Communication in relationship, Overcoming communication problems in relationship: One major barrier to communication in relationships is interacting from the level of your Ego instead of your Higher Self. Communication in relationships from the level of Ego is based on fear, difference and separation. Communication in relationships from the level of your Higher Self is based on oneness, love and similarities. Numerous communication problems in relationships can be introduced when you interact with your partner based on only your point of view. The relationship communication exercise helps you empathize with your partner more in communication. The relationship negotiation exercise contains strategies to help you find solutions to problems that both you and your partner can enthusiastically agree on. The non-violent communication exercise helps promote compassionate communication with your partner.
COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIP TOPICS
What Constitutes Communication
Communication Problem Solving - Negotiation
Non Violent Communication
Communication in relationship articles
COMMUNICATION IN RELATIONSHIP EXERCISES
Step-by-Step Relationship Negotiation Exercise and Strategies
Exercise to see your partner's point of view
RELATIONSHIP COMMUNICATION TOOLS
Healing Communication Problems Video
Video Meditation for Healing Marriage/Relationship Communication Problems.
Just had a heated quarrel with your man? Watch this prayer meditation video to “turn the energy around” and heal the conflict with the power of Spirit. Remember love is a stronger vibration than hatred, resentment or anger. This video meditation helps transmute the energy of hatred, resentment or anger with the energy of love. It really just takes one person to do this. The love energy that you radiate will reach your husband, even if he is not physically present in the same room with you.
So when you have a disagreement next time, instead of arguing with your husband and escalating the conflict, stay in your center, express your hurt gently and simply watch this video meditation.
No relationship exists without disagreements. The best relationships are not those where the partners never disagree, but those where they are able to express and respect their differences. Conflict and difference adds character to a relationship and makes it interesting, providing they are not so great as to be intolerable. How you handle conflict is of utmost importance to the quality of life and staying together. To ignore a problem does not mean it is not there or that it will not have an effect. Punishing one another in silence is not a solution, either.
Whatever the cause or the outcome of disagreements and quarrels, they are always fuelled by not understanding the other person's point of view. There is no completely 'right' perspective here.
Men tend to think that with logic on their side they can win any argument, but logic does not win arguments between two people who are emotionally entangled, it only wins arguments when there are no emotions at stake and both people agree that logic is the way to go. Men often think that women are not logical, but this is not true. Women can be very logical when the need arises, but they do not use logic to solve disagreements in close relationships.
Have you ever been in a discussion where you and another person have been in disagreement and then they have said something and suddenly your perspective shifts? The realization comes like a splash of cold water. It happens during arguments between couples quite often. Suddenly one of them is suddenly forced to review their opinion and see the situation from the perspective of the other.
The more we can put ourselves in our partner's shoes and perceive how they understand the world, the better we will be able to communicate with them. With an openness to their point of view we will have a better chance of resolving the issue. It will also make it easier for us to put across our point of view in such a way that they are most likely to understand it.
Have you ever listened to a discussion or argument between two people and just known that the issue will not be resolved? Have you ever watched such a couple and understood their relationship more than they seem to understand it? If you have then it is because that objective viewpoint gave you an understanding that was not available to the couple because they were'inside' what was taking place. It is this objective viewpoint that makes the roles of cinema director, boxing referee and legal judge such important ones. They have an understanding, because of their objective position, that those involved do not.
To resolve a conflict you need the ability to stand up for your own point of view, a willingness to empathize with and understand the other person and the capacity to be objective. Your perspective is based on your experience, but that does not make it right in a relationship. To empathize with another, you have to make a creative leap into the other person's reality, and the better you know someone, the easier this is. Couples who have been together for a long time often seem to be almost telepathic. This empathy with another is a basic human ability, however we often do not use it at those times when it would be most useful. The ability to appreciate your partner's point of view does not invalidate your own, it is just different. That does not mean it is right either. Then there is the detached perspective that the intellectual voice gives you, from which you can evaluate both points of view and see the similarities and the differences between them. From here you can appreciate your relationship.
Finally, we would add another position to these three basic ones. That is a position that takes into account you as a couple, in a relationship. What is important to you both? How does this disagreement fit with what you both share? What is important to you as a couple and how important is this disagreement in that context?
One way to develop the skill is to jump mentally around these three viewpoints is to practice them physically. If we adopt someone's external behavior we experience their internal state. Matching has shown us that if we copy their body language we receive a sense of the world view that creates that way of acting.
Communication in Relationship: Exercise to Sense Accurately What Your Partner is Really Feeling
1. If your partner has their own chair and tends to sit in that chair in the same posture then, when they are not around, simply sit in that chair in the way that they sit. Give yourself time to settle into the pose, wait until your muscles become familiar with the posture and then become aware of your thoughts and feelings.
2. Sitting like them, become aware of the internal state that triggers that
posture. Notice the sort of things you think about, the opinions you
hold, what you look at, what your mood is like and your view of
the world now that you are sitting in your partner's seat adopting their
posture. You may be surprised at what you feel.
Our body and mind are interconnected. As an application of this exercise, adopt your partner's postures when you are in a disagreement, to gain insight into their feelings and thoughts.
What Constitutes Communication
Researchers determined that just 7% of what we communicate is the result of the words that we say, or the content of our communication.
38% of our communication to others is a result of our verbal behavior, which includes tone of voice, timbre, tempo, and volume.
55% of our communication to others is a result of our nonverbal communication, our body posture, breathing, skin color and our movement.
The match between our verbal and non-verbal communication indicates the level of congruency.
Communication in Relationship: Exercise to See Your Partner's Viewpoint
1. Conflict Situation.Think of a conflict situation in which you had a disagreement or conflict with your partner.
2. Self Position. Run your movie of this situation from your own point of view. Imagine that you are going through this situation again, looking out of your own eyes, re-experiencing what actually happened. Notice what you hear and feel—all the information that is available to you. When you come to the end of this episode,
rewind the movie and stop it just at the very beginning of this conflict situation.
3. Study Your Partner. With the movie stopped on "pause" at the beginning, look over at your partner. Notice his breathing, his posture, his facial expression, the way he moves and speaks, the tone and tempo of his voice, all the nonverbal information that tells you what your partner's experience is like. You can also review all your experiences with him, and all that you know of his likes and dislikes, his attitudes, his personal history, everything that contributes to who he is.
4. Take Partner's Position. Now let your awareness float up out of your body and around to align with your partner, perhaps looking over his shoulder, so that you can begin to see what he sees, and hear what he hears.
Begin to take on his likes and dislikes and personal history by saying to yourself, "I am a person who ..." and follow it with all of the traits and characteristics you know about.
Allow your awareness to enter his body, and take on his posture and movement, and all the other nonverbal behavior you noted earlier. As you continue to become this person even more fully, feel what it is like to really be this person.
5. Run a Movie from Partner's Position. Now run that same movie of the conflict situation again, seeing it from his perspective. As your partner, how do you experience this same conflict situation? What feelings do you have? What are your wants, hopes, and fears? What are your positive intentions, and how are you attempting to cope with this difficult situation? What do you notice about how your own behavior looks and feels to your partner as you run this movie to the end? What else can you learn about your partner's experience?
6. Return to Self Position. Allow your awareness to float up again and return to your own body. Take all the time you need to fully return to being yourself before opening your eyes, leaving all the elements of your partner's identity there with him.
Communication in Relationship: Exercise to See Neutral Observer's Viewpoint
1. Conflict Situation. Return to the same conflict situation you used in the previous exercise.
2. Self Position. Again, take self position in this situation. You don't have to run the whole movie this time, as long as you put yourself back into the situation fully.
3. Partner's Position. Now take partner's position in the same way. Again, you don't have to run the whole movie, as long as you fully become your partner in this situation.
4. Take Observer Position. Now move out to a position from which you can see and hear both you and this other person clearly. Make sure this observer is the same distance from where you see yourself as it is from where you see the other person. Also make sure you are observing from a place that is eye-level with yourself and the other person—not higher or lower.
5. Run a Movie as Observer. Now run the entire movie, watching and listening to the situation unfold as an observer, as if you were observing these two people for the first time. From this neutral perspective, pay close attention to the interaction between the two of you. Notice particularly how what one does stimulates or triggers the other, how one person's behavior stimulates feelings in the other, and vice versa. Learn all you can about this interaction from this observer position. How do you feel in this position as you observe this interaction?
Tip: You can repeat the exercise replacing Observer Position with Source/God/Your Mentor etc.
The ability to step outside the situation is the key to solving it. Many arguments are like tennis matches, each partner feels they have to keep returning the ball and each partner usually blames the other partner for serving in the first place. One person's reaction is the other person's trigger. There is a further twist and that is that each expects the other to argue in a particular way and therefore they adopt their own way to counter that, yet looked at from the outside this is exactly what keeps the argument going. Then to cap it all, the situation cannot be discussed because when our warring couple try to discuss it, they fall into the same trap.
To make any change you have to take a metaphorical step outside the situation and see how you are responding to each other. You have to see the relationship, not just the individuals in it. Any solution has to come from a'we' point of view, for example, 'Whenever we talk about this issue, we seem to end up arguing and I don't like that. What canwe do to help us stop?'
Your partner may reply something like,'Well, we wouldn't if you weren't so...' At this point do not be drawn. The big temptation is to say something like,'Well, I wouldn't be if you weren't so...' All over the world couples have arguments with this same structure and they fill in the blanks in their own way. We take the quality we experience in the relationship and attribute it to the other person. It does not belong to them. It belongs to the relationship. So we say, 'You are bossy' instead
of 'I experience you as bossy.' Someone cannot be bossy on their own. These sorts of qualities, good and bad, can only happen in a relationship. The same is true for nagging, being overbearing, withdrawing, being angry.
Instead of becoming drawn into your old pattern, you could say, 'OK, how would you prefer me to react?' This is not an admission that you are wrong, just a way of exploring the situation.
- (c)NLP and Relationships, Joseph O' Connor,
- (c)NLP: The New Technology