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Catch Your Cheating Lover Articles-- By Edward TalurdeyCatch Your Cheating Lover Ebook Excerpt 1 The Cheating Wife and Her Lies Catch Your Cheating Lover Ebook Excerpt 1: *** INFIDELITY 101 *** Catch Your Cheating Lover Ebook Excerpt 2: *** HOW PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH INFIDELITY *** Catch Your Cheating Lover Ebook Excerpt 3: ARE YOU BEING CHEATED ON - AND DON'T EVEN KNOW IT? The Cheating Wife and Her Lies While men say too much when lying, women say hopelessly too little. Their fear is that if they say too much, they will be discovered. For example, if a woman goes shopping and then comes home to her husband or boyfriend with her trappings, she will inevitably described every nuance of her shopping adventure to him. "Look honey, I got this, it was twenty percent off! This here, there were only two of them left and this other lady hung some clothes over them and walked away, but I grabbed the one that didn't have the run in the stitching when she wasn't looking. And this, it was regular $120 and I got for $35". All the while her man nods in approval, secretly keeping one eye fixed to the television. It is simply the woman's nature to go on in great detail and enthusiasm about any seemingly bland event. Now, when a woman closes up about her doings, it is inevitable that she is hiding something. If the same woman comes home from her shopping trip, says nothing, curtly answers "fine" to her mates question of "how was shopping?", then shuffles off the bedroom with a bag in her hand, she wasn't shopping the entire time my friend. She is both nervous and afraid that if she offers anymore information, her partner will quickly poke holes in her story. The same goes for any activity she embarks on, and then remains mysteriously quiet about after words. Would you like even more information on how to catch a Cheating Husbands and Their Lies Men will typically say too much or give too much detail when telling a lie. This is similar to bragging or exaggerating. For example, if a man catches a fish but then it gets away, he will tell everyone it was three feet long, when he knows it was actually only eight inches. The thought process behind a man telling a lie is, "I will give them so much information that they will become lost, disorientated, and then finally give up". And he does this for no covert reason other than it works. Men will also tend to inject a little humor into their lies. It relaxes their partner, puts them at ease, and throws them off track. For example, a man is late coming home from work. In truth, he was with his lover. His wife questions his whereabouts. He will eliminate her suspicions by telling her an unlikely, albeit funny, story as to why he was late: "Honey, you wouldn't believe it. I was driving home and went to throw my cup of coffee from this morning out the window. The freakin’ window was up and the coffee went everywhere. So I stopped at the car wash and they didn't have any paper towels anywhere. Some idiot next to me must have had a hundred of them balled up on the ground. So then I have to drive to the grocery store, buy a god damn two pack of paper towels, and sit in the parking lot, in my suit, cleaning the car, while all these people are walking by looking at me". The wife will find his back luck story so amusing, and feel it to be so justified, that she won't even bother to look for the remaining paper towels or check his suite or car for the smell of coffee. By going into great and exaggerated detail, then injecting a little humor, he has successfully lied in the way of the man. Would you like even more information on how to catch a The truth is there are plenty of people on television, in magazines, or giving seminars, including celebrities, psychologists, and people "of a higher calling", willing to sell you their ideas on how to make relationship's work. Unfortunately, they all sell a different flavor of the same thing; false hope. Interestingly enough, with all of these individuals offering solutions to the problems in your relationships, the divorce rate in America has and continues to remain at a steady fifty percent. And our advice giving friends, the psychologists, enjoy the highest divorce rate among their peers in the medical profession. So what's the point? People are people. They are the way they always have been, and always will be. Unfaithful. There is no more a solution to this problem than there is to the problem of people killing each other. It's just human nature. If animals have behavioral flaws, we try to breed away those flaws. So now we have killer bees. With humans, we try to eliminate the flaws with drugs or psychology. And surprise, surprise, people lie and cheat just as much as they always have. So what's the lesson you should take away from this? Can you figure it out? Would you like even more information on how to catch a The traditional definition of cheating, or infidelity, is that one person in a committed relationship is physically involved with someone other than their spouse. Due to a number of factors, cheating behavior has been reclassified to include the traditional definition and a more contemporary definition, known as emotional infidelity. The Definition of Emotional Infidelity Emotional infidelity is defined as any infidelity that occurs through feeling or thought. During the late 1970s, in an interview with Playboy magazine, former President Jimmy Carter stated that occasionally he “lusted in (his) heart” for women other than his wife. His thoughts were equated with infidelity, and he was considered to be unfaithful to his marriage, even though his statement described emotional infidelity, not physical infidelity. Since that time, and with the technological development of cell phones and the internet, the definition of cheating has been expanded to include the traditional definition, plus the feelings and/or thoughts that comprise emotional infidelity. Cheating now includes having intimate correspondence with someone while on a cell phone, meeting someone over the Internet and maintaining a relationship, or viewing pornographic material through any available source. The Difference Between Traditional Cheating and Emotional Infidelity The primary difference between traditional cheating and emotional infidelity is actual, physical contact. Traditionally, cheating involves people meeting face to face, and then engaging in physical intimacy. With emotional infidelity, there may be a meeting, but it can occur on a cell phone or a computer. There may be physical activity involved, but it is conducted within the confines of separate locations; the people involved aren’t “actually” touching. Many of the people who are emotionally cheating don’t consider it to be infidelity. Their rationale is that, because there is no actual physical contact, the behavior can’t be considered cheating. For some people, there is no difference between traditional and emotional infidelity. They view emotional infidelity as having the same behavioral components and end result as traditional cheating; therefore, any perceived differences are a moot point. When someone cheats, they use flirtation, discussion, seduction, and discretion – regardless of where either person is located or what vehicle of communication they are using. The end result is that the unfaithful spouse is paying emotional and/or physical attention to someone other than their partner, and they are removing themselves from the marriage commitment. Emotional Intimacy Can Lead To Physical Intimacy Emotional infidelity begins with the exchange of personal information. As the people involved get acquainted, the information exchanged becomes more personal. When the information becomes personal, it can lead to a face-to-face meeting and, most likely, physical intimacy. It can be argued that emotional infidelity is harmless because it is more of a casual relationship than traditional cheating; however, the intimate nature of the communication, plus the emotional investment made by the people involved, places emotional infidelity on the same level as traditional cheating. Considering the wide-reaching capabilities of the internet, the continuing advancement of cell phone technology, and the various other communication devices available, the number of people engaged in emotional infidelity will only increase. People cannot be stopped from engaging in an illicit affair, but they should consider the effect that cheating will have on the spouse. They should also consider the possible consequences of emotional infidelity, which can be the same as those of traditional infidelity, including divorce. Would you like even more information on how to catch a The term ‘extramarital affair’ is actually a tactful way to describe terms such as ‘cheating,’ ‘unfaithful,’ and ‘committed adultery.’ The most commonly assumed definition of ‘extramarital affair’ is that two people were in a monogamous relationship, and one of them had sex with someone beside their spouse. When a couple decides to enter into a relationship, usually they both intend to remain faithful to each other. Granted, there are people who get into relationships who can’t be faithful to anyone, but these are exceptions. For the most part, people in relationships want to remain faithful, and, when one or both of them has an extramarital affair, the relationship is permanently changed. If the couple stays together after an affair, trust will always be an issue. If the couple divorces, they start new lives, including new relationships which may or may not remain monogamous. The Beginning – A Bright Future The beginning of a relationship is the most optimistic time for a couple. They have each met someone who has similar interests and goals in life. During the courtship phase of a relationship, just about everything seems new or more enjoyable than before. They may take a weekend trip to a city that one of them visited many times before, but, with the new partner, they can both have a unique experience because they are doing it with each other for the first time. At this point, extramarital affairs are the last things on their minds. A memorable example of this situation was seen in the film “Annie Hall.” In this film, Woody Allen and Diane Keaton try to cook fresh lobster. As they place the lobsters in boiling water, the scene becomes a comedy of errors. Later in the film, after Woody Allen and Diane Keaton have broken up, he creates the same scenario with a woman who appears to have no sense of humor and the experience is horrible. The moment has been lost because the new relationship is much different than the one that has ended. A newly formed couple who has made a mutual commitment will engage in experiences that are not only newly enjoyable, they help to solidify each person’s decision to become a couple. The couple can look forward becoming engaged and getting married. They can also look forward to ending what may have been a long and frustrating search for a compatible partner. Again, extramarital affairs are not even thought about at this time. The Middle – Boredom and Temptation After the couple settles into their marriage, life can become mundane and predictable. The newness of the relationship has ended, the planning and excitement of getting married is over, and life starts to become routine. The couple knows each others likes, dislikes, and behavior patterns. Their work lives may have little variation, and each day feels the same. A married couple may let their lives slip into mediocrity. This results in boredom and apathy. The couple feels that there is nothing to look forward to, and their lives together will remain dull and commonplace. Briefly, they may contemplate an extramarital affair to relieve boredom. It is at this point that the couple needs to take stock of their situation. There may be nothing wrong with them, but married life can get boring – unless the couple works to keep their life together new and interesting. The focus needs to be on the couples’ future life together. Many couples think that having an extramarital affair, an open marriage, or bringing a third person into the relationship will be the solution. However, it is common knowledge that an alternate situation to traditional marriage tends to result in the dissolution of the marriage. In addition, the Internet can be a significant temptation and conduit for extramarital affairs. Websites advertise thousands of available people, and discreet meetings for the sole purpose of having sex can be arranged within minutes. Issues of trust, betrayal, and abandonment usually accompany such activities; the issue of monogamy is now at a crisis with the committed couple. The End – Decisions, Decisions, Decisions Ideally, a couple won’t have to face the end of their marriage. If they remain faithful to each other, avoid extramarital affairs, and they keep their marriage interesting and passionate, there will be no need to make a decision regarding the future. Extramarital affairs irreparably damage a marriage. When one person cheats, the other person will always find that they do not trust the unfaithful partner as much as they did before the affair took place. When a couple begins to have problems with their marriage, they are well advised to see a marriage counselor. A good professional counselor can help them fix countless problems and work on marital issues; however, once an extramarital affair has taken place, the marriage becomes damaged, often beyond repair and divorce ensues. Would you like even more information on how to catch a
Changes In Day-To-Day Behavior The first sign that tells you that your spouse is cheating is when day-to-day behavior changes. They may lose interest in work projects at home, or they may state that their employer has suddenly imposed overtime hours on a regular basis. If you question their lack of interest in the work projects at home or ask why they’re working overtime, they may become evasive or refuse discuss the details. Their evasiveness or refusal to discuss the situation is a ‘red flag’ and can indicate infidelity. The details which accompany an explanation for a change in day-to-day behavior may be untrue. If they are, it can be assumed that your spouse has something to hide and may be cheating. If he/she is hiding an affair, he/she knows that telling you of their infidelity will damage your marriage and may result in divorce. Computer Use Computers have revolutionized our society, and they have made it very easy for us to meet each other without having to leave our homes. There are several prominent indicators of a spouse cheating by using the computer. Your spouse will spend more time on the computer than with the family. This increased use of the computer may extend late into the night, while you are sleeping. If you look to see what they are doing online, they may use the “quick click,” from one screen to another, to keep you from seeing what websites or chat rooms they are visiting. As a result, your spouse may state a need for privacy while online. Sometimes you can tell if your spouse is cheating by reading email messages. Communications Devices When someone wants to engage in infidelity, there are numerous communications devices to help him/her cheat. Cell phones and pagers provide freedom for infidelity. Cell phones and pagers allow mobility and secrecy for cheaters. They can be used far away from home, and they are widely used by millions of people. A cheater can arrange a meeting with someone in public without drawing attention to their behavior. Phone calling cards provide an easy method to call someone, and the cheating spouse doesn’t need to have money for the call; it’s been paid in advance. If the cheater uses a cell phone, they can place calls at all hours. If a call comes into a cheater’s home late at night and an unsuspecting spouse answers the phone, the caller can hang up to avoid detection or a confrontation. Checking phone messages and unfamiliar phone numbers may tell you that your spouse is cheating. Accountability Cheating spouses refuse to be accountable for their infidelity. They may ask the non-cheating spouse about their activities when away from home, but they won’t discuss their own. The non-cheating spouse may start catching him/her lying, and he/she responds by immediately becoming defensive. Also, they may “blame the victim” and accuse the faithful spouse of not trusting them. If the cheater begins to spend less time with the family and is away from home often, they may refuse to discuss why they are distancing themselves from the spouse or children. Excessive or unexplained absences from home are another way to tell if your spouse is cheating. It is relatively easy to tell if your spouse is cheating. All the faithful spouse needs to do is utilize common sense and not engage in denial. If someone is demonstrating the above behaviors, it is likely that they are cheating. A person doesn’t have to be a professional private investigator to come to the conclusion that a husband, wife, or partner is being unfaithful. The evidence will present itself; how it is interpreted and used is up to the faithful spouse. Learn abouthow to catch cheating spouse here. There are numerous ways to tell if your spouse is cheating. When men and women are unfaithful to their spouses, their actions become obvious – if you know what to look for. Cheating can be separated into categories which include the most commonly seen cheating behavior. The categories are: Day-to-day behavior, computer use, and accountability. Changes In Day-To-Day Behavior The first sign that tells you that your spouse is cheating is when day-to-day behavior changes. They may lose interest in work projects at home, or they may state that their employer has suddenly imposed overtime hours on a regular basis. If you question their lack of interest in the work projects at home or ask why they’re working overtime, they may become evasive or refuse discuss the details. Their evasiveness or refusal to discuss the situation is a ‘red flag’ and can indicate infidelity. The details which accompany an explanation for a change in day-to-day behavior may be untrue. If they are, it can be assumed that your spouse has something to hide and may be cheating. If he/she is hiding an affair, he/she knows that telling you of their infidelity will damage your marriage and may result in divorce. Computer Use Computers have revolutionized our society, and they have made it very easy for us to meet each other without having to leave our homes. There are several prominent indicators of a spouse cheating by using the computer. Your spouse will spend more time on the computer than with the family. This increased use of the computer may extend late into the night, while you are sleeping. If you look to see what they are doing online, they may use the “quick click,” from one screen to another, to keep you from seeing what websites or chat rooms they are visiting. As a result, your spouse may state a need for privacy while online. Sometimes you can tell if your spouse is cheating by reading email messages. Communications Devices When someone wants to engage in infidelity, there are numerous communications devices to help him/her cheat. Cell phones and pagers provide freedom for infidelity. Cell phones and pagers allow mobility and secrecy for cheaters. They can be used far away from home, and they are widely used by millions of people. A cheater can arrange a meeting with someone in public without drawing attention to their behavior. Phone calling cards provide an easy method to call someone, and the cheating spouse doesn’t need to have money for the call; it’s been paid in advance. If the cheater uses a cell phone, they can place calls at all hours. If a call comes into a cheater’s home late at night and an unsuspecting spouse answers the phone, the caller can hang up to avoid detection or a confrontation. Checking phone messages and unfamiliar phone numbers may tell you that your spouse is cheating. Accountability Cheating spouses refuse to be accountable for their infidelity. They may ask the non-cheating spouse about their activities when away from home, but they won’t discuss their own. The non-cheating spouse may start catching him/her lying, and he/she responds by immediately becoming defensive. Also, they may “blame the victim” and accuse the faithful spouse of not trusting them. If the cheater begins to spend less time with the family and is away from home often, they may refuse to discuss why they are distancing themselves from the spouse or children. Excessive or unexplained absences from home are another way to tell if your spouse is cheating. It is relatively easy to tell if your spouse is cheating. All the faithful spouse needs to do is utilize common sense and not engage in denial. If someone is demonstrating the above behaviors, it is likely that they are cheating. A person doesn’t have to be a professional private investigator to come to the conclusion that a husband, wife, or partner is being unfaithful. The evidence will present itself; how it is interpreted and used is up to the faithful spouse. Learn abouthow to catch cheating spouse here. Would you like even more information on how to catch a Whether you call it cheating, unfaithfulness, adultery, an affair, or marital infidelity, it causes devastating pain and major crises in marriages. Surprisingly, half of marriages survive infidelity and some even get better. Infidelity spurs 50% of couples who experience it to reassess their marriages and make changes, often with the help of counselors. About 15% of wives and 25% of husbands cheat. Causes of Infidelity The causes of infidelity are numerous and can be simple or complicated. Affairs occur in both happy and unhappy marriages. Usually, both spouses are responsible for the situation. The causes of infidelity include: a mid-life or pre-midlife crisis, low self-esteem, lack of love and attention given to a spouse, anger, boredom, marrying too young, peer pressure, the existence of an opportunity, disappointment in the marriage, sex addiction, as a way to leave the marriage, and even family expectations! Types of Affairs Sometimes adultery is due to an addiction to sex or romance. A new relationship provides passion, excitement, danger, sexual highs, romance, and either greater self-esteem or shame. Some affairs are due to men who believe that extramarital relationships are something they are entitled to by gender. There is little or no guilt felt by these husbands and their birth families sometimes condone their behavior. There may be peer pressure as well. Other unfaithful spouses are driven by mid-life crisis (i.e.; fear of aging), anger toward the spouse for real or imagined wrongs, boredom, or disappointment in the marriage or the problems of living. These affairs often happen only if an opportunity presents itself. The newest type of infidelity is one in which the participants weren’t searching for an affair, but got involved in a friendship at work or on the Internet that turned into an affair. This type of relationship includes emotional intimacy, secrecy and lying, and sexual feelings and actions. There may be peer (societal) pressure to participate in this type of affair as well. The most serious type of affair is the one in which a married partner falls in love with someone outside the marriage, either unwittingly or as an excuse for leaving. This type of infidelity causes the most destruction of marriages. Consequences of Infidelity The consequences of infidelity include: divorce, depression, loss of trust, persistent anxiety, and an overwhelming feeling of loss. Many innocent spouses experience symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder. Consequences of infidelity may also encompass obsessive thoughts about the details of the infidelity, suspiciously watching for indications of infidelity, “fight or flight” symptoms, anger and accusations, and flashbacks. Results of Infidelity After infidelity occurs, the partners must decide whether to save the marriage or separate and divorce. Each spouse may want a different outcome. Counselors and psychologists will work with couples to assist them in making a decision and implementing it. Negative emotions and symptoms must be addressed and a “safety zone” established. An atmosphere of honesty must be established with the spouse, while all contact with the partner in the affair must be stopped. The story of the affair must be told and its impact on the marriage addressed. Planning for the future of the marriage leads to healing, and, hopefully, forgiveness. Failing that, a divorce will take place. If a marriage survives infidelity, it will become stronger and centered on the couple, not just on children; the dangers and temptations of infidelity are understood and addressed in order to avoid it; and the couple develops trust, renewed commitment, and shared responsibility for the ongoing success of the marriage. Whether you call it cheating, unfaithfulness, adultery, an affair, or marital infidelity, it causes devastating pain and major crises in marriages. Surprisingly, half of marriages survive infidelity and some even get better. Infidelity spurs 50% of couples who experience it to reassess their marriages and make changes, often with the help of counselors. About 15% of wives and 25% of husbands cheat. Causes of Infidelity The causes of infidelity are numerous and can be simple or complicated. Affairs occur in both happy and unhappy marriages. Usually, both spouses are responsible for the situation. The causes of infidelity include: a mid-life or pre-midlife crisis, low self-esteem, lack of love and attention given to a spouse, anger, boredom, marrying too young, peer pressure, the existence of an opportunity, disappointment in the marriage, sex addiction, as a way to leave the marriage, and even family expectations! Types of Affairs Sometimes adultery is due to an addiction to sex or romance. A new relationship provides passion, excitement, danger, sexual highs, romance, and either greater self-esteem or shame. Some affairs are due to men who believe that extramarital relationships are something they are entitled to by gender. There is little or no guilt felt by these husbands and their birth families sometimes condone their behavior. There may be peer pressure as well. Other unfaithful spouses are driven by mid-life crisis (i.e.; fear of aging), anger toward the spouse for real or imagined wrongs, boredom, or disappointment in the marriage or the problems of living. These affairs often happen only if an opportunity presents itself. The newest type of infidelity is one in which the participants weren’t searching for an affair, but got involved in a friendship at work or on the Internet that turned into an affair. This type of relationship includes emotional intimacy, secrecy and lying, and sexual feelings and actions. There may be peer (societal) pressure to participate in this type of affair as well. The most serious type of affair is the one in which a married partner falls in love with someone outside the marriage, either unwittingly or as an excuse for leaving. This type of infidelity causes the most destruction of marriages. Consequences of Infidelity The consequences of infidelity include: divorce, depression, loss of trust, persistent anxiety, and an overwhelming feeling of loss. Many innocent spouses experience symptoms similar to post-traumatic stress disorder. Consequences of infidelity may also encompass obsessive thoughts about the details of the infidelity, suspiciously watching for indications of infidelity, “fight or flight” symptoms, anger and accusations, and flashbacks. Results of Infidelity After infidelity occurs, the partners must decide whether to save the marriage or separate and divorce. Each spouse may want a different outcome. Counselors and psychologists will work with couples to assist them in making a decision and implementing it. Negative emotions and symptoms must be addressed and a “safety zone” established. An atmosphere of honesty must be established with the spouse, while all contact with the partner in the affair must be stopped. The story of the affair must be told and its impact on the marriage addressed. Planning for the future of the marriage leads to healing, and, hopefully, forgiveness. Failing that, a divorce will take place. If a marriage survives infidelity, it will become stronger and centered on the couple, not just on children; the dangers and temptations of infidelity are understood and addressed in order to avoid it; and the couple develops trust, renewed commitment, and shared responsibility for the ongoing success of the marriage. Would you like even more information on how to catch a Using infidelity testing, a partner in a relationship can test a spouse for unfaithful behavior. Your mate may be spending less time with you and more time away from home. When you ask about extracurricular activities, he/she becomes upset or gives a vague answer. Although this type of behavior may be a primary indicator that your spouse has something to hide, it isn’t a strong indicator for infidelity. Cheating behavior can now be assessed through infidelity testing, using detailed questionnaires and confidential DNA testing. Since the internet began providing services to help people meet casual friends and potential partners, the floodgates have been opened for anyone who wants to cheat on their spouse. Accessing the Internet is easy, and there are thousands of websites containing pictures and descriptions of available men and women. For single people, this is a dream come true. They can meet people without having to leave home. Also, they don’t have to spend time with someone who is incompatible, and they don’t have to arrange a meeting that may require them to travel a long distance, spend money in an expensive restaurant, or use gallons of costly gas to get to and from the meeting. Unfortunately, this service has led to more infidelity on the part of wandering spouses. Is there infidelity testing a worried partner can use? In addition to dating services, the internet offers many websites that have questionnaires which test for infidelity. Some of the more common questions are: Has your spouse lost interest in you physically? Does your spouse spend more time at work without explaining what obligations are taking more time? Do you smell unrecognizable cologne or perfume on your mate’s clothes? Does your husband/wife/partner spend much of their free time on the Internet, and do they become defensive when you ask about the websites they are visiting? Has your mate suggested that the two of you try swinging or open marriage? Note that the above questions, as well as similar questions on various websites, require an answer in the affirmative. If the answer pattern is consistently affirmative, it can provide a strong indicator that a spouse is cheating. However, they only provide possible confirmation. To further assist people who are concerned about infidelity in their relationships, DNA testing for infidelity has become available, and the testing procedures used are similar to those employed by private investigators, law-enforcement agencies, and attorneys. The DNA testing services currently available utilize genetic testing. Samples of items such as body fluids, blood, clothing, and hair are tested, and the presence of male or female DNA is confirmed or ruled out. Service providers who offer DNA infidelity testing offer a wide variety of tests. Although these testing services offer complete confidentiality, the tests themselves can be quite costly. The testing of various items ranges from $75 to $200, depending on the testing service used and the item being tested. If a faithful spouse initiates infidelity testing or employs a testing service, they need to be prepared for the realization that their initial suspicions were correct. Also, the spouse should plan on how they will use the information. Will it be submitted to a divorce attorney? Will the cheating spouse be presented with the evidence and asked to explain it? Will it be used as a justifiable reason for the faithful spouse to leave the home? If the faithful spouse plans how they will use the infidelity testing evidence, they will be better prepared to promote the outcome they desire. Infidelity testing has been criticized as being intrusive on our basic right to privacy. In addition, it is seen by some as a vehicle for confrontation, which could result in acrimonious relationships or even violence. The disapproval that has met infidelity testing is countered by the users of the testing services. They argue that infidelity testing doesn’t just expose someone who is cheating. It can also prevent the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS. The users of infidelity testing want to do more than protect themselves from a lying spouse; they want to prevent themselves from contracting a physically debilitating or life-threatening disease. Would you like even more information on how to catch a When someone in a relationship engages in infidelity, what happens next? After someone cheats in a relationship, there are three situations that might occur, two of which lead to surviving infidelity: The couple comes to terms with the infidelity; they discuss why the infidelity occurred and their resulting feelings. They stay together, survive infidelity and get stronger. The couple decides to stay together to work through feelings of anger, remorse, or betrayal. They survive infidelity, but not necessarily happily. The couple decides to end the relationship altogether. They don’t survive infidelity. Coming To Terms With Infidelity Behavior doesn’t happen without a reason. Both a cheating spouse and a faithful spouse have reasons for actions which led to infidelity. A couple can start the healing process when they come to terms with the infidelity. This means that both people agree to stop engaging in denial, blame, or attack, all of which create more damage in the relationship, and begin the process of surviving infidelity. The couple should attend marital counseling, at least during the first few weeks after the affair, so they can communicate in an environment that allows both people to freely and safely vent their feelings. Also, marital counseling provides a trained professional who can give the couple honest, open, and objective feedback. This information can improve their communication skills and help them discuss the infidelity without personal attacks. Also, it gives the couple time to work on surviving the infidelity and saving the relationship, instead of quickly moving toward separation or divorce. Surviving Infidelity When a couple agrees to continue the relationship, the issue of trust is paramount to both. The person who had an affair wants to be trusted when they promise to remain faithful. The faithful spouse needs to be assured that their unfaithful partner will not cheat with anyone else. The relationship will be helped significantly if the couple asks themselves a few questions: What was our initial attraction, and why did we originally enjoy about being together? How did we bond? Was it mutual interests, similar character traits, a sense of humor? If the couple can spend time together, enjoying each other and the pursuits that led to their mutual attraction, they will be working to create the bond that was lost. They won’t be spending unnecessary time on the behaviors that led to infidelity. Hopefully, they will survive infidelity. Ending The Relationship When a relationship ends, how do you get over the fact that it’s over? How do you get through each day knowing that the person you planned to spend the rest of your life with is gone? How do you learn to be alone again? When a relationship ends, people frequently console the faithful spouse by saying “it’s time to move on” or “you need to get over it.” It’s extremely difficult to “move on” or “get over it.” Just about every aspect of our lives is affected when we lose someone we love; and yet, we know that it’s unhealthy to let the end of a relationship take control over the other priorities in our lives. Other people count on us, whether it’s our family of origin, children, friends, or co-workers. It isn’t possible to completely come to terms with the end of any type of relationship. We can accept the fact that it did end, and we can work to improve the quality of our lives in the future. We must accept that the relationship did not survive infidelity, but that we can work to overcome the trauma and build a happier life in the future. When someone in a relationship engages in infidelity, what happens next? After someone cheats in a relationship, there are three situations that might occur, two of which lead to surviving infidelity: The couple comes to terms with the infidelity; they discuss why the infidelity occurred and their resulting feelings. They stay together, survive infidelity and get stronger. The couple decides to stay together to work through feelings of anger, remorse, or betrayal. They survive infidelity, but not necessarily happily. The couple decides to end the relationship altogether. They don’t survive infidelity. Coming To Terms With Infidelity Behavior doesn’t happen without a reason. Both a cheating spouse and a faithful spouse have reasons for actions which led to infidelity. A couple can start the healing process when they come to terms with the infidelity. This means that both people agree to stop engaging in denial, blame, or attack, all of which create more damage in the relationship, and begin the process of surviving infidelity. The couple should attend marital counseling, at least during the first few weeks after the affair, so they can communicate in an environment that allows both people to freely and safely vent their feelings. Also, marital counseling provides a trained professional who can give the couple honest, open, and objective feedback. This information can improve their communication skills and help them discuss the infidelity without personal attacks. Also, it gives the couple time to work on surviving the infidelity and saving the relationship, instead of quickly moving toward separation or divorce. Surviving Infidelity When a couple agrees to continue the relationship, the issue of trust is paramount to both. The person who had an affair wants to be trusted when they promise to remain faithful. The faithful spouse needs to be assured that their unfaithful partner will not cheat with anyone else. The relationship will be helped significantly if the couple asks themselves a few questions: What was our initial attraction, and why did we originally enjoy about being together? How did we bond? Was it mutual interests, similar character traits, a sense of humor? If the couple can spend time together, enjoying each other and the pursuits that led to their mutual attraction, they will be working to create the bond that was lost. They won’t be spending unnecessary time on the behaviors that led to infidelity. Hopefully, they will survive infidelity. Ending The Relationship When a relationship ends, how do you get over the fact that it’s over? How do you get through each day knowing that the person you planned to spend the rest of your life with is gone? How do you learn to be alone again? When a relationship ends, people frequently console the faithful spouse by saying “it’s time to move on” or “you need to get over it.” It’s extremely difficult to “move on” or “get over it.” Just about every aspect of our lives is affected when we lose someone we love; and yet, we know that it’s unhealthy to let the end of a relationship take control over the other priorities in our lives. Other people count on us, whether it’s our family of origin, children, friends, or co-workers. It isn’t possible to completely come to terms with the end of any type of relationship. We can accept the fact that it did end, and we can work to improve the quality of our lives in the future. We must accept that the relationship did not survive infidelity, but that we can work to overcome the trauma and build a happier life in the future. Would you like even more information on how to catch a |