The Ultimate Tantra Course Relationship Articles

Tantra is a spiritual science from ancient India and in its basic essence, very similar to Taoism from China. Both involve balancing the male and female energies to create harmony and have an ultimate goal of unity or spiritual ecstasy, known as enlightenment. Tantra encourages one to explore every aspect of life. So obviously the study of sexuality was included, not only included but in fact revered.

Making love was seen as a gift to God. So there was no repression or guilt attached to sex. It taught that when a man approaches his beloved he should have a sacred feeling as if he were going into a temple. The art of sexual love was the noblest of arts to study. As a young person in ancient India you could go to the sacred temples and be taught lovemaking secrets by Darkas and Darkinis, the priests and priestesses of love. The study of sexuality in the west is very new, whereas relics of Tantric rituals date back nearly five thousand years. So there is an incredible wealth of knowledge we can draw on and use in our own lovemaking.

Tantra lovemaking can add to the ways you make love in 3 major areas:

Firstly: It gives you ways to reach heightened states of ecstasy and pleasure beyond the realms of normal sex;

Secondly: It teaches you ways to open to more love so that your heart opens even more to your partner and you remember how great it feels to be deeply, passionately "in love."

Thirdly: it teaches Sacred Sex- ways to transform your lovemaking into a sacred experience which will touch you on every level of your being, body, heart and soul

A male can increase and expand the amount of ecstasy he can have and at the same time increase the length of time he is able to make love so that his partner has a chance of reaching higher states. Ejaculation control is an essential skill to master so that during lovemaking, instead of ejaculating at the first peak of energy which a lot of men do, they can learn instead to peak with that energy and use techniques to spread that energy throughout the entire body. Then as the urgency for ejaculation subsides, continue to make love again until reaching another peak - much higher than the first peak and then he can use techniques to peak and spread the energy again. As he Continues to do this, reaching higher and higher peaks of ecstasy and at the same time his beloved is feeling that energy and is being warmed up to higher orgasmic states. Ejaculation control is a skill that can be learned like any other skill. With the guidance of reading “sexual secrets for men: a man can learn to enjoy more and more pleasure without the urgency to come.

In Taoist sexuality writings they say, the woman is like water and the man is like fire. What normally happens is the water puts out the fire too quickly, the man is left exhausted and the woman is frustrated. They say there are in fact nine levels of a woman's orgasm, nine levels that she goes through before she's fully nourished sexually before her Shakti, her sexual spiritual energy is fully awakened. Most women have their first orgasm at level four; the man ejaculates and the other five levels are rarely reached. We as conscious men, as extraordinary lovers need to be able to make love as long as necessary to satisfy our woman and at the same time reach higher orgasmic states ourselves.

There are two exercises, two techniques that will help with ejaculation control. One is P.C. Muscle exercises and the other is the breath.

These exercises are also beneficial for women to extend their orgasmic response, taking more pleasure for herself and to give more pleasure to her partner. The P.C. muscle is the major muscle of contraction in both sexes for orgasm, so strengthening it increases sensations of pleasure.

The P.C. muscle extends from the base of the spine where it is connected to the coccyx, to the front of the body where it is connected to the pubic bone.

A good way to locate the P.C. or love muscle for yourself is that next time you are urinating try to stop the flow of urination in mid stream. This will give you the feeling of activating the muscle. Then later on in your own private space practice tensing and releasing the muscle several times so that you get the sense of how to do it you can know. It is a good idea to incorporate these P.C. Muscle exercises into your daily routine, associating them with some particular activity you do independent of your lovemaking sessions. Then these exercises will become habitual and you won't have to set aside a special time to practice. For example you can practice while you drive or travel too and from work. No one will know you are doing it and it can be quite enjoyable. One of our friends in fact, Helen said she started doing this every day for a month while driving to work but unfortunately she had to stop because she said the sensations were getting so strong that she couldn't concentrate at work because she couldn't think about anything else at work other than sex and she couldn't wait to get home to her lover.

And once a man has a strong P/C he can spread the sexual energy up and through his body during lovemaking so he can experience wave after wave of peak pleasure without coming so that he can make love for as long as he chooses, maybe even hours!

Another secret is working with your breath. What most men do as excitement builds up is hold their breath as they get close to climax. If men are to reverse the flow of sexual energy the best way is to breathe slowly, deeply and rhythmically.

For women to enhance your own ecstasy you can us the P.C. Muscle and breath exercise also. You can do this at peaks of energy to spread the orgasmic energy throughout the body. Another way you can enhance your pleasure is to mentally trace or visualise the energy running up the inside of the legs through the calf, the knees and thighs up into the vagina. This is especially good to do if the mind is wondering off onto other things while making love; it helps focus the energy.

Some women need to focus it rather than to spread it and this can amplify the orgasmic response you already have and is especially good for women who find orgasm elusive. What you do is to keep squeezing the P.C. Muscles without spreading the energy. To squeeze the muscles and to feel the charge building up and keep squeezing the P.C. again. It is important to release and bear down as well; this also acts as a focus. Playing with these elements of breath, P.C. Muscle, visualisation, as well as movement and sound you can extend your orgasmic potential to one, two, three or even more orgasms. All women are capable of extending their orgasmic potential. The woman's Shakti is unlimited. The Shakti is the sexual spiritual energy of which women are the custodians. As the Shakti awakens so does the priestess, the healer, the empowerer and the goddess of love within.

A woman's sexual awakening can propel her on a spiritual path. Men may practice celibacy and achieve spiritual enlightenment, but according to the Tantric texts women's enlightenment is facilitated by the electric charge of her orgasmic nature.

An atmosphere of romance is always conducive to intimate lovemaking experiences and women dearly love it. In creating the atmosphere, see yourself as a great lover and let your creative self step out of the ordinary and create something magical, something extraordinary.

Romance begins well before the first kiss. Men are often only romantic and hug and kiss when they are in bed. For women, romance starts much earlier. Foreplay to a man is kissing her neck and breasts. Foreplay to a woman can be a bunch of flowers or a phone call through the day telling her that you love her. If you are fortunate enough to have in your life a woman who loves you, I assure you that you cannot tell her too many times that you are madly in love with her. Ring her up many times before your planned evening. ‘I’m just ringing to let you know that I love you and I’m really looking forward to our time together.’ It’s as simple as that. And remember to touch her throughout the day in a loving way, not just when you get in to bed.

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Neil, who took one of our classes, told Diane and me: ‘Although I consider myself a good lover, I realised after you talked about romance that rarely through the day do I kiss or hug my wife Fay. I’m sure many days go by, sometimes, where we don’t even touch. I love my wife very much but I had fallen into the habit of not touching her unless it was during sex. So I decided to make it a practice that every time I heard Fay doing something in the kitchen I would go in and touch her on the upper back, give her a kiss, tell her something affirmative and say, “I love you.” It amazes me that such a simple thing has added so much to our love life again and I’ve taken on the idea that I am a great lover. What I’ve found is I’m enthusiastic now about creating more ways to practise the art of romance every day. Fay knows I’m doing it because of what I’ve learnt here in the workshop, but she still loves it.’
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Take on the image of being a great lover and devise ways to romance your woman. What is sexy and romantic to you may not be to her. For example, imagine your woman coming home from work before genitals, smothering you in kisses and saying ‘I want you now. I’m going to give it all to you tonight. I can’t wait.’ Sounds sexy, doesn’t it? It does to a guy. However, if you did and said the same to her, it could be a complete turn-off. That might be hard to believe for anyone who hasn’t lived with a woman.

That dialogue is the stuff of which movies are made – he grabs her breast and immediately she goes into ecstasy and starts ripping off his clothes. These movies are made by men or perhaps by women who have been seduced by male sexuality and who have probably never had sex with someone skilled in the art of romance or lovemaking.
In reality, telling your beloved that you’re pleased to be spending time with her or bringing her flowers to show that you care for her will turn her on much more than grabbing her breasts.

A guy once said to me: ‘Why didn’t God make men and women think the same? It would have saved a lot of messing around!’ I reminded him that women often seem like aliens to men and although their needs sometimes do not make sense to us, we can still win at the lovemaking game by responding to them. A great lover will give his partner what turns her on, not what he thinks will turn her on. Give your partner breakfast in bed on the morning of your special evening and when you come home, bring a bottle of champagne.

My suggestion is to make a special time for this romantic meeting. Mark it on your calendar and set aside at least three hours. People often make the point that it’s not romantic if it’s planned. However it is my experience that if you set a time it creates the opportunity for spontaneity to happen. There is nothing romantic about making love if the phone keeps ringing or the kids are screaming or running in and out of the room. Once you mark in your time
on the calendar, you can organise it so the kids are out of the house, the phone is off the hook and the doors are locked and labelled ‘Do not disturb’.

It is especially important for busy couples to claim some time for this special happening. Busy couples, couples where both partners work in high-powered jobs, or couples with families or couples in business together often do not get to make love until late at night, and by that time they often do not want to think about anything except going to sleep. After years of this, their lovemaking loses its juice, its excitement. They say: “Well, I can’t afford the time!’ That is ridiculous! May I point out that they find the time to watch TV; they find the time to attend aerobics classes; they find the time to go jogging; they find the time to read newspapers. It’s simply that they have put lovemaking on the end of their list.

I strongly suggest you find the time now to create romance, otherwise the cost might be your marriage …

It is a ridiculous situation to put your selves in. Look at your calendar – weddings, birthdays, social gatherings, business meetings, even shopping times are written there. Are all of these more important than romance? More important than your marriage? They might seem to be right now, but later on you may find your partner has been having an affair. It need not come to that, but it is important to get your priorities right. Mark off three hours every week or fortnight on your calendar for time together and do not allow anything to put it off. Make absolutely certain that the time is set.© Copyright Kerry Riley 2001

Visit The Ultimate Tantra Course website to learn more about how to heighten yours and your partner's sensual pleasures.

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As with Jewel Honouring, this is a technique that honours sexual pleasure but at the same time you bring in your open-heartedness, your love and your consciousness about using lovemaking as a sacrament.

Most of you will have heard about the G-spot so I will concentrate on teaching you how to awaken it for your partner. The G-spot was named by a German gynaecologist, Dr Grafenberg.

A book called The G-spot,1 published in 1982, described the location of this spot. However, the problem around that time was that there was little understanding of how this area functioned and a lack of knowledge about how to awaken it. Once the media got hold of the information, men often got the impression that it was a simple matter of stimulating this point and the woman would orgasm. So a lot of men started searching around the yoni, looking for this magic button. In most cases they were disappointed. Very often the man would refer to a drawing of a vagina in a book, then literally poke around looking for the point. After about five minutes of this, his partner would start to feel like an object and get annoyed. He would get frustrated because he couldn’t find it or couldn’t get her to feel any pleasure and they would end up in conflict. So many men and women gave up looking for the G-spot. There has been much written and talked about the G-spot in the last ten years, but we find that our clients, even though they may have experimented from time to time, usually after reading an article, still haven’t experienced all that they thought might happen. Mostly this is because they haven’t persisted for long enough or didn’t have the best knowledge and practices of the art of awakening this sacred art of a woman’s body.

I hope the sexual secrets I offer here will change all that because there is so much potential contained in this area for expanding a woman’s sexual pleasure, for healing past insecurities and guilt or negative residue attached to her sexuality, for her to move from one orgasm to many orgasms in the one session and for her to experience deeper, longer and more intense orgasms than she does now.

The G-spot was not discovered by Dr Grafenberg. Ancient Tantric writings offer much information on the existence of this area. Many Tantric teachers refer to this area as a sacred spot. They say the clitoris and the G-spot are like the North and South Pole of the woman’s pleasure centre or the yang and the yin of the second energy centre, the sexual chakra. The location of the sacred spot varies considerably from woman to woman. Sometimes it’s deeply set about 7–10cm (23/4–4in) inside the yoni on the upper wall behind the pubic bone. For others it is only about 2.5cm (1in) inside the vagina. The area often feels ridged and the spot often swells during sexual arousal. It can feel like a small pea under your finger or sometimes much larger.
To give a woman pleasure through the sacred spot, don’t poke around the yoni looking for a button, but stroke the whole sacred spot area. Only stimulate the area after the woman has been highly sexually aroused or perhaps after she has already had an orgasm. Most women don’t get much pleasure from this area until this happens and that’s why premature searching around for the G-spot doesn’t work.

The first time you try to awaken the G-spot I strongly suggest you see this as a pleasuring session rather than an orgasmic session. Orientate your thoughts and intention towards pleasure, loving, healing and awakening of the sacred spot rather than towards orgasm and performance goals. Once you can do this successfully and your woman is highly charged by your stroking of the sacred spot area, then you can explore its orgasmic potential.©Copyright Kerry Riley 2005

Visit The Ultimate Tantra Course website to learn more about how to heighten yours and your partner's sensual pleasures.

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I want to explain in more detail the importance of making the time and planning for love. It has added so much to my lovemaking with Diane and to the lovemaking of those to whom we have introduced it, especially busy couples. Diane and I have been married since 1979.We have three children and a successful business, but we spend hours making love because we give our relationship number one priority. We know how much lovemaking supports our marriage so we organise our calendar to find the time.

‘I haven’t got the time’ means something else in your life is more important. Yet I promise when you are in your eighties, when your body does not work or look like it used to, when you get an erection only once a week and when you come you barely feel it, you will wish that you had spent more time loving and making love when you were younger.

Are you always too busy providing for the family to enjoy the ultimate act of intimacy? Do not miss it! Do not put it off! Do not come up with excuses! Find the time for this greatest of God’s gifts – the ability to make love.

I suggest you plan a weekend away together at least six times a year. Don’t go away to sightsee or shop or to try out the restaurants the place has to offer. Take your own food and wine and lock yourself in your room.

People often go away for a weekend and only make love at night as they normally do. Plan the weekend to try out the things you have read in this book. Perhaps Saturday could be her day to try the things she wants to and Sunday could be your day. Even planning and anticipating what you want to do will bring back the sizzle.

As I have mentioned earlier, there are a lot of resistances to planning sex and putting aside the time because this is not spontaneous or ‘natural’. So very often sex takes low priority in everyday life because it is not the exciting, special happening it used to be in the early days. It is ironic that people spend so much time and energy preparing for other activities and occasions. They put these events on their calendars, organise their business and family around them, wear their best clothes and go to the hairdressers, yet they cannot find the time to make love. Surely lovemaking, which is potentially the most intimate event two human beings can share together, deserves the same amount of preparation and anticipation.© Copyright Kerry Riley 2005

Visit The Ultimate Tantra Course website to learn more about how to heighten yours and your partner's sensual pleasures.

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Tim, one of our students, told me that he had mastered the techniques of ejaculation control and was really confident of being able to make love for as long as he wished. He was really pleased with himself because now his partner had an orgasm nearly every time they made love. Interestingly his girlfriend, Tina, had told Diane that she was not feeling totally satisfied with
their lovemaking.

Tina said: ‘I love the sex and it’s wonderful now that Tim goes long enough for me to build up to orgasm. However, I feel there is still something missing. It’s hard to describe, but I just don’t feel fully nourished. I feel good and I feel satisfied sexually but I don’t feel we are any closer – and the next day it seems like it never happened. I hoped our lovemaking would connect us more in our day-to-day life, but it doesn’t seem to bond us any closer’.

Women often express this difficulty to Diane. Although they are being satisfied on one level, on another level something seems to be missing. What can you do about this? The solution is to learn what I call the art of Energic Lovemaking. This is where you not only enjoy the physical connection between you and your partner, but there is also a focus on the exchange of love and sexual energy passing between you both. It is a method of lovemaking that has healed many relationships, especially in marriages where sex had become only a small part of something they shared together, as opposed to the most beautiful way to bond more closely together.

Energic Lovemaking is probably a softer style of sex than you are accustomed to. Ordinary sex is what I call ‘hard sex’. It tends to look at love from a physical perspective where the focus is on sexual pleasure and orgasm. It emphasises the physical characteristics – good body, looks, movement and response. It is usually intense, fast-moving, with lots of banging and pumping. This is the form of sex emphasised in movies and novels. ‘Hard sex’ can be fulfilling and fun and should be part of your lovemaking repertoire, but if it is the only method you rely on to give you pleasure, then your woman may end up dissatisfied and perhaps eventually you will, too.

If anyone else ever gives her an experience like I’m going to share with you, you can be sure she will want more of the same. If you are not the one who nourishes her, she will soon find someone who will.

If you can include in the range of ways you make love with your woman at least one Energic Lovemaking session per week, she’ll never want to leave you because very few men know anything of this form of lovemaking.

Most men may know about the clitoris and the G-spot and all the positions, how to pump well and about softness and gentleness in foreplay, but once they enter the yoni their old programs start to take over. They pump faster and their mind goes faster – ‘I must not come too soon’, ‘I must give her a good time so she’ll know I’m a good lover’, ‘I must bring her to orgasm’. The tension starts to build up, the movements start to build up, the breath starts to build up, there’s a lot of fast pumping, their eyes are shut and they are doing a good job. This is normal sex for most people – physical, hard sex.

However, you can make a choice not to be normal in bed. You can choose to be extraordinary in bed. How? Let’s take a look at lovemaking from an energy perspective, rather than the merely physical. Start to focus on the energy exchange during lovemaking.

Once you focus on the energy exchange a whole new set of possibilities appear for you to play with; you start to explore a new dimension of lovemaking with your beloved.

I’m not suggesting it’s the only way to make love. I’m saying that if you add it to the range of ways you express your love, you will be a more extraordinary lover than the average man.

Energic Lovemaking Techniques
The Scissors

This technique will help you to harmonise energy with your partner so you feel nourished on every level. It’s an especially good technique for harmonising the sexual centres when there is an imbalance in libido between partners. It works well for sexual difficulties like impotence, premature ejaculation, frigidity and reduced sexual drive. In any of these cases it should be done every day for a week and then at least twice a week after that. Even if you are older and have not had sex for a while, it will awaken and restore
your sexual drive.

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One of our students introduced this technique to his seventy-year-old father who had just remarried and had trouble keeping up with his seventy-five-year-old wife. The imbalance in their sexual energies was causing him stress.
His father commented: ‘It’s a great position because I don’t have to have the old feller hard to stay inside’. It is the best technique to use to stay inside your woman even when you are not erect. The warmth and moisture are sure to turn you on after a while. His father said ‘If it’s not the first day, then by the third day of using this technique I’m hard and ready to get on top again. Sometimes while I’m soft inside her she stimulates herself to orgasm and that always makes the old feller stand up again’.
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The woman lies on her back and you lie at an angle to her on your right side. Both should be comfortable. You may wish to put a pillow under your head. The woman puts her right leg between your legs and her left leg over your hip in a scissors position. Your lingam (penis), whether hard or soft, is inserted into the yoni (vagina) . If it is quite flaccid then press it against the vaginal opening.

No physical movement is made throughout the practice. To begin, both of you are relaxing, attuning, feeling. Both focus on the genital area. Close your eyes and visualise an orange sphere of energy in your sexual centre radiating energy like the sun. Send that energy through your lingam into your partner’s body. This starts to awaken the Kundalini, the sexual and spiritual energy.

You inhale, drawing up and squeezing the PC muscle, then as you exhale, you send the energy through your lingam into your partner’s body through her yoni to the crown of her head. Then you inhale again, pulling the energy back from your partner’s crown through her sexual organs all the way up to your crown. Your partner is doing the same, psychically mixing her energy with yours.

After picturing the energy flowing back and forth for several minutes, you both relax and tune into the feelings in your bodies, while entering a meditative state. Continue in this way for about thirty minutes. This technique aligns the seven chakras of the male with the seven chakras of the
female and heightens the awareness of each to the combined energies.

If you want to make love in your usual way before or after using this technique, do so, but during the technique there is no movement, except for a contraction of the vaginal muscles every now and then to maintain the erection. The focus is on the energy exchange rather than the physical striving for orgasm.

Some students have described their Energic Lovemaking experience as a sense of transcending their bodies, a feeling of two energies merging and becoming one, a bonding emotionally, physically and mentally, the same sense that can be created through deep meditation. Some even describe it as having a sense of oneness or total union with all things. © Copyright Kerry Riley 2005

Visit The Ultimate Tantra Course website to learn more about how to heighten yours and your partner's sensual pleasures.

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