Part 1 - Understanding the male psyche. By exposing the raw, unsavory truths about men. The author believes that the better equipped you are, the less likely you are to get emotionally wounded by them. He exposes myths that women are holding on to that are wrecking their relationships.
Part 2 - How women should control/handle their emotions. The emotional part of you that you can display to a man. How to set yourself apart from other women.
Part 3 - Attracting the right type of men into your life. Communicating with your man in a way that he listens. How neediness and insecurity can drive a man away. How to bring up the topic of commitment to a man without scaring him away.
What I liked
- He stresses that only by changing yourself - i.e. your perspective and behaviour can you can change your relationship. That is really reassuring, coming from a guy. He explains that there are no one-word magic answers that women are looking for that will bring a guy back to them, to make a guy commit to them or to be continuously attracted to them. I appreciate the honesty. He then teaches you how you can behave in a way that men find appealing.
- He reveals how you can behave like a 'selector' rather than a 'selectee' when looking for Mr. Right. If you recall "The Rules" book, the authors advocate taking a passive stance to dating, however, this author points out that if you do this, you risk being the person who has to passively wait for a men to make all the advances on you. If they don't, then you might feel insecure. This is a very valid point. He does not advocate chasing after men either, because according to him, that goes against nature. Instead, he teaches you how you can still turn the tables around on a man, after he approaches you and makes all the first moves.
- Explains how women should never be the Convincers in a relationship. He gives you the Convincer patterns so that you can see if you spot yourself in them.
- How feeling a connection, that initial spark, is not really what we women make it out to be. This is another major trap. Learn what it really is in a man's world. Putting that into perspective saves us from reading too much into a relationship from the start.
- Gives specific, useful tips on displaying emotional control and maturity with men.
- He spills the beans on what guys think amongst themselves on what a <secret term reserved for men's inner circle> female is really like. P90 Hey, at least he is being honest, I just wish someone told me this at high school.
- The author teaches a couple of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) techniques to invoke confident, empowering states for dating.
- Gives you some concrete examples of specific behaviors of women, ie what they said and did, that scored huge marks amongst the male community. This piece of information is original.
- The "aikido" communication strategies in P114 are particularly effective. How do I know this? I paid $2000 in an NLP seminar to learn it.
- List of traits that appeal to a man on the long run. P124 I can understand why men commit to women with these traits. I think that they are in most women, just that we don't consciously make an effort to play them up.
- List of patterns that women who effortlessly attract men exhibit. P130 What men see in these women - a fresh perspective.
- I totally agree with the author that being physically attractive can be a curse on a woman, based on the experiences of women I have coached. So all those cover girls out there, you owe it to yourself to pay attention to this one. At least you now know and you can go into a relationship with your eyes open.
- I agree with the list of neediness and insecurity behaviour traits that women exhibit, I personally think that women need to be reminded of these from time to time. However, I worry that the root causes of these traits may not be fixed superficially. I worry that people may not be able to simply "get over them" just by knowing about them in their heads.
- The visioning exercise on P 162 is a powerful one. In fact, I think that this exercise should be done at the very beginning, because it holds the key to exhibiting traits that men desire more naturally.
- Step by step instructions on how to talk to a man about something that needs "fixing" in a relationship.
What I did not fancy
- Pretty lengthy at times. Information can be summarized better. However some women may prefer a conversational style.
- Tells you the "hidden" motives of players, but not the outward signs they display so that we can weed them out easily. Tell you what, I think we may be able to get some insights from a similar book for men - Double your Dating. *Wink* *Wink*
Quote 1:
"OK, let's say I'm talking to a girl and she starts asking me what I do for a living. I might say "What, you don't have a job? And you're already trying to figure out if I can support you?". Her: "I have a good job, and I make good money" Me: "Nice. I like that in a woman. Want to get married? We could leave for Vegas right now and be married in about 4 or 5 hours. I need a woman with money." Her: <Laughter> "OK, that sounds like a plan" Me: "But wait a minute... do you think you can support the both of us on your income? I really want to be a stay at home husband... you know, keep an eye on the TV and such." Her: "Oh, no... I won't support you." Me: "Well, then I'm breaking up with you. It's over between us. I was going to marry you, then divorce you a week later and take half your money." Her: <Laughter> "You can't break up with me! I'm not even your girlfriend." Me: "That's all the more reason."
Quote 2:
"Lover Personalities:
Bad Boy (danger) Someone who's dangerous and thrilling to be around.
Adventurer (fun) Someone who's fun and exciting to be around.
Seducer (sex) Someone who is sensual and sexy and makes her feel sexy.
Artist (Musician, Poet) (emotion) Someone who moves her emotions and is enigmatic and complex.
Provider Personalities:
Successful Guy (means) Someone who provides a great lifestyle and stability.
Daddy (control) Someone who tells her what to do and controls her.
Regular Guy (loyalty) Someone who is down to earth, loyal and stable.
Ass Kissing Guy (her boy) Someone who gives her whatever she wants.
Most of the women in this world will respond to ALL of these personalities to one extent or another.
Quote 3:
MISTAKE #5: Sharing How You Feel” Too Early In the Relationship With Her
Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most men make with women is sharing how they “feel” too early on.
Attractive women are rare.
And they get a LOT of attention from men.
Most men don’t realize this, but attractive women are being approached in one way or another ALL THE
An attractive woman is often approached several times a DAY by men who are interested. This translate into dozens of times per week, and often HUNDREDS of times per month.
And guess what?
Attractive women have usually dated a LOT of men.
That’s right. They have EXPERIENCE.
Quote 4:
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer is what to do if you’re in a situation where you like a particular girl, but you don’t know if she likes you back.
DON’T GET HEAVY WITH HER.
Don’t buy her a big gift and write a love letter…
Don’t send her ten dozen roses to her work with a not that says “From your secret admirer“.
Don’t call her three times a day.
And DON’T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.
If you want to know how she feels about you, KISS HER (and use “The Kiss Test” that you learned on my website and in my book).
As a rule of thumb, don’t get heavier than HER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how she feels… and if you don’t know how to read and create those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a woman if she’s interested in your in a romantic way, or if you are “her type” will actually DESTROY the chances that she’ll like you.
Book Style
- Personal, "trusted friend giving you advice" type of conversational tone.
- More white spaces than I would like to see. I prefer my books more summarized and compact.
Overall Rating
- 7.5/10, I think that the dating advice would be highly valuable to women who are facing lots of problems with nailing Mr Right.
This time I'm sharing a great question froma reader.
It's a question I get all the time from womenthat points out a common misunderstanding womenhave about men.
Reader:
Dear Christian,
I'm sorry but I need to ask you aquestion. I need advice and help. Me and myex have been together off and on many times,recently we just broke up and now he's datingsomeone else. (he doesn't know what he wants)But I know he still has very big feelings for meand I want advice and help on getting him back.Even though he's dating someone right now, hestill has feelings for me, and I need help ongetting him back with me and not with her.
Please help!
Sincerely, Needy and Hopeless
My Answer:
Thanks for writing, your email has about 147great things here.
Let's look at a few of them...
The first important issue is that you'reignoring all the important signs your ex isgiving you.
Men send a ton of silent “signals” that areout there waiting for women to tune into andpick up on.
And to learn from.
Some of these signals that men send are indirectand unintentional - but others men know they'resending out.
Please don't be naive.
Wake up!
Realize what's going on here.
If he's dating someone else, you've got tostart moving on.
That's a direct and intentional signal.
He doesn't share your feelings of wanting toget back together in a committed relationship withyou.
If you challenge this idea, you need to recognizesomething important...
That he's not in the right place in his life toshare what you want with him.
What you really need for yourself is to find ahealthy way to take some of the focus off of himand put it back on you and your life.
This doesn't mean you have to go out and date rightnow, but you need to take your mind off him.
I know it's hard to do this when you still haveintense feelings for him.
But the simple truth is that you're setting yourselfup for ALL KINDS of pain and disappointment...
Yeah, I've seen couples get back togetherlike this - but the odds are things don't lookgood for this old relationship.
The more you can distance yourself from your exwhose dating another woman, the happier you'll be.
Trust me.
And I know doing this is tough, but you've got todo it if you're going to find your way to a new andimproved situation - with or without him.
Here's something else critical going on for you...
You're making a lot of assumptions about HISfeelings when you say “he has very strong feelingsfor me.”
Do the math.
You know he's dating someone else.
By thinking about how you believe he FEELS insideis only keeping you stuck on him and your beliefsabout the good person he can be and how great thingsCOULD be together.
Let me put it another way-
What are his actions and behaviors saying?
If you listen to the signals your ex is sendingyou, you'll see that his “feelings” he shares are justhis way of holding onto you for his own comfort andbenefit.
Why wouldn't he want to keep you around if he's“unavailable” to really commit - because beingwith the other woman and still being connected to youkeeps him from being fully involved in any real situationwith either of you.
He's already dating another woman.
That should give you a clear idea of where hismind is at (not focused on getting back with you) andwhat his “feelings” TRULY are.
Here's what I want you to do first and foremost...
Think about making some decisions for YOURSELF.
Right now it sounds like your waiting for him tomake all the decisions.
Think about what YOU WANT to be happy, and rememberall the things your ex has done and said to let youknow he's not committed to sharing his love with you.
If you give him and yourself some space, a funnything might happen you won't expect...
Your ex-boyfriend won't have the comfort of twowomen who both want his affection.
He won't know that you're still there waiting forhim - and this will trigger thoughts and actions in himthat will ultimately help resolve your situation.
Until then...
For your own well-being, it's important youlet him know he can't keep sharing his intimatefeelings with you while he's dating another woman.
HERE'S A RULE YOU NEED TO REMEMEBER:
**** Never allow men who have “someone else” in theirlife to keep sharing and expressing their feelingsfor you. ****
It's wrong on several levels... for you most of all.
When a man can have the affection of two women,and he's in a place where he's emotionallynon-committed to either, odds are he will try tokeep this situation going for as long as possible!
Not all men would do this, but men who are“unavailable”, as it sounds your ex is, can continuemultiple initimate situations at once.
You don't want to date a man that's in this placein his life... and I know because I've been this guyin my past!
NO AMOUNT of talking, experience or reasoning withhim can get him to feel the way you want him to feel.
You can't change a man's emotional depth and wherehe's at in his life.
“Getting him back” is a bad idea.
Rarely does this give you what you think you want.
It's a losing battle, and you're going to end upbeing hurt or upset again as you undoubtedly keepmoving farther and farther away from what YOU ideallywant and closer and closer to whatever strange andunhealthy situation he's creating.
If you feel like you HAVE to see this through, thenbe careful. You're going against the odds.
Don't be “that girl”.
And I promise that you'll ruin your chances ifyou think you can “convince” him to come back to youthrough shows of affection, appeals to his desiresor other “gifts” to bribe him.
I've watched this EXACT thing unfold so many times.
IT DOESN'T WORK!
Instead, you should think about the times you'vebroken up and the times you've seen that he wasn'tpersonally ready for a relationship.
Those things are as real as the strong feelingsand emotions you feel that keeps you coming back.
Use the issues and challenges you had togetheras a guide or a reminder of what's keeping you twoapart now.
And once you start doing this, I think you'regoing to be strangely surprised at what starts tohappen for you...
Once your guy notices that he doesn't have youwaiting around for him like a puppy dog to figureit out, while he's off doing god knows what withother women, there's going to be a big change inhis attitude and behavior.
It doesn't make “sense”, but that's how it WORKS.
**** THE CRITICAL SKILLS OF UNDERSTANDING MEN'S SIGNALS ANDIDENTIFYING GOOD MEN FROM “UNAVAILABLE TOADS”... ****
You've got to learn to understand and identify“EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE” men.
If a man doesn't know what he wants, he generallydoesn't want what he's got.
This may sound harsh, but it's the truth of thesituation. And even when it isn't completely true, it'sa good rule to go by.
A good man who is the right person and wants to bewith you will find his own way to his “Emotional Truth”.
If his truth is that he wants to be with you, or notbe with you, you have to respect that.
But I see women do it all the time.
The guy will be sending all kinds of subtle(or even direct) signs that he's not “available” orinterested in something “serious”, but the woman ignoresthem and just pays attention to the fact that he likesbeing with her when they're together.
In other words, she substitutes the physical connection,or even the occasional emotional connection, for thereal relationship she wants to be in.
WRONG!
Men have a different “love equation” from women:
A strong connection does NOT necessarily equal anyinterest in a relationship.
That's why it's CRITICAL that women learn to readthe signals that a man sends about where he's at.
Because he's surely not going to just lay it all outthere for you.
I promise.
If he does, write me an email, tell me all about it,and give me his mailing address so I can send him hisprize.
When a guy isn't interested in a relationship,and he's hdoing something like seeing other women, here'swhat most women start doing that makes things go frombad to worse...
They start trying to “fix” things, and “fix” the guy.
And then comes the “convincing” behavior, trying toconvince the man that they are the right one for him,and that because they have such a great connection, aloving “relationship” is the only right way to go.
I know, it sounds bizarre.
Why would a man have a great woman and a greatconnection with her that felt amazing when they weretogether, and not want a relationship?
I'll get to that later...
The thing I'm worried about here for you is thatin trying to get your guy back, you're making thesemistakes that are like “man-repellent”.
So I'll say it again.
You can't convince a man to want to be with you.
I don't know the specifics surrounding youroff-and-on with the ex, but it speaks volumes.
Especially when it's combined with him not “knowingwhat he wants”.
This is CLASSIC man-speak for “I'm not emotionallyavailable and I'm not ready for a real relationship”.
When he can't get in touch with his feelings andisn't open to exploring them, it's a text-book case ofunavailability.
I don't mean that he can't share feelings or somelevel of intimacy with you...
In fact, I'm sure he still likes to connect withyou when things are easy-going and he's not feeling“pressure” around you.
But your ex sharing his feelings with you caneasily confuse you into thinking that he is potentiallythe right guy and ready for a long term relationship.
I'm sure you've seen this since you've been backand forth with him. But when a guy is unavailable,he has a fear of getting deeper into a relationshipthat he knows he's not ready for.
In his own way he's tried to tell you this severaltimes.
Here's what he's saying:
Yes, I have “feelings” for you.
And no... that doesn't mean I want to be in arelationship with you and be faithful.
Take some time to think about the past with yourex, and then compare that to what will honestlymake YOU happy, and what kind of relationship youwant in your future.
If you're honest about it with yourself, I don'tthink he'll fit well into that based on his actionsand behavior.
Put more value on his actions, not his words.
Get back to the things that you enjoy, the placesyou like to go and avoid places or things you used todo or see with your ex.
Spend some time with your friends and give yourselfthe space you deserve.
The less you talk about your ex and this situation fornow, the better off you'll be.
And I think you'll be amazed at the results.
First, I think you'll just plain old feel better.
But even better than that, you'll be breaking theold connection that you had with your “x”.
And as counterintuitive as it sounds, breakingout of your old connection is actually the thingthat's going to change the situation for you the mostand help get you the results you want.
Right now, your convincing him and your wanting himback, even when he's with another woman, is making youcome off in all kinds of ways that men just don't respondwell to.
I know it seems like the best idea to keep tryingto stay in touch with him and keep the connectionalive.
But the truth is that you're just keeping this sameold situation alive by pumping your time and attentioninto it.
If instead, you step back and stop chasing him ortrying to convince him you're the right woman, you'llhave an opportunity to do something that can honestlybe ATTRACTIVE to him-
You first leave a space that he'll not recognizeand not understand, which will first get him thinkingabout you and then wondering why you aren't acting theway you used to.
Men love “new” things and curiosities.
Plus, you'll also be able to give him the spacehe's tried asking you for in his retarded emotioanallyunavailable “man-speak”.
Something funny happens when a man gets the spacehe asked for- If you do it in the right way, he's forced to dealwith himself and his own feelings to figure out thatall the things he is worried about, afraid of, fearfulof “committing to”, etc.
And being by himself, he'll see that these thingsare really just in his own mind - and not bad thingsabout YOU.
In other words - he won't keep taking all the old“stuff” from the past that wasn't working and keepidentifying it with YOU.
But you've to go know the way to “re-wire” theconnection once you've broken the old one.
And if you can do this, I guarantee he'll comecalling wondering about you.
In my ebook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”, I spellout specific ways to communicate with men that willhelp you build that new connection.
There are several psychological and behavioral“keys” that will help to open a man up.
And just as important, they will make him feelthat electric spark of ATTRACTION with you again.
I'm talking about the kind of attraction thatgets a guy feeling, at a deep level, that he wants tobe with you right now AND far into the future.
This goes for the “unavailable” guys too that seemto keep withdrawing and don't communicate much abouttheir feelings or what they want.
These guys are the toughest ones.
If there's just ONE PIECE OF ADVICE that holds morepower for women than any other when it comes to men, it'sthis concept of only dating emotionally available men.
In my ebook, I also talk about how to identify goodmen from the “unavailable” ones.
If you're dating, wouldn't it be great to know whatkind of guy you're dealing with FROM THE START?
And if think you're already got an unavailable guyon your hands, and you're wondering what you can do afterall the frustrating disappointments that have gone on...
There's AN ENTIRE SECTION of the book dedicated tohelping you both understand the emotional world of aman (yikes, right!) and how to lead him to a better wayof being with and understanding you.
So make the choice to do something about your love-life and create the situation you want in your life.
Go check out my ebook now.
You can download it and be reading it in just acouple of minutes.
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar.Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who was veryattracted to a particular man.
At first, he was just another attractive man...but the more she got to know him, the more she beganto feel attracted to him... and the more time she spentwith him, the more that attraction grew into a deepemotional attachment and affection for him.
But there was one problem.
As her emotional attachment grew stronger andstronger, she also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because she couldn't tell whether or not he feltthe same way towards her.
Sometimes he would talk to her and say thingsthat led her to believe that they shared a specialconnection, but nothing ever progressed past the“friendship” stage.
There was an occasional glance, an occasionalemail or call from him... and a few times, he evenopened up about something personal or emotional,and invited her “inside” for a little while.
But something was wrong with the picture.
He just wasn't acting like a man who was “fallingin love”. He was acting like a friend, but at times,even more distant than a friend would be.
And things seemed to be hot and cold. Sometimeshe would look at her and talk to her, and sometimeshe would ignore her and close himself off.
The insecurity that she felt from all this, becamea spiral that amplified itself... and the more insecureshe became, the more afraid she grew of “screwingthings up” or “scaring him off”, by startingconversations or asking him if he was interested inher and why he didn't ask her out.
Plus, the more insecure she became, the less timehe seemed to want to spend with her.
After spending days and nights obsessing over thisguy, the woman finally arrived at the conclusion thatif he only knew how SHE FELT, that he would feel thesame way.
So she made a bold move.
She TOLD HIM how she felt.
She confessed her feelings and let himknow that she wanted to be with him.
He responded by flirting with her and hespent some time alone with her, and they even kissedand held each other.
But soon after, he quickly withdrew, didn't callher and wasn't really “available” to her.
This only confused the woman more.
She didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that he really loved her too, butthat he was afraid of something?
Did it mean that he wasn't ready for a long-termrelationship?
Did it mean that he didn't love her, and thathe was trying to give her a hint?
Did it mean that she hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that she needed to put everything onthe line and REALLY let him know how she felt?
She finally decided that she couldn't go on likethis anymore... she had to be with him.
She had to make sure that he knew just how muchshe wanted to be with him... so she took a big step,bought him a symbolic gift and wrote him a letter...again confessing her feelings.
And then, something unthinkable happened.
Either he didn't reply at all... (Ouch!)
Or he replied and she connected with him on anemotional and physical level for a brief time, butthen he backed away.
Then she called him a couple of times, the followingweek before reaching him.
He made an excuse about being very busy and said,“I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go”...and hung up... but she never got a call back.
Over the following months, the woman tried desperatelyto understand what went wrong... and what happened.
THE END...
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heartwarming, huh?
I know; I should keep my day job, and not take-upwriting romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
But I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for lotsof women. A story that is timeless. A story that resonatesat a deep level, because you can IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate forsome women?
Because lots of women have been there in one way oranother... at one time or another... and many havebeen there OFTEN in their lives.
Another thing that gives this particular storya lot of power, is the powerful negative emotionsthat it stirs... as a result of the powerful negativeexperiences that it brings back...
Stories and situations like this one, really FASCINATEme.
They fascinate me, because I see them as an opportunityto UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation, I think there is asolution.
It lies in understanding a SECRET that lots ofWOMEN DON'T GET.
That secret comes down to the reality that if aman isn't ATTRACTED to a woman, all of her attemptsto confess her love, convince him to like her andcourt her, BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK; theyactually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a woman doesto try to make a man LIKE HER, make him NOT like her.
They make him run.
All of those great intentions and emotional dedicationactually cause the woman feeling them, to do things thatmake the man go away.
It sucks!
But it's a strangely common dynamic, that also takesplace inside dating situations and new relationshipswithout women (or men) really being aware of it, andunderstanding what's going on.
And I hope that by explaining the process of howthis happens to you, that I'll help you avoid this painfulsituation in your own future...
And maybe you can start to understand what's goingon a little better, if you think about what it's likewhen a man you're NOT attracted to, desperately wantsyour attention, affection and your time.
Have you ever had a guy pursue you?
As he's trying to get your attention, approval andaffection, all of his pleading and effort just seems tobug you more and make you want to get away.
Even if all he's doing, is telling you great thingsabout yourself and how he feels about you?
Strange and interesting...
Choices And The Paradox Of Attraction
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humansdon't always understand the message that we'recommunicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicatea message, that others are going to NATURALLY understandwhat we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a woman who dresses over-the-topsexy and wears way to much make-up?
Have you ever thought to yourself, “I don't thinkthat her appearance is communicating the message to menthat she thinks it is”...?
Yeah, I have too.
Well, here's the deal:
If you do something to “let a man know how you feel”... but he isn't open to the situation at that time, or heisn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling for the man, that Ilike to call the “Instant Ewww”.
The “Instant Ewww” is just as powerful as the physicaland emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a man feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a man feels the “Instant Ewww”, he'll start behavingdifferently.
In short, he'll back off or even disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the “InstantEwww”?
I got it from watching WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word“Ewww”, when describing how they felt about a guy thatwas “confessing his love”... and of course, these wereguys that weren't loved in return by the woman.
Men do the same kind of thing with a woman they'renot attracted to.
Often they try to be “nice” about it. They let theattention pump up their ego a bit, and then they createwhat is often an unconscious barrier in their mind,that closes off communication or contact with her.
And the resulting vacuum sound you hear, is what'shappening as any ATTRACTION and interest he might havefelt, evaporates.
So what causes the “Instant Ewww”?
And why would a man feel it, towards a woman whowas trying to be nice... a woman who was giving himattention, a gift or telling him how she feels?
Because if you think about it from HIS perspective,you'll realize that the moment you do something to“confess”, you've created a TURNING POINT in therelationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, men know when they are getting some “specialattention” from a woman.
And they usually know it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing him and talkingabout how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSIONthat can be VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that can actually repela man and make him even more detached from his emotions.
Here's the thing...
You can't “make a man like you” or “change howhe feels about you”, by doing nice things for him.
Doing “nice” things for a man who isn't attractedto you, HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it createsthe “Instant Ewww” feeling, that makes it so he'llperhaps NEVER like you.
Men are the worst at this, by the way.
They make this mistake over and over again in life,because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They'redoing it, because they don't have an understandingof ATTRACTION.
I mean, if you have a friend and you like them,and you want to make them like you more... and youdo some nice things for them, they will probably likeyou more.
On the other hand...
If you have a man that you “like” in a romanticway, and he doesn't “feel it” for you, and you dosomething nice for him, because you want HIM to likeyou more, it will BACKFIRE... and he will not onlyNOT like you more, but he will most likely distancehimself from you.
Women think that they need to communicate verballywhen they like a man... as if that's part of the necessaryprocess of getting a guy.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like him>Tell him you like him>He likes you
Well, remember... if you follow this pattern, yourself,with men who aren't already ATTRACTED to you, then it'sgoing to BACKFIRE.
If he's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
He thinks of you as a friend>You tell him youlike him>He gets the “Instant Ewwws” and withdraws...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer, is what to do if you're in asituation where you like a particular guy, but youdon't know if he likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HIM.
Don't buy him a big gift, do something nice to showhim how much you think about him or write him a loveletter...
Don't send him a note to his work that says,“From your secret admirer”.
Don't call him several times, without hearing fromhim.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for him.
If you want to know how he feels about you, dosomething to ATTRACT HIM and see how he reacts insteadof telling him you love him and hearing the cricketschirp as you wait for his response.
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier than HIM.Use SIGNALS from him to find out how he feels...and if you don't know how to read and create thosesignals, then LEARN.
Asking a man if he's interested in you in aromantic way, or if you are “his type”, will actuallyDESTROY the chances that his attraction and interestin you will grow.
Really.
The SECOND answer, is to not get into this particularsituation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoid it entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION from the beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamics ofhow and why men have the physical and emotional responseof ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doing FROMTHE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THAT skill?
I thought you'd never ask...
Well, I've written about attraction before and I'llwrite about it again.
In my eBook, I talk about some of the very best waysto learn how to make man feel ATTRACTION for you.
But above and beyond the meeting and attractingmen “stuff”, I also talk about how attraction, communication,psychology and emotions all play into the longer term“stuff” around dating, and creating a solid foundation fora future relationship.
In my eBook, I go deep inside the mind of a man to tellyou the secrets and truths that lots of women will neverknow about.
The eBook is called “Catch Him And Keep Him”.
I've spent several years now, studying the waysthat women (and men) who are “naturals”, communicate usingtheir words, voice tone and body language.
The way they integrate all these, makes them MAGNETIC tobe around. And you probably know what I'm talking about, ifyou know any women who seem “lucky in love”. Where everythinginvolving men seems to come easily and effortlessly to them.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be gorgeous or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANY womancan learn it if she wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out by “trialand error”. Many of the keys to making men feelATTRACTION and want to be around you for the long-termaren't “obvious”, at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... and they'rethe LAST thing you'd do in a particular situation,if you didn't know the SECRETS.
For more about these secrets, go check out my eBook.
It's jam-packed with insights, concepts, tips and secrets.
You're about to spend the most useful 5 minutesyou've ever spent on improving your future love life.
Read this...
There's something I want you to do that I KNOW willimprove your natural ability to read into a man'sbehavior and his mind.
And learning to do this homework could mean thedifference between being
HAPPY & IN-LOVE or LONELY & SINGLE.
Whoa... that's pretty intense - I'll tone itdown for a sec and give you something to take yourmind to off some of the potential negative stuff thatyou might be thinking about here...
Did you see the final Sex and the City episode whereCarrie went to Paris with her lover?
Carrie's in Paris with her boyfriend and beginsto wonder if she made the right decision to move awaywith this man who, deep down inside, she know's doesn'twant the same type of life and relationship she does.
As she makes this realization, her ex, “Big”,has flown to Paris from New York looking to reconcilewith his lost love after realizing his undying lovefor Carrie.
And of course, as with all good TV, the two findeach other by luck and fate, and Big finally professeshis love.
Talk about romantic, intense, suspenseful and fullof great drama!
Ok, I thought that might do the trick to warm youback up.
So what does the story of Carrie's love life have todo with YOUR love life?
More than you might think - but we'll get to that.
That's why this week I'm giving you a short homeworkassignment - and this is what could be the most valuable5 minutes you'll ever spend on your love life:
I need you to think about one of the first thingsI recognized about women way back in junior high -it's something I still see it today in our “grown-up”dating world.
Why don't women pick the right guys?
Or even more to the point - why do women pick allthe wrong guys?
If you've had your heart broken, been cheated on,or find yourself giving everything you've got inside,to get little or nothing in return, then you know whatI'm talking about.
****Right Now****
Take 5 minutes of time to yourself.
Tune the rest of the world out for just these 5 minutes.
Now, think about each of these questions for a minuteor two each:
1. What is it about “bad boys” or men that aren't“available” that is attractive to women? And to you?
2. Have you ever dated a guy even though you knewhe was a “bad boy” - or found out soon into things?
3. Is there a “nice guy” in your life who would make agreat companion but you're not attracted to or share a“connection” with?
Don't cheat yourself...
Stop, go back, make sure you take at least 5minutes of time and think about just these questions...
(Trust me - it's AMAZING what you can actually learnabout the world and yourself if you take a few minutesof silence to think just about ONE THING at a time. It'smaybe the BEST thing I ever started doing for myself!)
I'll give you some more time...
Ok, so you've thought about it. Let's share ourthoughts and compare notes.
*As a quick inside reminder:
This exercise is all about actively improvingyour ability to know what a good man looks likefor YOU and to help you pick ONLY the right men nowand in the future.
Picking the wrong men can get you in all kinds ofpainful trouble it's hard to get free of.
But for some reason, women don't want the guys whoare probably better relationship and love companions.
I'm not going to give you ALL the answers right now,but I'm going to lead you to finding the answers foryourself - as it's a much more effective way of learning.
So.... I'm gonna address the last question firstabout “nice guys”.
A friend of mine sent me an article that was on AOLentitled “What's Wrong With Nice Guys?”. Here's a littlequote from the article:
“...Do Women Date Naughty Guys but Marry Nice Ones?”
This notion sounds an awful lot like the irritatinggood-girl/bad-girl distinction that men continue tomake. Still, it does contain a nugget of sense. Sincewomen truly are conditioned to be “good girls,” sometimeswe feel uncomfortable with or guilty about that pureburning “I must have him!” feeling. That's why wesometimes seek out a bad boy to serve as the objectof these desires, says Cleveland psychotherapistBelleruth Naparstek, creator of the Health Journeysseries of guided imagery tapes. “In order for thedeliciousness of pure lust to be 'okay,' it has to befor the symbolic bad boy who has nothing to do withthe rest of your life. With him, you can crank up youranimal impulses, worry-free,” she says...
Interesting, huh?
My friend who sent it to me disagrees with theidea that women seek out “bad boys” because theyneed somewhere to project their guilty lust, and I agree.
I disagree that there's something “wrong” withthe fact that women are attracted to “bad boys”...
My friend also made the point that the “mainstream”psychology and behavior world is starting to acceptthe idea that women are attracted to “bad boys”.
There's something to the idea that woman don'tfeel that powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for “nice guys”who chase after them, dote on them and kiss up to them.
A woman might LIKE the experience of the “nice guy”doing nice things, but it doesn't CREATE attractionor a connection with the woman.
Ever.
Trust me, I know men who are the “nice guy” allthe time and they get so frustrated trying so hardto please a woman and get her interested.
But it's like trying to chew bubble gum to solvecalculus problems... It's hopeless.
And wouldn't you know it - it works the sameway for “nice women”. Being a “nice girl” can't“convince” a guy to like you just because you dosweet things...
It just doesn't work like that.
I've had women be the “nice girl” with me in thepast. There's two women I can remember from actingoverly nice and sweet to try and attract me.
Any attraction that was there started falling away.
THE TRUTH of the matter is - kissing up, convincingand being too “sweet” can kill attraction.
Why?
Our subconscious reacts in ways you often can'tcontrol and aren't very aware of.
Being too “nice” sends a signal to the “deep”part of the mind that tells you “this person isn'tdesirable and is lower status”.
I know, this might sound kind of dark, power-hungryor weird to you, but it's what happens with us humans.
People don't value what they can have too easily,whether they admit it or not.
Ultimately, when women are around “nice guys”,they end up unconsciously thinking, “This man isn'tdesirable, I shouldn't date or pursue this guy”.
(Ok, there can be another reason, but I won'tdisuss it here but it has to do with people whodevelop the “nice” persona due to what they feelthey personally lack, and thus “nice” people areself-selecting and are actually and less confidentand less attractive.)
In the nice guys defense - they might actuallyhave something better to offer a woman in terms ofwhat she SAYS she wants (love, trust, companionship,passion), but the women aren't able to see it - orsee it as something they want.
Why?
Women don't develop a connection to the nice guyand the “connection” is the MAGIC ingredient forattraction with most women.
Which leads us to the “bad boy”!
You might not agree with me, but women DO feelthat magical emotion called ATTRACTION for “bad boys”.
Of course, I don't believe that men have to bejerks, or abuse women in order to make them feelattracted to them.
But women have a deep attraction mechanism that'striggered by men who behave indifferent, superior,cocky, the list goes of “bad” behavior. You've seen it.
“Bad boys” often create inviting and intoxicatingforms of drama - often perceived as playfulness,sexuality and fun.
When I first talk to women about the bad boysubject, they jump ALL OVER me and completely disagree.
Then I ask them about some of the relationshipsthey've had in the past.
And guess what?
Most women realize in the course of the conversationthat they've dated men they knew fit the “bad boy”profile.
What makes me laugh is that the realization makesthem argue with me even more!
So why do women date and continue on with “bad boys”?
The answer to this question when I ask it towomen is almost UNIVERSAL.
“We had a great connection”.
Some women call it “chemistry”.
The magic of a connection with a man can beextremely powerful. Often powerful enough to undoall sorts of reasoning abilities and ways of perceivingthings.
Women picking and staying with the wrong men isthe single biggest mistake I see women make. It's themost common reason why the thousands of women I hearfrom can't find the love and fulfillment they'relooking for.
But there's help...
I talk about these and other concepts in detail inmy eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him”. You can get yourhands on a copy of Catch Him And Keep Him at my websiteand be reading it in just a few minutes from now.
Plus, you can get it at what is at my risk-
Why don't you try the book for a week so you candecide if you want to keep it?
If you don't like it, just let me know and I'll refundall your money immediately.
Honestly, I think you could learn more in a few hoursreading the book than most women might learn in their wholeLIVES about how to meet and attract men the rightmen AND what the specific steps are to develop an amazingrelationship he won't ever want to come to an end.
Like when the connection you and a guy shareis so strong that something inside you just tellsyou've got something real and special.
That connection and chemistry is almost impossibleto describe to someone who doesn't have it, butit's even more impossible to ignore when you've gotit.
Even if you know the guy isn't the right kind ofguy to be wanting to settle down with.
You can't stop thinking about the man and theconnection - it's like a spell over the both of you.
Infatuation, crushes, connections, chemistry or eventhe “L” word.
That's right, LOVE.
At one time or another, one of these have had almostmagical powers over you that make you see, feel and actin ways you never would have before.
Well, believe it or not, there's other magic waiting foryou beyond connections or chemistry when it comes to men,dating and relationships.
The best part is that you've got your very own kind of“magic” up your sleeve that you can tap into whenever youwant and use it for your own immediate benefit.
What kind of magic and what kind of benefits you ask?
Using this magic could mean the difference betweenfinding out any major issues a guy has before theybecome a real problem OR getting your heart broken andnever have seen it coming.
Let me ask you...
Have you ever been with a guy and he seemed to have itall together?
He was caring, loving, generous, present and aware andyou had such an amazing time together.
But then some of his issues popped up out of NOWHERE.
Maybe his issues were some of the dreaded and commonones we predictable and difficult men go through likethese:
- He started getting restless and he talked about howhe wasn't really ready to settle down.
- He didn't see things getting as serious as you did.
- The connection started fading. He didn't try toconnect to you much anymore and share his intimatefeelings.
- You weren't a priority. He wanted to spend his timewith his friends or other people and didn't value the timeyou spent together like you did.
- He started flirting, talking to or even gettingtogether with other women even if he wasn't technically“cheating”.
Recognize any of these?
What's going on here?
Here's where your “magic” comes in.
(When I say “magic” in this case, I mean somethingthat will give you perception and insights intosituations before and while they're happening)
OK, you might already be thinking,
“Has he lost it?”
“What in the world is he talking about MAGIC for?”
“Who believes in that stuff anyways?”
I'm with you there...
The magic I'm talking about here isn't thatfar out stuff about conjuring up spells or changinginto an animal.
Let's leave that kind of magic to Harry Potterand your imagination.
The magic I'm talking about is different andexists in the real world, but it's just as amazing.
And it centers around an important idea-
*You instinctively know more about what's goingon in the world around you than you or your consciousmind fully recognizes.
Wow, getting pretty heavy here.
Don't worry... I'll bring this back down to earthand land the plane quickly. And that's where this willget fascinating...
Here's the kicker-
You ALREADY HAVE this magical ability.
All you have to do is tune into it.
Easier said than done, right. So how does that work?
This “magic” is something that comes “pre-wired”in your brain because of the way your consciousnessand your subconscious mind is hooked up to the restof your complex body systems and senses.
So the good news is that this ability is therefor you anytime you want to use it.
But the bad news is that you have to take timeto fully tune into it and recognize your ability. Kindof like a practice.
Music is a good analogy for this - You can't justpick up an instrument and start playing, right?
But once you start to become more aware of theinstrument, the music and how to play, things startto naturally fall into place.
Sounds, melodies and rhythms just start to flow outof you while you're in the moment.
It's like they appear out of thin air and nothingcould feel more natural. And your mind is able to processall the information coming at it and use it to anticipatewhat's next.
Well, this is EXACTLY what this magical ability ofyours is like.
Your mind is constantly picking up on informationfrom your environment, even when you're not reallyconscious of it.
And all that information is being “processed” overand over to try and calculate the risk, danger, andexpectations from your environment to try to find a waytowards the outcome you want.
So let's get to it. What is this “magical” ability?
And why am I talking about it?
Well, I'll start with what the ability is...
**INTUITION**
You're probably already familiar with the word.
But stop right there...
When you hear the term “intuition”, it's easy toattach all of your previous feelings and beliefsabout it and dismiss it as some kind of new age “flaky”stuff.
I hear you, but indulge me here by keeping an openmind for a few minutes- I'll make it worth your while.
How?
Well, to put it simply, you'd be cheating yourselfby not spending the couple of minutes or so that ittakes to open your mind to the natural power of yourintuition and how to tune into it.
And that couple of minutes could help you solve someof the age-old challenges women have about knowing andunderstanding what's really inside a man's heart and mind.
I mean, it's not like men make it very easy for women,right?
I don't have to tell you, but MEN ARE BAD COMMUNICATORSwhen it comes to their feelings, emotions and intentionsaround love and relationships.
So knowing that men are often this way, you have achoice here:
You can either do nothing about it and continue to beshocked, frustrated, surprised and hurt by the things youfind out about men after the fact.
Or...
You can start to create a more perceptive and insightfulway of being in your own life and relationships by usingmore the natural intuitive abilities you already have.
Which one will it be?
Cool... so you're ready to tune into your ownintuitive ability.
Good call - let's get rolling.
Using Your Intuition With Men And Dating
Using your intuition might be the best, and insome situations the ONLY, way that you'll be ableto see through all the external “behavior stuff”going on with a man and get to the truth of what'sreally happening inside his mind and what his behavioris when you're not around.
Like when a man plays hard to get, or he doesn't callyou much or initiate, or when a man gets close and thenwithdraws from you right after.
Why do men do this?
For each one of these I've got some interestinginsights and theories that can help.
But...
From my perspective, there are some extremelyimportant concepts that you need to understand beforeyou can really “get” where a man is coming from orunderstand what his behaviors and issues are all about.
First, you need to build your foundation ofunderstanding and make sure your own personal beliefsystems aren't all mixed up. If they are, there's no wayfor you to see the real “cause and effect” around you.
You'll just see what your mind is fearful and afraidof, and it will only pick out and see what it knowsfrom the past.
Which is usually is a result of a few things you'veexperienced before.
Including good relationships, bad relationships, pain,broken trust, destructive behaviors, etc...
Humans learn in all kind of fascinating ways, butnot all of them produce decisions and conclusions thatreflect the reality of what's actually going on.
That's why I find belief systems so fascinating. Ourminds basically act as giant pattern recognition machines -which can either lead us to right or wrong conclusionsand ways of perceiving our environment.
But let's bring this back down to earth...
Do you know anyone women close to you who've haddifficult relationships in the past?
And now they often have unfounded and negative fearsabout any man around them?
Their past experiences have had a huge impact ontheir personal beliefs and how they see themselves andthe world.
Anyways, before I get even more off on a tangent-
I've got to get on with it, so I'll need to give youabridged version. In other words, the very shortest routeto get away from counterproductive thoughts and beliefsyou might already have and onto positive results.
Here are some of the most important concepts you'llneed to keep in your mind as you move towards listeningto and using your intuition with men:
1. Men Don't Make Sense
All those frustrating things that men do that don'tmake any sense to you as a woman will NEVER MAKE SENSE.Stop trying to make sense of them for yourself. Tryingto make sense of a man in your own terms is entirelycounterproductive and gets little or no results otherthan you becoming increasingly frustrated.
There's a better way.
2. You Can't Figure Everything Out
Have you ever REALLY hit it off with a guy but after afew weeks or months, even though things seemed great,the man pulled away and starting acting distant and cold?
Most men, at one time or another, do things like thisthat are ridiculous and impossible to figure out. SoEXPECT to NOT UNDERSTAND everything a man does. If you canbecome more comfortable with the idea of not knowingeverything about WHY a man does what he does, then you'llfeel a strange sense of calm relaxation - along with anincrease in your own self-confidence.
I'm not saying that it's OK for a man to do whateverand that you should accept any negative and withdrawingbehaviors without bringing it up and confronting it.
You absolutely should take notice and make mention ofthese things when you see them.
But the more relaxed and positive you can think andfeel around these things, no matter what the man is doing,the sooner you'll stop fighting everything in your mindand start creating better situations for yourself.
It's frustrating and counterintuitive, but acceptingwhat's going on and moving forward from that realityin a positive way changes the whole frame of the situation.
But some women get stuck in the “I need to understandwhy he does this and THEN I'll figure out what to do, thinkand feel” mindset.
This almost never leads to clear thinking and positiveaction. Remember, men don't make any sense. So don't dependon their actions making sense for you to develop your ownopinions, judgments and next steps.
Pay attention to your gut, what you want in your lifeand what you know is right instead of rationalizing andfinding a way for it to all fit together and be OK.
3. Ask Yourself Questions, Be Patient And YourIntuition Will Talk
Your intuition talks to you through feelings, images,and bodily sensations such as “gut feelings”. Learn topay attention to what these are trying to tell you andwhat's going on when they pop up in your mind.
Maybe you're being more open and relaxed when thoseintuitive gut feelings come to you - so try to get backto that place more often. This way you'll end up beingable to tap into your intuition more often when you needit.
If you don't think you have a strong intuitive sense,simply try asking yourself more questions and keep themmulling around in your mind.
When you've got something in the back of your mind,something amazing happens without you even trying.
Your brain takes notice and uses all your senses tofind any sign or trace of information that relates toyour questions as you go about your day.
It's kind of like a search running in the backgroundon your computer - even though you're doing somethingelse it doesn't stop looking.
After you've asked your questions, your mind willstart sending you ideas, feelings and images withoutyou even thinking about it. But sometimes this takesmore time than you'd like.
Finally, your intuitive voice will eventually justpop up and start to give you hints and informationwithout you even asking for it. And then it's up toyou to pay attention, acknowledge it and make good useof it.
4. Think Positive - Don't Fill Your Mind With FearAnd Doubt
Some women end up worrying almost obsessively thatsomething is wrong or going badly with a guy they'reinterested in or dating once they see some negativesign or pattern.
And once this happens, they want to know what's goingon so intently that they start letting their negativeand obsessive thoughts take over.
If you want to be able to use your intuition, you needto start interrupting that voice in your head that's the“fear-monger”.
You know the one - that voice that's always worryingjust to try and keep you safe and protected.
The thing is, you can't find the truth in a situationif you if your mind is buried in your fears and doubts.
Just like how overly arrogant people can be misledby their false sense of belief in themselves.
Keep a balanced and objective mindset.
5. Start With Smaller, Less Important Questions ForYour Intuition To Answer
If your new to using your intuition or you'reconcerned with if or how to act on it, start with smallerthings that might be less important - like whether ornot you should go away for the weekend or if your friendwill like the gift you've been thinking about for them.
That way, you can be practicing and learn to use yourintuition without doing it in high-risk or high-pressuresituations. This will help you develop your abilities andbecome more comfortable to trust what you find with yourintuition.
6. Act On Your Intuition With The “Long-Term” In Mind
Years ago I had a huge learning experience when itcame to using and listening to my intuition in the rightway.
The situation came up when I was worried that a fewpeople I worked with, who were my managers at the time,we're talking about me and scrutinizing my work moreclosely than they had before.
Feeling and sensing the scrutiny, I immediately feltworried about my job and wondered if they were thinkingabout letting me go.
The company had laid off several employees a few monthsbefore, so I began to think that their extra attentionto my work must have something to do with another roundof cost-cutting.
Anyways, aside from my own professional insecuritiesat the time, my gut told me that something bad was coming.
So what should I do?
I was really worried.
I decided to push myself even harder at work to tryand show them how valuable I was in hopes that I wouldkeep my job. But that uncomfortable and nervous feelingin my stomach that came with my intuition about theirscrutiny of my work stayed with me for the next severalweeks.
Well, it turns out that my managers were watching meand judging my performance. But it wasn't for the reasonsI feared.
A few weeks later I was called into a meeting with themanagers who had been watching me closely.
Walking down the hall to the meeting, I had a lump inmy throat and a turning stomach.
My intuition was leading me to the conclusion that thiswas it - I was getting fired for the first time in my life.
I couldn't believe it.
So I walked into the meeting feelings anxious, defensiveand tense.
As I sat down, one of my managers could immediately sensemy discomfort and asked me what was wrong.
Without provocation, I immediately started defending myjob and showing my insecurities.
My emotions got the best of me and I even said a fewnegative things about the managers themselves, as I wantedto place what I saw as equal blame on the managers for thecompanies problems.
They quickly stopped me once I started into these issues.
Then they let me know that they had been watching myperformance because they wanted to put me in charge of anew division. They wanted to be confident in their decisionso they paid extra attention to my work to be sure - andnow they were.
I breathed a huge sigh of relief and my mood completelychanged.
End of story.
Thinking back, my intuition had alerted me so that I'dbe aware of what was going on.
But the mistake I made was taking that information andusing it to justify my own fears and insecurities.
If I would have taken the information, been patientwith it and applied it towards my goals in a positivecontext, then the entire experience knowing that themanagers were watching my work would have been fun andenjoyable.
But I didn't use my intuition to see my way tosomething better, I simply used it as a means to worryand stress myself out.
So all this talk about intuition.
How does it really apply to the men in your life,dating and relationships?
Well, take a man with some of those common negativebehaviors we were talking about earlier-
- fear of intimacy - inability to commit - flirting, cheating
Intuition can help you see past these things andunderstand them in the larger context of the deeperreal “psychological and emotional stuff” that's hidingbeneath the surface.
Your intuition could even help you cut through aman's ego and persona to get to the real person that'shard to find.
I bet you've known a man who other women think wouldnever settle down or have a sensitive side. But you'veseen that this actually does have more long term intimatefeelings and emotional attachments buried underneath.
Intuition is probably the best tool for being able toidentify good and bad qualities in a man - and knowingthem for what they are.
A man's external or surface behavior and attitude canbe very different than his deeper desires and intentions -as you probably already know.
Some men are, unfortunately, just good at playing thepart of an emotionally stable, available and loving guyfor a while, even if they aren't.
So it's really up to YOU to learn to get to the“deeper emotional truth” of any man you're interestedin or dating.
And yeah, I know men can be sooo frustrating forwomen.
In a better world, men would be able to tell youhonestly and sincerely where they were at.
But as you know, MEN SUCK sometimes.
They can be HORRIBLY out of touch when it comes tofeelings and emotions.
So if you're constantly surprised, blind-sided orconfused by what people around you do, (most of all men)then it's time to get in touch with the amazing intuitiveability you have waiting for you.
To take your intuition to the next level - the moreyou already know the better.
For some of the best knowledge out there on what's insidea man's mind, how to identify good men (or the wrong guys),and to read more about the common behaviors most men have whenthey're either smitten with a woman or desperately unable toget it together, then check out my ebook “Catch Him And KeepHim”.
Here Are The Top Ten Reasons Why Women Keep Themselves From Living The Love Life Of Their Dreams— And How To Make Sure You Avoid Every One Of Them...
MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life On His “Potential”
Do you know any women who want the manthey're dating to behave differently?
Of course you do.
And just like me, I'm sure you have friendswho date guys who don't have much going for themor who don't treat them very well.
Somehow these women always have an excusefor the guy's shortcomings.
What's going on here?
It's actually very simple.
Women (and men) don't base their choices ofmen on how “nice” or “good” someone is to them day-to-day.
Women choose the men they do because theyfeel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them.
And guess what?
Some women will continue to put up with aguy that doesn't treat them very well.
Sometimes for months or years...
But why in the world would a woman do that!?
Well, to put it simply, they confuse thestrong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper “connection”.
Women who do this are doomed to end upin failed relationships with the “wrong” guys.
How do I know?
Because I've seen it at least a hundredtimes...
And because I've been this guy in the pastmyself.
Thinking back on past dating and relationshipsI've had, I was selfish and didn't offer much.
I'm amazed the women put up with me.
But they did...all the while hoping thatI would somehow change.
The women I dated hoped I'd change.
The only thing they saw in me that ledthem to want to keep me around was the “potential”they saw in me to share my feelings and communicatewith them.
The potential for something better andthe potential for me to change and be a betterlover, boyfriend, companion or whatever...
The truth was, I was hopelessly bad at thesethings at the time.
And more importantly, I wasn't even at a placein my life where I knew how to or was interestedin developing a deep and committed relationship -with ANYONE.
But deep down these women believed that ifthey tried hard enough, that it would make upfor what was lacking.
They believed that I could become someone elsewith them.... and that this would be easy for usboth.
Talk about a losing battle.
It doesn't make a lot of “logical” sense...
But until you accept that lots of women dothis AND that YOU could be doing it on some level,you'll NEVER have the success with men that youchoose and want.
MISTAKE #2: Assuming You “Get” Men & Their Psychology
Men are different from women.
You need to accept this fact, and deal with it.
When a woman sees a man, she can very quicklypick apart certain things about his style, bodylanguage, status and character that will tell herall kinds of things about him.
Lot's of women don't even consciously see thatthey do this because the process is so obvious andsimple for them.
But does the same apply for men?
As you probably already know, men are generallymore visual.
As a result, they often don't understandnon-verbal communication as well as women.
And men often lack what women have in emotionalawareness and “intuition”.
Women don't seem to remember this about men.
So do men feel sexually attracted to w0menbased just on looks? Or is something else going on?
Well, after studying this topic for years now,and talking to thousands of men and women, I cantell you that men have their “attraction mechanisms”triggered by things OTHER than looks.
Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.
Looks just happen to be the most obvious way...
But looks are NOT the most powerful.
If you know how to use your body language ANDcommunication correctly, you can make men feelthe same kind of powerful sexual attraction toyou that YOU feel when you see that hot, greatlooking guy that you got to know.
But it's not an accident.
You have to LEARN how to do this.
And ANY woman can learn how...
MISTAKE #3: Pretending To Be Something For A Man
In the desire to please a man, women areconstantly doing things to get a man's attention,to get him to like them or to make him moreattracted or in love with them.
Another HORRIBLE idea.
Lots of women mistakenly think that doingunusual things to try and get a guys attentionwill make him magically see what a great catchthey are and want to be with them.
Wrong.
Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted tothe types of women who kiss up to them, makeweak plays for affection or complain to getwhat they want... EVER.
Don't get me wrong here. Things like beingsexy for a man or encouraging him to share hisfeelings can be good, but it has to be genuine,unselfish, and most of all timely.
You don't have to act like an “easy” womanfor men to like you, and you certainly don't haveto play like he's some gift to the Earth.
Doing these things actually works to subtly,at an subconscious level, lower your social statuswith a man, which has EVERYTHING to do with howhe sees you as a woman.
So if you think that making him more attractedto you means “playing to the man's fantasies” fromthe start, think again.
You'll never succeed by looking for a man'sapproval, finding your way into his heart throughsex and not being yourself.
MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You “Feel” Too Early With Him
Another huge and unfortunate mistake thatmost women make with men is sharing how they“feel” too early on.
Listen...
Attractive, single, successful men are rare.
They get a LOT of attention from women.
Most women don't realize this, but attractive menare being approached in one way or another all thetime by women.
And guess what?
Attractive wen have usually dated a lot of women.
That's right. They have EXPERIENCE.
They know what to expect.
And one thing that turns an attractive men offand sends him running away faster than just aboutanything...
It's a woman who starts saying “You know, I really,REALLY like you” after one or two dates.
This signals to the man that you're just likeone of those “clingy” stereotype women who wantto rush into a relationship and can't controlyourself from wanting a man to fulfill them andcomplete their lives.
This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man.
Don't do it. Lean back. Relax.
There's a much better way...
MISTAKE #5: Misreading The Important “Signals” That Men Send
Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves.
Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are.
The signals men send have 4 main levels:
1) Social: Where the man is at in his own life - stability, confidence, direction
2) Emotional: Whether or not he's “emotionally available”
3) Physical: If he's attracted to you... and for what reasons
4) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future
The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely on accident.
That's great news to women...
Men can't help it!
You need to learn to recognize these signals toget anywhere serious with a man.
MISTAKE #6: Relying On Your Natural Ability To Judge A Man's Character
People aren't easy to figure out.
Especially men.
The last several years of my life I've spent hundreds of hours learning to understand people.
I've studied peoples behavior, “inner psychology” and more specifically how they think and act when they're dating.
From what I've seen, both men and women have their own secret ways of saying things.
But you can only see these secret communications if you know what to look for.
Women communicate with hints, body language, sarcasm, and flirting when they're first getting to know a man.
They can either directly or indirectly let men know if they're open to something more serious.
Men are different.
Men generally communicate with sarcasm, humor, cockyness and other “indirect” displays of status.
VERY RARELY will a man be able to honestly communicate to a woman whether or not he's ready or capable of developing a meaningful relationship.
Aside from their sexual interests, men send very indirect signals about where they're at.
If you don't know how to read through the signals men send, then you'll get the wrong message.
Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around.
You can avoid this pain if you learn toindentify a good man from a bad one.
MISTAKE #7: Expecting A Relationship To Make You Happy
A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled.
And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens.
But those are the exceptions, not the rule.
Nothing says “Run!” to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her.
And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there.
Think, “controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!”
So let me be clear...
I think it's important that people help fulfill each other in their lives, whether it's dating, a relationship, whatever.
But if a woman communicates that she's looking for a guy to take care of her, complete her, make her whole, and all that kind of stuff - it has a VERY negative effect on what the man will think of her.
It doesn't have to be spoken by the woman either...
If a woman thinks or feels this way, the man will see it and pick up on it, regardless.
This is arguably the worst thing a woman can do early on when dating a man.
So what can you do as a woman?
You can get the man interested and involved in your life in a more “natural” way, where he'll be motivated to make you care about your happiness and fulfillment on his own.
This is the only way it really works for people - male or female.
Self-motivation is much stronger than external motivation.
But you have to know how to create this situationwith a man... and it rarely happens by accident.
MISTAKE #8: Trying To “Convince” Him To Like You Or Love You
What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like... but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious?
Right! They try to “convince” the man to feel differently.
Well, I have news for you...
YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN “FEELS” WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION!
Never, ever, ever.
You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with “logic and reasoning”.
Think about it.
If a man doesn't “feel it” for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being “reasonable” with him?
But we all do it.
Men are the worst at this by the way.
They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts.
Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man.
She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him.
When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches.
Bad idea. Another one that will never work.
MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What To Do In Each Type Of Situation
A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman...
And I don't mean just sex.
I know, it might be hard to believe, but if you're out on a date with a man, he already has an idea of what he wants from you.
And if you don't know HOW to find this out, and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help!
If you don't know what to do in each situation,you'll probably screw it up... and LOSE EVERYTHING.
MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help
This is the biggest mistake of all.
This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.
I know, you don't like to make yourself look weak or helpless. We don't like to ask for help.
Hey, I've been there myself.
Let me tell you a little about me.
Over the last few years it's been hard to watch the women around me (even those I dated) struggle to understand the men they were attracted to or dating.
It frustrated the hell out of me and I made the decision to do whatever it took to help the women I knew learn how to be successful with men and dating.
Well, after a lot of hard work and doing all kinds of crazy things to learn the real-world truth about men and women, I finally figured things out for myself.
I've read hundreds of books on psychology, human behavior, dating/relationship advice for men and women, love, attraction, communication, and more. The list goes on.
I can now approach just about any situation with dating and feel confident and understand everything that's going on in an interaction.
Best of all, I've been able to share my knowledge and help women become more successful with men and dating.
It's been a very rewarding experience, and it's how I became fascinated with the female perspective in the dating world.
I've helped women get rid of that sick, insecure feeling... the one you get when you're lonely, you've been hurt or lied to, or when a man you have feelings for says “he's not ready”.
You don't have to be afraid you might wind up being lied to, cheated on or that you'll end up alone.
I Now Have A FREE Email Newsletter...
But the really great news is... after several years, helping woman after woman, I now publish a free email newsletter that teaches any woman how to DRAMATICALLY increase her success with men and dating.
I'd like to invite you to sign up.
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share you're email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself with no hassles. (And no, I'll never pull any of those tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junkmail when you try to remove yourself.)
Of course, it even get's better than that...
In addition to my free email newsletter, I also have an amazing downloadable eBook that you can download right now and be reading in literally MINUTES.
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming your fears, meeting men, great ideas around first dates, cheat-proofing your relationships, and how to take things to a closer “emotional” and “physical” level smoothly and easily.
To sign up for my free newsletter AND download your copy of this online eBook, just go here:
In this day and age of “instant gratification”, I realize this might just sound like another late-night info-mercial promising to make you wealthy and retired by next week.
Well, that's not the case.
I've spent a lot of time, effort, and energy studying, observing and understanding this area of life.
I wanted to design and create a book that ANY woman could easily understand.
Something you could start using IMMEDIATELY to meet, attract, date, and get close with a great guy.
I want to help you create an amazing relationship with the right man... without having to deal with all the wrong men, be “manipulated” or experience the pain and loss I've helped other women avoid.
I now believe that ANY woman can be more successful with men and dating, and I get emails every day with success stories from women. They've taken what they've learned and found great guys and are growing meaningful relationships.
I know, I know... a book that can teach a regular girl how to be more successful in the dating world?
No way.
Well believe me, this will DRAMATICALLY increase your success, comfort and happiness when it comes to men, dating and relationships... I absolutely guarantee it 100%.
If you'd like to take your success with men and dating to the next level, and find how to create the foundation for the relationship that you've alwayswanted, then go here:
This time I'm sharing a question from a readerthat I know you'll be interested in...
>>Question From A Reader:
I purchased your e-book last night and have beenreading it. Wow! But I admit I skipped to someparts to get to others that I thought I needed toread first...and now I'm going back to read theentire thing. I wanted to share something with youfirst that struck me.
I have made the mistake of admitting to a friendthat I have feelings for him - more than afriendship. We have been intimate with each otherabout 3 times. Everything was fine until Imentioned my feelings to him. I wasn't asking himfor a relationship...but he took it that way. Ihave since then been pouring my heart out to himand pretty much looking insane.
Is there any way to save it? I know he hasfeelings for me.
Please help...and tell me how to reverse thedamage I have done.
Thanks so much
T.
>>My Thoughts:
WAKE UP GIRL!
I've got to slap some sense into you for yourown good.
I'm going to skip some critical stuff herebecause you've got my book.
But go back to Chapter 6 and read each sectionagain.
Your fears are taking over your emotions...which in turn is driving the behavior that yourguy is responding negatively to.
You've stopped steering your life emotionallyand you've let go of the wheel.
Go to Chapter 7 also, about the Emotional Gap,and read about “How To Set Yourself Apart From Other Women.”
But I've got some new ideas for you too...
There's an important scientific word I want youto learn and remember:
“Duh”
You OBVIOUSLY have real feelings for him -you're sleeping with him!
And I'm willing to bet you had these feelingsall along, but you just weren't completely upfront about them.
You're situation is possibly the WORST kind ofuphill battle a woman can have with a man earlyon.
It's a BIG NO-NO.
Actually, it's THE big NO-NO in the earlydating stage.
Using purely “physical attraction” to start apotential relationship.
So rarely do I give rules, but here's anabsolute RULE when it comes to men -
You can go from a committed and deeprelationship to something “casual” or physicalwith a man.
For a man, that's relatively easy.
But it almost impossible to go from the“friends - with-benefits” situation to a deep,fulfilling, intimate and lasting situation.
If you know what I'm talking about here say“Amen!”
I know this first hand.
From my own love-life and from TONS of men andwomen I've known in my life.
So here's the “RULE”:
DON'T EVER try and start things with a man at acasual and purely physical level if you EVER wantthe option for something more meaningful or long-term.
Men don't work this way, like it or not.
And don't try to get a man BACK with physicalattraction and sex either.
It's a dead-end street.
So here's the first thing you need to do...
Go read my book again - and this time finishit.
Then read it 2 more times.
Just buying it won't help you.
The worst part of this is that you're smart andyou know better - I can tell, but I guess you'rejust a glutton for punishment.
And I can't see why you're surprised with howfrustrating your situation is.
Because you helped create it with your ownchoices.
But you're still not getting it, so I'm goingto give you the crash-course in the kind of datingthat leads to love and happiness that you need.
Here goes...
1. KNOW YOURSELF AND WHAT YOU'RE AFTER
You said you “made the mistake” of admitting youhad feelings for him
It's NOT a mistake to share your feelings witha man.
It IS a mistake to share your feelings with aman too early and in a negative context.
And you made both of these mistakes because youset yourself up for failure here.
How?
By choosing and “tolerating” a situation thatjust doesn't work for you.
So INSTANTLY you become the nay-sayer andantagonist for the story you chose to live out andthe role you signed up for.
At least that's the way your guy probably seesit.
One minute you're blissfully happy in hisembrace, and then a day or two later your feelingsof content have turned to fear and desperation...
All because of a “talk” you wanted to have withhim.
Ok, I'm riding you a bit hard here, but it'sfor your own benefit.
Instead of being open with yourself about whatYOU are truly after, you pursued some kind of“friends with benefits” strategy to get thingsmoving.
I don't believe that this kind of relationshipcame about because of any part of who you reallyare.
That's why you're freaking out.
You thought you could handle it.
You thought you'd get something out of it.
And for a minute it was fun.
But then your feelings snuck up on you.
And eventually you were reminded of what you'rereally after with a man and what you value.
Right now you have two pictures in your mind:
One picture is of this “casual” thing going on.
And the other one is what you actually want.
The two pictures are so radically different andfar apart from each other, that it's no wonderyou're acting “insane”.
Your expectations are COMPLETELY out of linefor what you're ACTUALLY doing with this guy.
It's time to stop creating situations in yourlife that you KNOW won't make you happy orcomfortable - even if they feel good in themoment.
2. FIND YOU’RE PERSONAL STANDARDS &REQUIREMENTS... AND THEN STICK TO THEM
Starting things with a man in this “casual sex”way, is a SURE-FIRE way to ruin your odds ofcreating something more meaningful in the future.
I'm a guy.
I know.
But more importantly, getting into a “casual”situation with a man you might want to date, has aVERY HIGH potential to make you FEEL AWFUL.
So...
Unless you're one out of a hundred thousandwomen that gets “swept off her feet” by an open,caring, great communicator, who makes moving intoa committed relationship effortless... then you'regoing to have to start asking yourself somequestions about what you really want from yourlove-life.
And find some answers...
And then... oh my god... actually be honestabout them from the start.
Here's an important question to ask:
WHAT ARE YOUR NEEDS?
And I mean YOUR needs.
Not what you're accepting, or tolerating, orhoping to get from a man just because there'snothing better around right now.
Be clear here and think it through.
I'll give you a minute...
Most women I know who are casually dating, havea set of unconscious requirements that have to bemet for them to be able to enjoy the process ofdating.
But they rarely recognize these requirements,or communicate them in an appealing way to a man,that also speaks to his needs.
So they end up in a situation that is anythingbut what they were looking for.
Here's a few of these “must haves” that womenoften aren't honest about at the start:
That any man they're involved with, in any way,isn't dating or still involved with another woman
That he's open and ready to explore a seriousrelationship once they get to know each other
That he shares some the same values andpriorities in his life that she does - or can atleast appreciate and support her values
Here's an example of “stereotypical” female valuesin order of priority:
Love -> Trust -> Intimacy -> Connection
And here's one example of “stereotypical” malevalues in order of priority:
Financial Success-> Adventure-> Freedom
See any area for conflict and confusion aboutwhat's important if these two people got together?
Interesting...
So how in touch are you with your REQUIREMENTSto feel good when it comes to men and dating?
And how do you communicate these to a man?
Do you do it indirectly through frustration andanger when your requirements aren't being met, anddo it AFTER THE FACT?
Or do you do it directly and in a positivecontext as things are getting started, so you'rein sync from the get-go?
Think about it for a second...
I'll give you more time, because this one'simportant...
Remember, 99% of the time, a man is NOT goingto make the right decisions for you.
He won't be able to magically recognize andmeet all of your needs or values.
Sticking to your standards helps you show a manhow happiness works for you.
3. RADICALLY REJECT BEHAVIOR THAT DOESN'T MEETYOUR STANDARDS
After observing and studying how our mindswork, I recognized something FASCINATING a fewyears back.
When we're in a negative situation with someonein our life, we're there because we're gettingsomething out of it behind the scenes.
Here's what you're getting out of the “casual”thing...
You get a safe and risk free path to get closeto this guy.
Even though you're not too close at all.
Also known as “working it from the 'friendzone'”.
So for you, you get your needs met by gettingclose and intimate in a way that seems, at first,to be REJECTION or ABANDONMENT FREE for you.
After all, how vulnerable would you be if youshared what you REALLY were looking for up front?
Then you might end up feeling disappointment orloss.
Or be unable to continue the “friendship” thatyou have right now.
And maybe having to start over alone mightactually be worse in your mind than havingsomething crappy that you're “tolerating” andfighting with a man about.
If you look deeper, you'll probably see thatyour desire for something more was there all alongunderneath the surface.
But you didn't want to share it for fear ofscaring him off or getting hurt.
This may sound harsh, but you've got to beclear and direct with a man if what he's doing isnot up to par with where you need your partner tobe.
You have to show a man what a woman wants andneeds, because he probably wasn't born knowing itlike you were.
And do it in a way that rejects the BEHAVIOR,not him personally.
My favorite way of thinking about how to dothis, is to be like a “velvet hammer”.
Strong and assertive, but warm and gentle atthe same time.
The funny thing is, that as tough and as“bitchy” or self-centered doing this might soundright now, most men respond MAGICALLY to a womanwho does this in the right way.
Why?
Because it sends a strong UNCONSCIOUS signal toa man that the woman is in CONTROL of her life andher world.
There's nothing that triggers more intense“long- term” attraction in a healthy and matureman, than a woman who he CAN'T control and doesn'tget thrown off center when her needs aren't met.
Using the “velvet hammer” also has anotherAMAZING benefit that women don't oftenrecognize... or they don't even see as a benefitat first.
It WEEDS OUT the guys who DO need to go away,because they're never going to get their acttogether in the first place, or just don't wantto.
A large percentage of the time, the man willstop communicating or go away for a short while.
But here's the best part...
With the “good guys”, that you probably WANT tobe with long-term, something FASCINATINGhappens...
They come back around.
And even better, they've done all the leg-workthemselves to be a better partner... in a way thewoman could have never fixed or convinced him todo, no matter how hard she tried.
4. WHAT CREATES DEEPER ATTRACTION AND “LOVE” WITHMEN
Ever heard of “approval seeking” behavior?
It's when we try and do and say things simplyto get a positive reaction or judgment aboutourselves from someone else.
Well, it's a HUGE MISTAKE to make with a manearly on.
Your need for your guy's APPROVAL is your worstenemy right now.
To him, what your doing is actually thecomplete OPPOSITE OF ATTRACTIVE.
I'll give you an example to explain...
Have you ever seen what it looks like when aman is shamelessly seeking the approval of awoman?
As he's just getting to know her and he seesthat she hasn't completely made up her mind towant to be with him, what does he do?
He buys her gifts.
He calls her all the time.
He offers to do favors and errands for her.
All these are attempts to prove to her thathe's good enough to be with her or to get herattention.
This is also known as the “really nice guy”approach.
Women just never seem to quite “feel it” forthe super nice guy.
Of course, some women disagree and like to tellme that they really like nice guys.
Here's my take...
A guy can already be attractive AND do nicethings.
Agreed - you CAN be attractive AND do nicethings.
But doing nice things DOES NOT make aman more attractive.
If a woman wasn't really “feeling it” before,no amount of nice guy behavior will win her heartover.
It just doesn't work that way.
With me here?
Instead of making her feel attracted to him,what actually happens inside a lot of women when aman is taking the “nice guy” strategy?
Somewhere deep down she starts to lose RESPECTfor him, because she knows she can CONTROL him.
The woman doesn't consciously choose toexperience this, but it's how she FEELS.
And feelings are the most powerful things wehave to drive our beliefs and desires.
Ever stopped to think that the same thing mightwork in reverse between a woman's behavior and aman?
Interesting...
I've got a FASCINATING question for you.
Guess what one of the most common, central,human experiences is that we all feel when itcomes to LOVE?
Give up?
It's a LOSS OF CONTROL.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, thinkabout a love you've had in the past, or friendsyou know who have been head over heels in love.
Or pick up a book on the physiological andpsychological effects of love on our minds andbodies.
There have been lots of great studies.
Crazy stuff.
Anyway, our minds work obsessively on thoughtsabout the other person when we're in love.
We think and plan to do all kinds of things forour lover.
Part of why we do this is to try and find thebest way to get or share love back from the otherperson.
Some of this is beautiful and positive, but notall of it.
Some of what we do is to think up ways to tryand CONTROL the other person, so they won't everleave or take the love we're feeling away.
The classic adolescent example of this is whena girl wants to break up with a guy, and the boyfalsely threatens to kill himself if she leaves.
I'm not making light of that horriblesituation, but it's a good example.
Nod your head if you know what I'm talkingabout and you get where I'm going with this.
What I'm doing here is showing you the subtleconnection between LOVE, and the LOSS OF CONTROLexperience.
Now let's tie it back to approval seekingbehavior...
How does approval seeking effect LOVE?
And what does it have to do with CONTROL?
For men, approval seeking behavior KILLS thespark that comes from the uncertainty of notknowing exactly how the women he's with is goingto think and act.
What does a man have to think and wonder aboutif he's got complete certainty about everything awoman's going to do?
Do you think a man feels intense desire, loveand respect for a woman he can completely control?
Or when her behavior is totally predictable?
And what if she starts acting predictablyNEGATIVE?
Think about it...
It's this “natural tension” and challenge ofnot having CONTROL and uncertainty that createsstrong ATTRACTION in men.
“SO WHAT DO I DO ABOUT IT?”
What most women ask in situations when a manisn't responding the way they want him to is...
WHY is he acting this way and how do I makesense of it and “fix” it?”
Well, you can't “fix” a man.
And I really feel for you if you're one ofthose women who are trying.
But you CAN change a situation and the FEELINGSthat a man is having for you.
You can change his EXPERIENCE with you.
The toughest and most important thing tounderstand is that men's behavior and thinking inthese situations aren’t at all LOGICAL.
In other words, how a man reacts doesn't makeANY “sense” and doesn't follow any rhyme orreason.
So of course it baffles and frustrates womenwhen they run it through their own “sense-makingfilters”.
Let me ask you a question...
If you were an attractive man, would you wantto find a woman that you had to TEACH how to makeyou attracted and feel good... or would you want awoman who just “got it” on her own... “naturally”and it flowed?
Duh. (there's that scientific word again)
You'd want the woman who already “got it”.
So more likely than a conspiracy against women,men just naturally respond to women who GET IT,and DON'T respond to women who DON'T.
So let's talk about these concepts a little bitmore.
Attraction and wanting to be with a woman, isabout a man perceiving that he and a woman are“naturally compatible” because his emotional andphysical sparks fly when he's around her.
NOTE: I did NOT use the word “logical” here.
Attraction and wanting to be with a woman longterm is NOT the result of a man meeting a womanand then thinking to himself:
“Let's see...she's got a good job, works hard,and is a really good person... Hmmm, I think thatwe have some natural attraction going on here.”
WRONG.
For a man, attraction and the desire to be witha woman, and stay with her, is either THERE, or itISN'T.
There's no two ways about it.
If it isn't, he's not FEELING it.
Unfortunately, most women think:
“Well, if things aren't going great, it must bebecause he doesn't know something that I know, orfeel something I feel. I think I'll explain tohim logically from my point of view how he needsto feel like I do... and then he'll get it andknow how and why we should love each other.”
If you're doing this, you need a majorrefresher on how ATTRACTION is created and how itdrives the feelings of love and long-term desire.
My ebook “Catch Him & Keep Him” is chock fullof great examples of how to trigger what I call“Intellectual Attraction” in a man.
In other words, the kind of attraction thatgets a man to “naturally” open up, share himselfand think about the future with a woman.
You can learn to avoid the mistakes most womenmake with a man that keep him from experiencingintense feelings of Intellectual Attraction.
And get specific ideas on how to begin tochange a situation by creating this attraction.
Here are a few specific sections in the book:
Chapter 3, Section 1: Be Honest About What YouWant
This will get you on track with how to stopbeing fearful about dating, scaring a man off, andhow to share your feelings at the beginning in away that will build Physical and IntellectualAttraction instead of having him withdraw.
Chapter 3, Section 5: The “Convincer”
Here you'll learn the common behavior andcommunication style lots of women take on, that issure to have a man acting “unavailable” andbecoming less connected.
I describe how and why this happens in thissection and in the following section about thecritical “Relationship Balance” that existsbetween every man and woman... and what to doabout it.
Chapter 5, Section 4: Emotions Are Contagious
A woman's emotional power can be her greateststrength or her biggest weakness. I talk about thedeeper “psychology” behind your emotions, how menperceive the most common emotions women gothrough, and how you can channel your emotions tohave a man see you as someone he HAS to be around.
Go to the link below to check out more.
And by the way, here's one more piece of goodnews...
I've made it so that you can download my ebookcompletely free of charge and try it out for 7full days.
No tricks.
No schemes.
Try it for free.
I'm so sure that you'll love it and that itwill truly help you and make you feel great aboutwhere you are, that I'll let you decide whether ornot you want to pay for it.
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I realized something important this weekabout how men think and act.
It's that men who pay attention and thinkabout the feelings they have, why theyhave them, what they mean and how to talkabout them are RARE.
And it's even more unique and specialfor a man to pay attention to his feelingsin relationships with women and to be ableto talk openly about them.
So like everyone else, I like to thinkthat I'm special.
But am I really different than other men?
Ok, I'm hoggin the newsletter for myself,my ego is getting carried away...
Here's what I want to talk to you about-
Why can't men talk about their feelings?
It's like they're helpless morons whenit comes to knowing and sharing how theyfeel with you.
And why do men react so weird when youwant to talk about things like issues,emotions, relationships, commitment, marriage?
The answer is pretty fascinating but hasmore than one simple dimension to it.
Let me ask you...
Have you ever asked a man how he feelsabout you or your situation and then hestarts acting all freaked out?
He turns into a deer in headlights.
Or even worse, he starts getting angryand frustrated and turns the conversationback on you with unrelated problems or issues.
Well, you've run into the BRICK WALL guyshave with relationship communication.
And guess what?
It's YOUR fault!
Yep, I'm not letting you shift theblame to someone else for what mattersin your life.
As some of my more enlightened friendslike to say:
“Don't go to victim”
If you know someone can't communicatea certain way, it's up to you to find abetter way.
Then once you can reach them you canhelp them improve.
As the saying goes,
“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and shame on me.”
So are you continuing to bang your headagainst the brick wall?
Shame on you!
Lots of women do - all their lives overand over in relationships until they'vebecome convinced that men are idiots andyou can't ever make things work.
Quit it for cryin' out loud!
There's a better way, but you'll neverfigure things out just trying what makessense to YOU.
Don't be RIDICULOUS!
(here's where I get all up in your face!)
Planning and approaching issues in yourlife just by what “makes sense” is not onlynaive, it's honestly pretty stupid.
That's why people go to school, they goto college, they study and read, they gothrough job training and THEN they go outand make a go of it.
So how much thinking, planning, readingand learning have you done around the thingsthat effect your relationships and your lovelife?
Maybe you picked up the latest best-sellerby some publishers daughter on something dumblike how swans mate and are monogamous and youand your guy can be beautiful and happy likeswans in love too...
Hey, not a bad idea. Maybe I'll write abook about that.
Not!
Seriously though...
Are you banging your head against the wall?
Or are you looking to learn?
Here something fascinating to learn...
Men have a “SECRET BUTTON” you can pushthat will make communicating with them almosteffortless.
And if you learn what it is and how to useit you'll be able to get at what he reallythinks and feels... and teach him how to talkto and understand you.
So let me take you through a situationI guarantee you've either been in before oryou'll be in with a man...
HELLO!
That means pay attention because this isone of those “universal situations” that canmean priceless knowledge for you.
Let's say your talking with a man you'reinterested in and you want to take things to“the next level” but you don't know how.
And you've been waiting on him to talk toyou or express his interest or love for a while.
But he hasn't done that, and you get a littledisappointed and frustrated with things.
You've tried being patient and talkingwith your friends but you've got to know howhe feels and you need things to move forward.
So what do you do?
Well, most women build up everything they'rethinking inside until they have to let it outin one big emotional release.
And guess what men see when this happens?
No, they don't see how much you care or lovethem and how amazing it is that you want to bewith them.
Somehow instead of seeing the good and thepositive intentions you have, they see intensenegative emotions that they can't understand.
And men get scared of emotions that arereally intense or that they don't understand.
Most of all, they just aren't used to them.
So when you share your feelings and want toknow his feelings for you, he freaks out.
He either becomes the “deer-in-headlights” guyor the “angry-frustrated-scared” guy.
Most women do what makes sense in thissituation - they push and encourage the manto talk, to get in touch with his feelingsand to share HER feelings.
But men don't see it as positive encouragement.
They see it as you being “over-emotional”and pushy about the issue.
(Yeah, I know... Men are freakish emotional creatures!)
When you resist or react negatively in anyconversation, everything becomes more difficult.
And the WORST mistakes you can make here witha man I call the 4 Deadly Sins:
- Assuming - that he knows what you want or expect - Begging - for him to “give you” what you want - Convincing - trying to make him feel the way you do - Bullying - bullying him into your way of thinking orfeeling.
You will never have any long term success witha man if you keep doing these.
You'll be beating yourself against the “BRICKWALL”.
So what's the “SECRET BUTTON”?
Well, remember that there's a catch to allimprovements in your life, right?
So the same goes for this button thing.
You’ve got to make it happen by changingYOUR communication first in order to push hiscommunication button.
It’s up to you to get a man’s fears and defensesout of the way so you can get to the bottom of things.
And getting past the masks men can wear withwomen out of fear is the essence of “pushing the button”.
Here's the 5 basic steps I've recognized that youcan use to push his “secret button”. And I'll give yousome examples to give you a general idea of what theseare as best I can in a short newsletter:
Step 1) The Primer
This is a the “starter” for the conversation that willbuild an entirely positive context - and it might seemlike something you could skip, but it's actually themost important step. It might be something like startingoff talking with positive comments about the time you'vebeen spending together and some of the great times you'vehad. The idea is ALL about setting the right context soa guy becomes positive, comfortable and opens up.
Step 2) Casual Introduction
This is the first step into “where things are going”.Instead of springing “the talk” on him, keep talkingabout positives, the good things, the things you wantto continue that are WORKING. If you don't have toomany of these things, think harder. You're interestedin a future with this guy for some reason, right? Butdon't just compliment him. Make sure it's about BOTHof you, and how you are together, not just about him.
Step 3) Applying With Positive Strokes
So now you're tuning into each other a bit in theconversation and sharing thoughts about the goodthings you have together.
Then tell him, “Hey, you know what's great? I bet youand I see things differently, which is OK, but I lovespending time with you and we have such a great timetogether”.
Again, you’re getting into a conversation aboutrelationships that will eventually turn to your situation,but you’re doing it in a way that doesn’t trigger anyresistance or fear from the man - and this is whatyou’re aiming for.
Step 4) Non-situational Honesty
Step 5) Active Listening
Step 4 and 5 are a bit more complex so I'll save themfor another time.
But steps 1, 2 and 3 are a lot to work with andget you thinking.
If you follow these it will blow a man away
AND even better... it will create massive ATTRACTION!
Yeah, imagine that.
By talking about serious relationship “stuff” youwon't scare a guy off.
No, you'll actually make his attraction for youSTRONGER.
How?
Well, men secretly wish that they had women thatthey felt completely open and comfortable with to sharetheir feelings, thoughts and desires on subjects theyusually have a hard time with.
It feels REALLY good to talk about things,especially if they've been bottled up!
I bet you've felt that too.
When you push the button for a man, he experiencesa kind of open and honest communication “release”.
And the more intense the topic or issue is, themore amazing and “freeing” the experience is.
For men, there's nothing tougher and more foreignthan getting really in touch with their emotionsand sharing them with someone.
When you're then one to do this, men almost can’tbelieve it.
They instantly see you as someone unique, rare,and “cool”.
And when you can talk about tough issues in away that makes them easy and fun and you have theright amount or “detachment” from the outcome, itmakes men EXTREMELY attracted to you.
So what exactly are these 5 detailed steps to pusha man's communication button?
I talk about each step in detail, exactly what to do,and the common mistakes to avoid in my eBook: “Catch Him And Keep Him”
I'm about to tell you something about love thattons of men are going to be angry at me forsaying...
I'll be “letting the cat out of the bag” withwhat lots of men REALLY think and feel when itcomes to lasting love and relationships.
And why they're so often afraid of it, orjust bad at being in one.
But, let me ask you something first:
Have you ever been in love?
I'm not talking about the “obsessive-psycho-can't-stop-calling-him-jealous-of-his-girlfriend-think-you're-getting-married-and-he-barely-knows-your-name“ love.
Sorry, you're on your own there...lol
There's a term for that - a “bunny-boiler”,like in that movie Fatal Attraction.
No, that's NOT the love I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the kind of love where youand a man connect and feel for each other on sucha deep level that it's shared in all kinds ofgenerous and intense ways.
And did you know there's a secret to love?
A secret that can help a man get rid of hisfears of commitment and turn around his inabilityto share his affection and deeper feelings withyou?
Well, there is.
I'll get to exactly what the secret is later inthis email.
But think about this...
The reality is, most people have no real-worldidea of how love is encouraged, begins, evolves,and sometimes fades away.
We just know how it makes us feel and that wereally want it.
I might sound cynical, but I think that howmost people react to the other person in theirlove life is more like an “emotional stop light”than anything else.
Stop. (red)
Slow down or speed up. (yellow)
Go. (green)
But our feelings, motivations and “inner-psychology” aren't wired this way.
When it comes to love and its complex effect onour mind and body, there's a whole lot more to it.
So using the behavioral and emotionalequivalent of a stop light isn't going to cut itwhen you're looking to create a loving and lastingsituation.
Here's where I'm going with this...
If you take the time to learn about what loveactually is to our minds and bodies, and morespecifically how men perceive and experience love,then your odds of success (happiness andfulfillment) go WAY up.
So let's get started.
THE MAGIC OF THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There are a few stages to love.
The first, and by far the favorite, is thehoneymoon stage we all know about.
As I see it, the honeymoon stage is basically50 to 100 times LESS important than any otherstage because it's where all relationships startand thrive.
But a majority of relationships start fallingapart or end once the honeymoon is over.
For lots of couples, love starts out as anintense “can't-be-apart-stay-up-all-night-talking-and-touching” experience.
When you're in love, you probably think aboutthe guy ALL the time and want to spend everypossible moment with him.
And you and your guy share an intenseconnection.
The chemistry is so thick you could cut it witha knife.
And the world, people, colors, smells...everything seems brighter.
The attraction level is unbelievable.
The honeymoon stage does some crazy things toyour body too.
Here are a few of the “Love Symptoms” that comewith these chemicals in the honeymoon stage:
- heightened awareness (your senses)- reduced appetite- increased heart rate- increased energy level- an increase in your sex drive- feelings of euphoria (intense happiness)
Actually, I'm kinda feeling this way right nowafter my third cup of coffee here at Starbucks.
Anyway...
So that's the first stage of love we all knowabout, want to be in, and want to keep going.
It's no wonder that the honeymoon stage isoften the easy part.
But there's a simple and unpleasant fact aboutthe honeymoon stage...
If you don't know what's going on with a man ineach stage of love, and what you're doing and howhe perceives it, all the great parts of thehoneymoon stage won't last forever.
WHAT MEN THINK ONCE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
I get emails everyday from women wanting toknow how they can “get back” to where things werewhen things started with a man.
They remember how things used to be and wonderwhy they can't be that way now.
So they ask themselves...
“Why is he so distant?”
“Why doesn't he share his feelings anymore?”
“Why don't I feel close to him, and why am Inot getting my emotional and other needs met likeI used to?”
So why is this so common to so many women?
I've recognized what a big part of it is.
CHANGE.
When things are good, or more to the point,comfortable or predictable in our lives, we DON'Tlike the idea of change... at all.
In any relationship, after the initialattraction, mystery, intrigue, etc. passes and thehoneymoon slows, guess what?
Things start to change inside a relationship.
Whether you like it, or not.
And both the man and the woman are responsibleto know how to see it, think about it and dealwith it.
And here's where TONS of women run into a wholeset of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE thoughts and SELF-DESTRUCTIVE behaviors.
They get caught up in an almost hopeless battleto try and prolong the honeymoon stage and theease by which they could connect and share withthe man.
Especially when they don't see that the man isnoticing or making the same efforts that they are.
This usually shows up with things like thefollowing (tell me if any of these soundfamiliar?):
Noticing that a man isn't as attentive oraffectionate anymore, so you pull back to see ifhe'll notice and close the gap, but he doesn't andso you withdraw, leaving nothing but distancebetween the two of you
Trying to CONVINCE a man to FEEL some way or actsome way he used to or you want him to, which ofcourse doesn't work because you can't “logically”make someone FEEL an EMOTION, and it all ends upbackfiring as he sees you as needy or “nagging”and pulls away more
You start “trading” him for the normal caringthings any couple should do for each other. Youonly act open or affectionate if he does somethingfirst. You only initiate things physically if hedoes something first, etc. The list goes on...
Recognize anything here?
Well, unfortunately, these common behaviorsactually work as a special high-grade form of“man-repellent” in a relationship.
When men sense the emotionally uneasy feelingthese create, they most often do one thing with awoman...
WITHDRAW.
And they start their own weird emotionalversions of the same kinds of destructive anddistance-creating behaviors.
The truth is, every woman is going to gothrough situations that are going to make her wantto react in these COUNTERPRODUCTIVE ways.
But there is a better way...
THE DANGEROUS SECRET OF MEN IN LOVE
So what comes after the honeymoon stage?
And how can a woman stay close and connectedwith a man so they both transition into the nextstage together and enjoy it?
And why do so many relationships fall flatduring this time?
The next stage in our emotional love cycle iswhat scientists have called the “bonding stage”.
This second set of feelings and experiences arethe “settle-down-raise-a-family-spend-time-cuddling-watching-movies-together” ones.
They're all about bonding, attachment, comfortand more long term stuff.
I've been thinking about one big importantquestion that I know tons of women want to knowabout which relates to this.
We all know that lots of men can have a hardtime staying connected and close to a woman afterthe honeymoon.
When the intense physical attraction changesand things become more “emotionally involved”.
Lots of times they'll become distant, boring,unpassionate, lazy, or ever worse...
Unfaithful.
Yikes.
With all this going on, the question is...
* Once you have love, how do you make it last?
Here's where I'm going tell you the secret thatmost women don't know about men and love.
And it has to do with keeping things goingstrong once “the honeymoon stage” is over.
Men have a dark secret they won't tell youabout on their views of love.
And for most men, they couldn't even tell youif they wanted to, because they don't even know itabout themselves...
It's also something that most women can'tunderstand about men.
I know you've wondered about it in the past andeven said it to yourself.
Well, you were right.
Most men know about 1,000 times less than youdo about real lasting love.
About communicating about love, experiencingit, sharing it, feeling it intensely, keeping itgoing... all of it.
And hey, maybe that wasn't such a secret toyou... but you're finally hearing it from thehorse's mouth. (a man)
Seriously though - we men can be idiots when itcomes to being open and close with our partners inlong term relationships.
We don't understand some of the things thatseem natural, intuitive and obvious to most women.
And we often stop paying attention to theimportant aspects of a relationship, includingconsistency in communication, affection, honesty,you name it.
I see it all around me, and sometimes withinmyself too, as a man.
But the reality is that this is just the tip ofthe iceberg.
Here's the thing...
Some men weren't brought up with a real clearidea of what else there is to love besidespassion, sex, social status and maybehaving a family.
Which leads me to another secret about men inlove...
Deep down, men expect love to stay in the“honeymoon stage”.
Think about it.
For lots of men, the honeymoon stage IS theonly part of love they've ever even thought aboutor identified as being something they really trulywant.
I'm talking about the chemistry, the attentionand the ATTRACTION here that so often drives menCRAZY and has them acting in ways they'd beembarrassed for their guy friends to know about.
That's why, for so many men, when the“honeymoon stuff” isn't new anymore, they thinklove and passion have all but disappeared.
And the truth is, for lots of men, they don'tknow what else love is about... so they start tothink that maybe this really isn't what theythought it was.
Men at this stage often say things like:
“I guess she's NOT the one.”
Or...
“I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with heranymore...”
Or...
“She's not the person she used to be when wemet, and that 'spark' is gone.”
A LOT of this can be chocked up to the factthat the man AND the woman aren't feeling all theintense honeymoon “stuff” anymore.
And less mature, non-committal men plainDON'T KNOW what is “supposed” to happen, and howit works as love moves into the bonding stage.
They often end up making terrible ordisappointing boyfriends or companions.
Scary, huh?
WHAT CREATES A LASTING CONNECTION WITH A MAN -BEYOND THE “HONEYMOON STAGE”
There's something FASCINATING that I recognizeda few years back as I was studying and observingbehaviors inside relationships.
Some women actually had an EASY time inrelationships with men, while other women NEVERdid, no matter what they tried.
In other words...
Being close, committed, passionate, intimate-these were all relatively simple and almosteffortless for some women to have in arelationship.
While other women had to fight, argue andSTRUGGLE just to try and share the things theyfelt, were “the basics” in any relationship.
Here's the thing...
The women I knew who were the most successfulat finding and creating what they wanted in theirlove lives with men all had a few KEY TRAITS or“habits” in common.
In other words, there are several specificactions and behaviors that these women do insiderelationships that make a man FEEL close anddeeply CONNECTED to them.
After studying these things that some women do,and others don't do with men, I've boiled themdown to two basic “relationship skills̶.
And these two things directly relate to wheth1era woman will have a strong, close and secureconnection or “bond” with a man beyond thehoneymoon stage...
Or if the man will start to questioneverything about the woman he's with and theirrelationship, and close off.
1. THINKING AND COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN IN HIS“EMOTIONAL CONTEXT”
I learned something that works in every area oflife by studying love and relationships.
People who are great with people andrelationships tend to communicate in a way that istargeted or aimed at the OTHER PERSON'S point ofview, experience, and level of understanding.
Translation: if you want to really connect witha man, then HIS LEVEL of "“emotional awareness”becomes YOUR CONTEXT for conversations about loveand relationships.
Otherwise, he's not going to “get” or respondto anything you're talking about.
And everything you say and do to try and gethim to understand you, and make him feel or actdifferently, will BACKFIRE.
And he'll become MORE DISTANT and LESS OPEN tocommunicating and understanding YOU.
And yeah, I get that a man SHOULD get most ofthis stuff that you probably already do about loveand a relationship if he's in one with you-
But if he doesn't... don't make the FATALMISTAKE tons of women make here by trying toCONVINCE him of what you know and feel, to be whathe needs to think and feel also.
Assume a man has no idea of where you'recoming from when you talk to him about somethingyou'd like to be different in your relationship.
Let me teach you a trick I learned by watchingwomen who are great at communicating with men inrelationships...
An easy way to get in touch with his level ofawareness and where he's at, is to ask him what hethinks about the relationships of the couples youboth know.
You can learn a TON about how a man thinksabout dating and relationships this way...
And learn how to approach him and communicatewith him as a result.
2. EMOTIONAL “INVESTING” (NOT SPENDING)
A while back in my life, I started looking atrelationships more like investments in people,instead of a way to get a pay-off for myself.
Investing usually means that you give upsomething big to get a little back consistentlyover time.
In other words, you don't expect an immediate,greater or equal return for what you're puttingin.
It has become the Golden Rule that I've learnedabout people and relationships that helps keep mehappy and sane:
“You'll always give more than you'll get - butit doesn't “cost” you anything to give... so keepgiving without any immediate expectation.”
So yeah, I'm saying for you to be the person tomake things happen.
Take the fate of your love life into your ownhands.
Be generous, take action, surprise him and bespontaneous instead of waiting for him to do itwith you.
I know this can be tough and frustrating.
If you're like most people, then you wantsomeone to just “get you” and give you the kind oflove and attention you crave.
But if you can separate what you want from whatit takes to create it, you'll find that doingthese things will get you RESULTS.
And you'll see that doing the things THAT WORKcan be like magic with a man...
If you know what they are.
If you learn to trigger the responses andfeelings that make a man feel MORE than physicalattraction, and instead feel a deeper, moreEMOTIONAL ATTRACTION, men can instantly becomemore open partners and lovers than they ever werebefore.
And here's the best part...
These effects can LAST - if you know how tokeep these interactions going.
There's a way to share with a man, that won'tfrustrate you, leave you feeling unappreciated andleft doing all the work.
It might seem like it sometimes, but you don'thave to “carry all the weight” in a relationshipwith a man just to be close and loving.
In fact, this is a HUGE MISTAKE tons of womencan't keep themselves from making.
But, if you want things to be different andeasier in the LONG TERM, then you're going to haveto learn what to do, and when to do it, when itcomes to men and dating.
The BEST way to figure this out is to startunderstanding and identifying the signals andbehaviors men send out.
Reading these signals, and knowing exactly whatto expect in each critical situation from firstdate to a real commitment, can let you growtogether from stage to stage smoothly and withoutconflict or the insecurity of uncertainty.
My eBook, “Catch Him And Keep Him” talks abouthow men act in each one of the different stages ofdating and relationships, and what their behaviormeans at each critical moment.
It will give you REAL WORLD insights into whatmen think and feel, and what you can and need toexpect, in the following areas:
- First dates
- Sharing deeper emotions and feelings
- Getting physical or intimate
- Having “the talk”
- Working out relationship “issues”
- Creating a spoken and lasting commitment
You can learn to spot the “silent” or indirectsignals men send out about what they're thinkingand what they're really looking for.
You might not see it now, but a man wants youto understand these signals and “get” him.
Especially if you're going to have a seriousrelationship that LASTS.
But you can only do this IF you know what tolook for.
If you want to learn more about how to keep thepowerful and emotionally addictive feelings of thehoneymoon stage going after the honeymoon is over,and how to turn that into a lasting connection andrelationship - then check out my ebook.
There's an entire section on the “psychology ofmen” when it comes to attraction, and how and whya man will commit to a long term relationship, orNOT.
After looking through literally thousands ofbooks and research on the subject, I feelconfident that my eBook is the world's best “REALWORLD” reference and guide to understanding menand dating.
It will show you EXACTLY how to meet andattract a great guy, what to do and not do, andteach you step by step how to create a foundationfor a relationship with a man that will befulfilling and LAST.
If you learned just ONE thing that got you onyour way to creating a happier and more lovefilled relationship, wouldn't it be worth lookingat?
I'd say so.
In fact, I'm so sure that my ebook willDRAMATICALLY IMPROVE the quality of your lovelife, here's what I'm going to do...
I'm going to let you check out my eBook FREEfor 7 days.
Read it, think about it, use it, try it out,and dig into each and every section and exercise.
Then... once you've been through it to see ifit really works for you, decide if you want tokeep it.
If not, just let me know and you won't becharged for anything. Period. No questions asked.
You literally have nothing to lose here -
And EVERYTHING in love and connection to gain.
I'm 110% confident that you're going to love myebook and you'll want to tell your friends allabout it - just like the literally thousands ofwomen who have already downloaded and read mybook.
Go here now and check out the details anddownload your free trial:
If you've ever wondered about what draws a manin to connect deeply with a woman early so hecan't help but want to see her again (for morethan just a fling) then keep reading...
I'm about to share secrets about meeting andattracting great men that some women know butwon't tell you, or can't explain.
You're also about to hear insights into howattraction, dating, and relationships honestlyworks for men, and what to do about it.
Here we go...
Have you ever noticed that just talking to menfor the first time, getting to know each other,and exchanging contact information can turn intosome kind of impossible puzzle or “game”?
And the more you think about it or about tryingnew things, the more you just want to avoid thewhole thing?
It's frustrating and annoying, right?
Does it have to be so much work?
Can't we both just be ourselves and get pastall the tricks, games, etc.?
Well, the truth is, it doesn't have to be suchan ordeal and seem like such a game... if, and onlyif, you know how attraction works for a man.
I'll repeat that.
It doesn't have to be a game IF, and only if,you know how attraction works for HIM.
Notice that I didn't say how attraction worksfor YOU.
Have you ever thought about how attractionactually works for men, and how it could bedifferent than how it works for you?
Well, then let me ask you...
Do you know what makes the difference between aman flirting and perhaps feeling some “physicalattraction” for you, and a man that becomes almostinstantly connected and attracted to you on adeeper physical AND emotional level?
I'll give you a minute to think about thequestion...
Got it yet?
Give up?
The thing is, lots of women THINK they know howthings SHOULD WORK with men, but their idea or“strategy” just hasn't seemed to work out so wellin their long, and sometimes disappointing,relationship history.
And the crazier part is that most women neverreally change their ideas or “strategies” on howthey go about finding and creating love,connection, and commitment in their lives withmen, even when they just aren't working.
So what's the answer to the question from aboveabout what makes that difference?
I'll share the answer with you in just aminute, but first I'd like to talk about HOWATTRACTION WORKS around first impressions andearly on in the “casual dating” stage.
Then we'll look at the “deeper” kind ofattraction a man can feel for a woman and talkabout some specific “how-to's” that will instantlytake your love life to a more fun, resistance-freelevel as you and a man get closer and closer.
CREATING A DEEPER LEVEL OF ATTRACTION AND A GREATIMPRESSION RIGHT FROM THE START
Have you had several relationships fall apartin the past, the same way with different men?
And when it happened, did you start to thinkthat all men have a common set of problems or“issues” that they can't see for themselves, letalone do anything about?
Well, if you recognize this, then odds areyou've also had that fear and doubt in the back ofyour mind that there was also something wrong withYOU here, not just with him.
And, unfortunately, you also blamed yourselffor some of HIS problems and shortcomings.
Ouch! Don't go to that negative place.
The truth is that you're not alone, and thegood news is that it doesn't take months or yearsof therapy to find your own understanding of howthings really work with men, and to stop being sohard on yourself about it.
And it doesn't take months of intense schoolingor training to change your love life for thebetter and get back to that open, connected,loving place that you know is there for you with aman.
Let's talk about how things often work in thosefirst encounters between men and women, and what'sgoing on underneath the surface here... becausefirst impressions are VERY IMPORTANT.
Why?
The short explanation is that men make almostINSTANT JUDGMENTS about how they feel about awoman right when they first meet them.
Everything that happens after a man has a firstimpression of a woman logged in his mind gets“filtered” through that impression, and it colorsalmost everything he sees and feels.
So what impression are you making?
Do you know?
And what impression is the best one to make?
Let's start with the basics and look at thesituation early on when a man asks a woman for hernumber.
When this happens, for a man, it generallymeans one of several things:
“I think you're interesting enough to see againand find out if I could be attracted to you...”(not feeling much attraction or connection yet,but curious)
“I had a great time talking and I'd like to do itagain sometime...” (likes the conversation andattention, but he doesn't “feel it” yet, eventhough there's a “logical” or rational connectionor bond with things in common)
“I'm physically attracted to you, and I want tohook up with you, but I haven't really thoughtabout anything else it might lead to or mean forme...” (feeling just a physical attraction, withno thoughts or conscious intentions beyond gettingphysical)
“I feel attracted to you, and maybe “somethingmore”... so I want to see you again to explorethese feelings and find out what you're really allabout...” (feeling both a physical attraction ANDa deeper connection)
Any of these look familiar in hindsight?
Well, for women who are in a place where theywant a real, loving, lasting relationship, it'simportant to know what a man is thinking early onand where he's already at from the start.
(And not finding this out is one of the biggestmistakes that have women investing a ton of theirprecious time and energy with a guy that has noplans for having a deeper, loving, lastingrelationship)
So... it sounds pretty important actually.
Here are some quick communication tips for youto think about and use early on with men to helpidentify the good guys from the ones that don'thave a clue:
1. Don't Be Afraid To Ask Questions
So many times I hear women talk about how theydon't ever want to come off as needy, “bitchy”,pushy, etc. with guys.
And often times, women will say something like,“I don't want to scare him off...”
Two things are important to know here aboutasking questions and finding out the “real deal”early on:
A. Only IMMATURE men who already have fears andresistance to commitment and relationships willactually get “scared off” IF a woman asksquestions in a mature, playful, and conversationalway.
The upside here is that emotionally mature andopen guys will be drawn in, not pushed away.
In fact, direct questions, communicated in theright way, are THE KEY to figuring out what kindof guy you're dealing with - plus they provide youwith all kinds of answers about the man's realcharacter and mindset by his response.
But some women refuse to believe that men cancommunicate on this open level because of theirexperience.
I want you to go back to the sentence aboveabout immature men. And now I want you to noticethe “IF” there...
“IF a woman asks questions in a MATURE... way.”
It makes all the difference.
So often we get caught up in our ownperspective, or dealing with and breaking throughresistance and fear, that we don't realize howmuch it affects our own subtle communication.(Think body language, voice tone and pattern,heart rate, etc.)
B. Context is EVERYTHING
Have you ever noticed that you can say almostanything and have it mean almost anything, just bychanging the look on your face when you say it,the tone of your voice, or the emotional stateyou're in?
It's fascinating to watch men and womencommunicate, because most of the things we learnand identify about each other happen throughsilent, indirect communication.
But sometimes you don't get the whole story,right?
Exactly. So it's important to be able to askquestions to find out what you need to know.
Like whether he's genuinely interested in you,or if he's just a player looking for a quickconnection... and then he's “out.”
One great question I've heard women ask men is,“What kind of woman do you respect?”
This not only challenges a man in a playfulway, but makes him think and will teach you a lotby how he responds.
But remember, the CONTEXT of your communicationis the key... If you say that, and it's all aboutan “agenda”, such as finding the love of your lifein your first meeting at a bar..., then I promiseit's not going to go over well.
(But you already knew that... wink wink)
On the flipside, if what you're indirectly andsilently communicating is that your questions areabout fun, learning, and most importantly -CREATING ATTRACTION, then the man will keepFEELING that connection to you, and respond inkind.
2. Learn What Actually CREATES ATTRACTION For HIM
There are several key “attitudes” and mindsetsthat men are naturally and magnetically drawn toand seek out in women that they like to spendtheir time with.
When men interact with a woman and they see andFEEL these attitudes and “ways of being”, theybecome instantly attracted... and often don't evenknow why.
In fact, many times they can't help but want tocommit to something more serious with these women,even if they didn't consciously want more cominginto the relationship.
Let me share with you one of the secrets of howATTRACTION works for men...
One of the most undeniably attractive attitudesor qualities for men is when a woman isUNPREDICTABLE.
I don't mean unpredictable in that she mightlose control emotionally and get irritated, upset,frustrated, etc. with him or with anyone elsearound her.
No. That would actually be a turn-OFF for mosthealthy men...
The unpredictability I'm talking about is beingplayful, challenging, and creating intrigue.
A great example is when a man asks, “So, whatdo you do?”
Here's the boring, PREDICTABLE response thatmight seem very “nice” and appropriate, butdoesn't create attraction - “I'm an accountant andI run spreadsheets to calculate P&L.”
Or, “I do PR, and I work with so and so clientswho had me create a campaign about blah blahblah...”
But wait... these are interesting things aboutyou as a person that someone should know about andvalue, right?
Yes, but guess what?
Predictable responses make for greatconversation to get to know each other - if youwant to be great friends.
And yes, your career might be great and sayimportant things about you, but you've got torealize that it doesn't make a man FEEL ATTRACTIONfor you.
Just like it's not a man's career that makeshim attractive... it's his personality, thechemistry you share, and WHY he does the things hedoes.
Following me here?
Good.
So instead, find a way to keep him guessing...Tell him some made up career that's ridiculous,silly, obviously untrue, and lets him know you'rehaving fun with him.
(And in case you don't realize it, men willhave much more fun trying to guess and think aboutwhat you really do, rather then just hearing itfrom you right away)
For example, if you're at a bar, tell him “I'ma social scientist doing research here to uncoverhow 'beer-goggles' really work on men.”
And then you say, with a wry smile on your faceas you look at him in a playful and fakesuspicious way, “How many drinks have YOU had?”
Guess what? A guy will know exactly what you'redoing and jump into the fun with you... and he'llprobably even make up a silly joke career of hisown to kind of challenge you back and take thingsup a notch.
And now you've got a fun, engagingconnection... instead of a predictable,emotionally unengaging, and rational conversationabout your real jobs.
There's plenty of time later to get to thosethings by the way and cover the predictable lifestuff. But if a man doesn't FEEL ATTRACTION fromthe start, on a deep emotional level, theneverything else will be more difficult and moveslowly (if at all) with him.
Create the attraction first, and everythingelse will follow.
HOW TO CREATE A DEEP EMOTIONAL CONNECTION ANDLASTING ATTRACTION WITH A MAN
So I've given you some quick tips on howattraction works, and some basic “how-to's” tothink about for first impressions and early on.
But we've just touched the tip of the icebergabout how men really think and feel when it comesto dating.
This is by no means all “the goods.”
Which leads me to the question from earlierabout what makes the difference between a man thatis interested in a woman, but it probably won't gofurther than some physical connection, and a manthat feels a deep emotional connection andattraction for a woman and wants to be with her?
Well, most women learn at a relatively earlyage that men can experience just a physicalattraction for a woman, and to not confuse thiswith something more.
So what is that “something more” than PhysicalAttraction?
In my ebook, “Catch Him & Keep Him”, I explainin detail what that “something more” is.
It's what I call “Intellectual Attraction” andit's that feeling a man has for a woman that willhave him court and pursue HER and lead HER into acommitted, loving relationship.
The entire first section of my ebook, “InsideThe Mind Of A Man”, will give you a clearunderstanding of how men really and truly thinkabout women, dating, and relationships.
You'll have a fresh perspective on how toimprove your love life just by reading thissection and understanding more about what's reallygoing on with men.
I spell out the common places where challenges,resistance, and confusion arises in men whenthey're in relationships, and show you how tothink about it differently and be able to avoidthe resistance most other women run into again andagain with men.
I've also devoted an entire section to thespecific communication and behaviors thatnaturally create a deeper, more emotionalconnection with a man.
The last thing to remember is that youshouldn't do all “the work” in a relationship justto try and make things good with a man.
If you learn how to create a deeper connectionwith a man and have him feeling more than justphysical attraction, then he'll be more open,sharing and easy to talk to, and make thingsbetter for you both.
So don't stay stuck in the same old patternsand strategies that haven't completely served youwell with men.
Take the next easy step towards your newimproved love life where connection and growthwon't just come from your “hard work”, but fromthe man feeling so attached and “into” you thathe'll be leading you both forward.
If you're not completely sure if the book isreally going to change your love life for thebetter, then I've got good news for you...
I'll let you try my ebook out for free.
I'm so confident that it can help you, just asit's helped the thousands of other women who emailme all the time, that I'm going to let you try itout free for a week.
If you don't like it, just let me know and youwon't pay a thing - no questions asked. And youcan even keep the ebook.
If you like it, keep it, read it, and watchyour love life take off and become more fun andeffortless than you might have ever imagined itwould be.
