paying position to finance your dream home, or where you want to send your unborn children to school, you may scare him off before your hopes have a chance to come true.

Instead, keep any plans for the two of you in the immediate future (such as next week), or allow your imagination free rein to paint a picture of a future that's clearly a dream rather than an expectation.

When your man has the chance to speak his love, knowing that the woman he loves today will still be the same woman ten years after they've married, confident that your futures are going in the same direction, then you may very well discover the softer, mushier, romantic side of your man that he's been trying to keep from the world.

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by Amy Waterman

Getting back into dating after a breakup is never easy, especially if five or more years have passed since you were last single. When you return to the singles market, you may find that the "rules" have changed, there are fewer eligible men your age, and you've lost the advantage of youthful enthusiasm. What's a girl to do?

You can't win a new game by playing by the old rules. If the dating scene has changed, it's time for YOU to change along with it!

One common reason that many women feel discouraged when they start dating again is that they expect to achieve success by using the skills that won them their last relationship. Instead, they find themselves flopping like a fish out of water. To their horror, they discover that their dating skills are - forgive the pun - dated.

Avoid disappointment by doing your research. Recognize that you'll need to adapt and learn new skills. Be open-minded about dating fads that weren't around when you were single the first time. Just because you didn't need internet dating, speed dating, and matchmaking services five years ago doesn't mean that they won't suit you this time around.

And to give you that extra edge, in today's newsletter I'm going to share three of my Top Tips for ANY woman who's getting back into the dating scene after the dissolution of a long-term relationship or marriage.

If you've spent years living with another person or raising children with him, it's only natural that the end of your relationship won't signal the end of his influence on your life. When we love someone else, we change in ways that reflect their personality, their habits, and their tastes. For example, if your partner loved sitting and home watching movies, you may find that you're a walking encyclopedia of the latest films - even if you're not particularly into them yourself. If your partner used to use a particular word or phrase all the time, you may find that it slips out of your mouth more often than it should.

As a result, you may find that your separation confronts you with a disconcerting question: how much of "you" is him and how much is authentically you?

That's why I encourage all women who've recently separated to spend some time getting to know themselves again. When you've spent years identifying yourself as part of a couple, it can feel quite scary to see yourself as an individual. You may find yourself with too much spare time on your hands, thinking too much, or avoiding social events that you'd have to attend alone.

Rediscover your own life again by signing up for classes, indulging those passions that your partner didn't share, and re-connecting with old friends. Get rid of those clothes that he used to like and treat yourself to a new wardrobe that reflects your new identity. Spend some time doodling, day-dreaming, or fantasizing about your future. Don't give into the temptation to see yourself as a failure simply because this one relationship didn't work out. Instead, believe that he is out of your life for a reason, and that it's up to you to find out what that reason is.

One of the most challenging consequences of a failed relationship is dealing with the emotional fallout. Breakups batter our self-esteem. The bitter memory of conflicts, arguments, and disappointments make us defensive and less likely to trust a man the next time around.

Sweeping that emotional baggage out of the way isn't just important for your own psychological health; it's also important for your love life. According to an AARP Singles Survey, baggage is a major turn-off for singles in their 40s and above. Who wants to take on someone else's "issues"?

Luckily, there are many ways that you can deal with the emotional fallout from your breakup that will leave you stronger, wiser, and more capable of dealing with conflicts in the future. Don't let negative thoughts and feelings multiple inside your head. Brooding about a problem only makes it worse. Instead, open up to a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. If you don't feel comfortable going to someone that you know personally, search for free counseling services in your area or go to a local church or religious organization. A life coach can help you sort out your life, establish a plan of action for the future, and inspire you to reach for new dreams.

As you face your negative feelings, memories, and beliefs with an attitude of acceptance, love, and understanding, you'll find that your former relationship loses its power over you. You'll no longer find yourself tempted to believe that this one "failure" will jinx your entire romantic future. Best of all, thinking about it won't hurt any more. Your heart will feel lighter, more optimistic, and, yes, younger than it has in years.

Keep your exes where they belong - in the past. Let your new relationship reach an intimate stage before you start spilling the intimate details of your life. If you're just dating casually, keep things on a casual level. He doesn't need to know your life history right away, no matter how fascinating it may be. When you share details of your life sparingly, you preserve a sense of mystery that's irresistibly attractive.

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by Amy Waterman

How long does it take for a man to decide if he wants to get to know you better? Mere minutes. When you meet a man for the first time, he will probably have you summed up before you've even opened your mouth - and he's probably completely unaware that he's doing it.

For those of us who like to believe that we can seduce men with our wit and intelligence, this can be rather disheartening. We'd like to believe that we could convince a man to fall in love with us, but, as dating guru David DeAngelo reminds us, "Attraction is not a choice." What happens in those first few seconds of a meeting will determine if there's the possibility for something more to develop.

Today I'm going to tell you what triggers attraction in a man, how you can maximize your chances through body language, and how to take that initial attraction to the next level.

Men are visual creatures when it comes to love. Studies of the male brain have shown this beyond a doubt. But if you think that you're summed up by your cup size and waist-to-hip ratio, think again. When a man views a woman for the first time, he focuses on the face and scans downwards. (Women, on the other hand, start at the shoes and scan upwards.)

Your face, your eyes, and your smile are essential to that all-important first impression. In general, men are biologically wired to seek signs of youth and vitality in a woman, which indicate fertility and biological fitness for child-bearing. Here's just a few qualities that men look for - and how you can "fake" them for yourself:

A symmetrical, proportionate body with a waist-to-hip ratio of 70% is also highly attractive, so there's no excuse to hide your wonderfully feminine shape beneath baggy clothes. We're lucky to be living in a time when there is such a vast array of comfortable clothes available to cinch in certain parts of our body and enhance others. Unleash your curves with form-fitting tops, flowing skirts, and belts. If you're unhappy with your silhouette, there's a variety of undergarments (such as push-up bras and modern corsets) that can shape your figure into the perfect hourglass comfortably and easily. Let your clothes advertise the fact that you're a woman and proud of it!

Use Body Language to Your Advantage

You may have the smoothest skin, the shiniest hair, and the brightest eyes, but if you're slouching and staring at the floor, no one is going to notice!

You may not be able to drastically change the face and the body that you were born with, but one thing that you can change immediately is your body language. Your posture and the way you move reflects your personality, your body awareness, and your health. You may have never really even thought about how you hold your body, but as anyone who has ever danced or modeled can tell you, body language communicates more than a thousand words.

Because you've probably moved in the same way all of your life, you may be the person who's least prepared to see what your body language is communicating. One of my favorite seminar exercises was when we were asked to turn to someone in the audience that we didn't know and take five minutes to write down our first impression of them - without even saying a word! We were amazed at just how much other people could guess about our personalities in mere seconds.

Ask a trusted friend to give you their honest opinion about what your body language is saying. Even better, ask them to introduce you to someone new at a party and then find out what the other person's impressions of you were.

To gain better control of your body language, I recommend disciplines like yoga or tai chi, which will give you a better awareness of where your body is in space. Dance is fantastic for getting used to moving in tandem with a partner and feeling comfortable inside someone else's personal space. Regular exercise will keep your movements fluid and powerful.

You can look fantastic, have amazing body language, and still mess up a first impression with a man. How? For example...

To take that attraction to the next level, you have to master your emotions. How you feel on the inside affects how you look and come across on the outside. That's why you find that so many more men are interested in you when you're feeling good and happy with your life.

My Premium Course is miles beyond what you've been learning in these newsletters ... are you ready to discover the truth?Order now and start attracting men today!

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by Amy Waterman

It's often easy to tell when a man is interested in you: his eyes light up when he sees you, his lips part into an involuntary (and somewhat goofy) smile, he's full of questions to keep the conversation rolling, and he laughs -- a bit too quickly -- at your slightest joke.

Some experts estimate that the majority of men who express interest in a woman do so purely out of sexual interest. These men will actively pursue the woman as long as there's the possibility that the evening might end in sex, but, if it becomes clear that intimacy is not on the menu, they'll quickly lose interest and drift away. If you're one of those women, you may be left thinking, "What did I do wrong? Was it something I said?"

A man losing interest in you is not the same as him rejecting you. The loss of interest may be due to a variety of factors. The more superficial a man's interest in you, the more easily he will be dissuaded. His loss of interest often says more about the type of man he is than it does about you.

In fact, Greg Behrendt, author of He's Just Not That Into You, tells us that if a man's not asking you out on a date, then he's just not that into you, and you should put him out of your mind. Greg's perspective is that if a man believes you're too good to let get away (which is what we all deserve as women), then he will let you know that he means business by establishing that his romantic intentions from the start.

Why, then, should we even waste a thought on men who've inexplicably lost interest?

It's human nature to analyze the past in hopes of understanding why certain things occurred. When we do this productively, it can lead to insights into ourselves and others. Unfortunately, too many of us focus on the negative instead. We mull over past rejections and conclude that there must be something inherently wrong with us that makes us unable to attract a man.

It's time to stop beating yourself up and time to start taking concrete action! Forget about your assumptions about why you're not attracting men: it's not because you're too old, too out-of-practice, too overweight, or too anything. If you're not able to keep up an attraction past that initial meeting, then usually it's because either (1) you're not compatible anyway and need to move on to someone new, or (2) he's made assumptions about you based on your behavior that may or may not be true.

We sabotage ourselves by what we say or do. Often, the person we are on a date is not who we really are. We act artificially because we're nervous, embarrassed, or trying to be the type of woman we think he wants. Although we may think we're great actors and appearing calm, cool, and confident, an astute man can usually see right through the facade.

So what can you do to ensure that if a man loses interest, it's not because of something regrettable you said or did? Try these great tips on how to ace that initial conversation or first date every time!

The single most common mistake that most of us make in an initial conversation or first date is to allow our nerves to create an uncomfortable tension. If you can't focus on the man in front of you because you're desperately trying to think about what you should say next, or you're trying to shift how you stand so that you look sexy rather than slouchy, then he's going to pick up on your tension and translate that into feeling uncomfortable around you.

Thinking about how nervous you are will only intensify it, so a better solution is to forget about how you're coming across and focus your mental energy on him. You're talking to this man to see if you'd be interested in getting to know him better, so find out more about him! Ask him questions; observe his body language. You'll enjoy the conversation more when you're not worried about what you have to say next or whether what you just said sounded stupid.

One inappropriate response to nervousness is to drink more. Although one or two glasses of wine may make you feel more relaxed, any more will impair your social ability (though you'll be too drunk to notice it). Stay sober and use other means to relax.

Many people find that focusing on their breathing is a fantastic way to clear and calm the mind. Try focusing on the feeling of the air rushing into your lungs, the way your chest expands, and letting the air out in a slow, controlled way.

Another fantastic technique is to imagine that you already know the person in front of you, so that all the awkwardness of strangers is gone. So much of the tension we experience around an attractive man is caused by our fear that he won't like us. What if, in our minds, he already did? All the vibrancy, joy, and warmth of our true personality shine through when we're in the company of our friends. Let it shine on him.

Tip #2. Stop Caring So Much

I see so many online daters making this mistake. They become hugely invested in a man that they've met online and build up all sorts of expectations, hopes and dreams before they've even met him in person. It's a hard thing to do, but waiting until you're in an established relationship to get emotionally involved with a man will pay off in the long run.

We all want everyone to like us. It's only natural. But the opinion of a man that you've only seen a few times - no matter how attractive he is - doesn't matter that much. Don't waste precious energy worrying about how you're going to impress him or what he thinks of you. If things don't turn out the way you wanted, accept that it's okay. Enjoy the experience of flirting with a man for its own sake, not for the result it produces.

As you start to care less about the outcome of a flirtatious encounter and more about enjoying yourself no matter what happens, you'll also start to develop that wonderful quality: an irrepressible self-confidence.

Tip #3. Keep Everything in Perspective

When we don't have what we want, we tend to value that one thing above everything else. Someone who's always been poor may think that riches are the key to happiness. Someone who's always been overweight may think that being skinny is the key to the kingdom of joy. Someone who's been single for too long may think that a boyfriend will bring her a future of happily-ever-after.

Remember to keep your hunt for love in perspective. Yes, the experience of romantic love is an essential part of a balanced life, but your home life, career, family and friends, and personal development/hobbies are equally as important. Are you devoting equal time to every aspect of your life, or is your quest for Mr. Right taking you over?

When you have a balanced perspective about where dating fits into your overall life, rejection doesn't seem like such a big deal. A failed relationship becomes a learning experience rather than a major setback. You can laugh at yourself and at your disastrous dating experiences, because you know that your romantic success or lack thereof doesn't define you.

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The Key to a Successful Date: The Three C's

by Amy Waterman

Becky was trying online dating for the first time. The first guy she met was too quiet, and she eventually gave up trying to listen and just nodded every so often to be polite. The second guy smiled so much that she was tempted to ask him if he'd recently had his teeth whitened or something. The third guy slumped in his chair and only sparked up when she asked him if he had any hobbies: he did, only he was so into his music that he didn't seem to have any space in his life for a girlfriend.

"It's like the Three Bears," she told me. "One guy's too this, the other guy's too that, and none of them are just perfect. I'm just wasting my time."

Dating a waste of time? Never!

The next time you're on a date that you're sure, from the moment you settle your eyes on his flannel shirt, beer gut, and unhappy expression, is going to be a dud, don't just count the minutes until you can gracefully excuse yourself. Take the opportunity to practice!

Dating successfully is like playing the piano. Although anyone can figure out how to play a reasonable tune, those who practice can turn out a complex tune effortlessly. Rather than waiting to play until you're under pressure and hoping you won't sound out of tune, why not practice when the stakes are low?

There's no better environment in which to practice your dating skills than on a member of the opposite sex that you don't particularly care about. When you don't really care how the date turns out, you often find that you feel freer to flirt, joke, and chat away about nothing in particular.

So the next time you're on a date that you really don't care about, see if you can dazzle him with the Three C's.

1. Connection

This is also called "developing rapport." It's when you find points in common that you can talk easily about. For example, you may like the same music, read the same author, or live in the same neighborhood.

When you first meet a man for a date, don't dive into the exchange of information about one another's lives. Don't ask about what he does for a living, where he grew up, or any of those ordinary questions most people ask.

Instead, guide the conversation over a wide range of general topics - restaurants, music, movies, sports teams, popular culture - in an attempt to find a topic that turns you both on. Maybe you both like obscure ethnic restaurants. Maybe you both love 80s music. Maybe you both recently saw the same movie.

It doesn't matter what it is. All that matters is that you find some points in common. This is because we want to date people who are enough like us that we know we'll have fun together. Nothing's worse than dating someone who likes none of the things we like!

2. Chemistry

Once you establish a connection, you can move on to creating chemistry. Men love it when a women takes the lead in showing him that she's sexually attracted. You can create sexual chemistry simply by letting your body do the talking.

When we're nervous, we often try to do things too fast. We speak too fast. We get up from the table too fast. It's little wonder that we often knock over things or trip! Think of sensuous, slow movements. Allow yourself to enjoy being there. You're not in a hurry. Feel the enjoyment of the food and conversation and atmosphere in your body.

Little gestures can be enormously effective. Try simply smiling and looking shyly down at your plate or your glass, allowing him to admire your lips. Allow your hands to play sensually with any object at hand: your glass, the napkin, a lock of your hair. Whenever a silence falls in your conversation, don't feel like you have to fill it up. Feel comfortable reaching over and touching his arm to direct his attention to something. Order an unusual dish or beverage and try it together. There's something about having your lips on the same glass or the same fork that can be enormously sensual.

3. Candor

As you become more comfortable with one another, feel free to be more direct. Talk about more personal topics, like your favorite role models, your funniest dating experiences, or how you felt growing up. By this time, you shouldn't be trying to impress one another. You should be relaxed enough that you feel you can really be yourself.

If you're attracted to one another, now's the time to say so. I can't tell you how many dates end badly simply because both parties were too afraid to say or show that they were interested.

Being honest doesn't have to involve a lot of drama. You might simply say, "You're great company. I'm really enjoying myself." The point is that he knows he's being given the green light to kiss you or ask you out on another date.

Now, if you're like Becky, then you may simply want to say, "It's been nice meeting you, and I wish you the best of luck meeting Mrs. Right. Maybe we'll see each other online again." It's a genuine, polite way to tell a man that you aren't interested but that you wish him the best.

And Becky? She admitted that it made dates a lot more fun when they didn't just have to be about winning over the perfect guy. She actually found that she was enjoying even her "duds" a whole lot more. "Mr. Right may not be out there quite yet," she told me, "but all these Mr. Okays aren't so bad after all!"

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by Amy Waterman

A while ago, a woman wrote to us with a dilemma. She was getting older, and her parents were getting worried that she hadn’t settled with a partner yet.

Her problem was that she found none of the men around her attractive. She was currently seeing an older man who would have been quite keen to take their dates to the next level, but she found him boring.

Yes, he was all right. He was conscientious, had a car and a good job. She found their dates entertaining. But he was so ordinary and plainspoken that he faded into the woodwork.

Her parents urged her to snatch up the opportunity to marry well, shaming her for thinking she was better than everyone else.

"He can offer you a good life. Do you want to get out of this neighborhood? Then take it. You should be so lucky to have a chance like this again."

She understood her parents’ desire to see her provided for, but she couldn’t help but compare him to the fantasies she’d had as child of who she would marry someday. She had always imagined herself with a vibrant, exciting, passionate man who was her match and inspired her to reach greater heights ...

... Not a man who listened kindly and patiently to her. Not a man who soaked up her vibrancy and energy, leaving her dull and passionless. Not a man who tried to buy her affection with advertising what he could offer her.

"What should I do?" she asked us. "Am I simply too picky?"

Before I tell you how I answered, I want to give you another story related to us by clinical psychologist. It was the story of a patient of his, called "Betty."

Betty loved exciting men. She dated drug dealers, alcoholics, men who partied hard, drove fast cars, and led an exciting life high on adrenalin. She knew that her relationships were destructive. These men often abused her physically and emotionally. Yet she couldn’t stop.

One day, a good friend who was worried about her told her, "I know this lovely man. He rings the bells in the church as a hobby. He’s got a good job in a factory and owns his own home. He’s such a nice person. He would love to meet a woman like you."

But Betty wasn’t interested.

Not long after that, Betty was in the car with one of her high-life, drug-dealing boyfriends. They were speeding with the cops chasing them, and they spun off the road. Both of them died instantly.

Was Betty responsible for her death by choosing dangerous men as lovers?

The clinical psychologist used the story to illustrate how our immediate instinct to judge men based on sexual attractiveness limits the sea of available men around us. By rejecting men that we perceive as uninteresting, we blinker ourselves to possibilities.

Now, that was his "moral of the story."

Not for me.

I disagreed with the underlying assumption: namely, that we women can choose who we find attractive. The story implies that if a man has a good job, his own house, and is honest and steady, then we should give him a chance. If we find dangerous men exciting and attractive, then we are courting our own doom. Right?

Maybe not.

It all comes down to David DeAngelo’s slogan: "Attraction is not a choice."

We cannot choose to be attracted to someone. We either feel attraction or we don’t. It is beyond our conscious control.

Parents tell their daughters the world over, "He’s a good boy. Why don’t you go out with him?" And daughters tell their hair out in frustration because they’re just not attracted to him. Women cannot turn on sexual chemistry like water from a tap. If these daughters ever did date these nice, parent-approved boys, a wonderful friendship could develop … but I’ll bet that any forays into kissing and petting would be awkward, passionless, and uncomfortable.

Attraction is not a choice. No amount of convincing ("But he’s got a wonderful education/a great job/his own house/good manners") can force a woman feel sexual attraction towards a man that she doesn’t feel attracted to.

I read an example recently that illustrates just how naturally "picky" a woman’s sexual attraction sensors are. Imagine a hundred women lined up in a room. A man gets to choose any of them he wants to sleep with. He gets to choose as many as he like.

How many of you will bet that he’ll choose to sleep with a high percentage of them?

Now, imagine a hundred men lined up in a room. A woman gets to choose any of them she wants to sleep with. She gets to choose as many as she likes. How many do you think she is going to choose?

Maybe two or three?

Women are naturally picky. We shouldn’t be ashamed of it. It is how we were made.

This does not mean that we should reject out-of-hand men to whom we don’t feel an inner gut attraction. We can always benefit by getting to know him better and enjoying his company.

But in order to make a relationship work, there must be attraction on multiple levels: physical, emotional, and intellectual. (Ideally there is a fourth level as well: the spiritual.) If you are attracted to someone’s mind, chances are you will make good friends. If you are attracted to someone’s mind and heart (e.g., how they treat you and others), chances are you will make great friends. But you cannot have a relationship unless there’s a strong element of physical passion.

Men in particular have a hard time understanding this. Men can feel physical attraction to a great number of women. So when they find that they have emotional and intellectual compatibility with a woman, they think they’re set.

But even if a woman is emotionally and intellectually attracted to a man, the chances that she’ll also feel physical attraction may still be quite small. Physical attraction is independent of emotional and intellectual attraction.

Worse yet, she cannot choose, on a conscious level, whom she finds attractive.

Our triggers for attraction are built into us at the subconscious level. They come from a variety of sources, including childhood experiences, physical indicators of fertility, and evolutionary desires to maximize the survival of any offspring.

We can’t change those triggers. All we can do is recognize them.

So the next time someone tells you, "Why is it that women always choose bad boys? Why can’t they give nice guys a chance?" simply answer, "Attraction is not a choice."

If physical attraction is not there, then taking a intellectually and emotionally compatible friendship to the next level is just a recipe for frustration.

My Premium Course is miles beyond what you've been learning in these newsletters ... are you ready to discover the truth?Order now and start attracting men today!

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