Relationship Gone Sour? Here's What You Need to Fix It!

Here's the good news: all couples get to this stage eventually. Romantic love will wear off. You're going to find out that he's imperfect, and he's going to discover the same about you. Each of you will have habits that annoy the other person. You may find that there are bigger issues in your relationship than you originally thought. You may even be feeling that it's time to ask the question:should you even try to make it work, or just accept that you're not meant to be?

Before you answer that, you need to try Three of my Top Tips for Salvaging a Relationship Gone Sour. These three tips have been proven to take just about any relationship from dull, annoying, and unsatisfying to richer, more intimate, and more resilient in the face of conflict ... which is why it surprises me so much that we let our relationships get so bad in the first place! You can use these tips anytime, anywhere, with anyone!So here they are: 

Top Tip #1: Break the Habit

It's so easy to get stuck in a rut. You probably drive the same route to work every day, stock your refrigerator with the same foods, and have the same routine that you go through night after night when you get home. It's human nature to seek the easiest way to do anything, and, once we've found it, it takes a lot of convincing before we'll try something new.

There's nothing wrong with establishing healthy habits that keep you on track, but when it comes to a relationship, habit can equal boredom.

A popular myth states that men are not designed to be monogamous, since they reap greater biological rewards by siring offspring with the largest number of females possible. If you read Helen Fisher's The Anatomy of Love, you'll find out why that view is mistaken based on the anthropological evidence. But one thing is certain: men do desire variety. And that's something you can give him without his needing to seek other sexual partners.

1. Try a New Look

We have infinite possibilities of reinvention. One of my favorite guilty pleasures is the show Ten Years Younger, in which men and women are challenged to update their look and emerge looking younger, sexier, and amazingly happier as a result.

The difference that a new hairstyle or wardrobe update can make is incredible. When you look different, he feels like he's with a different woman ... a woman who's more exciting, edgier, and even younger!

2. Broaden Your Mind

Your "look" isn't the only thing that you can reinvent. Keep your mind sharp and fresh by learning a new skill or reading a book that you wouldn't ordinarily be interested in. If you've never done something before - such as go to the opera, visit a popular vacation hotspot, or try salsa dancing - then all the more reason you should! In fact, the more unlikely it is that you'd be interested, the more you'll broaden your mind by trying it out.

You see, we all have certain ideas about what we like and don't like, but often those ideas serve to keep us in our rut and prevent us from trying out new experiences. Don't let your opinions keep you stuck doing the same old things!

3. Create New "Couple Experiences"

The most important way that you can break your rut is by trying new activities together. Have you ever noticed how the memories you make on vacation seem to be sharper than the worn, familiar memories of your day-to-day lives? That's because going on vacation is a break from the norm. The newness of the experience and the environment puts our senses on high alert.

You don't have to go on vacation to make memories. All you have to do is actively plan new couple experiences that place you in an unfamiliar setting. Go hiking in an area of natural beauty, try shopping at a farmer's market or a flea market, or go to an ethnic neighborhood and order a dish that you can't pronounce. Browse the cultural section of the local newspaper one Saturday morning and pick an event at random.

The point is not to look for experiences that you'll both like; rather, it's to experience something new together as a couple and hopefully create vivid memories that you'll treasure forever.

Top Tip #2: Make Him Your Partner, Not Your Adversary

Want to know the quickest way to kill a relationship? See your partner as the enemy. See him as the guy who's "wrong" while you're "right," and make it your mission to convince him of the error of his ways.

If always being right is important to you, then don't be surprised if your relationships are marked by conflicts and arguing. If someone always needs to win, then someone else is always going to lose, and they're not going to be happy about it.

The healthiest couples are committed to finding a "win-win" situation in any conflict. They're committed to learning how to put themselves in the other person's shoes and work through issues as a couple. They know that just because one of them wants something, that doesn't mean that they should have it at the expense of the relationship. They can say with all honesty, "What's good for us is what's good for me."

Top Tip #3: Love Him in His Own Language

All of us give and receive love differently. Perhaps what makes you feel loved is when your partner celebrates special occasions with beautiful gifts, but perhaps what makes your partner feel loved is when you initiate sex and show him how much you enjoy being with him sexually.

No matter how much you love your partner, if you don't communicate that love to him in a way that he understands, he won't feel loved enough. Similarly, he may love you more than you could ever know, but if he doesn't express it in a way that you understand, you won't feel loved enough. That's why it's so important to ensure that you communicate love in a "language" he understands, and vice versa.

Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, believes that we communicate love in one of five ways: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. For example, a wife may want to hear her husband saying, "I love you and think you're wonderful" (words of affirmation), while her husband shows his love for her by doing chores around the house (acts of service). Unless both parties know that they're speaking different languages, they may not feel truly loved.

If you are feeling that your relationship is no longer as loving as it once was, make a commitment to finding out your partner's love language and expressing love towards him in the way he receives it best. Best of all, you don't have to feel particularly loving to act in a loving way. The simple act of two people showing love to one another in practical, demonstrable ways - even if they both feel that the "love" is gone - can actually reignite the loving feelings in both of them.

Now that you know what the Three Top Tips for Salvaging a Relationship are, go out and practice them! Trying something new will always take courage and effort, but I promise that the more you practice these tips, the more natural they'll become. It's just like eating healthily: although it may seem like a lot of effort at first, the pleasure of living in a healthier, more energetic body makes it well worth every bit!

P.S. For more amazing advice on how to create a satisfying, made-to-last relationship, why not check outSave My Marriage Today? My colleague Andrew Rusbatch and I wrote this step-by-step guide to healing and fortifying a marriage, and the advice we give is so sound that marriage counselors have even recommended it! That's because the skills it takes to build a healthy relationship are the very same that will ensure a strong marriage. Learn those techniques before crisis hits. Check out theSave My Marriage Todaywebsite to learn more.